Tough Time

heywithers

I'm having a bit of a tough time now that I am at maintenance. Lost 50 lb total and all the doctors and websites say that for 5'8 140 is a great weight but I still see so much fat. I know I need to do weight exercises in order to change that but I find myself still eating at a deficit because I am too scared to eat at maintenance. I sometimes binge and purge if I eat at maintenance. I am currently on anti-depressants and they helped a lot at first but now it seems like I am going back to the way I was a few months ago where all I can think about is eating. It gets worse when I get bloated. My stomach sticks out like it did when I was bigger and I feel like a failure. Its just so hard to eat right every single day and drink tons of water every single day to make sure I dont bloat. A few weeks ago I felt so small and weighed 138 then I went back up 140 yesterday and 143 today because of bloating. I hate so much that I can't fix it ASAP. I'm just looking for some people to talk to about it, not necessarily any advice since I know the answers to my problems, its just...tough.

Kadje

It is hard for me to maintain, too. I was also 140 at 5'8" in 1997 (lost a bit of height since then). At first, I felt like I looked great but I had some flabbiness that I was planning to work on. Slowly, over more than a decade, I gained weight back up to almost 180. I just kept postponing working on it and giving in to food cravings. This time i am losing very slowly as I try to build new habits. I don't want a wardrobe of different sizes anymore. And it's not that much harder to maintain at 140 than 170 so I plan to really focus on maintenance this time. I'm getting too old for this gaining and losing all the time. Gaining weight is stressful and shopping for clothes is a chore to me when I'm overweight.

You look nice and slim in your profile picture. Sometimes we can be too critical of ourselves and end up sabotaging our efforts through perfectionism.

nxd10

OP - the problem is the depression not your body or what you look like. It's the voice in your head telling you you aren't good enough. Go to your doctor who prescribed the anti-depressants and tell him/her what is happening now.

One problem with depression is that you don't feel much of anything so you want sensation. Food is sensation. My husband gets into hot sauce or really intense curries to keep him out of the dark-of-the-year funks. If he can eat really intense food, he doesn't need to eat as much. You might also try lights.

But see a doctor. Being depressed sucks. Have you read this? It may make you laugh. Or cry. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

Ian_Stuart

@nxd10: You are absolutely right about the depression, but it is possible that both the self image and the depression may be symptoms rather than the root cause.

@heywithers: I entirely agree that you should talk to someone about the depression (I assume you already are since you have been prescribed something) I also entirely agree about reading the Hyperbole and a Half article (and then everything else on the site!) But in the meantime, please have a look at this article and see if it strikes a chord with you: http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/

JesterMFP

OP - the problem is the depression not your body or what you look like. It's the voice in your head telling you you aren't good enough. Go to your doctor who prescribed the anti-depressants and tell him/her what is happening now.

One problem with depression is that you don't feel much of anything so you want sensation. Food is sensation. My husband gets into hot sauce or really intense curries to keep him out of the dark-of-the-year funks. If he can eat really intense food, he doesn't need to eat as much. You might also try lights.

But see a doctor. Being depressed sucks. Have you read this? It may make you laugh. Or cry. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html

I'd add to this that it's also very normal to have a slightly skewed view of how you look when you've lost a significant amount of weight. It can be very hard to properly grasp what you really look like. This should improve with time as your brain catches up with the physical changes.

Definitely go back to your doc. Consider some counselling if you aren't already having some - could really help with how you view your body and the binging/purging.

Definitely also consider some resistance training. Brilliant for all round health, and may give you more of a look you'd be happy with. Additionally, it might give you something new to focus on, that's still to do with your body, but not just about what you look like.

I realise this is more giving advice than anything, but know that you're not alone. I have days like this too, and maintenance isn't easy for me. Depression makes it harder though, so dealing with that could be half the battle.

wilsoje74

If you felt skinny at 138 and fat at 142 then you have a skewed view of your body because than little amount of weight is negligible,