Overeaters Anonymous - Step One
trarox
Posts: 7
Hi Everyone...
On July 2nd I took myself to my first meeting of Overeaters Anonymous. It was the hardest meeting I have ever attended.. I cried through the whole first meeting. I just felt hopeless and angry. I started gaining weight when I was about 8 years old. I have battled family and my choices in partners with all of my might to just love me for who I am, and it was a huge blow when I finally figured out that I was only battling myself. They may have been hurtful with their words, or looks and whispers, but I was my real enemy. I perpetuated the problem by allowing myself to become angry at me and my self-esteem to be destroyed by any and all that insinuated anything remotely related to my weight. I allowed people to use and abuse me in every way possible because I felt worthless. I am, and now I will say WAS a perfectionist, trying only to please others and atone to everyone for things I had only really done to myself. Never realizing that I was the one I needed to apologize to. i was the one that I needed to love, and support and give my energy. The hard part came when i realized I was CHOOSING to allow the abuse. I BELIEVED them, I HATED me, and I choose to fight them by stuffing all my feelings with food. I pretended to be happy on the outside when inside I wanted to die. I regularly have thought about suicide all throughout my life. Then my partner suggested in a loving way, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CHANGE IT? "What? I had been trying all my life!" was my first thought... and then through the tears of frustration and anger, I realized... "WOW!, I hadn't done anything to change it, I just kept complaining about how I felt hurt by everyone, that I was frustrated by food and eating".
That I was the turning point. Two days later, I gave up and headed for a 12 step program... that is when I started to realize I was powerless over food, powerless over myself, and had no choice but to turn my will and my life over to the care of my Creator. I was done trying to do it all on my own, because I was exhausted and I had fought the good fight, but I hadn't gotten anywhere. I was just more frustrated and more angry and allowed myself to feel more victimized. I was having a pity party... and the only one I had invited was me. What I have a better understanding of at this point in the game is I have let food be my higher power, that I have allowed it to control me, comfort me when I was bored, scared, angry, tired, hurt or any other emotion, and even use it to celebrate with friends, family and every meeting I attended. If that wasn't enough... I hid when I ate, made sure I had more on my plate, and didn't let anyone's plate go unfinished. Justifying all of it all of the time.
On July 2nd, I attended my first meeting... and I committed to myself to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. In my area we do not have a meeting available everyday, so I also attend other 12 step meetings including Al-anon and AA. Since AA is the foundation for all the 12 step meetings I find it easy to relate to them. I am living my life one day at a time, reading literature and I have a sponsor. I am working, I am changing, I am living for the first time in my life! I won't say that I believe this is going to be easy. I know I will have my ups and downs... but through this program and the others that share their experience, strength, and hope I have faith that I will find the peace and serenity to be happy, joyous and free for the rest of my life. I will do my Creator's will one small baby step at a time. I will not give up, and I will not run away from myself or my creator ever again!
Thank you for reading this... please share where you are. I have over 30 days of abstinence and I have attended 49 meetings as of yesterday. Keep coming back! It works if you work it and it keeps getting better and your worth it!!!!!!!!
On July 2nd I took myself to my first meeting of Overeaters Anonymous. It was the hardest meeting I have ever attended.. I cried through the whole first meeting. I just felt hopeless and angry. I started gaining weight when I was about 8 years old. I have battled family and my choices in partners with all of my might to just love me for who I am, and it was a huge blow when I finally figured out that I was only battling myself. They may have been hurtful with their words, or looks and whispers, but I was my real enemy. I perpetuated the problem by allowing myself to become angry at me and my self-esteem to be destroyed by any and all that insinuated anything remotely related to my weight. I allowed people to use and abuse me in every way possible because I felt worthless. I am, and now I will say WAS a perfectionist, trying only to please others and atone to everyone for things I had only really done to myself. Never realizing that I was the one I needed to apologize to. i was the one that I needed to love, and support and give my energy. The hard part came when i realized I was CHOOSING to allow the abuse. I BELIEVED them, I HATED me, and I choose to fight them by stuffing all my feelings with food. I pretended to be happy on the outside when inside I wanted to die. I regularly have thought about suicide all throughout my life. Then my partner suggested in a loving way, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO CHANGE IT? "What? I had been trying all my life!" was my first thought... and then through the tears of frustration and anger, I realized... "WOW!, I hadn't done anything to change it, I just kept complaining about how I felt hurt by everyone, that I was frustrated by food and eating".
