Reality Check
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millerll
Posts: 873 Member
I posted the following on another thread recently, but I'd like to hear what you think. I've found that many people are not having the success they'd like, and often try to justify bad choices. Sometimes, I think we need a bit of a smack-down to put things in perspective. I know I'm probably going to get a lot of flack for this, but here goes:
This post will be long and harsh. Faint of heart turn away. I see so many people on this site wondering why their efforts aren't paying off. When I review their logs, I see a lot of the following:
Not following the guidelines set out on this site. If you're not going to do what the site tells you, why bother? Granted, some people end up having to deviate a little to suit their own body types, but that's usually after they've been here for a while and had some time to figure out their own metabolisms. People seem to want overnight results, and after a week they're ready to give up. I believe it takes at least 2-3 weeks before you can say it's not working, more if you've just started. If you have a 100 cal breakfast, a 100 cal lunch, and a 900 cal dinner, that's not following the plan. If you're doing 1000 calories of exercise every day (I doubt that, first off) and eating 900 calories, you're not following the plan. If you're consistently going over on carbs, cals, sodium and sugars, you're not following the plan.
Second, people think they can go on eating the same crap they've always eaten as long as they hit their calorie goal. Um, no. You have to balance ALL the nutrients, not just calories. Just because you can make a Burger King lunch fit in your calories doesn't mean it's a good choice nutritionally. For the same amount of calories, you could have a decent serving of lean protein, some good veggies and fruit. Much more filling and better for you. I say it all the time: cut out the processed food and white carbs. No good will come of eating that stuff. Once in a great while is OK, but not every day. Just because you have calories left over every day doesn't mean you can fill those calories with ice cream. Maybe you should evaluate what you're eating the rest of the day and use those calories for something nutritious.
Thirty minutes of light screwing around on the elliptical 3 times a week is not going to cut it. You need higher intensity to get a benefit, and more often, and you need to add strength training to your routine for real results. Yes, you can lose weight on diet alone, but it takes a lot longer, is harder, and in the end you're just soft and thinner. Is that really your goal? Why not use your exercise time to get some real benefits, both in terms of strength and cardio? Some people just don't want to put in the time or effort. "It's too hard." Well, yes, it is. Welcome to the real world. It does get easier, however, if you stick with it.
"How can I stop eating ______." Ice cream, sugar, wine, whatever. Fill in the blank here. Um, just don't put it in your mouth. Don't buy it and you won't eat it. And if you do eat it, don't come on here whining about it. Own it, admit your mistakes, and vow to do better next time. It's all about accountabiity. Changing your life requires discipline. Discipline is learned over time, and often involves a lot of falls off the horse. You have to decide how badly you really want this and act accordingly.
I know this had been a bit of a slap in the face, and I sound like a smug know-it-all. I also make plenty of mistakes, and I've had to give myself a mental smack once in a while over the last few months. I also know that the demands of family and work make this whole process that much harder. Many people on this site have found ways to make it work. Emulate them. Have self-control, no matter how much it sucks. Admit your mistakes, own them and make them your own. Then fix them. You CAN do this. You WILL do this. That is all.
Fire at will.
This post will be long and harsh. Faint of heart turn away. I see so many people on this site wondering why their efforts aren't paying off. When I review their logs, I see a lot of the following:
Not following the guidelines set out on this site. If you're not going to do what the site tells you, why bother? Granted, some people end up having to deviate a little to suit their own body types, but that's usually after they've been here for a while and had some time to figure out their own metabolisms. People seem to want overnight results, and after a week they're ready to give up. I believe it takes at least 2-3 weeks before you can say it's not working, more if you've just started. If you have a 100 cal breakfast, a 100 cal lunch, and a 900 cal dinner, that's not following the plan. If you're doing 1000 calories of exercise every day (I doubt that, first off) and eating 900 calories, you're not following the plan. If you're consistently going over on carbs, cals, sodium and sugars, you're not following the plan.
Second, people think they can go on eating the same crap they've always eaten as long as they hit their calorie goal. Um, no. You have to balance ALL the nutrients, not just calories. Just because you can make a Burger King lunch fit in your calories doesn't mean it's a good choice nutritionally. For the same amount of calories, you could have a decent serving of lean protein, some good veggies and fruit. Much more filling and better for you. I say it all the time: cut out the processed food and white carbs. No good will come of eating that stuff. Once in a great while is OK, but not every day. Just because you have calories left over every day doesn't mean you can fill those calories with ice cream. Maybe you should evaluate what you're eating the rest of the day and use those calories for something nutritious.
