Parenting about Healthy Eating

NuttyforHealth

Hi there,
I have a few questions about parenting and eating habits. While I am not a parent, I find this subject interesting. I was raised in a family of three (two girls, one boy). My parents were not strict on any family eating habits (we always had both junk and healthy food). My sister suffered from a SEVERE eating disorder and I dabbled with it too, but not as long nor did it consume me like it did her.
What is a healthy way to parent in order to prevent eating disorders? How do you talk to your kids about food? Do you introduce the topic of calories and or fat? Do you talk to your kids about exercise, etc.
Just curious!

Also, I am not mad at my parents nor do I disagree with how they parented, etc. I just wanted to give some background.
Thanks

_KitKat_

In our home (Husband 2 daughters and myself) the main thing that has worked is we make it a point to have dinner every night together. We have plenty of junk but also a lot of healthy things to eat in the house, if given the choice they normally grab a healthy snack, my youngest one's (10yrs) favorite foods are Red Bell Pepper, Avacado, and salad. I also encourage my girls to be active and as a family we try to be....hikes, going to the zoo, swimming ect. My kids have great self esteem, but my oldest (13) and I have spoken about health and that moderation is the key to everything. We also discuss that just because it seems more acceptable for teens to be larger now does not make it healthy. I have also told her and she understands that taking the weight off is a lot harder than just not gaining it in the first place.

My oldest was just telling me today, she hates when people call her skinny, that means skin and bones to her. She prefers thin and fit. I personally believe keeping my kids healthy is as simple as choices, moderation, activity and most importantly a positive sense of self.

NuttyforHealth

Hi Kpost,
I liked reading your response! I especially appreciate the fact that you talk with your girls about nutrition and health. I think this is critical!
Any other opinions?

Francl27

Depends on the age of the kids. I'm still unsure I'm not dooming my kids to eating disorders by weighing everything I eat frankly. If anything, I'd think that talking about it too early would make it more likely for them to develop an eating disorder. They've talked about healthy and unhealthy foods at school (and sometimes I raise my eyebrows when I hear what they think is healthy and what isn't). But they're 5. That's way too early to worry about it, IMO (well, they have a healthy weight too).

As to what we're feeding them, it's a mix of 'junk' (mostly goldfish or crackers with some cookies here and there) and healthy stuff. They only get candy at Halloween, Christmas and Easter, pretty much... Soda once in a while (I don't think they've ever had coke though...). I'm more the 'everything in moderation' type. Heck they still have Halloween candy leftover and haven't touched it in days. They eat what we have for dinner. They have cereal for breakfast. Lunch is typically a sandwich and sometimes chicken nuggets, but they barely touch it at school. Then snacks are fruit, yogurts, or that 'junk' I mentioned above.

gigglesinthesun

One of the problems I faced is that my son was very underweight and they talked about healthy eating at school and my tiny 6 year old tells me that he shouldn't eat fatty foods or too much meat, because it is not healthy. The problems was that he actually didn't take in nearly as many calories as he should have and it caused endless strive trying to get him to eat more. Add to that severe food allergies and I was extremely cross at the 'healthy eating education'. I am lucky that we now only have the anaphylaxis to dairy left and that he has bulked up a bit.

In short I think the way you talk to your children is dependent on the child and should be modified according to their age and needs. One issue to keep in mind is that some kids gets chubby before they hit a growth spurt and that too much focus on weight rather then activity and overall health can be detrimental to them as well. There are a lot of conflicting messages out there (fat/sugar/carbs phobia) and add to this all the body image issues, and it is a minefield for kids.

I personally resolved to leading by example, I won't demonise any food, but I won't serve everything every day either. We do family days out that are active and generally accommodate any wishes for activities the kids have.

NuttyforHealth

These are all really great tips, especially the comment abouy making sure what you talk about is appropriate for their age. Thanks to all who have shared

bingefreeaubree

Bump! This is an interesting topic and I'd love to see some responses from other parents.

Bukawww

I have 4 girls...I also have a weight problem. I also remember, distinctly, being very obsessive about food at a very young age. I HAD to know WHEN we would be eating next and what it would be. It wasn't because we were poor or I was deprived. I had NO REASON to feel that way about food...but I did. I see this in my oldest as well.

