New here

fatveghead

I told myself that after Thanksgiving break, that it would be nearly a whole month until Christmas, and that rather than telling myself in years past "well Christmas is soon, it would be pointless to start now", then putting losing weight off to New Years, which new years diets are destined to fail, in my opinion.

So, hello, I do online private school, but am starting public school next year, and I don't want to go into it being "that new fat girl".

So about my history with weight issues:

I've been fat, in various degrees, for all of my life basically. You really start seeing it in pictures of me when I got to Kindergarten, and from then upwards. I remember all of us getting weighed in a co-op health class (was homeschooled) in the 2nd grade, and I weighed 112 pounds. A weight that is on the lighter side of ideal for my height and age.

Last January, I was down to 176, because I skipped lunches at school and rarely ate breakfast. I fluctuated up and down for the remainder of the year, and around the last day of school I was probably about 195. Summer came, and since then, particularly in the time frame of mid-August to mid-October, I've put on a lot of weight, because I was living with my grandmother, didn't have much else to do there besides eat, and they always had junk food around.

So now, I'm 218.5 as of this morning. I don't want to get any bigger. Many of my shirts are too tight now, my bras don't fit well anymore, and my jeans get snugger and snugger. I don't have money to buy a new wardrobe, nor do I want to have to start being able to only shop at Torrid. I want to be able to see my cheekbones like I was beginning to 50 pounds ago. And then I want to go lower than that. And I want to be able to do a pushup. Then maybe two or three. Then 20. I try doing one, and I collapse. And I want my jawline to actually be defined and not be hiding behind all of this mush.

So here I am.