Thirty minutes of light screwing around on the elliptical 3 times a week is not going to cut it. You need higher intensity to get a benefit, and more often, and you need to add strength training to your routine for real results. Yes, you can lose weight on diet alone, but it takes a lot longer, is harder, and in the end you're just soft and thinner. Is that really your goal? Why not use your exercise time to get some real benefits, both in terms of strength and cardio? Some people just don't want to put in the time or effort. "It's too hard." Well, yes, it is. Welcome to the real world. It does get easier, however, if you stick with it.
"How can I stop eating ______." Ice cream, sugar, wine, whatever. Fill in the blank here. Um, just don't put it in your mouth. Don't buy it and you won't eat it. And if you do eat it, don't come on here whining about it. Own it, admit your mistakes, and vow to do better next time. It's all about accountabiity. Changing your life requires discipline. Discipline is learned over time, and often involves a lot of falls off the horse. You have to decide how badly you really want this and act accordingly.
I know this had been a bit of a slap in the face, and I sound like a smug know-it-all. I also make plenty of mistakes, and I've had to give myself a mental smack once in a while over the last few months. I also know that the demands of family and work make this whole process that much harder. Many people on this site have found ways to make it work. Emulate them. Have self-control, no matter how much it sucks. Admit your mistakes, own them and make them your own. Then fix them. You CAN do this. You WILL do this. That is all.
Fire at will.
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Replies
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Bravo!!0
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Great post - I've thought all of these things at various points in time. I understand that this is a support site, but sometimes I think the support some people need is a reality check, not a (virtual) pat on the back and a comment that they just have to keep trying!0
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Can't argue with that...Well said.0
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You know, you are 100% right in all that you are saying. A few things we should all remember:
1- We didn't put the weight on overnight, it isn't going to come off over night.
2- We are all going to screw up and fall off our calorie counting. Dust yourself off and start again.
3- We can't look at this as a diet, rather a way of life.
4- We control our own destiny.
Great post!!0 -
Your are completely right! It's all about accountabiity and each of us are accountable for our selfs. Good job on your weight loss... your a inspiration to me!0
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Couldn't have said it better myself!0
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Well said. I have set backs, I feel sorry for myself, etc at times but I try to remind myself during those times that I am doing good for someone who hasn't exercised in......well rarely ever in my entire life ( I'm 47) and that I just started. It's only been 3 weeks. I didn't get this way over night and I'm not going to lose it over night. I want to go beyond my old 125 lb (skinny but soft) self at the age of 25. I want to be BETTER, HEALTHIER, than I was back then. If you really want it, you will do it. I admit, I am slow, I have fibromyalgia, and I'm way outa shape, but I'm trying hard and sticking with it. If I had to pick one thing you said that I agree with most it would be, be honest with yourself.
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I agree with what you said. I truly believe you have to be ready to change if you want this to work for the rest of your life. I did start this site back in August of 09 and I wasn't really ready. I got fed up after a month of not seeing results I wanted and quit using this site. When March of this year came I was really ready for a change. I knew I wanted to get healthy and so I started using this site again. I really read the information on this site and I started putting it to use in my life and it's working.
This site is a great tool to use for when you're ready to change. It's not so good when you're not.0 -
Wow, very good!!
I swear you posted this just for ME! I needed this so bad. I am so guilty of making excuses and 'reasons' why I can eat the ice cream or candy etc. I will think to myself: "Hey, I'm still under my calorie, I can afford to eat a bowl of ice cream!" or "candy bar" or whatever.
I keep saying that as long as I'm not gaining, well, fine.
But it's NOT fine! I'm still OBESE! I still need to loose a LOT more weight! I haven't lost any weight for 2 months!
I did change up my exercise to a more strenuous cardio though.....but I do need to add in the strength training. And eat more healthy.
So, thank you for posting this, I surely needed it bad.0 -
I think when you hit a wall you might be a bit less harsh on yourself. Not everyone is greedy and whining. Some people genuinely hit a plateau when they are doing most things right. It can take a lot of tweeks to figure out your own body. Doing what it says on here for the 'average' person, doesnt always work. We are all different.
Just a thought to bear in mind when you're accusing people of being less than disciplined!