We RARELY had junk of any kind. Birthday parties left a few stragglers and I was way too excited about that. I was also left home alone after school from the age of 8. I ate a LOT after school. I remember getting my drivers license and being MOST excited to be able to buy fast food...ugh. I am really embarrassed about all of that. Nothing has changed either. Food is the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and it doesn't stop until I go to sleep. What has changed is my behavior towards food. That's what being a grown up is all about...behaving a certain way despite your feelings sometimes, right lol.

My oldest is showing signs of food obsession and the tendency to gain weight. We talk a LOT about health and nutrition. A LOT about how skinny vs fat should never be the goal, and about the science of our physiology. I can only hope my efforts are working....4 immediate lives are at stake and who knows how many subsequent.

pauldix

Talk about food just the same as you do about everything else. Explain without lecturing when asked why you're eating x rather than y. Don't evade issues. The best place to discuss stuff is around the table when eating.

SuperSexyDork

I have two girls that are 4 and 6. I address it like this:

Some foods are all the times foods: Fruits and vegetables (they are allowed to get these any time they are hungry)

Some foods are most of the times foods: Meats, cheeses, whole grains, pretzels, cereals, nuts (they have to ask for these if it's not at a meal time but most of the time I'll say yes)

Some foods are sometimes foods: Sugary cereals, candy, chips, ice cream, other desserts (these are foods that are only given as desserts or occasional treats. These are limited.)

They know that all food gives them energy but the all the time foods and the most of the times foods are better choices because they give them nutrients AND energy. They also know that if they eat too many sometimes foods they won't have enough room for the other foods and won't get enough nutrients.

Flab2fitfi

My three oldest are interested in food and the benefits of a good diet.. We have lots of dietary restrictions so they tend to be more aware of what goes into stuff. They have been taught that any food is OK but some are better in small portions because of the fat or sugar content. We also like to try new foods and the kids love trying new recipes.

The kids have seen me get fitter over the last year and it has inspired them to also tag along. My 14 year old ran the Color run with me this year and is doing a Spartan with me next year. My other son(9) ran the kids Spartan and my daughter(8) is running a xmas 5K with me along with the 14 year old.

My 14 year old has also become my running partner as he understand that although he wants to play the XBOX all evening its not too good for him and it will also help him concentrate at school etc better.

lebaker310

I don't have kids, but one thing I am grateful my parents did when I was growing up: they told me what to eat. I had options, but for the most part they told me what was healthy and unhealthy. I HAD to at least try the food that was presented to me. Unfortunately I witness my brother and sister in law allow their 4 year old to eat fast food all the time for meals, all his snacks are junk food, and if he doesn't want what is for dinner they let him eat anything just so he will eat (usually candy or chips). Not once have I ever heard them tell him that fast food and candy and snacks are unhealthy. Never once have I heard them tell him to eat his vegetables. When I was 4, I had no idea what was healthy or not unless my parents told me. Thankfully my parents always kept healthy food around more than junk food. Junk food was a TREAT, not an everyday thing. Getting a happy meal meant I got an A on my report card. I think it is all about education and communication. My parents always made sure I was open minded about food and was aware of what was good and bad or what needed to be eaten in moderation.

Mr_Knight

What is a healthy way to parent in order to prevent eating disorders?

I don't parent "to prevent eating disorders", I parent to grow smart, independent kids who can make their own decisions.

How do you talk to your kids about food?

Not sure I understand the question - it seems to imply that talking about food/diet is somehow different than talking about the billion other issues parents need to talk to their kids about. "These are your choices, these are the likely consequences..."

They see me weigh all my food and track everything - they know why I do it - they see the results...parenting by example, there is no more powerful method...

Do you introduce the topic of calories and or fat?

Absolutely, yes. Eldest recently asked if we could help her maintain a food diary.

Do you talk to your kids about exercise, etc.

Absolutely, yes.

DawnieB1977

My parents brought us up (I'm the eldest and I have a brother and sister) to eat healthily with the occasional treat. We never had take-away, and never went to places like McDonald's, and my mum wouldn't let us have white bread. I was still overweight as a teenager though! My parents never said anything horrible to me though, and I lost weight when I went to university. I sometimes wish they'd done something when I was about 16, although I may have resented them for it.

