Failed terribly again, need some good stories here

RotterdamNL

ugh where to start, past couple years have been a major struggle, i am 171cm (5ft7) when i came to this site i weigh 100kg(220lbs) for a while i was active and dropped it to 94kg (207lbs) but had a very bad year again, people that were close passed away suddenly other stuff in my life lead to depression and depression lead to alcohol,smoking and bad food.

Now i am at my heaviest 109kg (240lbs) i need to at least lose 30kg(66lbs) for my frame , even thinking how long that will take is not making me very happy but even worse i am in such ****ty shape, my stamina is less than a 90yo due to all the smoking and drinking, parts of the body are in the way now with exercise.

Pretty depressing, any people that went to similair phases and came out a champ, pls let me hear from you/

Poofy_Goodness

Each second you spend sitting there feeling sorry for yourself is a second you are robbing from yourself.

I understand depression. It lies to you. Physical exertion is a great way to combat it.

Stop focusing on the past and how you've messed up or failed. Change whatever you can change RIGHT NOW. Focus on this moment and the moments ahead of you. The past is over and deserves no more of your energy.

MyOwnSunshine

If you pick up where you left off, you can't say you've failed yet. You just hit a bump in the road. We're all imperfect, we all struggle and face difficulties. The difference that I see between those who succeed and those who fail is that the successful people keep trying and the failures give up and quit.

Get back to it, just like you've done before.

sarahrbraun

ugh where to start, past couple years have been a major struggle, i am 171cm (5ft7) when i came to this site i weigh 100kg(220lbs) for a while i was active and dropped it to 94kg (207lbs) but had a very bad year again, people that were close passed away suddenly other stuff in my life lead to depression and depression lead to alcohol,smoking and bad food.

Now i am at my heaviest 109kg (240lbs) i need to at least lose 30kg(66lbs) for my frame , even thinking how long that will take is not making me very happy but even worse i am in such ****ty shape, my stamina is less than a 90yo due to all the smoking and drinking, parts of the body are in the way now with exercise.

Pretty depressing, any people that went to similair phases and came out a champ, pls let me hear from you/

sounds like you were self medicating your depression ( with alcohol and bad food), and it now shows. I did that myself--to the tune of about 60lbs!

I'm 5'2" tall, and in the picture on the left, I weighed between 188lbs and 199lbs. I went on to gain at least 30lbs more before I got my act in gear. The picture on the right is a year ago, 196lbs ( exact same shirt).


gray top pics by crochetmom2010, on Flickr

when I first started at the gym almost 2 years ago, I was just coming off a BAD 4 months of illness. I had had bronchitis and asthma flares for 4 months straight! Walking on the treadmill at 2mph for 30 minutes had me dripping in sweat and my legs shaking. I can now walk on the treadmill at 3.5 mph for close to an hour, and I can *jog* at 4mph for at least 10 minutes. I lift weights 4-5x a week ( ex. I back squat 140lbs, front squat 100lbs, and today I did side bends with 30lbs, I leg press over 300lbs)

take your depression and sucky feelings to the gym instead of the kitchen. When my life goes to hell, I go run it off on the treadmill, or borrow gloves and beat the snot out of the heavy bag. Take monthly pictures in the same outfit. This was me about 10 days ago. there is only about a 5lb difference between it and the above right picture! Although I would LIKE to lose another 45-55lbs, the number on the scale is NOT what defines me anymore.

#fitspo #hardworkwins #nevergiveup #notacardiobunny by crochetmom2010, on Flickr

Lizzy622

Stop focusing on what you can't do and focus on what you can do and then push it to do a little more each time. Before you know it, you will be doing those "can't" things. Focus on the positive and you will see that you can do it.

seltzermint555

My best advice to you is to think small. That sounds weird, maybe. But think, if you're 240 lb now and next year you're 220 and the year after you're 190 and so on...you will be healthier, happier, and better off. Don't think "oh crap I want to lose 66 lb and must do it in the next few months or FAIL"

Set yourself up to succeed. Set goals you can meet and even break, rather than getting bogged down by a number that seems overwhelming :-)

RotterdamNL

Thanks for the replies, usefull to me however so people always say, stop feeling sorry for yourself, dont think about the past etc etc thats all nice but if it was that easy i would have done it already, i have had a very complicated past and the present is also very hard and complicated atm.

