Today I Saw My Body for the First Time

droppinlbslikeangels
droppinlbslikeangels Posts: 86
in Motivation and Support
...and I kind of want to die. Not literally die but maybe start over? I know I'm obese, but, I took a video of myself today walking around and doing things in the kitchen out of curiosity and I had NO idea I am as big as I am. I'm on verge of cutting out food altogether, dropping my calorie goal to 800, and ordering another bottle of Hydroxycut. I just want to drop forty lbs so I can look at myself and then start trying to be healthy. I'm so embarrassed. I've /flirted/ with guys while looking like this. I'm just... this is something I could have gone a long time without noticing.

This isn't even a question I guess this is just the most anonymous place I can vent.

Replies

  • dswolverine
    dswolverine Posts: 246 Member
    That's certainly a lousy feeling- one I know all too well. I have a photo of myself from a family friend's wedding that I keep in my desk drawer as "motivation". I look SOOOOOOO fat in the picture and I look at it once or twice a day as a reminder of why I'm here and trying to lose weight. Don't worry- you're certainly not alone in this experience. Just use it as a tool rather than as a reason to get down on yourself
  • gurse
    gurse Posts: 9
    slow and steady wins the race, don't try to speed up your weight loss to the point were you starve your body. 800 calories is not enough. to keep your body running. Just keep short term goals and take on them one at a time. you WILL see results
  • BritneyGross
    BritneyGross Posts: 7
    Don't drop your calories that low! I promise you can lose weight while staying above 1600 a day, eating healthy meals and exercising regularly. It just takes time!! Also I love your Supernatural weight tracker thingy! :D
  • sarahrbraun
    sarahrbraun Posts: 2,261 Member
    ...and I kind of want to die. Not literally die but maybe start over? I know I'm obese, but, I took a video of myself today walking around and doing things in the kitchen out of curiosity and I had NO idea I am as big as I am. I'm on verge of cutting out food altogether, dropping my calorie goal to 800, and ordering another bottle of Hydroxycut. I just want to drop forty lbs so I can look at myself and then start trying to be healthy. I'm so embarrassed. I've /flirted/ with guys while looking like this. I'm just... this is something I could have gone a long time without noticing.

    This isn't even a question I guess this is just the most anonymous place I can vent.

    don't go to the extremes. It sounds like you are having the kind of moment that I had at the beginning of my journey. Mine was a friend posting a pic from her daughter's birthday party, and I was in the background looking like jabba the hut. I kept the shirt I was wearing in that pic, and I put it on monthly and take a picture.

    the picure on the left was my life changing moment, and the picture on the right is just a few months ago
    10067067346_a131833b47.jpg
    Untitled by crochetmom2010, on Flickr

    as for guys, the right one won't *see* your physique, he'll just see what is inside. When I first started at the gym, 85+lbs overweight, the super hot trainer took notice of me. I still don't understand what Justin saw in me, but over about 18 months we became SUPER tight. He has been my biggest cheerleader, even bigger than my husband!
  • droppinlbslikeangels
    droppinlbslikeangels Posts: 86
    Also I love your Supernatural weight tracker thingy! :D

    :)
  • bestin14
    bestin14 Posts: 2 Member
    I agree with some of the other posts. Don't lower your calories so low. You are a beautiful girl and you have already been successful with your 10 lb. loss. Keep up the good work. I'm a grandmother and I have been losing with MFP so if I can do it I know you will continue to do well.
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
    Diet pills and starvation diets will not help you. Eating a good and logical amount of calories, eating in a deficit and moving more will.
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,629 Member
    hahahahano_zpsd459f773.gif

    No, No, No ....... do not starve yourself or eat the Hydroxicut :laugh:

    You're a beautiful girl and I'll bet plenty smart, too ...... make healthy choices at each meal & move more each day ......

    Congrats on your weight loss ........ keep on truckin' !
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    I had this moment too, OP. between that moment and now is 75 lbs gone. good luck, and please don't set yourself up to fail.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
  • AmandaJCole13
    AmandaJCole13 Posts: 60
    I feel for you.

