Losing weight and fat acceptance

1a1a

Last time, the first time I lost weight, I wanted it more than anything else in the whole entire world. I LOATHED my body, I used that loathing to fuel my workouts, to take the pain of lactic acid and strenuous work. The whole time I was on here though, in tandem to my lifestyle change, I was also considering this concept of fat acceptance, becoming resentful of this society which condemns fat so vehemently. At the same time as I was succeeding in losing weight and becoming the smallest I've ever been, I was also becoming totally ok with the idea of being fat. And if other people can be fat, then I can be fat too, in fact, I almost Want to be a person who is fat and ok with it to set and example for others.

Well, eventually I lost all the weight except for my big belly and gave up and put it all back on and one thing that has really been hampering any subsequent weight loss efforts is my acceptance of fat. Aesthetically now, I am, 99% of the time, Not Fussed. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and cringe a little but mostly not, mostly I own my current size. So the catalyst for weight loss this time is the way the extra weight makes it harder to live in this body, how when I do yoga and do child's pose, or the warrior pose when you lean sideways I feel respectively squashed and breathless or my sides pinching horribly.

So, I think what I'm getting at in this post is that my ideals about body acceptance are in direct contradiction with the practical realities of carrying these extra kilos I don't need.

Does anyone else feel like this?

What do you do, how do you get around it? How do you get the two ideas to coexist?

I have no self loathing this time, but I do really hate that I cant wear skirts when it's hot because my legs chafe and I can't pull my knees up to my chest any more....this fat is in the way

arcana7609

I completely understand thank you for sharing this!

When I was a fat kid I was active and atheltic so being fat didn't really hamper me in any way. I thought I looked fine, but of course society had a different opinion. When I have lost weight I cringe when people congratulate me because it makes me resentful. It's all tied to this insane need to force society i.e. my father to accept me as fat...as I am. My father made fun of me all the time for being fat. It was his way of trying to get me to lose weight. My uncle did the same thing to his twin daughters until they were thin so I guess my dad thought it would work on me. Instead I would eat in front of him, even when full just to spite him. To show him I was in control.

Weight loss isn't just simple calories in and calories out, it's so much more complex than that. There is so much mental crap that hinders our progress.

I also have issues with the neighbor who tried to molest me when I was four and from that time forward any sexual attention is scary. When I realized that getting fatter the attention from men became less and less I felt safer.

How I get around this is I try to focus on being healthy and not worrying about numbers on the scale or what I look like. I am trying to add exercise back into my life. It's been pretty gradual. Also, I've been using this tool for 20 days now and I've been under my calorie goal almost every day by 300 to 800. I've went over 5 days only by 300 to 800. I don't consider going over as failure, but just a bump in the road.

I wish you the best! Just remember you're awesome and beautiful right now and awesome beautiful you deserves good health and a good life.

Diann