So depressed :(

mamma_nee

I have been trying so hard to get healthier and look better . Everyone who sees me keeps giving me a pat on the back and saying how good I look, well everyone but the person that means most in my life . He comments things like `` I don`t know why everyone is saying you lost so much, I don`t see much of a difference`` WTF is wrong with my husband, is he trying to tell me something?\ He makes me feel like SH** and am crying my balls out. Then when he gets the silent treatment he asks `` Whats wrong with me?``Am I supposed to smile at all his remarks and pretend they are some sort of compliment or do I GO GET MY HEAD EXAMINED ? I just feel like crawling under a rock and die right now maybe then he can show me he cares.

lgrix

Maybe you need to show him this post?

I don't think he would be getting the silent treatment from me, I would definitely let him know how much he hurt your feelings. You've made great progress, keep up the good work.

kbolton322

don't feel bad... My husband says the same things to me.. but he also tells me that I can't wear shirts that I have cuz they din't fit when they really do but they rise up when I'm holding my kids or bent over to pick something up... don't stress over something he says.. I sure don't when my husband says something smart @$$y.. you have lost 46lbs be happy for your self... don't stop now keep your head up.. BTW congrats on the weight lose

kayla_who

I would navigate my foot up his *kitten*.

trinityrecgirl

Goodness, I am so sorry, right now when you are trying to change your life, you need a lot of support in your corner. I would tell you to ignore the person causing stress, but as you are married to him, that makes it rather difficult. Try to find a time when he seems to be in a decent mood, and you are able to remain calm, and talk to him. Not blame him, but start out with a postive statement such as, I appreciate so much when you.... Then, tell him, that you are trying to make an effort to get healthy, and really need his support to do this.

If this doesn't work, I would suggest some counseling for both of you, because there is more of a problem in your marriage. Maybe he feels that if you lose the weight, he might lose you. There may be some anxiety on his part.

Hang in there, and please listen to those who give you positive feedback, and don't give up. Continue to use the message boards here if you need to.

sassyjae21

I would navigate my foot up his *kitten*.

I love this.

Don't take any **** from him. I don't care how long you have been married or what you have been through. You both need to respect each other and if he doesn't know what that is then you need to teach him.

kfelton1226

I think some spouses(a lot of them men) get insecure when we lose weight, and they don't have the skills to properly express themselves. So they act like idiots. I bet if you confronted him, he'd back down.
My husband just doesn't say anything, which is also quite annoying.

Hornsby

don't feel bad... My husband says the same things to me.. but he also tells me that I can't wear shirts that I have cuz they din't fit when they really do but they rise up when I'm holding my kids or bent over to pick something up... don't stress over something he says.. I sure don't when my husband says something smart @$$y.. you have lost 46lbs be happy for your self... don't stop now keep your head up.. BTW congrats on the weight lose

If that is the answer, why even be married? I don't get how why one of you ladies would take that from the man that is supposed to love you more than anyone else...barring any kids.

I say DO WORRY about it by promptly kicking him straight in the nads.

dbanks80

Do you ever tell him that's an F'd up thing to say and that really hurts my feelings?

No like really do you tell him? I read so many posts of women complaining about their spouses and they don't confront the spouse like they are afraid to or something.

I would probably have cursed out my husband and then shoved my foot up his A. But i guess that is me!

bacitracin

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting

dsimmons107

Let it motivate you to push harder. At some point he will not be able to ignore your success. Just keep doing the right things. You may even motivate him to join you. Unless he is feeling a little insecure because others are noticing.

tonynguyen75

When you see someone every day it's harder to notice the change.

The friends I see all the time say that I've made "no gainz bra" or "no results lul", but the people that only see me once every 2-3 months are all like, "oh em gee, teach me how you get gainz and results bra!"

8)

ChaplainHeavin

I sense there may be more to this story, but at any rate, there are those people who like to keep others down because they don't think much about themselves. On the other hand, he could be incrediable insensitive and need a wake up call. You cannot get your self-esteem from others.

pawnstarNate

I can't get "crying my balls out" off my mind now. sounds painful for some reason......

On a positive note. Be yourself, Be happy, and most of all Be proud! There are always going to be negative people in our lives to try and push us down a little. It could be you are getting attention or whatever. Just try not to let it get to you.

rothlb

hi, first of all stop being depressed . next ask yourself why you are doing this for him or for you? when you hit your goal that's when he will become even more difficult. I went through the same thing with my ex-husband. he used to try to sabotage me. he would do everything from telling me i no longer had breasts and looked like a boy, to bringing home my favorite treats. this is not about you. the only way to get him to stop it is to give up on your goals. This is not realistic or healthy for you. tell him to get a grip or your taking him to counseling for his low self esteem and fear of losing you!

lizziebeth1028

I have been trying so hard to get healthier and look better . Everyone who sees me keeps giving me a pat on the back and saying how good I look, well everyone but the person that means most in my life . He comments things like `` I don`t know why everyone is saying you lost so much, I don`t see much of a difference`` WTF is wrong with my husband, is he trying to tell me something?\ He makes me feel like SH** and am crying my balls out. Then when he gets the silent treatment he asks `` Whats wrong with me?``Am I supposed to smile at all his remarks and pretend they are some sort of compliment or do I GO GET MY HEAD EXAMINED ? I just feel like crawling under a rock and die right now maybe then he can show me he cares.

