14 pounds in 4 months... in the wrong direction

jbug5j

i will start out by saying that is my fault but im still very discouraged and i feel like crying. at the beginning of the year i was 155. i had 20 pounds to lose and that was my goal for the year. in march i went to the doctor and was put on medicine for depression and anxiety and i stopped logging my food because i just could not handle it at the time. i got down to 150 in july. i bought my wedding dress and everything was going great. .

the beginning of august i was fired from my job and for a few weeks EVERYTHING went wrong. i constantly made mistakes with whatever i did, and i could not sleep so i stopped taking my medicine... cold turkey. since then i have had even more mistakes and memory issues and no motivaiton or care or strength to do anything. i am now in almost constant pain, be it my muscles or skin. and im still tired all the time even though im sleeping. on top of it all im always hungry and i have been trying hard not to eat constantly but i definately do more than i should. this past week i have been paying more attention to logging and what not. its just so dissapointing that i really dont care. i mean, i do care but i have no drive. i look at my treadmill every day and think i NEED to run/walk/SOMETHING! but i dont.
"my legs hurt"
"im tired"
"i dont want to get sweaty"
"i will later" <-- thats the big one
i have no idea where to go from there. i would LOVE to be 135 by our wedding in August. 9 months away. 30 pounds in 9 months cant be that hard right? they why is it so hard?! anyway... i just needed to get that off my chest. sorry this post is such a downer.

quilteryoyo

I'm no doctor, but sounds like you need to go back to see him/her and get back on your anti-depressant medicine. You aren't supposed to stop those cold turkey. They do weird things to you when you do. If you do that, you may find that the rest of the things will fall into place.

Keep_The_Laughter

With respect, please talk to a doctor who balances therapy and medical intervention. Just taking yourself off of medication can gave consequences beyond the symptoms the medication was prescribed to treat. Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally have to come first for you to make lasting positive lifestyle changes.

karlospiklington

Try to take heart from the fact that you have lost weight in the past. The fact that you've done it before should motivate you as you know it's possible. Dealing with depression is very difficult, so don't be so hard on yourself about gaining a bit of weight right now. It's never too late to change your habits and start to push things in the other direction.

This might sound like a bit of a simple or reductionist piece of advice if you're struggling with depression, but in terms of motivating yourself to get on the treadmill try putting on a song that you really love. Blast it out. Sometimes music can do wonders for your mood and motivation.

Good luck!

aniqa109

Hi
I cant begin to understand what ur going through but dont give up
Set yourself small goals
We all have good days n bad.if one day is bad dont worry...tomorrow will be better
I think taking medication again would b good...try exercising.i read that exercise cn help depression..go for walks..or join an exercise class...watever u find enjoyable.
I hope u reach ur goals
Wish you the best.
Xxxxx

kowajenn

Yes, I agree with the others. Get your depression under control with the help of a doctor. Not that losing weight is ever going to be easy, but taking that huge issue out of the equation will make the weight loss far more doable. And you CAN do it. Be kind and gentle to yourself.

_KitKat_

I'm no doctor, but sounds like you need to go back to see him/her and get back on your anti-depressant medicine. You aren't supposed to stop those cold turkey. They do weird things to you when you do. If you do that, you may find that the rest of the things will fall into place.

^This

You may need to address any concerns you had with your previous meds, but definitely see your doctor. Then just make up your mind and stop procrastinating, we all do it but why do something that makes you feel bad, when if you ate great and exercised you would feel fantastic. Don't beat yourself up about the past, it will only hurt. Just start everyday as a new day that you will do something great for your health and well being....shoot if it helps post those little notes to yourself everywhere telling yourself how you deserve to be your dream size and how you deserve to be healthy. Today is a new day and you need to treat it as one. Congrats on the wedding.

MysteriousMerlin

Start small. Small. Like, microscopic. You're overwhelming yourself.

Set a timer for 5 minutes. You can do five minutes. You're not going to get sweaty, and your legs won't hurt. Get on that treadmill, set it for a moderate pace (3.5 mph) and walk for 5 minutes.

Log 1 meal today. Doesn't matter which one, just log everything in that one, singular meal.