    I remember a couple years back thinking I looked fine...until I saw some impromptu pictures at a family get-together. I guess all you can do is accept it, and don't be extreme or self-destructive. Its an awesome motivator...I lost 50 pounds after my wake up call. Don't forget, you will also perceive yourself much differently than others will...I guess if you saw yourself face-to-face as another person, you wouldn't recognize yourself...least that's what they say. :)

    Basically, keep your chin up. You're worth so much more than dropping your intake to extremes. All great things take time. Good luck to you.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Love your ticker!

    But you can easily lose with 1600 calories or more. You don't have to starve yourself to lose weight... Keep that in mind. It will be even worse if you destroy your metabolism and can't eat anything without gaining weight in one year, or if you starve all the time and give up.
  • AmandaJCole13
    AmandaJCole13 Posts: 60
    Oh, and to add to what I said before, you are SUPER pretty!
  • bajoyba
    bajoyba Posts: 1,153 Member
    I know that feeling as well. Almost a year ago, I saw the worst picture of me to ever exist, and that was my starting point.

    But the best advice I can give you is to do your best to love yourself. Don't wait until you reach your goals to treat yourself with kindness - you are beautiful now, and you will be beautiful when you reach your goals, whatever they may be. Having a good relationship with yourself is an important part of being healthy, and if you love yourself, everything is that much easier.

    Consider setting strength/fitness goals for yourself along with weight goals so that you focus on fueling and building a more capable body. And as others have said, don't rush it. It's hard to be patient, but slow and steady is the way to go. You don't have to do anything drastic. Give your body the fuel and nutrition it needs, work on becoming more active, and eat in a way that you enjoy and can sustain long term. You will be successful. :smile:

    Feel free to add me if you like.
  • acm130
    acm130 Posts: 100 Member
    We have all had that moment and it is discouraging and I can definitely understand the urge you described. When I joined a couple years ago all I wanted to focus on was "how fast can I lose weight to get to #x." I didn't have success until I started focusing on fitness goals and a moderate calorie deficit (instead of a severe deficit). My mantra was "the only way you fail is if you give up." Picture yourself 6 mos to a year from now, you'll get there. Your lifestyle, your habits changed slowly to get to where you are now and you have to do the same thing to reverse it. I didn't gain 30 lbs in 3 mos and it wasn't realistic or sustainable to try and lose it in that time. Be accountable, be consistent, be kind to yourself and committed to learning and challenging yourself there is no way you won't be successful. Good luck!:smile:
  • bajoyba
    bajoyba Posts: 1,153 Member
    I didn't have success until I started focusing on fitness goals and a moderate calorie deficit (instead of a severe deficit). My mantra was "the only way you fail is if you give up." Picture yourself 6 mos to a year from now, you'll get there. Your lifestyle, your habits changed slowly to get to where you are now and you have to do the same thing to reverse it. I didn't gain 30 lbs in 3 mos and it wasn't realistic or sustainable to try and lose it in that time.

    Also really good advice!
    A lot of people like to say they "fell off the wagon", but I tell myself: "There is no wagon!" Some days are good, some days are bad. There is no failure unless you make the choice to give up on yourself. You just have to keep going, and a year from now, you'll be glad that you did.
  • Julene64
    Julene64 Posts: 63 Member
    I've done the 800-calorie-a-day diets and lost 40-50 lbs in 3-4 months... then gained it all right back and then some. You don't need another diet. You need a new way of life. Diets are temporary and when they are over so are the benefits. Unless you are willing to change your life and not just your weight, especially using a crash diet, the weight will come back on. Guaranteed. I've done this enough times to know. This is the last time for me because I've finally changed how I want to live, not just how I want to look. Good luck!! I know you can do it and you are worth the time it will take to get you to your goal. Just be willing to take your time and to do this for reasons that will create permanent change, not a quick fix. You won't regret it. :smile:

    6446523.png
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    I took a picture of myself when I first started losing weight/eating healthier. I cried. I was mortified, shocked and disgusted.

