Health Concerns for my partner

Sharon_73

I am very fortunate that I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves, encourages and supports me in all aspects of life and I do everything I can to give him the same love, support and encouragement in return.

I am concerned about his health. He is overweight (could probably lose about 60 pounds). I want him to lose weight but not for superficial reasons. He has high blood pressure, sleep apnea, he is pre-diabetic and now is having problems with sciatica. He does have problems with food portion control. I have expressed to him that I am concerned for his health. I love him very much and want him around for a very long time. I don't want to "make him skinny" or "change him". I just want him to take care of his health and I am willing to support him and help in any way that I can.

How do I do this in a loving way that doesn't come across as wanting him to lose weight for hurtful reasons?

ValerieMartini2Olives

Tell him you are genuinely concerned for his health. But ultimately it's up to him whether he wants to make a change or not.

stackhead

You can want it for him to the moon and back. He has to want it for himself for him to make any meaningful progress.

Just continue on your path and hope that he joins in at some point.

MysteriousMerlin

I am dealing with this too. I am trying to set a good example, and last night I asked if he would help me by going on walks with me, to keep me accountable. A little reverse psychology, but he was more than happy to help. He is aware of how much weight he's now carrying, but his job keeps him very busy, and he doesn't take much time to take care of himself.

I try to keep portion-controlled, healthy snacks on hand, and I have been making all three of his meals (along with my own), so I'm hoping we can be successful together.

Sharon_73

These are great responses. Thank you. One of the challenges is we do not currently live together so obviously he does all of his own cooking (and he is a great cook!). We plan on moving in together next spring and we will be getting married in the next year or two. Once we are living together, I can help with the portion control on my cooking days.

I do agree he has to want to do it for himself and I am certainly not going to "mother" him because that won't help anybody. It is a challenging situation when it is someone whom you love very deeply.

blc1971

My husband married me at my highest weight, 213 lbs. He is in excellent shape and very fit. He is also naturally thin and has never had a weight problem. He can eat pretty much whatever he wants. My sweet hubby never pushed me or made comments about my weight or what I was eating. He did however encourage me to be active by asking me to go walking or biking with him. He also made comments that because he is older than I am, he wanted us to be as healthy as possible for each other. This really made me think about my lifestyle, eating habits, and overall health. I realized I needed to make the changes on my own and once I started, he became my biggest cheerleader. He encourages me every day and is so proud of my success so far. I've lost just shy of 50 lbs to date and I am so happy I did it for both of us (and my sons!!).

I tell you all of this to say be patient and encouraging, but you won't change anyone who isn't ready to change themselves. All you can do is set an example by living healthy and actively. He will see what you are doing and either start making changes or not. Also, you can get more flies with honey than vinegar. Praise him for everything he does well and he will do even more to get that praise. Good luck as you move forward!!

Rockstar_JILL

I was much larger when I met my boyfriend and changed sizes a few times over the last 5 years that I have been with him. He has always been carrying around a lot of extra weight. He has high blood pressure and wasn't looking after it. He finally went to a doctor when he wasn't feeling good and the doc told him he was a walking stroke. He got on some good meds and a few months later, at his heaviest, he decided to try. He had always encouraged me and supported me and I think he liked my outcome of losing over 80 lbs. He did finally jump on the bandwagon and look after his health. He has lost 65 lbs. and is still on track most of the time. He does not like exercise much but will force himself to walk when he has time. But his eating is MUCH better!! He lived on fast food. Oh, and we also live apart--an hour's drive away, actually. He finally did make the changes needed to get healthy. I also told him that I wanted him around longer so we can actually spend our lives together. I hope we can both keep each other motivated and as healthy as possible.

Sharon_73

I appreciate the feedback and comments. Thank you!

paulylovesme

When it hurts bad enough he will change. But he has to want it. You can not make him or shame him into doing it.