You can do today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Today is what matters.

jbug5j

thank you all for your responses. the thing is, is i didnt want to be on medication in the first place. i was desperate. i honestly feel that the 4 months i was on it it really affected my memory and thinking. I have a very hard time concentrating now and i get confused so easily. im trying to do this without medicine because im afraid i wont be myself again. another reason i got off the medicine was because i didnt feel anything. i mean important things too... like my fiancee.. i KNEW i loved him but i didnt feel a damn thing while i was on the medicine. when i looked at him he was just another person. no feelings. the same with my parents, babies (and i have baby fever like you wouldnt believe) and even my cats. i felt NOTHING and i wanted that to stop. i do regret just quitting without help from my doctor but i did some research and theres no guarantee that i would be feeling any different if i got off the meds differently.

as for setting goals i would LOVE any advice or suggestions to start small again. i really want to do this, i feel it deep down. i just need a VERY big push every time i get up and start moving.

D_squareG

I've suffered from depression for years. I was on medication for a while but it did not help me much. I'm going to tell you that for me, the only thing that works is getting myself to move. I know it is hard. Some days, I don't get off the couch. But there are studies that show exercise, even mild to moderate, can be as effective as medication for depression.

Get up and put on your shoes and walk to the end of your block and back. The next day, walk around the block. The next day, add another block. Just put on your shoes and sit up versus lay down if that is all you can do. Don't focus on the weight. Focus on feeling better. I know easier said than done, especially with a wedding coming up. But you owe it to yourself to be happy.

Don't say things to yourself that you wouldn't say to others. Love yourself.

jbug5j

Start small. Small. Like, microscopic. You're overwhelming yourself.

Set a timer for 5 minutes. You can do five minutes. You're not going to get sweaty, and your legs won't hurt. Get on that treadmill, set it for a moderate pace (3.5 mph) and walk for 5 minutes.

Log 1 meal today. Doesn't matter which one, just log everything in that one, singular meal.

You can do today. Don't worry about tomorrow. Today is what matters.

:flowerforyou:

jbug5j

I've suffered from depression for years. I was on medication for a while but it did not help me much. I'm going to tell you that for me, the only thing that works is getting myself to move. I know it is hard. Some days, I don't get off the couch. But there are studies that show exercise, even mild to moderate, can be as effective as medication for depression.

Get up and put on your shoes and walk to the end of your block and back. The next day, walk around the block. The next day, add another block. Just put on your shoes and sit up versus lay down if that is all you can do. Don't focus on the weight. Focus on feeling better. I know easier said than done, especially with a wedding coming up. But you owe it to yourself to be happy.

Don't say things to yourself that you wouldn't say to others. Love yourself.

:flowerforyou:

zombieyoshi

You can do it.
I was put on medication that made me gain 30lbs, it was so discouraging.
It's hard, but you can do it. The best thing for depression in to get out and move around, find a yoga class, go for a walk, if you don't want to leave the house do a workout video. If you have verizon fios you can order free workout videos, or there are videos online.
If you just can't bring yourself to workout, go put your workout clothes on anyways- do a couple stretches.
Baby steps you can do it.
Go on Pinterest and find different ideas to lose the weight.

nklp

Hi,
I completely understand how you feel. I also took myself off anti-depressant medication and I ended up putting on 4 stone in two years. I fought all the time to get back to where I used to be, and it was impossible; the weight continued to pile on, because I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be able to take on such a challenge. However, after all that time, my depression left me. I'm not sure what happened or how, but one day I woke up and thought 'yeah. I can take on the world!' - which I'm so very grateful for. But it would have been so much easier to get to that point if I had stayed on the medication - and I could have saved myself from trying to shift two years' worth of accumulated weight gain!
I know how tough it is, and how every day is a challenge, let alone trying to organize a wedding! But I promise you that you're stronger than you think you are. Just do this in baby steps. Stop thinking about everything at once, and just do one thing at a time. Go through life day to day - and meal to meal. Don't worry about what you did or didn't do yesterday, or what you need to do tomorrow, just think about what you can do right now.
I agree with the others - you're going to have to talk to your doctor. Try not to worry about it, and don't beat yourself up for taking yourself off it. It's allowed every one makes decisions that aren't the best every now and again just explain that you need to try a different type, and that the last one didn't get on well with you. You can even talk to the doctor about your weight-loss goals - who knows? They might be able to give you something or some advice that could really help. This is the most important thing to do. Your health is so linked to your mental health, and you need to be responsible for taking care of you. Please post again soon and let us know how you're doing.
Now in regards to weight loss, I'd say start by just going on a walk. Ask your fiance if you can start going on walks together - that would be lovely! But I actually find that the best way to walk is alone. It sounds like a scary word, but it's not! Solitude while doing something that allows your thoughts to be quiet is the best thing, and walking (or any kind of exercise) releases endorphins, which will help you to feel better. What I like best about walking is that it allows me to get outside - and outside my head. It makes me feel more connected to the world around me.

