How to Talk to Your Daughter About Her Body

SarahBeth0625

I am real careful not to say anything bad about my looks around my kids (not just my daughter). I don't want them to think they are any less amazing, ever, and since I went through some major self-esteem issues through my teens, which I still struggle with now, I am not going to let that happen to them.

I did my 3 year old daughter's hair yesterday and she wanted to wear a pretty outfit and when I took her to the Y, it was so nice to hear the childwatch workers comment on her pretty dress and hair. I will always keep the focus away from anything negative in regards to looks and I will go out of my way to protect my children from society when it comes to looking or acting or dressing a certain way.

mmm_drop

I think your daughter is dang lucky to have you as a role model as I am dang lucky to call you a friend!

Thank you for sharing this!

InForBacon

You can't tell me what to do.

Mommybug2

Good article. My daughter is only 6 and started making comments about being fat as soon as she hit kindergarten. Unfortunately it is already prevailent in schools at that young age. I don't want her to have the same body issues as I did but it is so hard to shield them from that. My daughters genetics are never going to allow her to be "model" skinny - she is going to be a curvy woman and I try to teach and show her that it is OK. We like to teach diversity in our house and how the world would be boring and dull if everyone came from a cookie cutter mold.

That said after having my son she commented on how "fat" I had gotten and instead of shaming her for that we turned it into a learning experience. I didn't elaborate or body shame in front of her but I did let her see me exercise (and even join me). As the weight has come off I elaborate on how much better I FEEL not LOOK. She see's that I have more energy and can do more things then I did before when I was heavier and that is all good. While we don't focus on "dieting" but we do discuss "diet" - as in how too much junk food makes you feel sluggish and how vegatables make you feel strong and healthy. I keep her involved in activties from Gymnastics and Soccer to Drama and Girl Scouts - things that not only make her active but keep her interactive and don't allow her to be bored to the point she wants to sit around the house watching TV/playing games and snacking.

progressnotperfection84

I agree with the overall message, just not all of the content.

Mr_Knight

How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Disagree with that already. If you have a solid relationship with someone, you can talk with them about anything. If you can't talk with them about anything, then you don't have a solid relationship.

Bottom line: the world *will* judge you based in part on your physical appearance/makeup. There *are* health consequences to poor physical condition. It would be irresponsible of me as a parent to not pass that knowledge along to my children, male or female.

btsinmd

While I agree with most of what's said in this article, I also agree with those saying that talking about weight should not be taboo, because their peers are going to do it, no matter what you do.

My little sister (much much younger) was always a natural athlete growing up and participated in soccer travel and elite teams year-round since she was 5 years old. She was slightly stockier in build than some girls her age, but had not an ounce of excess fat on her. When she was in 5th grade she easily finished first among all the children in her school's 5th and 6th grade classes in the 600 yard dash. So everyone was surprised when she came home from school, not long after that race, sobbing and extremely upset because all the children had been weighed and when the other girls found out her weight, they had teased her all day about how fat she was because of how much heavier she weighed. Of course at this point she was talked to and had her weight explained to her in the context of how active and healthy she was compared to children who were only able to watch TV and do homework after school rather than spend hours running, jumping, and working their arms. It didn't change the day of teasing though, that if she had been more aware of weight and fitness she would have been better able to handle.

WeepingAngel81

I loved everything about this article. I find it very interesting how different everyone's perspectives are on this. I read it as though this was speaking to parents of younger children. Maybe it's becuase my daughter is young, she's 8. I also read it was a learning tool, teaching parents to build esteem without building obsession about weight. I saw this as encourgement to parents to better their lifestyle without using words that could carry negative conotations. Teaching a child when they are young will (hopefully) carry into the future. I know that isn't always the case. Some of you have posted how the "negative" things your mom's did stuck with you.....so why shouldn't the positive as well?
Teaching your daughter how her body works is also teaching her how to fuel it in a healthy and positive way. There does come a time when your child becomes and adult. If they do not carry what you teach and end up dangerously over or under weight, then yes, be up front with them. However, my perspective on this article was that it was geared more towards empowering your daughter at a young age. Thanks for posting!

sillygoosie

How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Disagree with that already. If you have a solid relationship with someone, you can talk with them about anything. If you can't talk with them about anything, then you don't have a solid relationship.

Bottom line: the world *will* judge you based in part on your physical appearance/makeup. There *are* health consequences to poor physical condition. It would be irresponsible of me as a parent to not pass that knowledge along to my children, male or female.

The article doesn't say "if your daughter comes to you with concerns about her body, ignore her". You are reading it a little too literally.

I think part of the major point of this article is that we are trying to make a shift in how the next generation of girls see themselves. To stop caring how the rest of the world judges them and to be okay with who they are. That health is top priority, not that size 2 pair of skinny jeans. Maybe if enough people start to make this change now, we can shift the way women are viewed in the future. Yes, that is an overly optimistic view but I'd rather try than just accept the way things are right now. When my daughter comes home from the 6th grade asking me what a thigh gap is, I just die a little inside. Nothing about this article says to let yourself go and forget your weight. It says let's be healthy, active and strong (inside and out) together and focus on what really matters in life, which is character.

I am a hopeless humanist. :ohwell:

stumblinthrulife

> I teach my daughter about fitness and that body mass is part of overall health.
> I teach her that food is fuel and should be eaten in quantities proportional to your activity levels.
> I teach her that food is enjoyable, and that there is nothing wrong with eating the foods you enjoy in moderation, so long as you are also eating a varied diet to provide adequate nutrition.
> I teach her that activity is essential for her developing body, and that if she wants to be 'strong like daddy' (her words) she needs to work to achieve it.
> I teach her to try *before* asking for help, but that there is no shame in asking for help with something you cannot achieve alone.
> The overarching principle that I teach her through every aspect of her life is that she has choice and control. She can choose to be fit, she can choose to be smart, she can choose to be moral - just by working hard at those aspects of her life.

The results -

> She is lean and healthy.
> She insists on doing pull ups (assisted), push ups and crunches before bed 'to get strong'.
> She has just started doing the couch to 5k program 'to get fit'.
> At the end of the day she will ask for a small portion of ice cream, and discuss the food choices she made during the day and how active she's been.
> She gets consistently high grades at school.
> She is a good friend to all.
> She is fiercely independent, and God help anyone that tries to patronize her and tell her she can't do something before she's had a chance to try.
> She is confident in her looks and in her own body (though she's 7, so we obviously have a long way to go with that one. We'll see what demons High School brings.)

So yeah, I'm going to go out on a limb and say I'm killing it with this parenting business.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

Nice!

Except the Kale part.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: Don't talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Disagree with that already. If you have a solid relationship with someone, you can talk with them about anything. If you can't talk with them about anything, then you don't have a solid relationship.

Bottom line: the world *will* judge you based in part on your physical appearance/makeup. There *are* health consequences to poor physical condition. It would be irresponsible of me as a parent to not pass that knowledge along to my children, male or female.

So talk to her about her HEALTH not her body.