I have a 2 and a 4 year old, so they're still quite young. My 4 year old is at school now, but I've never heard him talk about weight or even food really. He's tall and slim (around 91st centile for height and 50th for weight) so hopefully weight won't be an issue for him.

We just take a healthy approach to food. We all eat together when we can (hubby does shifts) and have balanced meals and let the kids have treats now and again. They're very active so I don't think a homemade cupcake will do them any harm. We do talk about vegetables and say that it's bad not to eat them, and mention that protein is good (my son loves tuna, chicken, eggs and ham). I try not to talk about my weight in front of them, and they see me eating the same meals they eat.

They know I go to the gym, and they talk about exercise too. My husband was doing p90x and they were copying him.

drshona

Parenting is a lot more than talking. You can say anything you like to your kids, doesn't mean they'll take a blind bit of notice, but what they experience day in and day out will shape the person they become and the opinions they hold.

Breastfeeding - and probably particularly 'demand breastfeeding' - reduces the risk of obesity in later life. Actually it reduces the risk at 1 year of age too! Sounds contradictory really that not knowing how much they're having and letting them control it themselves reduces obesity. But it does. Babies are born with the ability to control their appetites - to stop eating when they are full and to go for 2 or 3 meals (sometimes 2 or 3 days!) eating very little but then adjust for it in the next meal/ day.

As a parent, it can be very very easy to over-ride that. To encourage the baby to finish the bottle or have the last 2 spoonfuls of purée because we don't want to waste it; to enforce clearing of plates; to encourage clearing of plates with the promise of pudding. Sometimes these temptations are irresistible.

So, what have I done? Well, both mine were demand breast-fed. The second one we did Baby Led Weaning, which basically means that you never feed them purées and you never spoon-feed them. From 6 months, we put solid food in front of him - initially in the form of big chunks he could hold in a fist - and let him get on with it. One of his first solid meals was roast beef - he didn't swallow a lot, but he gnawed on that chunk of beef for about 20 minutes! Over time, he managed to eat more and he breast-fed less. We controlled what he was offered, but he was in complete control of whether, what and how much of it he ate.

We try very hard not to encourage the finishing of savoury in order to get sweet, but it's hard to be honest. They do know there isn't pudding ŵith every meal (apart from fruit- they can always have that). A particularly nice/wanted pudding will probably be after a meal we know they will happily eat - I really don't want to bribe them to eat something they don't want to get the thing they do.

We give the kids what we eat. And if they don't want it, they don't eat it. But there is nothing instead.

We insist that they try new foods or vegetables that they 'don't like' every so often, but we don't force them to eat all of it.

None of this is 'talking about nutrition', but it is 'parenting for healthy eating'.

We do also talk about nutrition, usually in the context of books. The 5 year old wanted 'Why do we eat' for his bedtime story tonight (and Usborne book, one of his most frequent requests!). It explains about protein, fat and carbohydrate (including the distinction between starches and sugars) aswell as vitamins and minerals. It also has a page on 'junk food' and why it's not good to have too much (rots your teeth, makes you fat).

We do talk about exercise too, but more importantly we give them the opportunity to have lots of exercise. They both go to swimming lessons, have bikes which we take them out on, get taken for walks etc.

DawnieB1977

I forgot to add that, same as the above poster, we don't force our children to finish their meal. They know when they're full, and it's ok to leave food on the plate.

SairahRose

I have two girls that are 4 and 6. I address it like this:

Some foods are all the times foods: Fruits and vegetables (they are allowed to get these any time they are hungry)

Some foods are most of the times foods: Meats, cheeses, whole grains, pretzels, cereals, nuts (they have to ask for these if it's not at a meal time but most of the time I'll say yes)

Some foods are sometimes foods: Sugary cereals, candy, chips, ice cream, other desserts (these are foods that are only given as desserts or occasional treats. These are limited.)

They know that all food gives them energy but the all the time foods and the most of the times foods are better choices because they give them nutrients AND energy. They also know that if they eat too many sometimes foods they won't have enough room for the other foods and won't get enough nutrients.