I'm sorry for this essay. If you need a friend, I'll be more than willing to help you - but I hope that this advice helps.
You've got so much support here! We believe in you.


Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

jbug5j

Hi,
I completely understand how you feel. I also took myself off anti-depressant medication and I ended up putting on 4 stone in two years. I fought all the time to get back to where I used to be, and it was impossible; the weight continued to pile on, because I wasn't in the right frame of mind to be able to take on such a challenge. However, after all that time, my depression left me. I'm not sure what happened or how, but one day I woke up and thought 'yeah. I can take on the world!' - which I'm so very grateful for. But it would have been so much easier to get to that point if I had stayed on the medication - and I could have saved myself from trying to shift two years' worth of accumulated weight gain!
I know how tough it is, and how every day is a challenge, let alone trying to organize a wedding! But I promise you that you're stronger than you think you are. Just do this in baby steps. Stop thinking about everything at once, and just do one thing at a time. Go through life day to day - and meal to meal. Don't worry about what you did or didn't do yesterday, or what you need to do tomorrow, just think about what you can do right now.
I agree with the others - you're going to have to talk to your doctor. Try not to worry about it, and don't beat yourself up for taking yourself off it. It's allowed every one makes decisions that aren't the best every now and again just explain that you need to try a different type, and that the last one didn't get on well with you. You can even talk to the doctor about your weight-loss goals - who knows? They might be able to give you something or some advice that could really help. This is the most important thing to do. Your health is so linked to your mental health, and you need to be responsible for taking care of you. Please post again soon and let us know how you're doing.
Now in regards to weight loss, I'd say start by just going on a walk. Ask your fiance if you can start going on walks together - that would be lovely! But I actually find that the best way to walk is alone. It sounds like a scary word, but it's not! Solitude while doing something that allows your thoughts to be quiet is the best thing, and walking (or any kind of exercise) releases endorphins, which will help you to feel better. What I like best about walking is that it allows me to get outside - and outside my head. It makes me feel more connected to the world around me.

I'm sorry for this essay. If you need a friend, I'll be more than willing to help you - but I hope that this advice helps.
You've got so much support here! We believe in you.


Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

thank you so much we do go n walks together occasionally but we are both victims of "ill do it later" he has a gym membership and he goes three times a week. i have him for support but like another poster said family is a very difficult support system. they want to see you happy and if you are miserable being strict about something they will let you slack off without you feeling guilty.

nklp

. im trying to do this without medicine because im afraid i wont be myself again. another reason i got off the medicine was because i didnt feel anything. i mean important things too... like my fiancee.. i KNEW i loved him but i didnt feel a damn thing while i was on the medicine. when i looked at him he was just another person. no feelings. the same with my parents, babies (and i have baby fever like you wouldnt believe) and even my cats. i felt NOTHING and i wanted that to stop. i do regret just quitting without help from my doctor but i did some research and theres no guarantee that i would be feeling any different if i got off the meds differently.

as for setting goals i would LOVE any advice or suggestions to start small again. i really want to do this, i feel it deep down. i just need a VERY big push every time i get up and start moving.

- Yeah, I really understand! I think in that case, exercise is definitely the best way forward. And simple things that give you a sense of achievement - someone suggested logging one meal a day, which would be great See each achievement as a victory - a sign that you're getting better all by yourself! And try to get yourself out of the house if possible. Worry about what your eating once you start to feel better.
Also, if you really struggle but really hate the medication, maybe try out a councilor? And make sure that the people around you know about your goals and are supportive - but you need to do this by yourself You're in charge of whether you slack off or not - and if you need to, allow yourself to! I know that it's hard when you've got other people worrying about you - but explain this too them. Help them to help you help yourself! haha