Ofc i want to change it and stop feeling sorry for myself but its not like i can flip a switch and poof, it changed. Easier said than done.

akbasak26

My best advice to you is to think small. That sounds weird, maybe. But think, if you're 240 lb now and next year you're 220 and the year after you're 190 and so on...you will be healthier, happier, and better off. Don't think "oh crap I want to lose 66 lb and must do it in the next few months or FAIL"

Set yourself up to succeed. Set goals you can meet and even break, rather than getting bogged down by a number that seems overwhelming :-)

I like this, it is a helpful perspective to me as well.

brandiuntz

I am 5'8" and weighed 220lb in 2009, when I decided to change my lifestyle to avoid health problems. I used to suffer from depression and PTSD. I spent a lot of time in therapy to address the traumas that led to those illnesses. The mindset changes in therapy gave me the mental tools to make my weight loss successful.

You can do it if I can do it. Believe in yourself. Work on the depression and find healthy ways to cope with life's stresses. Exercise is one of the best ways to do that. Work on things that will assist your self-esteem. Decide that this is a permanent positive change you want to do for yourself.

Besides changing your diet and exercise routine into a healthier one that works for you, addressing your emotional needs will go a long way towards your success.

Can't say enough...If I could do it, so can you.:flowerforyou:

_EndGame_

Hey man, I feel your pain. It took me until I got to 400lbs before it hit home with me, 7 months later, I'm down to around 290.

Try look at it this way, even at your weight now, you're in better shape than me, and I feel in better shape than I have done for the last 5 years. I go swimming 5 times a week, lift weights, go walking and eat nutritious food. If I can do it, anybody can!

richardbwalker

Do you have a family you want to live a long life for? I try to focus on my wife and our marriage. 32 years this week! I want to live the best I can for her sake. I have lost 20 lbs in the last two months. I have 55 more to go. It is not always about you but about others who care about you.

I recommend a book a friend of mine wrote. It is called Don't Cut Your Throat by Junior Hill. He has struggled with obesity his whole life. It could change your life. I am re-reading it again this week.

akbasak26

Thanks for the replies, usefull to me however so people always say, stop feeling sorry for yourself, dont think about the past etc etc thats all nice but if it was that easy i would have done it already, i have had a very complicated past and the present is also very hard and complicated atm.

Ofc i want to change it and stop feeling sorry for myself but its not like i can flip a switch and poof, it changed. Easier said than done.

Not precisely the same but, after being on the right track and being so close to my goal I had several setbacks, medical misdiagnosis, deaths in the family etc, all at the same time. While I haven't lost the weight I gained yet I DID quit smoking! I used nicotine tabs (they go undetr the tongue or cheek, they have nicoderm or walmart brand), sometimes the patch, and took walks with music to distract me. I love the advice to think small! For me it would be walk after dinner, or eat normal except one healthy meal a day.

I wish you all the best. If you need more motivation try googling success stories, maybe seeing other people who have been in the similar situations will help you take those first steps.

thesupremeforce

The first step isn't to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Start by not letting any of the negative crap that's going on turn into excuses that prevent you from moving forward with whatever it is you've decided that you're going to do.

At this point last year, I'd basically given up. I'd badly broken my ankle in January, and eleven months later, I could still barely walk on it. The damned thing hurt ALL THE TIME. I was miserable, and it's not like I could do anything about it. After all, the damned thing hurt all the time. Had I mentioned that?

