XYZ happened because of my weight and when I'm skinny...

scotlanded

Something I deal with a lot is thinking "_____________ happened because I'm fat."

Boy doesn't like me or doesn't call back after a first date? It's because I'm fat. I'm the token "fat friend". Everything will suddenly be ALL BETTER once I lose weight, of course! Boys (and girls, heh) will fancy me and will call back after a first date! My confidence will soar! My intimacy issues will disappear and I'll actually be able to commit to someone! My My family will stop thinking "Are you losing weight?" is the only compliment that ever exists! I'll be able to find a better job! Obviously the majority of these things have nothing to do with my weight and everything to do with my brain.

The question I have is - I'm sure I'm not the only one with such a problem. I also know that my problems won't miraculously disappear if I lose weight, particularly feeling like I'll suddenly feel better about myself "once I'm thin". Does anyone have any tips about avoiding such thought patterns or ways to deal with reality smacking me in the face as I lose weight and my problems don't go *poof!* ?

Thanks!

dfwtxmissy

Yes....forget that thinking. You are getting thin for you and only you. If the people who ignore you when you are overweight are all of a sudden your friends when you are thin, they are not your friends.

shrublet

I deal with this a lot too. The thing is that I've always felt enormous... but when I look back now on pictures of me as a teenager when I was "horribly fat" and didn't do anything because I was too self conscious, I was actually a cute little thing. One of the dangers with the "it'll all be better when I'm skinny" pattern of thinking is that you might never feel skinny enough since, as you said yourself, being skinny doesn't automatically guarantee a fairy-tale life.

I don't really have any mindblowing suggestions since I don't know if I've solved this for myself yet, but dfwtxmissy makes a good point. You are doing this for *you* and I am sure that you could find more reasons to get healthy apart from just being skinnier (though I know that's often the biggest motivator).

Perhaps, every time you find yourself moving along this thought process, try to stop it in its tracks. If I ever am going down an iffy path, I (almost literally) wrench my thoughts away from it and onto something else. It can take a lot of discipline- I'm sure you've heard the whole "try not to think of a pink duck" thing (and what's the first thing you think of?) but it's a discipline and a habit thing like anything else.

Good luck!

Lisa0711

Well... it seems many problems (mine anyway) actually do come from being bigger. As I've lost weight, my confidence has gotten better and better so that's why I think other aspects of my life are picking up. It's not losing weight that makes life better - I firmly believe that it's the confidence we get when we lose weight that makes us shine. I know 50 pounds ago I had NO confidence what so ever. I would never hardly talk to anyone, give my opinions.. etc etc. Now that's different and getting better. I'm not afraid to talk to people and I don't care if I agree with everyone. It's weird, but good!

Of course even confidence won't give you everything, but it can make you stand out more so you will be getting more attention in other areas of your life. However, if you just lose weight and have no changes of your mindset, then you might feel disappointment.

It's a gradual change. This lifestyle, losing weight, keeping it off and becoming healthy, are all gradual changes. And your mindset will mostlkely shift as you progress along your journey.

abyt42

I remember how fat I felt when I got UP to this weight.....and I definitely feel much better about it on the way down... I feel better, though, not because of the weight, but because the life I'm living right now gives me more energy than the life I was living before did. And the added energy makes me feel like I am capable of much more than I felt capable of before. I'm stronger, my balance has improved, and I'm looking better at this weight than I did before because of the exercise.

My attitude and improved self-concept show. Perhaps that will change how others perceive me...but I'm pretty sure I know who my friends already are.

LJCannon

You are already half way there just because you recognize that everything WON'T be magically 'all better' when you lose weight. Just keep reminding yourself that it is Wrong Thinking. It will get easier as time goes by. Surround yourself with Friends who will remind you Daily that you are a Beautifil, Valuble Person just like you are and that you ARE WORTH IT!!

KellyBurton1

I used to get invited to alot of parties when I had on 90lbs more on. I was the entertainment you could say. Now I hardly be's invited out. Thats ok cause they were snobs anyways. As I lost more weight and felt great from excerise my attitude has changed alot. Little things dont bother me anymore. I just dont give a dam anymore but at the same time im more confident at what I do. But something I still need to work on is my self image a little more. I still see myself as a pig. I always told my husband I would never have a affair because I would never undress in front of anyone. I still has a hard trouble undressing in front of him and we been together for 20 years. lol! I think we have a image in our mind on how we suppose to look like. You see women that look great in whatever they wear or on the T.V. Really I know in my mind thats not how it should be but I cant help think I wont be good enough until I get this fat off. I hate to keep going on and on like this but I guess you got me thinking. So I'll end here...lol