LVCeltGirl

thank you all for your responses. the thing is, is i didnt want to be on medication in the first place. i was desperate. i honestly feel that the 4 months i was on it it really affected my memory and thinking. I have a very hard time concentrating now and i get confused so easily. im trying to do this without medicine because im afraid i wont be myself again. another reason i got off the medicine was because i didnt feel anything. i mean important things too... like my fiancee.. i KNEW i loved him but i didnt feel a damn thing while i was on the medicine. when i looked at him he was just another person. no feelings. the same with my parents, babies (and i have baby fever like you wouldnt believe) and even my cats. i felt NOTHING and i wanted that to stop. i do regret just quitting without help from my doctor but i did some research and theres no guarantee that i would be feeling any different if i got off the meds differently.

as for setting goals i would LOVE any advice or suggestions to start small again. i really want to do this, i feel it deep down. i just need a VERY big push every time i get up and start moving.

Okay, this is a two front thing that I will try to keep short. I've been suffering from known depression for almost 20 years now. I've been on and off prozac at least 3 times during that stint. The meds can work but I'm a firm believer in doing both meds and counseling if you're going to go the route of meds because you shouldn't have to be on meds for the rest of your life, unless that's what you want and it works for you (neither of those sound like it's for you). That said, there are natural ways to combat depression, exercise being the top one. One of the other ways to get out of the "funk" (this works for all funks too not just depression) is to start tricking your mind. Wake up every morning and say outloud, "It's a wonderful morning and I'm having a wonderful day". Yes, you won't believe it at first but keep doing it anyway, and you will start to trick yourself, more importantly your mind. People ask how you're feeling, don't answer "Alright", or however you would normally answer, instead answer "Great!" (think Tony the Tiger from Frosted Flakes, they're GREAT!). You'll not only be amazed at how you can get others to change their attitudes but how it changes yours, again, you're mind will start believing it.

As for the other, don't focus on the weight loss right now. Focus on the other benefits of eating right, of exercise. The feeling better about yourself being the top one. Take it slowly, start "minute by minute". So it is the things like setting the small goals, I'll log in one meal today, I'll go for a 5 minute walk. Then the next day, or maybe two days later, try to log in one meal and one snack, increase time to 10 minutes for the walk. Give yourself kudos for achieving the small goals. Things like "I'm proud, I did this". Add me as a friend and I'll watch for those status updates. That gets it out there to your "support" group so they can give you kudos. And realize, you are human, you're going to flub every so often and forgive yourself for it. Everything starts with that first step, you've done that step by reaching out, now take the 2nd one, then the 3rd step, and before you know it, you'll have 10,000 steps being taken daily (way to work in that walking reference, no?).

_KitKat_

If he goes to the gym, see if he would mind if you go with him. I have zero motivation to workout at home, but I love the gym and how I feel after a great workout. If you are anti meds, which I would be too, then working out could be the best thing for you, emotionally, physically and psychologically. Little goals can be just that little, a healthy dinner tonight, a long walk or just checking the gym out. A nice medium goal could be a outfit you love for the new year in 1 size smaller. Find something you love, I like lifting and hate cardio....so I do circuit training for my cardio. Its just finding what you love to do and knowing you will feel better after you have done it.

jodynolte

I don't have any advice... I just really wanted to wish you the best and hope that everything works out for you. You've got a great support system from the comments I've seen. Good luck with your goals!

BossLadyDSimp

Addressing issues with your mental health is just as, if not more, important than your physical health. I know that walking and working out does affect your mood as well.

Just work on one thing at a time. You''ll get there.

AlongCame_Molly

I'm no doctor, but sounds like you need to go back to see him/her and get back on your anti-depressant medicine. You aren't supposed to stop those cold turkey. They do weird things to you when you do. If you do that, you may find that the rest of the things will fall into place.

"Weird" is putting it extremely lightly. People have been known to suffer intense, terrifying, DANGEROUS complete psychotic episodes when cutting off antidepressants cold turkey. Not only that, but they can be recurrent, even after you go back on the meds. PLEASE talk to your doctor, and don't discontinue ANY meds without consulting him/her first! Seriously. It's for your own safety.

edited for clarity

c1aireee

definitely just do a tiny bit of exercise every day at first then build up to more as the days go on, just do what u can

jbug5j

thank you everyone for your support. *hugs* i meant a LOT to me when i read all of your comments. i was having a HARD day yesterday. each day is VERY different for me and the positive thoughts really helped to keep me from thinking even worse things about myself.

i actually do have a doctors appointment tomorrow. it was scheduled months ago as a follow up to my meds and to start getting me off of them. i dont know what he has planned now that wont be the case but i will be asking him a few things. like how i can start losing weight, and most importantly (to me) why im always hurting. i will ask him again about counseling. im just more worried about the cost of it all.

again thank you and i hope in a few weeks i can come back and post a much happier note about how i have overcome issues and what not. :flowerforyou:

lyzmorrison

I too suffered from depression and was on medication for a while. When my doctor put me on the meds he made it clear that it was a TEMPORARY fix...just a bandaid to get me through, but that it would require more than meds to make me feel better. And he was right.