I had two choices. Keep doing nothing, or do something (anything) to improve my lot. If I can do it, you can do it. It's a question of choice. You can choose to be miserable, or you can choose to act.

RotterdamNL

Thank you again all for taking the time to reply

Do you have a family you want to live a long life for? I try to focus on my wife and our marriage. 32 years this week! I want to live the best I can for her sake. I have lost 20 lbs in the last two months. I have 55 more to go. It is not always about you but about others who care about you.

I recommend a book a friend of mine wrote. It is called Don't Cut Your Throat by Junior Hill. He has struggled with obesity his whole life. It could change your life. I am re-reading it again this week.

The only family i have is my grandfather and grandmother but they are both very old so i dont bother them too much with my troubles.
But i dont have any1 basicly where i want to live long for, have been homeless on and off for 10 years so that really changed my perspective on life and people.

I was/am indeed selfmedicating because feeling drunk for a little while is so much easier to change that will give physical pain in the beginning but i am trying.

sarahrbraun

I was/am indeed selfmedicating because feeling drunk for a little while is so much easier to change that will give physical pain in the beginning but i am trying.

Like I said, I totally get the *need* to self medicate. I basically did it without even realizing I was doing it!

A little background on me. I got my clinical depression diagnosis in 1992, after spending 3-4 years trying to explain my crushing fatigue, etc. Looking back, I probably was showing symptoms as early as age 12/13 ( so like '85 or so?). I was on meds off and on for years, and haven't been on them in at least 10 now. My weight has been up and down my entire adult life ( generally my "low" is about 150lbs or so). My oldest son has always been a challenge, but things came to a head about 9 years ago, and he finally got an autism diagnosis (mild). We were still getting used to that when my youngest (19 months, and non verbal) landed wrong while jumping on the trampoline and sustained a spiral fracture of his thigh--5 weeks in a body cast. I had been going to the gym 3-4x a week and doing well, then couldn't go for 6 weeks. within a few months, the weight started creeping on...

the last 6-9 months haven't been fantastic for me either, but with the help of my friends, I'm dealing with things. In February I started working with a trainer at the gym...and in April he went on vaca and didn't come back! He did suggest a good replacement. In March my oldest almost got expelled from school. At the end of May, my father went in the hospital for something minor and has been in medical facilities ever since. About a week ago my mom put him in hospice care. I think it was when all the crap started in March that I realized that exercise is a powerful "drug". I went into the gym one day literally with a pressure in the base of my skull, and I ran like my life depended on it until the pressure eased up. There must have still been a crazy look in my eye, because my Justin ( my trainer) took one look at me and asked me if I had ever done battle ropes. It felt SOO good to beat the snot out of the floor with those ropes. I could only do a ffew minutes, but it felt great.

I know you think you looked horrible at your highest weight, but let me point out...you are 5'7" and 240lbs. At MY heaviest, I was 5'2" and 229lbs! It has taken me almost 2 years to lose 37 lbs...

karlospiklington

I know what it's like to have an overwhelming amount of weight to lose; I needed to lose 65lbs to be at a healthy BMI when I started 3 months ago. My fitness level was also bad due to sitting all day at work and not exercising much. Rather than think about the daunting 65lb number, I broke it down into goals of losing at least 1lb a week and getting at least 3 hours exercise each week. Starting out just walking regularly made a big difference to my fitness within a month and the weightloss slowly came with it. Plus those sneaky endorphins are released when you exercise, so a better mood and a feeling of accomplishment come with it.

Hopefully you can take small steps towards your goal and feel better in the process.

RotterdamNL

Thanks all.

I will try to think in smaller goals

sugaspice999

If you pick up where you left off, you can't say you've failed yet. You just hit a bump in the road. We're all imperfect, we all struggle and face difficulties. The difference that I see between those who succeed and those who fail is that the successful people keep trying and the failures give up and quit.

Get back to it, just like you've done before.

