Women weighing more than men?

98777

Hello,

I'm 5 ft 4 and I have a large frame size. I am overweight right now, but when I reach 140 lb, the BMI charts and height-weight charts say it is healthy to be anywhere from 140, 130, 120. Because of my large frame, I put myself at the higher end by my estimates.

And yet, there are lots of men who weigh less than that naturally? Why is that? That makes me feel like even when I get there, I will be undesirable and bad-looking and people will consider me "fat." I don't want that. I don't want there to ever be any debate over whether that word describes me or not. I always thought that by the natural way of things, men would always weigh more. And yet, that's not true.

I know it shouldn't matter, but I can't help but to feel kind of ashamed about this. It makes me feel fat and overweight and unhealthy. Why do these men weigh so little? Even at 130 lbs, many are below me......I'm guessing they are just naturally that skinny ...it's that easy for them. And even at 120 lb, which I feel like would be the very lowest I could ever go, I would only be like 8 pounds below some of these really thin men.

I also have a problem with the fact that people will see me with a skinny guy and think, "ha, look at that cow with him." They look so funny together. Maybe this is just some low self-esteem problem in me. Does this bother anyone else? How do I look past it? Thanks for any advice.

harmonyhoran

I don't think it really matters, the comparison between men and women. I always thought men weighed more due to more muscle. You must only be noticing the scrawny guys with no muscle. And of course us women have curves (most of us!), which if in the right place, most men will find attractive. My husband weighs more than me naturally. We are the same height. He doesn't workout but isn't bulgy or rolly. I currently workout and am working on my mummy tummy and a few others places. Have you ever noticed that men don't have a bum, and barely have thighs? They might be big around the shoulders but not in the lower half. So in the end, I don't think men and women should compare size and shape, let alone numbers on a scale. We are built differently and always have been. its problematic enough just comparing women to women so please don't get ashamed, upset or frustrated. We are apples and they are bananas :-)

arc8706

Don't compare yourself to others. I don't even know what most of the people around me weigh, and you probably don't either. Most people are terrible at estimating the weight of other people, so it doesn't really matter what you weigh in comparison to others.

Also you must know some REALLY scrawny men. lol. My husband even weighs in the 160s/170s and he is only 5'6" (he does want to lose some weight though, but honestly no one who sees him would say he's fat at all, my mom thinks he's "tiny" lol)

meshashesha2012

I also have a problem with the fact that people will see me with a skinny guy and think, "ha, look at that cow with him." They look so funny together. Maybe this is just some low self-esteem problem in me. Does this bother anyone else? How do I look past it? Thanks for any advice.

i've always weighed more or about the same as just about every guy i dated except for the one who was sun-blockingly massive. it's never been an issue. i figure as long as i can steal their tshirts then i'm good. plus it's never seemed to be a hindrance for when they wanted to pick me up and throw me on a bed :laugh:

and yeah, you know some really tiny men. stop hanging out at grade schools :laugh:

HeadsPoppingOutOfCups

I feel the same way. My husband only weighs about 130. I know that I probably will never get that low. I haven't been below 170 in my adult life but I'm built the same as my mother and below 140 she looks like a skeleton. Depressing. I don't want to be the heavier one in this relationship!

98777

Thanks for the advice guys.

DeliriumCanBeFun

I've always been pretty muscular and plump at the same time. In my late teens/early 20s, I thought that I could never be with someone whose thighs weren't bigger than mine. Might sound odd, but that's the biggest part of me and still my problem area. But my self image has definitely improved since then. Many years down the road and I'm married to a man who is a good bit taller than me and we weigh the same. I think we look good together...we're just completely different body types, and that's okay. Because it's not what really matters anyway.

LuLuChick78

Oh you are 19....well, in that case I hope that you are able to become strong enough to overcome some of your self esteem issues. There will ALWAYS be men AND women who weigh more and less than you. ALWAYS.

Jessica_256

My husband weighs way less than me. His BMI is around 19 and mine is 40+ (not sure of my exact.) I've never seen anybody give us weird looks are anything.. I love him and he loves me, that's all that matters.

I think it is more of a self-esteem thing. I'm wayyy bigger than you and I never think about anybody calling me a cow. They might think it but I don't care..

If you love / like him and he feels the same for you, forget what everybody else thinks..
*Changed my profile pic to one of him and I just for you..

98777

Thanks, everyone.

I'll try to work on my self-esteem.....that's the problem it seems....

Vex3521

It's part of it. But the perception vs reality I think is another. I'm sure those really shallow folks out there would look at others and judge. But believe me those folks have so many more problems then a weight issue so I'd gladly take the weight and work it off like I am doing.

I'm bigger than my husband right now. We're close in height, he's 5'5" and I'm 5'3". For the longest it bothered me that I felt bigger and it kinda hit me when the fat pants didn't quite fit and his were even tighter so I started doing something about it. He could care less that I'm 20# heavier than he is. If anyone else said anything he'd put them in their place so that helps me a lot.

Just be happy with you and find those milestones along the way to celebrate your journey. The outside might change and the confidence will come up as you lose.... but 100# or 300# you are who you are on the inside no matter the outside size