Need help with 5 yr old daughter

marynmarty

I am having issues with my daughter and was wondering if anyone was having similar issues or know how to handle. My daughter was diagnoised at 6 months old with an eating disorder. Her hunger trigger doesnt work so she never knows shes hungry. Its a genetic disorder and my husband has a cousin who has it (even as an adult he has to set his watch or he will go all day without eating). We have gotten use to when we eat a meal she knows she has to eat...she doesnt eat much but she eats. We are now having issues at school since we arent there she wont eatso thats a whole other problem grr. The issue I have now is she wants to weigh herself everyday (from watching me) and gets excited when she sees her number....she currently weighs 35 pound which is off the chart for her age. She has started kindergarten and I didnt realize how much kids are mean at this age...My daughter has a friend who is a big girl and she comes home and tells me how she gets teased and it makes my daughter mad so now she is saying she doesnt want to gain so it doesnt happen to her. I am closing up my journey with losing over 130 pounds and at my weight for my height so I have stopped weighing in and only do once a week to make sure I am still on track and refuse to do it in front of her due to this but everytime she goes in bathroom she gets on scale. We have talked about hiding the scale which I think we are going to do but she got upset when she heard. Anyways does anyone have same issue with their kids or can give advice. Shes to young to worry about her weight and its making her condition worse.

susannamarie

Talk to a counselor -- don't try to go it alone. You're absolutely right to be worried, but you need advice from a professional instead of strangers on the internet.

kjimmie4848

Congrats on your progress! This is just what I would try; celebrate the number on the scale for her, whether it stays the same or not. Praise her every time she does something great, grades, games, a bite of food. Let her know she is wonderful and special, no matter what anyone else thinks of her. If she thinks she is great, the others won't matter. Assure her she is not a victim and help build up her confidence and self esteem. The higher it is, the harder to knock down.

Can she drink Pediasure or Carnation Instant breakfast? They are calorie dense and I think the chocolate is yummy.

Good luck!

wertgirlfor

Well, I would ask your doctor first for advice.
But for eating at school, I would get to know her teacher/aid/school nurse and let them know that you'll be packing lunch/sending money/whatever and ask her to make sure she eats. I think most schools have aids who help students with special needs like your daughter.
For the scale, I would say hide it, don't mention it, and if she asks, it broke. I would also only weight yourself when she's at school where there is zero chance of her seeing you.

Francl27

Agreed, talk to a counselor. It's crazy that they would even think about that at 5.. And reassure her that she's perfect the way she is and doesn't have to worry about it one way or another.

beachlover317

Please talk to a counselor for sure. Don't wait around. At least get a consultation and while you're waiting, speak with your child's pediatrician.

Jimaudit

I would do 3 things immediately as suggested above:

1. Get her counseling and see if someone specializes in this condition.
2, Get to know the aides who are in the cafeteria. Seriously, bake them some brownies from time to time or drop off coffee or whatever will keep them happy. If you do that, they will watch your child and ensure she eats. My wife is an elementary school teacher and says they will pander to whomever is nicest to them (the aides, not the teachers)...Although the teacher will help if asked.
3. Get rid of the scale and teach your daughter the difference between dieting (which you are doing) for health reasons and being healthy (which does not necessarily require a scale).

You're doing great, keep going. your daughter needs you not to give up!

kowajenn

My 19 year old son eats like a bird and is quite thin. I'm convinced that it's because he's been there for my weight struggle and doesn't want to be fat. I've been concerned for years.

Talk to her pediatrician first and foremost. Never weigh yourself around her and never utter the word diet. Call it healthy eating plan or something similar. Make sure her meals are full fat but healthy and eat them with her.

bellesouth18

I'd get some professional help now. With her complicated history and her current behavior, the whole family would benefit and needs to be involved. That being said, school officials need to be involved as well to ensure that any guidelines given by a professional are followed.

Good luck with her!

GoRun2

All of the above but please call the teacher and tell her that the other kids are bullying the friend. That is not good. Please make sure they put a stop to that as well.

HRLaurie614

Definitely talk to a counselor. With her medical history and her seeing the impact of her friend's being overweight, you want to set her on the right path in terms of having a relationship with food that is healthy despite her body's lack of triggers for hunger.

Sending you good thoughts and hugs.