Pretty much this for me.
My kids are 8 and 2. I don't mention it ALL the time, and I can only recall the conversation with the 8 year old once or twice maybe. But they can see all the healthy snacks around, and will generally go for those. Sometimes they want the junk snacks, and I don't mind them having them - providing a meal isn't coming up within the next hour.
If they don't want food - it's very rare they get anything else. I don't advocate the empty plate thing since their stomachs are a lot smaller than ours, but they do have to eat a fair bit of it to get something else.
The eldest knows that the more you move, the more fuel you burn that needs to be replaced with good foods, so as a family we encourage activities that get us up doing things.
It's a lot easier to show children how to deal with health than it is to dictate what they do. Restrictions, or no limits on foods will often end up with the problems later on in life.

Francl27

We actually ask our kids to finish their dinner if they want dessert. Because if they are full, they don't have room for dessert anyway. We give them small servings though (really, the size of their fists). Frankly it's the only thing that's worked to get them to try new things. They eat everything at dinner now because of it... but we don't make them finish if they're really not hungry. And sometimes they'll actually ask for seconds.

I was against it at first because I didn't want them to expect dessert all the time, but I have to admit that it's worked really well to make them try new things. If they really don't like it, we just ask them to have a bite. And they don't get dessert on days when they had too many sweets anyway.

drshona

We actually ask our kids to finish their dinner if they want dessert. Because if they are full, they don't have room for dessert anyway. We give them small servings though (really, the size of their fists). Frankly it's the only thing that's worked to get them to try new things. They eat everything at dinner now because of it... but we don't make them finish if they're really not hungry. And sometimes they'll actually ask for seconds.

I was against it at first because I didn't want them to expect dessert all the time, but I have to admit that it's worked really well to make them try new things. If they really don't like it, we just ask them to have a bite. And they don't get dessert on days when they had too many sweets anyway.

My problem with that, is that I suspect my eldest, at least, would eat the pudding even if he was full, and what I really don't want to do is teach them to eat when they're not hungry - because that's what I do.

Francl27

We actually ask our kids to finish their dinner if they want dessert. Because if they are full, they don't have room for dessert anyway. We give them small servings though (really, the size of their fists). Frankly it's the only thing that's worked to get them to try new things. They eat everything at dinner now because of it... but we don't make them finish if they're really not hungry. And sometimes they'll actually ask for seconds.

I was against it at first because I didn't want them to expect dessert all the time, but I have to admit that it's worked really well to make them try new things. If they really don't like it, we just ask them to have a bite. And they don't get dessert on days when they had too many sweets anyway.

My problem with that, is that I suspect my eldest, at least, would eat the pudding even if he was full, and what I really don't want to do is teach them to eat when they're not hungry - because that's what I do.

Yeah I've found it it's not an issue at all though. We give them a tiny dessert and often they just stop eating when they're full anyway.

NuttyforHealth

Do you introduce the topic of calories and or fat?

Absolutely, yes. Eldest recently asked if we could help her maintain a food diary.

Do you mind if I ask how old your eldest child is? I think this is an interesting concept for a child to log calories?

drshona

We actually ask our kids to finish their dinner if they want dessert. Because if they are full, they don't have room for dessert anyway. We give them small servings though (really, the size of their fists). Frankly it's the only thing that's worked to get them to try new things. They eat everything at dinner now because of it... but we don't make them finish if they're really not hungry. And sometimes they'll actually ask for seconds.

I was against it at first because I didn't want them to expect dessert all the time, but I have to admit that it's worked really well to make them try new things. If they really don't like it, we just ask them to have a bite. And they don't get dessert on days when they had too many sweets anyway.

My problem with that, is that I suspect my eldest, at least, would eat the pudding even if he was full, and what I really don't want to do is teach them to eat when they're not hungry - because that's what I do.

Yeah I've found it it's not an issue at all though. We give them a tiny dessert and often they just stop eating when they're full anyway.

Well, so long as it isn't a problem, it isn't a problem. How old are they though? I think it's something that becomes more of a problem over 5 - although my nearly 6 year old would stop eating cake when full.