I found my way to an excellent counselor who helped me become emotionally healthy. I stopped the meds. And all of it was HARD. H.A.R.D., but I was motivated. I was tired of being sick. I utilized the tools she gave me and just pushed through. And now it's been about 10 years and I feel better and stronger than ever.

So what I'm saying is this....PUSH THROUGH. If you don't want to exercise...do it anyway. If you want to eat that tub of ice cream, put it down the disposal. It is HARD. But so worth it. You can do this. You are planning a wedding. You are planning a life with your fiance. You are worth the hard work. I wish it had been as easy as just taking a few pills and feeling better, but it wasn't.

You know, it's like this weight loss stuff. I moaned and groaned forever about being overweight and looking like someone's fat mom, but it wasn't until I was just sick of it, just absolutely sick of it, that I became really motivated. You sound like you are sick of feeling bad, so take that and take that brisk walk. You will hate putting on those shoes and walking out the door, but when you return you will have that little feeling that you did it! You pushed through. And next time, walk longer. And the time after that...throw in a few planks or push ups or something, but just keep challenging yourself and then you can cherish the accomplishment! YOU WILL FEEL BETTER! You can do this! You are worth it!

jbug5j

*update* i went to the dr and talked to him about how i have been feeling and what not. he decided to draw some blood to check my thyroid and blood count and all that. he also said that everything sounds like i really might just need to be on some kind of medicine. >_< i do not like this at all. if my blood and thyroid is fine its anti depressants for me. if they are not is some other medicine, probably. either way it sounds like my only option is meds and that really really sucks. i mean, my other option is do NOTHING and just live through pain, paranoia, and days where i just dont want to exist. oy vey....

Anyanut

Watch 'Food Matters' It's a documentary (it's on Netflix) about food and medication and supplements. It has a whole thing about depression and taking Niacin (a natural supplement). I have taken it for post partum and it was helpful and doesn't cloud your memory. just make sure you get the Non-Flushing kind otherwise you will get hot and flushed
Be kind to yourself. You are beautiful and loved. Don't worry about the past, there is nothing you can do about it. My good friend told me once 'we don't care if you need to lose weight, we care about you.' It took the pressure off, like I didn't need to worry about what other people think about how I look because they don't care what I look like, they like me and want to hang out with me whether I'm fat or skinny.
Take care of yourself, and try to watch that documentary. It's super interesting.

cafeaulait7

*update* i went to the dr and talked to him about how i have been feeling and what not. he decided to draw some blood to check my thyroid and blood count and all that. he also said that everything sounds like i really might just need to be on some kind of medicine. >_< i do not like this at all. if my blood and thyroid is fine its anti depressants for me. if they are not is some other medicine, probably. either way it sounds like my only option is meds and that really really sucks. i mean, my other option is do NOTHING and just live through pain, paranoia, and days where i just dont want to exist. oy vey....

I love, love, love my antidepressant. It took me trying a handful of different ones to find the right one for me, but it was so worth it. Trying them out is the icky part for sure. If it isn't the right one, there'll be something kind of obnoxious about it or it just won't change a thing.

I am 100% fine with saying I'll take an antidepressant every day of my life. They are lifesavers for many people. And I believe neurochemical imbalances are just another medical problem, so if it turns out that you have one (some depressed folks don't), it's no different than having a thyroid disorder or what have you. Best of luck and I hope you find one that works with your system

Of course, therapy is pretty darned important, so do see about that, too. Sometimes there are groups that meet that are free that might be a good way to accomplish that without $$$. I don't do therapy any more, but I did for years. I did the group meetings, too I like a personal therapist better, but as long as you are getting some good feedback and letting things out/working them out, you are better off than not doing any of that.