can you ever intervene

sunman00

twice recently I have thought about 'intervening' on people;

situation 1 - I was staying in a golf resort hotel, as I left the breakfast restaurant en route to my round of golf I passed by a woman going into breakfast who was very obese, and she needed 2 walking sticks to get along, and she was puffing and panting, and she'd only just got out of the elevator. she was on her way to a room full with eggs, sausages, bacon hash browns, piles of bread etc., you get the picture; and I very nearly reached out to stop her going in. This poor woman is killing herself.

situation 2 - I took my wife & 2 sons to watch the new Hunger Games movie, we'd booked seats. As we walked up the stairs to our row I saw a whole obese family, the kids were no more than 14, and each one of them had a family bucket of popcorn on their lap, and a bottle of soda in their drinks holder.'Dad' stared at me as we climbed the stairs & the look on the poor man's face gave away the sense of shame he felt. I very nearly held my hand out and said, 'give me those buckets, you don't need them'.

can we ever intervene?

walleyclan1

Unless you have a personal relationship and lots of tact, probably won't be accepted

FatHuMan1

MYOB

ldrosophila

gosh im not a very nice person much like a car wreck id stare but wouldnt feel like intervening...youre a good person OP

ElliottTN

Nope. All you can do us sit back and watch heart disease thin out the herd.

chelstakencharge

No you can't...people have to save themselves!

Sabine_Stroehm

Regarding #1: don't you think she KNOWS she's killing herself? What would your "intervention" accomplish?

Regarding #2: are you a mind reader? How do you know what the dad was thinking?

monjacq1964

chances are they know they're obese.

It's so difficult. I had weight loss surgery, 2.5 years ago, lost 130lbs. Prior to my surgery, i thought i'd be obese for my entire life. Now, i want to approach every severely obese person and tell them that they have options. but i dont know if i can. It kills me to see people that are the way i used to be...

OllyReeves

MYOB

Absolutely this. It is absolutely none of your business.

Iron_Lotus

None of your business

sabified

Even if you have a personal relationship with them- no, you can't. Especially by trying to stop people from doing the things they're doing - I know you would probably never actually act on stopping someone from entering a buffet or taking popcorn from people but most would definitely be offended at you trying to "restrict their personal freedom".

If you do know someone very well and you're worried about their health, then yes, you can go to them and TELL them what you think- though I would try to find a very diplomatic way to do that.

Otherwise, it isn't your business, and while some people may feel shame over it, they most likely will not appreciate you telling them.

(As a note... if the dad saw you staring hard enough to feel shame over it, that's a sign that you need to stop gawking at people too).

MysteriousMerlin

MYOB

Absolutely this. It is absolutely none of your business.

double quote for truths.

neandermagnon

unless you're their doctor, no, not really

also, you don't know the whole situation. Maybe those people are on healthy eating plans, and you saw them on their day off. Yes most of the time that won't be the case, but sometimes it is. See the threads on here by people who have been on the receiving end of stuff like this, when it happens on the first day they have a planned break from their eating plan.... it doesn't go down well. Unless you know the individuals and families and their situations, you really don't know what's going on and you're not in a position to intervene.

Additionally, the response will never be "OMG I had no idea all this junk food is making us fat! Thank you kind saviour for informing us we'll go get healthy, balanced meals instead!"..... people who are on the receiving end of unsolicited advice on this kind of thing usually feel utterly humiliated, judged and shamed. That generally pushes people further into self-destructive behaviour, e.g. eating to hide the pain of being humiliated by a stranger in public. They generally do know that their diet is making them ill or putting their health at risk, but have various emotive reasons why they stay with their unhealthy lifestyle, which a complete stranger has no chance at all of addressing in a short conversation.

Also, ultimately, with adults of sound mind, it is their responsibility to intervene in their own lives. The information and tools for change is out there.

sabified

gosh im not a very nice person much like a car wreck id stare but wouldnt feel like intervening...youre a good person OP

Not trying to start an argument, cuz I know how these things roll on MFP, but I don't think judging people, even with empathy, makes someone a good person... (Not saying your a bad person either, OP, just that this isn't something that would lead me to believe you're "good")

tattygun

Nope, nowt you can do.

hstoblish

No, you can't.

But if you want to help, maybe there is a way you can help mentor people who are already on the path to making a change for themselves? Maybe there is even someone on here who you can mentor?

ThePlight

MYOB

Absolutely this. It is absolutely none of your business.

double quote for truths.

....and one more from me.


@OP: There's no way I could phrase it politely enough to not hurt their feelings, so I wouldn't...
This is the kind of thing that people need to hear from their doctors. Doctors don't care if your feelings get hurt, as long as they snap you back into reality enough to do something about it.
Even spouses dread telling their significant others for fear of hurting their feelings and/or starting an argument that they'll never hear the end of..

sunman00

at my age you start a lot of sentences with 'many years ago'

many years ago I got off a train on my way home & went to an ATM to get some cash to buy a chinese take-out, I can't remember if my intention was to eat it there & then or to take it home, whatever way it was a not unusual impulse driven decision to buy it.

I put my card into the machine, it said 'you have insufficient funds in your account', - I was in the not so desirable area of Lewisham High Street in SE London, it was dark, I can still remember thinking, 'this will never happen to me again' - this scenario. and it never did.
I took the ATM's sentence as an intervention, and I was grateful to it for it.

sunman00

(As a note... if the dad saw you staring hard enough to feel shame over it, that's a sign that you need to stop gawking at people too).

I think I phrased the scenario badly.
we climbed the stairs, the house lights were still up bright, I was looking for our row & seat numbers; this family were actually in our row & next to where we were going to sit as it turned out; as I looked up from the aisle row letters I saw both the wife & husband staring at me (us); the poor folks looked 'caught red handed', the glare of the lights on them;
so I felt bad that we'd inadvertedly exposed them, I've been there myself and thus felt pity, I wasn't gawking.

AlongCame_Molly

Lead by example, not by flapping a loud mouth and shaming others. This goes for all life situations.

eric_sg61

Try to say something..........then report the results back here for the lolz