^ Love this I can't tell you how many times I've failed (for weeks and weeks in a row) and thought it was over. I just had to force myself to do it. You have to just think for the moment and think of the consequences. Every time I skipped going to the gym and binged, I told myself that what I was doing wasn't even helping me sort out my problems, just making them worse.

I KNOW you can do it, and I guarantee you, it will be the awesomest feeling of accomplishment once you realize you have the power to do it. I still mess up, but the only difference is my good days > bad days.

I know for a fact that I was able to lose the weight I did (though this is much more about journey to being fit/taking care of myself) because after the bad days, I got back up and went to the gym. I have so many workout buddies and friends that started with me and kind of gave up, or are "taking it easy". You really just have to tell yourself you CAN do it, and ask yourself HOW much you really want this?

RosaliaBee

No, you're right it's not 'easy' to change any habits, including harmful mental habits. You can't flip a switch and effortlessly cease negative thought processes overnight. It definitely takes effort, determination and time to change unhealthy mental habits. Just the same as with physical habits.

Self pity, feeling pathetic, feeling like a loser, feeling like a failure, all these unhealthy mental attitudes take time and practice to create, they take time and practice to root out too. You need to work at it, like with anything. Accepting that it is 'hard' and takes effort, is a part of the process of committing to any real change.

Thanks for the replies, usefull to me however so people always say, stop feeling sorry for yourself, dont think about the past etc etc thats all nice but if it was that easy i would have done it already, i have had a very complicated past and the present is also very hard and complicated atm.

Ofc i want to change it and stop feeling sorry for myself but its not like i can flip a switch and poof, it changed. Easier said than done.

crispsandwich

Hi,

I find it easier to set daily goals, if I think long term it just overwhelms me - so each day I think I will get through that day eating healthy and making wise choices. If I don't succeed, I start again the next day,but don't beat myself up over it.

is there any local groups you could join to give yourself a network of friends - not necessarily diet/exercise focused, but something you are interested in to give yourself a new outlook.

good luck and remember making the first step is the hardest and you have done that by admitting you need to change!

Dauntlessness

ugh where to start, past couple years have been a major struggle, i am 171cm (5ft7) when i came to this site i weigh 100kg(220lbs) for a while i was active and dropped it to 94kg (207lbs) but had a very bad year again, people that were close passed away suddenly other stuff in my life lead to depression and depression lead to alcohol,smoking and bad food.

Now i am at my heaviest 109kg (240lbs) i need to at least lose 30kg(66lbs) for my frame , even thinking how long that will take is not making me very happy but even worse i am in such ****ty shape, my stamina is less than a 90yo due to all the smoking and drinking, parts of the body are in the way now with exercise.

Pretty depressing, any people that went to similair phases and came out a champ, pls let me hear from you/

I have been bipolar all my life and I used to smoke cigarettes for about 15 years, 2 packs of menthol a day... Believe it or not, smoking made my depression issues much much worse. The nicotine withdrawal would actually trick my body into having more mood swings. I know you said your depressed which is not the same but it can affect your body very similarly.

You need to stop. It sounds simple but we both know its not. I have been smoke free for almost 5 years now and it was literally the hardest thing I have ever done. I used the patch and the nic gum for the first week. I then used the 3 step patch system for the next 3 months. Every time I went down on the mg I had 1-2 days of suicidal thoughts. It will pass! Its worth it. I also chewed a pack of regular gun a day for months...it helped so much! Its all about willpower. Its the very first step for you to take to a healthy life. I am not an overly religious person but I do believe that your lucky to have this life and you damaging your body is disrespectful to our maker.

The reality is your not going to get your body to perform the way you want it to unless you give up these toxins. One of the biggest hurtles you need to accomplish is breath control. If you cant control your breathing when you exercise your not going to be able to push yourself. Its going to take time. If you smoke, thats just not going to happen

You CAN and WILL do this.