    This is good motivation. Now, save that video and look at it as a "before" video. :D I used to hate being caught in pictures, but now whenever someone pulls out a camera - I think to myself "I want a copy of that picture for my "before" pics".
  • Ltlmis
    Ltlmis Posts: 9 Member
    Please consider losing your weight as gently as possible. This is something my therapist and I have been discussing recently -- well, that and the notion of getting excited to treat my body well and meet my weight loss goals. I get your temptation to slash kcals and turn to supplements to get it over with as fast as possible, but like others and myself on here, you may find yourself in an even worse situation six months or a year from now. I have been mean enough to my body, and I'm just now trying to treat it like the reliable friend it is, instead of a thing to turn away in disgust from.
    Also, have you considered you probably have a nice face and a great personality if guys were flirting back with you? ;)
  • xoeva
    xoeva Posts: 209 Member
    Vent all you want...this is what this is for. And now that you've seen yourself you can start losing weight in a healthy way. 880 will not work. Figure out what you need and slow and steady wins the race. It probably didn't take you 1 week to gain the unwanted wait, so it isn't going to take you 1 week to lose it. Slooooowly. then it will stay off! We all have our own personal 'rock bottoms' and this one is yours...so now look up and make healthy choices. Sorry, I don't mean to be so preachy, but this is probably something I'm telling myself or would have liked someone to tell me on my 'rock bottom' day 3 months ago.

    :smile:
  • Slrajr
    Slrajr Posts: 438 Member
    I like the responses here. I just wanted to say good for you for flirting,and I bet you made their day when you did. Everyone likes to feel appreciated and liked. Plus there are thousands of men and women out out there who are attracted to you right now just the way you are:)
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    It's good motivation to kick-start a plan, I think :) Other than that, I don't like focusing on that part at all, myself. I like focusing on what I will look like! That's my motivation, and getting closer is actually fun. If I feel like I'm too fat right now in a big way, I get impatient and start thinking of crazy stuff like you are thinking ;)
  • mamma_nee
    mamma_nee Posts: 809 Member
    Don`t feel so bad, Just start slow - Make good food choices and throw in regular exercise and the weight will come off while eating well and feeling good.
  • iNkedFiTmama
    iNkedFiTmama Posts: 277 Member
    Not a good idea..just eat better consistently at a healthy range and the weight will take care of itself.. Dont restrict so low and take diet pills. That is not the way to do it.. That wont last long term either. Id stick to the 1500range .. Not even 1200 and absolutely no on the 800.
  • Fit4Yah
    Fit4Yah Posts: 39 Member
    We're about at the same weight. Trust me, you don't want to starve yourself. That' won't work even to lose 40 lbs, you'll have to eat more than that, plus if you want to strive to look good and healthy you need to eat healthy, Losing 40 lbs by starvation wouldn't make you look any better or healthier. One thing that has helped me gain a little confidence is lifting weights. It makes me feel strong and it makes my body firmer and trust me I need a firmer body LOL I've had 5 children, my youngest is 3.5 months old. I was 260 lbs the day before giving birth and I am now at 221 lbs. My ticker shows my pre pregnancy weight which was right around 237 lbs. Once you start eating healthy and exercise you will feel better physically and emotionally. Right now honestly I try to avoid the mirror just because I know I'm working hard and it will take time to see a difference. I am taking progress pictures every 6 weeks and that is definitely encouraging because you really can see a difference that way. Don't give up!
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    Please don't eat 800 calories. (And I wouldn't waste money on hydroxycut).

    Figure out what your TDEE and BMR are, set MFP to a 15% deficit. Move more. And eat foods that will fuel your workouts. You didn't get to this weight fast, and you can't lose it fast.

    Follow this advice:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants

    Good luck!
  • daphnec1994
    daphnec1994 Posts: 71 Member
    trust me starving your self wont help, did that and gained back everything and then some, and i ate more then 800 i ate more around 1200, never doing that again. Im now at the weight i was at the beginning of my journey and i feel 100 times worse about myself then i did before at the same weight
  • Chordata25
    Chordata25 Posts: 19 Member
    We've all had that moment when we see an unflattering picture (and in your case, video) of ourselves and feel like all the work we have done so far is not good enough. But you have come a long way from where you started! You lost 10lbs! You started this commitment to live healthier and be the most awesome-you that you can! Cutting calories drastically and eating hydroxycut like candy isn't gonna help you lose and will make you feel like crap. And how you can't believe you flirted with guys bc you think you're too fat for that? You showed that you are amazingly confident! Try to pick up some of that confidence and have it pull you through this tough time. You are amazing! Ya just gotta believe it!

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