No desire to date?

Options
Sillybunni
Sillybunni Posts: 61 Member
in Chit-Chat
What's going on? I'm certainly capable of finding a guy to date if I wanted to, but I'd rather just not be involved with anyone. I've never gone through a phase like this... I used to be kind of a serial monogamist.

I guess I prefer being single... mostly it's just that I don't feel I have to time or energy to invest in any one (am I being emotionally unavailable?)

What gives?? Any other apathetic singles?

Replies

  • ThePlight
    ThePlight Posts: 3,593 Member
    Options
    First of all, it is nothing to be worried about. Perhaps you just need to have a bit of fun and enjoy your freedom until you feel like you want to be with someone. And there is NOTHING wrong with that. Only YOU will know when you are ready. Don't beat yourself up about it, just have fun with it :)
  • gym_king_carlie
    gym_king_carlie Posts: 528 Member
    Options
    I said the exact same thing about not wanting to date and meet someone . . . . than out the blue I met my lady <3

    I think its because you are content with your life as it is, who knows what is around the corner eh :)
  • Warchortle
    Warchortle Posts: 2,197 Member
    Options
    Sometimes I miss having a S.O. but then I remember Lord Fappington and then that desire goes away.
  • TheBoldCat
    TheBoldCat Posts: 159 Member
    Options
    judge me if you want but am being single for most of my life, having long term lovers. And am very happy ^_^
  • JazmineYoli
    JazmineYoli Posts: 547 Member
    Options
    I understand. I enjoy spending time with my 3yo son and having mommy and me time. Don't feel like dating right now. Maybe later.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
    Options
    Were you ever married, thanks to my previous married Im the same way, id rather not see anyone at all then dating another pain in the *kitten* lol
  • TamTastic
    TamTastic Posts: 19,224 Member
    Options
    I posted a similar thread a few weeks ago. I'm a single mother of two boys and I constantly have friends or people saying "Go out, find someone...I'll fix you up, etc etc"

    It's not that I am anti-relationship. I love all that it entails and am very loving and passionate. I just don't want to settle just for the sake of being with someone. Especially as I am fine on my own. You know that is actually a sign of a strong, centered, balanced person? If you can be fine by yourself. It means your happiness isn't based on someone else. It's based on you alone. And that is a healthy person to be in a relationship if/when you are ready. And those relationship are often the ones that last.

    I get lonely sometimes of course...but my plate is so full with my boys and work and everything else that it's just going to take a lot of patience and understanding!!
  • kill3rtofu
    kill3rtofu Posts: 169 Member
    Options
    Sometimes I miss having a S.O. but then I remember Lord Fappington and then that desire goes away.

    lol
  • olehcat
    olehcat Posts: 92 Member
    Options
    *raises hand* Me! I was married for 20 years, recently divorced. I am still very close friends with my ex (our divorce was more due to huge life circumstances than any animosity between us), although I do not see him often (he lives overseas but comes to visit in the summer sometimes and we have a blast, and I think part of my reluctance to date again is wondering if whoever I dated would be cool with me having a COMPLETELY platonic but close friendship with my ex). And then I realized that I am too apathetic about the whole dating process to try to find that out or to find someone else. It's like I just don't care enough to deal with all the people that I would meet that wouldn't work out to get to the people who would be awesome for me, if that makes any sense. And I never was into "dating," even before I met my ex-husband back in the day. I met all the people I went out with/my ex-husband just by chance. So I imagine that if I were to meet someone awesome just by chance, and it worked out, that I'd be willing to date again. Until then? *shrugs*
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    Options
    Yep. Not interested.
  • laurynwithawhy
    laurynwithawhy Posts: 385 Member
    Options
    I'm in the same boat as you. Don't take this the wrong way, but I know exactly what my problem is: I'm way too selfish for a relationship. I don't want to have to take care of someone else, worry about their problems instead of mine, consult with them before I make plans or go out with my friends. I've been in really great relationships too, so it's not like I have some misconception or think all relationships will be like that. I just know I wouldn't make a very good girlfriend right now. Sometimes it's okay to focus on yourself and live your life - alone.
  • farmgirlrrt
    farmgirlrrt Posts: 168 Member
    Options
    I'm in the same boat as you. Don't take this the wrong way, but I know exactly what my problem is: I'm way too selfish for a relationship. I don't want to have to take care of someone else, worry about their problems instead of mine, consult with them before I make plans or go out with my friends. I've been in really great relationships too, so it's not like I have some misconception or think all relationships will be like that. I just know I wouldn't make a very good girlfriend right now. Sometimes it's okay to focus on yourself and live your life - alone.

    Great response!
  • lseed87
    lseed87 Posts: 1,105 Member
    Options
    Rather just focus on myself right now and get where i want/need to be. The rest will fall into place. Doesn't help that i still like my ex either.


    I'm also moving to a different state pretty soon so i don't feel like meeting anyone new and then leaving them like that.
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,487 Member
    Options
    Nope, I have a HUGE desire to date. It really pisses my husband off. :ohwell:
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    Options
    Nope there is nothing wrong with choosing to have some single time. I'd always bounced from one long term relationship to another for years. I've currently been on my own for a couple & I have to say although I do miss having an SO occasionally. Most of the time it really doesn't phase me. I think for some people it boils down to if they can enjoy their own company or not though.
  • Sillybunni
    Sillybunni Posts: 61 Member
    Options
    I guess being happy with my new job helps. I'm working voluntary OT and my coworkers are great. That pretty much fills my social needs. Seems like most of us like alone time.
  • jbalistriere
    jbalistriere Posts: 300 Member
    Options
    I would always take several months off (at least) between relationships. Dating was never important to me and I liked having time to just be me. That time must have paid off because I married the man from my third serious relationship and we've been together for almost eight years (OMG). Love and life will find you when you're ready for it to. No need to force yourself into anything... especially when you're happy on your own!
  • BigD06
    BigD06 Posts: 130 Member
    Options
    well this is a sad post....
  • csuhar
    csuhar Posts: 779 Member
    Options
    I said the exact same thing about not wanting to date and meet someone . . . . than out the blue I met my lady <3

    I think its because you are content with your life as it is, who knows what is around the corner eh :)

    And this can be a very good way to be. Having watched various friends, coworkers, and family go through relationships, it seems that most of them found their respective matches AFTER they'd come to peace with being on their own and accepted themselves as individuals, without a S.O. forming part of their identity.

    Both my mother and father had had their hearts broken, were thinking they'd never find someone, and were ready to be living the single life when they met, and they've been married for over 40 years now.

Categories