That I was the turning point. Two days later, I gave up and headed for a 12 step program... that is when I started to realize I was powerless over food, powerless over myself, and had no choice but to turn my will and my life over to the care of my Creator. I was done trying to do it all on my own, because I was exhausted and I had fought the good fight, but I hadn't gotten anywhere. I was just more frustrated and more angry and allowed myself to feel more victimized. I was having a pity party... and the only one I had invited was me. What I have a better understanding of at this point in the game is I have let food be my higher power, that I have allowed it to control me, comfort me when I was bored, scared, angry, tired, hurt or any other emotion, and even use it to celebrate with friends, family and every meeting I attended. If that wasn't enough... I hid when I ate, made sure I had more on my plate, and didn't let anyone's plate go unfinished. Justifying all of it all of the time.
On July 2nd, I attended my first meeting... and I committed to myself to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. In my area we do not have a meeting available everyday, so I also attend other 12 step meetings including Al-anon and AA. Since AA is the foundation for all the 12 step meetings I find it easy to relate to them. I am living my life one day at a time, reading literature and I have a sponsor. I am working, I am changing, I am living for the first time in my life! I won't say that I believe this is going to be easy. I know I will have my ups and downs... but through this program and the others that share their experience, strength, and hope I have faith that I will find the peace and serenity to be happy, joyous and free for the rest of my life. I will do my Creator's will one small baby step at a time. I will not give up, and I will not run away from myself or my creator ever again!
Thank you for reading this... please share where you are. I have over 30 days of abstinence and I have attended 49 meetings as of yesterday. Keep coming back! It works if you work it and it keeps getting better and your worth it!!!!!!!!
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Replies
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You go!!!!! Keep it up!!!!0
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good job girl0
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Way to go you!! your very brave!! I applaud you!!
My best wishes!! I am sure you will get to where you want to be xxxxx0 -
Good for you!!!! Thank you for sharing your story. I am surprised more people don't talk about overeaters anonymous on MFP. Good luck on your journey.0
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I've been in OA now for over a year. I maintain about a 85-90lb weight loss. Surprising to say the least. I am grateful to my Creator, OA, and all of the people who have supported me through this process. It hasn't been easy, but I am in awe of what I have recieved from this journey. I am a stronger, healthier more vibrant human, and I WANT TO LIVE!!! This is an amazing change from where I was just about a year ago. I have a three year goal and I am confident that by continuing to work my program and use the tools of OA I will continue to become even more spiritually, mentally and physically healthy. The loss of weight is just a bonus. I encourage all people that stuggle with their food to really look deep inside as to why they are eating. I am an emotional eater... I eat at everything, happy, sad, anger... people, frustration. You name it and I eat at it. But, I have changed my ways... now I eat to provide nutrition for my body. I am completely conscious of my choices and choose to put healthy foods into my body 80-90% of the time. I figure no one is perfect, I know I am certainly not... so I am pretty happy with the path that I have chosen to walk. AND IT IS WORKING!!!
My best to all of you out there struggling. Keep at it... find a meeting, you will find support like you have never felt before. You will find HOME.
Peace to all,
Tamara0 -
:explode: :mad: :sad:
:bigsmile:
Ok, I got angry! I got emotional... I jumped off my program in total outright rebellion. I was frustrated by my continued stagnation at the same weight for months... so I figured what the hell... why fight it just give up, give in... and i did... I gained weight and I got honest!
I allowed myself the dignity to be honest with fellow OA group members... allowing all to see that I can and probably will fail, but that I can come back, and sooner rather than later. It is practice not perfection that keeps us healthy.
I asked for their support and I prayed for my Creator's support to get back on.
I set a date of Dec 1st... and so far, with my Creators will leading me... I am abstinent once again for three days running now!
Yay! Me!
Willl check in again soon. I find it interesting to read what I have written and how I have felt.
I am keeping a more detailed diary and I asked a friend to be my sponsor. She's has an amazing program! I am feeling strong, loved and beautiful!
Thank you to all who have supported and encouraged me. Thanks to all of you who have read my posts. I really do this more for me than for anyone to really read, but I am grateful for the feedback I have gotten from those of you who have read my posts.
Good luck and great health to all!
In peace and serenity,
Tamara :flowerforyou:
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i am in OA too--is there a special group for us here on MFP? still learning to navigate the site
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How are you doing today? Went to my first meeting yesterday. I am looking forward to the connections. I have been hiding my disease forever so it's a relief to deal with it publicly in a supportive environment. This is what I have needed. To get rid of the shame. It is a process but step one is better than nothing0
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Hi,
I know this post is a month old, but I have just embraced OA. I realized that I need help and I'm so tired of being a slave to food. Too soon to tell if it is working.
Sharon0 -
Congratulations on your breakthrough! :flowerforyou:
OA also has real-time meetings online at: http://www.oa.org/membersgroups/find-a-meeting/
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I am in OA too. Congrats on getting to a meeting! Feel free to add me. :-)0
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I find MFP really helps by showing exactly the nutritional content of meals which then encourages you to reduce portion sizes.0
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