(My son and I have a genetic disorder, so I empathize with the added complexity that it adds to parenting).

kjimmie4848

Sorry, but I personally wouldn't hide the scale or lie and tell her it's broken. If and when she finds it she will know you lied to her and may give her trust issues as well. I would let her stand on it if she asks so she doesn't think the scale is bad or her weight is something that should be kept secret and ashamed of. Whether the scale moves or not, assure her she is perfect exactly the way she is.

Docpremie

Have you talked with your pediatrician & a dietitian? The advice to try Pediasure is a good one, because it has great calories & is well balanced for nutrition. We use in kids >1 y.o., as a sole source of nutrition, if they are unable to consume enough nutrition orally. You could use that as her beverage at meals, instead of milk, or a treat for snack time. If she loves milkshakes, use the Pediasure as a base for the shale in place of milk. You can also load her food up with things like real butter, cream, full fat cheese, peanut butter, ice cream, etc.

Has she ever seen her growth curve? You might ask the doctor to show her, or ask for one for you to keep at home. You could show her where she is supposed to be for age vs. her weight (height?) being well below the 5th percentile. I would address her need to weigh herself & concerns with obesity with her pediatrician. He/she may be able to alleviate her concerns with the growth chart, if not, then you can consider seeking counseling, although at her age I'm not sure she would understand the concepts of an eating disorder.

I would assume she is still in a fairly small size of clothing (4-5 or even toddler)? The progression to "older girls clothes" might serve as an incentive to eat. Maybe you could find an outfit she LOVES & work toward eating enough to fit into it. The American Girls collection has some adorable matching clothes for child & doll. With Christmas coming up, that might be a good investment to have "matching clothes" & work toward fitting into the dress that matches her doll. The same with "big girl" shoes.

I would also bring the comments made to her friend to the teachers attention. Kindergarden is way too early for a little kid to start getting bullied about weight. The teacher could address such things with the kids as a "class" rather than individually, which would most likely prevent more drama & "payback."

lovemuffin6

Definitely speak to a professional, but something that always works on my 6-yr old sister is to make a sticker chart. Give her a sticker every time she eats at school and reward her when she has 10 or something

Hauntinglyfit

It's learned behavior.
Hide the scales, stop talking about weightloss in front of her. She gets upset about hiding the scales? She's a child, FFS, she probably gets upset when Scooby Doo is over.

Like I have just said, kids do what they see they parents doing. Take some responsibility and help your daughter have a healthy relationship with food. At 5 she doesn't need to be on a scale.

miranda_mom

I'm not sure if she's had eating/feeding therapy but this is something you can try, particularly for medical disorders. I work for a government program that provides (among other things) feeding therapy for children under 3. It can make a big difference. There are a lot of kids out there who won't eat a lot for a variety of reasons, for example they have physical issues that prevent it or they don't like a lot of tastes or textures. I've seen feeding therapy work well for a lot of children. An occupational or speech therapist can provide it, but make sure they specialize in feeding.
As for the weighing, there are lots of good suggestions above. I just wanted to mention feeding therapy since I've seen children have so much success.

AllonsYtotheTardis

It's learned behavior.
Hide the scales, stop talking about weightloss in front of her. She gets upset about hiding the scales? She's a child, FFS, she probably gets upset when Scooby Doo is over.

Like I have just said, kids do what they see they parents doing. Take some responsibility and help your daughter have a healthy relationship with food. At 5 she doesn't need to be on a scale.

This.

My 5 year old does not see me on the scale. She does not hear me talking about losing weight. She hears me talking about getting healthier. This was a deliberate decision on my part, because I don't want my kids obsessing over the scale.

Capt_Apollo

get her a subscription to Cosmo

cyberblonde

You need to get rid if the scales completely. You will have to weigh yourself else where. I do not let my kids watch me weigh myself as I am pretty obsessive abut it myself and do not want them to be the same. My girls are 4 & 6 do not know what they are, they like to stand on it just to see the lights and numbers, but I have not told them what it does. I really feel for you. Bug hugs. I agree get some help from a third party, but I almost think do not make too much of a big deal of it as girls love attention and this is the wrong sort of attention. Good luck.

Vex3521

86 the scale. High shelf, under your bed, wherever. Out of sight, out of mind.

