Question for engaged/married people....Holiday Conundrum

lillivewire87

I am curious....how do you split up the Holidays between your respective families?

My fiance and I have been together a long time but for the most part have done Holiday's separately with our own families up til now. Since both Thanksgiving and Christmas are fast approaching I am already getting guilt tripped by both moms...my mom going on about how it is my last unmarried Christmas and his mom talking about how it is my first holiday as part of their family....the "arguments" go on. I honestly don't know what to do. I have talked about us spending Christmas Eve and early morning with his parents (in the town we live in) and then driving the two hours to spend the rest of Christmas day and the day after (which is also my nephew's birthday) with my family. It is so far the fairest solution I can come up with, but neither one is satisfied. I thought maybe I would get some inspiration by hearing what others do.

Help a girl out? My favorite time of year and my mom and mom in law to be are making me feel bah humbug

ThePlight

Pick New Year or Christmas for each. If they live near, spend the night on one holiday at one's, the next at the other's place

Brazilll

Any way you can find time for both parties? Or perhaps if you guys live together you can host Thanksgiving at your home and pay a visit to both families individually on Christmas.

Brazilll

To clarify by individually I meant you and your fiance spend a few hours at your moms place, and then a few hours with his family.

AZ_Gato

Don't let family get in the way. Decide amongst the two of you, make sure he thinks your idea of fair really is fair.

lillivewire87

Any way you can find time for both parties? Or perhaps if you guys live together you can host Thanksgiving at your home and pay a visit to both families individually on Christmas.

Thanksgiving is decided due to having to work the day before and the day after and my parents living about 5 hours away....that one I can at least get my mom to understand...and we will spend Easter with them instead... it's Christmas that everyone is up in arms about.

I have suggested splitting Christmas like I said...with Christmas Eve and morning with his family and then the afternoon and day after Christmas with mine at my sister's house that is two hours away. The problem being that neither mom is happy with that solution. We also can't split up and go separately this year due to only having one vehicle right now...not to mention my fiancé and I would actually like to be together on Christmas for the first time in eight years of dating.

ThePlight

They're going to have to respect that you're adults and not little children, and that's the first thing.
They'll have to settle, the decision is yours, not theirs.

Brazilll

They're going to have to respect that you're adults and not little children, and that's the first thing.
They'll have to settle, the decision is yours, not theirs.

Exactly. The fact that you're making time for both SHOULD make them happy. Especially since you said you live so far away. Its sad that people get so worked up and offended by these things. Its the holidays. Enjoy them.

angelizer

I'm in the same situation as you, my husbands parents live in the same town as we do and mine live 2 hours drive away we split the day in half and go to one for the morning and lunch and then travel to the other for dinner and the rest of the evening. each year we alternate which one we go to first. so we would got to my husbands parents in the morning one year and then in the afternoon the following year. we have been together for 5 years and this arrangement seems to work so far.

tiggerhammon

My husband's family has a tradition where they celebrate Thanksgiving in a large fashion every other year. It is these "on" years they expect the children/siblings/etc to join them. On the "off" years everyone does their own thing, going to their spouses families or doing their own Thanksgiving.
My family celebrates it every year and expects everyone every year.

My husband and I - do whatever we want. One year, we did our own. One year, we went to my family's. Another, we did absolutely nothing. Make your own decision. With you getting married, you are your own family now, they will have to just deal with that.

Personally, if it were me, the fact that this will be your first year together - I would enjoy it alone. Make your own Thanksgiving or, heck, go to an all-you-can-eat buffet if you want. If you so chose to start having children, the later years is when you are going to not want to do your own parties and just "pitch in" on someone else's, lol.

It all comes down to - do whatever YOU and YOUR MAN want. Not the perspective families. What they want is not what is most important right now.

DawnieB1977

My parents are about 5 hours or so away whereas hubby's parents are local. We used to do alternative years for Xmas (thanksgiving not an issue as we're English).

I'm a teacher so get lots of holidays so I do spend time with my parents without my husband, as he doesn't get the leave I get.

Now we have children we like to spend Xmas at home, just the 4 of us, plus my husband ends up using his leave before the end of the year and has none left for Xmas! Both of the kids had chicken pox earlier in the year for example. I took time off for one, he took time off for the other.

koshkasmum

We've been married 31 years. It all comes down to the fact that you can't be in two places at once and no-one has any fun if you try to cram both in by running from one place to the other. Work out an equitable arrangement to allow the parents to "share" you. Explain to each what you are doing and that you are doing it because you love and want to spend some time with both of them. They will both be disappointed because each set of parents would really like to have you with them all the time. They will get used to it. It will get messier when you have kids (driving 2 hours on Christmas is not a good thing with kids) and by the time you're a parent of adults - well, you get the idea.

padams2359

OP, Your solution is totally fair. Both moms are laying the grown work for something you are better off nipping in the bud now. They may not be intentionally trying to control you, but if you don't lay the ground work now, that you and your fiancé make the decisions for your family, it will only be worst when, and if, grand kids come. JMO

jimmmer

Just break up.

pandorakick

I am curious....how do you split up the Holidays between your respective families?

My fiance and I have been together a long time but for the most part have done Holiday's separately with our own families up til now. Since both Thanksgiving and Christmas are fast approaching I am already getting guilt tripped by both moms...my mom going on about how it is my last unmarried Christmas and his mom talking about how it is my first holiday as part of their family....the "arguments" go on. I honestly don't know what to do. I have talked about us spending Christmas Eve and early morning with his parents (in the town we live in) and then driving the two hours to spend the rest of Christmas day and the day after (which is also my nephew's birthday) with my family. It is so far the fairest solution I can come up with, but neither one is satisfied. I thought maybe I would get some inspiration by hearing what others do.

Help a girl out? My favorite time of year and my mom and mom in law to be are making me feel bah humbug

Here in Holland we do not apply special value to Chrismas Eve. We just have both first and second Christmas Day. This makes it very easy to divide both days over the respective families. I must admit that my mom has had her panties in a twist in the past about who got First Christmas Day. Luckily my brother in law has since gotten a job that requires him to work one of those days. This very much takes the choice out of the equitation which suits me just fine!