COMMUNICATION. Tell him you've lost 46 pounds and when he doesn't acknowledge your accomplishment he's making you feel like ****. Just flat out tell him. Silent treatment??......Life is too short to play games! Say HEY I've lost weight, people tell me I look good..and then ask him why he has a problem with that.

JeniferEverx3

One thing to remember is that when you see someone on a constant basis it's not as noticeable when they change unless it is a drastic change in a very short period of time. He's your husband, so I'm guess he sees you every day, which means he probably can't tell the difference. Do you have any pictures of you or you and him together from when you were 46 lbs heavier? Show him a picture and ask him if you look any different from it. Maybe he will realize that he just couldn't tell. Also, your husband appears to have no problem blantantly saying what's on his mind to you, so why don't you give him a dose of his own medicine and tell him how it makes you feel?

mockchoc

Men can be weird. Just relax. I'm sure he can see you did well. Maybe he wishes he did the same or worried other guys are going to hit on you more. Just shhh... google some meditation stuff. Ask me if you need some. I'm sure it'll all be ok soon.

babycolindres

I am just an outsider looking in, but it looks to me like he may be jealous for a reason. Maybe he feels threatened because you look good and he is insecure. Whatever you do, remember it is not about you. Be proud of yourself! You are doing something right if you have lost over 40 lbs. How long did it take you? What are you doing? Diet and Exercise? I am trying to lose weight too. It is important that you feel good about yourself. If he doesn't make you feel good you need to tell him how he makes you feel. Communication is key. Good luck!

amgreenwell

Don't let his negativity bring you down. You've lost almost 50 lbs and he is saying he can't see that??? He is lying and probably a little jealous of all the compliments you are getting these days!
Keep it up. Don't let anyone make you feel undeserving or that you haven't work your tail off to get where you are.
Don't give him the silent treatment, let him know how negatively this affects you.
Keep on rockin!!!

DaveJ_43

I'm sorry - you certainly deserve a better response.

Talk to him.

You don't need to tolerate bad behavior.

I hope you work it out!

tfleischer

Sometimes men (and even women) will practice sabotage on a spouse who is losing weight, especially if that person has issues with weight as well. There may be insecurity that once you lose the weight, you will not love him and leave him for someone else.
He should be supportive of you. Find out why he isn't.

tfleischer

Oh... and by the way. 40+ lbs. is a LOT OF F'ING WEIGHT!
Way to go girl! You are doing great work!
Tim

BusyRaeNOTBusty

If he's otherwise a good idea tell him to never ever comment on your weight again, and never bring it up either.

bumblebreezy91

Men, especially the men we live with, may have a harder time recognizing weight loss. Anyone you see the most is going to notice changes later than people you haven't seen in awhile. That said, he should be understanding that it upsets you to get negative or zero feedback from him. My boyfriend is constantly telling me that he notices small differences as I lose more weight. Tell your husband you expect better support from him. If the roles were reversed, you'd be cheering him on. He needs to hear it. You should be hearing the best compliments and encouragement from him and not coworkers, acquaintances, and others.

bumblebreezy91

Sometimes men (and even women) will practice sabotage on a spouse who is losing weight, especially if that person has issues with weight as well. There may be insecurity that once you lose the weight, you will not love him and leave him for someone else.
He should be supportive of you. Find out why he isn't.

^this.

skinnydreams29

I'm sorry! But you know what, this journey let it be about you. Be selfish and enjoy your hard work and know that it was for you, your health and for him. I'm sure he does notice, he just doesn't want to toot your horn too much... sometimes spouses can get jealous or insecure when changes are made for the better. He will come around kudos to you

hikezilla

I would navigate my foot up his *kitten*.

Hells yeah! Follow it up with a solid nut punch.

I'm a guy, here's why he is being a jerk....he is JEALOUS of your success. You just keep doing what you're doing and put your betrothed on MUTE for awhile...he'll snap out of it eventually.

jeffd247

Have you told your husband that his comments hurt you? I mean he sees you every day so the change in his eyes is quite possibly less dramatic than others have pointed out to you.

Is he being supportive? No. But we are guys and we can be dumb@sses. What would happen if you told him how you were feeling?

Livin4me1969

I would navigate my foot up his *kitten*.

This :drinker:

LittleSister

I think some spouses(a lot of them men) get insecure when we lose weight, and they don't have the skills to properly express themselves. So they act like idiots. I bet if you confronted him, he'd back down.
My husband just doesn't say anything, which is also quite annoying.

I betcha this is the case. Men seem to be more insecure about these things, for some reason.

Also, when he upsets you, he's regaining a sense of control. Plus, he's keeping your ego contained. I'm not saying he's a jerk - I'm sure that in many respects he's a lovely man or you wouldn't have married him. I just know there are a lot of otherwise decent guys who have some primal thing going on where they don't want their wives being too full of themselves because they might somehow decide they don't need their husbands anymore. They're not even aware that they feel this way - if you confront them, they would deny it. (I actually learned this during marriage counseling - it's not atypical behaviour for a lot of men.)

You'll have to disassociate this somehow - you're going to have to not rely on him to make you feel good about yourself. It won't be easy, but you'll have to do it to protect yourself. And if the day comes that he decides to acknowlege that you're smokin' hot, you get to be the one to decide to accept his advances, or be all "Hey, a little too little and a little too late, pal."