With the school lunch see if you can set up a "reward" system if the aides are going to be checking in on her and can help you track out what she is eating. Normally I wouldn't ever use rewards when it comes to eating but since she doesn't have the cues this might help her eat a little more. It's not like you're sending in 2k calorie lunches

Mr_Knight

Is there anything actually wrong with her current weight, adjusted for her height/age?

If not, I'm not sure I see what the problem is. The scale is a basic diagnostic tool - it would never even occur to me to hide it from my kids, it's a device they should learn to properly use.

AccioFitness

I would do 3 things immediately as suggested above:

1. Get her counseling and see if someone specializes in this condition.
2, Get to know the aides who are in the cafeteria. Seriously, bake them some brownies from time to time or drop off coffee or whatever will keep them happy. If you do that, they will watch your child and ensure she eats. My wife is an elementary school teacher and says they will pander to whomever is nicest to them (the aides, not the teachers)...Although the teacher will help if asked.
3. Get rid of the scale and teach your daughter the difference between dieting (which you are doing) for health reasons and being healthy (which does not necessarily require a scale).

You're doing great, keep going. your daughter needs you not to give up!

QFT.

cafeaulait7

Make sure to teach her about being nice and having manners and about bullying, too. The kids making her friend feel bad should be considered the 'bad' ones, very clearly, imho. I mean don't let her internalize bullying as meaning anything about anyone but the bully. At that age, I'd want my kids to be pretty righteous when someone is mean

I know they'll encounter it all the time, but it disturbs me that she'd try to avoid being like her friend for that reason instead of trying to avoid being mean like the bully (as the takeaway lesson). I'd make sure to let her know that her friend's weight is none of the bully kids' business, at all, and that they are being very bad when they make fun of her.

MinMin97

Have you considered homeschool?

wilsoje74

I would not have th scale available to her if she is weighing herself daily. A 5 year old does not need to weigh herself and it doesn't matter if she "gets mad" about not having a scale. She's 5. I would get professional help.

Tessyloowhoo

I was tubefed as a child... The only thing i can actually remember liking about food when i was little was feeding therapy (specialized occupational therapy)... You really should give it a shot with her, its like one big giant game to a little kid, and it helps make food a fun, positive experience.

For the scale thing.... therapist

jkestens63

It's learned behavior.
Hide the scales, stop talking about weightloss in front of her. She gets upset about hiding the scales? She's a child, FFS, she probably gets upset when Scooby Doo is over.

Like I have just said, kids do what they see they parents doing. Take some responsibility and help your daughter have a healthy relationship with food. At 5 she doesn't need to be on a scale.

This.

My 5 year old does not see me on the scale. She does not hear me talking about losing weight. She hears me talking about
getting healthier. This was a deliberate decision on my part, because I don't want my kids obsessing over the scale.

Agreed! But I would also see if there is a doctor nearby who specializes in your childs disorder to get advice.

marynmarty

What my daughter has is called " INFANTILE ANOREXIA" she would never wake up when she was a baby to eat. About twice a year she gets into these funks where she refuses to eat and ends up going in because shes so lathargic. The doctor has threatened her saying he will have to put a feeding tube in her which gets her to eat some but doesnt last long. I knew her teacher before she started school so that helped and we are in contact with the school nurse. She has pedisure on days she wont eat but thats a struggle because she doesnt like them. I sell Herbalife and they have a kids shake. So I tried that and shes not much of a shake girl. I am thinking of getting her back in to the doctor because its not getting better. At her yearly checks up she always has to go back for a weight check due to not being on the scale. Thankfully she takes vitamins so hopefully that is helping her some. I just dont know how to get her to eat grrr....thanks for all your advice. Never ending battle for sure!

MyJourney1960

Talk to a counselor -- don't try to go it alone. You're absolutely right to be worried, but you need advice from a professional instead of strangers on the internet.

this. hope you can get help for her.

DawnieB1977

I agree with talking to someone about it, as you don't want her developing an eating disorder.

Speak to her about healthy eating, and maybe hide the scales away somewhere.

My son has just started school - he's 4.5 (kids start school at 4 in England). He was a very poor eater until recently. He's about 110cm tall, maybe a bit more now, and weighs 39lbs. I've never heard him talk about weight though, either his or that of anyone else.