help recovering (restrictive eating, orthorexia and bulimia)

t_rainspotting

I'd really appreciate it if you could take a couple of minutes to read my story:

I had bulimia (binging/self-induced vomiting) and then discovered MFP over a year ago. At the beginning I was doing well with it - reaching my recommended calorie intake and such each day
..but then i began to over-exercise, making sure my total calorie intake was 0 each day (i remember one time i had some KFC i felt so guilty i was on the exercycle til 4am.)
I became so obsessed with food and calories, I'd have a mint and have to note down it was 2 cals and I'd be checking the back of toothpaste tubes as I was so paranoid. I was on food blogs or watched food tv all day.
Over about 2 months i lost over 10kgs and became underweight. People began complimenting me, telling me I looked good and healthy and strangely the sad irony made me feel good.

Over that time I had cut out breads, pasta, meat and dairy and sugar. I was practically just living on vegetables - I really hate vegetables. The thing is I didn't fully realize I'd turned so extreme. Normally I'd eat meat everyday, I always had done and I'd despised most vegetables - especially carrots - but i'd ended dependant on them as one of my few 'safe foods'.

A few months from then, on my birthday, we went to a buffet - i indulged myself - and i hated myself. I relapsed into the self-induced vomiting cycle of bulimia.
Since then I've gained back the 10kgs and I've been meaning to get back on track again (to how I was when I initially began MFP) but I know it's going to be extremely difficult -
I just see myself going in a constant cycle from orthorexic>restrictive eating>bulimia.

I was wondering if someone perhaps with similar experience (but anyone, really) could provide some advice on breaking the cycle and help get my life back on track?

Cheers.
:]

cynthiapullin5

Hey there,
I'm in a sort of similar situation. I used to be anorexic back in high school/middle school; not I'm in college and have been struggling with bulimia. I'll try really hard to restrict my food intake (at least enough to lose weight, not necessarily an unhealthy restriction) but I usually ending up binging/purging. I really want to get back to a healthy lifestyle, but I'm really stuck in this cycle. It's pretty hard to talk about it with people because I tend to be really embarrassed about it, so it's good to talk to other people who are in similar situations.

Cyndi

herblackwings39

It would probably be a good idea to get in touch with someone local who specializes in treating eating disorders. People on MFP can offer support, but professional treatment would be better.

kelly_e_montana

Yes, when I track too much it triggers my Binge Eating Disorder after a period of restriction.

_taylorlydia

hi, i just want to let you know you're not alone.

i recall first starving myself when i was 13 or 14. i remember my best friend at the time would call me to make sure i had eaten that day. i didn't have a good relationship with my parents, they weren't there for me so they though i was a normal teenager. i was underweight until i was about 18, then i started gaining a lot of weight when i found out i was bipolar and was put on antipsychotics. the medicine made me gain 10-15lbs and i started making myself throw up in college. i did that for about two years.

i met my current boyfriend in 2011, and i haven't thrown up in about 6 months. sometimes you just need the right person or people in your life, to make you feel like you're worth it, if you can't do that for yourself.

xoxo