What to do when the SO isn't as motivated?

lysser
lysser Posts: 15 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Not to blame the significant other, but what would you do to encourage and motivate your spouse to stick to a healthier lifestyle?

Replies

  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    Leave them to it, it's their life, their choice. Love them for who they are. When they see the changes in you it might motivate them to change themselves but you can't force people to be who you want them to be :flowerforyou:
  • jillianbeeee
    jillianbeeee Posts: 345 Member
    Its impossible for me. He doesn't live the same lifestyle as me. He is supportive though. He doesn't mind that we switched to skim milk or whole wheat bread and he buys me stuff like sugar free cookies and snacks he thinks I can eat. I am noticing his middle aged spread a little more and those love handles but I keep my mouth shut. He never said anything when I was large that was mean or cruel. So I owe it to him to be quiet and hope that soon he will see that his health is important.
  • Bnewman410
    Bnewman410 Posts: 44
    I'm pretty much the same as Jillian.... but in my case I do the shopping and the "Yummy Proccessed" stuff just isn't in th house anymore... but I keep the fridge stocked with fruits, veggies, and water lol
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    If your partner isn't as motivated then that's their choice, you love them not their training.

    BUT.............do NOT allow them to sabotage your progress. Been on the receiving end of that already. Safe to say, we're not together anymore.
  • MinimalistShoeAddict
    MinimalistShoeAddict Posts: 1,946 Member
    Not to blame the significant other, but what would you do to encourage and motivate your spouse to stick to a healthier lifestyle?

    You cant change someone who is not ready for change. All you can do is lead by example. Hopefully he will see how great you are doing and want to change his lifestyle in time as well.

    For those that are single I suggest prevention. There are so many active people to choose from I see no reason to date someone who is sedentary.
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    [/quote]

    For those that are single I suggest prevention. There are so many active people to choose from I see no reason to date someone who is sedentary.

    [/quote]

    Something that I've learned the hard way.......
  • beachlover317
    beachlover317 Posts: 2,848 Member
    You can lead a horse to water, blah, blah, blah.

    Essentially this is true. You can only change yourself in this world. Usually a partner that is getting healthy and tries to prod the other along with them, is unsuccessful. Until he is ready to change - it won't happen.
  • jimmmer
    jimmmer Posts: 3,515 Member
    Don't be a Pushy-mcPusherson.

    I'm an extremely active (as in training 2+ decades, week in, week out) person. My partner is not.

    I watch the amounts I'm eating, whether to gain weight or lose it. My partner does not.

    We've managed to stay together for 10 years by me not pushing my *kitten* down her throat.

    People definitely hate that, you'll find.
  • Phoenix_Warrior
    Phoenix_Warrior Posts: 1,633 Member
    I leave them alone. I chose them for who they are and I'll respect them for who they remain, even if I change. Like, I stopped drinking sodas, just on the premise that I'd rather spend my calories elsewhere but my husband still drinks them. So, I still buy them for him. He doesn't have to change a thing.
  • CyberEd312
    CyberEd312 Posts: 3,536 Member
    Lead by Example...........
  • tegalicious
    tegalicious Posts: 629
    Leave them to it, it's their life, their choice. Love them for who they are. When they see the changes in you it might motivate them to change themselves but you can't force people to be who you want them to be :flowerforyou:

    ^^this!!!

    You are only in control of yourself. Take good care of yourself and lead by example.
  • moya_rargh
    moya_rargh Posts: 1,473 Member
    Leave them to it, it's their life, their choice. Love them for who they are. When they see the changes in you it might motivate them to change themselves but you can't force people to be who you want them to be :flowerforyou:

    ^^this!!!

    You are only in control of yourself. Take good care of yourself and lead by example.

    It's when you start getting situations like the following that it becomes an issue:

    "You don't need the gym anymore, you've got me now!" - when you go to the gym like you did before you met, rather that skip a session for a rom-com and tub of ice cream.

    "What do you fancy for tea tonight?" - which invariably causes friction when your post-workout nutrients don't match the takeaway and bottle of wine that they had in mind, even if you suggest: "Why don't you have what you want and I'll have this."

    Ok - pretty extreme end of the scale, there - but you really do have to just live and let live and not try to 'balance the scales' by either of you attempting to subtract from each other's lifestyle, so to speak.
  • sunsetzen
    sunsetzen Posts: 268 Member
    Ask them how you can help and only do that. If they dont want to change, the only other thing you can do is set a good example and ask them if they want to work out with you when you go (and take no for an answer).
  • tegalicious
    tegalicious Posts: 629
    So we aren't talking about motivation, we are talking about support. And yeah it would be fabulous if everyone in this world supported each other fully but that isn't always the case. You will have to strong and politely decline any activity or meal that doesn't fit into your plan. Communicate what your plan is and what you can and can't participate in and stick to your plan regardless of hurt feelings. Empathize but don't give in just to make someone else happy.
  • piersonj
    piersonj Posts: 62 Member
    I second what everyone is saying. You can't "force" your SO to lose weight, but you can make it easier for them to make the healthy choices. I cook dinner for my husband and I so he eats the same meal I do, just bigger portions. I keep snacks around the house that I like, if he asks me to bring him a snack he gets the portion I would eat. If he wants more he has to get up and get it himself, and most of the time he won't.

    Also I think it is important not to "talk" your SO out of losing weight by accident. If all he hears is you commenting on how hungry you are, how you miss a favorite food because it is "bad" and you can't have it anymore and other "it is soooo hard to lose weight" comments then you SO will not be inspired to change his diet also. That is not to say you can never "complain" but make sure that you make good comments also. If you make it look easy or at least not a major hardship to change your diet, then your SO may start to follow on his own without you "forcing" him. For my husband, forcing never works because if I don't see it, it doesn't count! The one time he "went on a diet" because he thought that was what I wanted, he ended up gaining weight.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    How would you have reacted if your SO had pressured you to do it before you were ready? Think about it.
  • MelissaGraham7
    MelissaGraham7 Posts: 406 Member
    As above... you cannot push another. I have noted that in the 940+ days I've been in this process, my husband has gone from being somewhat actively against the whole process, at which point I continued to fix him separate meals so he did not need to feel he was being "punished" or forced into things, to now he just automatically eats what I eat and helps me find healthy things. He is not overly active yet but he has been known to offer to walk with me so we are making slow progress and remain healthily and madly crazy about each other. :heart:

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