sabatoge!!

caroeden

now, i KNOW that i am in control of my own actions, etc. but last night i made a conscious choice, while already over my calories for the day to go out and have a few beers with a friend of mine (formerly a FWB - and we are not attempting to go back to that place - but i think that's sort of important to the story)

while we were drinking i specifically asked him to quit refilling my beer from the pitcher while my glass was half full. i said, hey, i am trying to watch how many glasses i am drinking because i am trying to watch my calorie intake. please and thank you.

he said, oh, i didn't know you were doing that, how long have you been doing it... blah blah... i told him and i said how much i have already lost, etc. and then we discussed how he has the metabolism of a 14-year-old boy and i have to really work at it, etc etc.

and then he totally ignored me and kept doing it.

now that makes me feel like he'd rather i stay overweight because if i am thinner it will change the dynamic of our relationship. either i'll get a BF and i won't be around, or he'll be attracted to me in a different way. either that or he's just a plain old jerk and thought he was being funny.

i know i could have not drank the beer... but that's not the point.

bjberry

His actions explain why he is a "formerly". You learned, so now you can move past him to someone better--IMHO.
:drinker: (water).

Lissa170

Caroeden,
I think you said it "he does not want to change the dynamic of your relationship". I also think many do that unconsciencely too.

I have had friends who know I am trying to lose weight and they invite me over and serve only food that will tempt me. I dont think they want to sabatoge me consciencely. I have tried to eat before I go over or even bring my own food along..but still most times end up eatting the pizza or cake they are serving. But most of all I avoid going..which is not good either. Just know you are not alone with such situations..it happens alot...learning to deal with them healthly is the key.
Lissa

metizzy2

Stay away from ANYONE who is not supportive of your decision to get healthy. He obviously doesn't want you to look better...it might make him feel threatened. Surround yourself with people who can HELP and not hinder your weight loss.

dansdeb

next time - if there is one - drink your beer and if he fills it up, let it sit there. I usually get another glass and have water or ice tea. As long as I am drinking something I am satisfying the need to socialize and drink. one or two beers is it, then switch to my tea. The glass can sit there all night and he can't do a thing about it!

karins4

It's a shame when friends can't be supportive. Were you being stern with him, or were you laughing while telling him to stop? If you laughing and joking around when telling him not to do it, he might not have realized you were serious. Next time don't get the pitcher. Get your own bottle. If there's no pitcher and glass he can't pour more beer into it and you'll be able to keep track better. Maybe then he'll see you are serious and be more supportive to you. BUT if he still pressures you then you need to stop going out to drink with him.

I know it's hard. There is so much pressure out there to drink when you go out. My friends finally stopped bugging me to drink (I don't drink at all anymore) but it took a long time until they realized that I just don't want to. They might still ask but when I say no they just let it go now. I still get the occasional shock and 20 questions when I order a non alchoholic drink from people I just met which is annoying but if you can tell your friends no you can tell a stranger no. :-)