All the best 0 -
well said!
this is why we are on the site - for people to help each other and enlighten each other, sometimes you just need to be told as bluntly as possible for it to sink in so well done and you've prob just helped a lot of people snap out of their "everything will be fine", "its just one cookie" attitudes!
you've reenforced the shake i gave myself last night - the past few weeks i've been slipping back into bad habits, its so easily done but now thats it i'm kicking myself back into action!
so thanks - i'll just envision you shouting at me every time i even think about chocolate and put it down and back quickly away 0 -
p.s im on day 4 of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and wow the girl is in super fantastic shape and really makes you work hard and it makes feel great for doing it!0
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BUMP!0
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Meh, everyone is at a different level. 30 minutes on the elliptical 3 times per week may be a great improvement for someone who never got their butt off of the couch previously or someone who is incredibly out of shape or a single mom with no one to watch her infant and 30 minutes is all she can squeeze in a few days a week. Cut some slack, it isn't bootcamp and if people feel like they're in bootcamp they're probably going to be less likely to stick with it.
I squeeze burger king/taco bell/whatever into my calories occasionally (heck, I did it last night!) , it's not something to do every day but being home to prepare a healthy lunch or having a preprepared lunch with you isn't always feasible. Sometimes you don't know you're going to still be out running your errands when it's meal time. It would be nice to be able to always be on a specified time table but life happens. Again cut some slack.
If someone is trying to make changes and there is SOME progress then it is a step in the right direction. Doing a 180 on everything you've ever known nutritionally is more often times not going to work because it will be hard to maintain. Some people need baby steps. It's awesome that you can do it all overnight but it will be a long road for some people to retrain themselves.
Tough love is great, but realistic expectations for a positive outcome are greater. Of course, it's all my humble opinion but to be honest, what does an anonymous person on the internet's opinion really matter to you? About as much as yours mattered to me. 0 -
Hi i am on my 8th day of mfp and my "diet" life change what ever you like to call it ( i call it my wedding plan) . so far this week i have cut out all caffine (cola, tea,coffee) nothin for 7days. if i havnt been able to get to the gym ( partner working, kids on summer hols) i have taken the dog and kids for a walk. my partner and sister(lives with us) dont eat any fruit of veg at all and my sister doesnt eat rice or pasta. so cooking the family evening meals this week has been hard work but i have done it and all but one day i have been 200-600 under my calorie intake ( the other day i hit 1499 out of 1500).Thank fully my kids 7yrs and 5yrs are behind me and have loved all the meals as they eat veg and fruit so have the variant i have and have loved seeing them enjoying there healthy food.0
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Mirlyn,
You point is spot on. Most people who do the best they can realize that their results may be a little slower. Same for those people who, due to medical issues, may not be able to do the exercise they'd like. They do what they can, and yes, it's better than nothing. I applaud anyone's efforts to make improvements in their lifestyles. Same for the dreaded plateau. One week does not a plateau make. There's nothing wrong with coming on here and asking for advice when you are truly at a standstill and can't find a valid reason for it. Valid meaning you're eating well and exercising, but nothing seems to be happening. Sometimes you just need to tweak a few small things to get the motor running again. I addressed those people in the first paragraph of my post.
My post was more directed at those people who CAN do better, but don't, and then wonder why, and find excuses, etc. If you only have time for 30 minnutes of light cardio twice a week, don't expect to lose 5 pounds a week. At least, not in a healthy way. You may only be able to reasonably get one pound a week. And that's still great progress. But you have to be realistic.
Yeah, I was hard on everybody. I think those people to whom this post applied already know who they are.
From time to time, I'm one of them! Thanks for the thought-provoking replies. If nothing else, it may make some people take a long, hard look at what they're doing and get them back on track. 0 -
I agree with you completely! I have never been so commited to losing weight like I am now. Yes its hard to walk by the candy and cookie isle. But I do now. I would love the weight i have been carring for years to just fall off...but its not. This is hard work. I still find myself forcing myself out of bed to work out but i can feel the difference so I know its worth it.
I have decided though, on fridays I am going to get a McDonalds iced hazelnut coffee as a treat for all the hard work Im doing through out the week. Its a sweet treat I truly enjoy. And i just dont want to give that treat up. Im sure in time I will be able to give that up as well. But for now, Im happy with how im losing.
Its very easy to deceive oneself when you are not recording things down. But numbers done lie. Always be honest with yourself and things will work out.0 -
I think what you say on the most part is true BUT not everyone can do a change in their life full force right off the bat. The journey takes time. It took time to gain the weight and it will take time to lose the weight. Positive thoughts are better than negative ones. Nobody on here WANTS to be fat. We are on all here to get support and help to reach our goals. Some people can do really hard workouts and move really well while others may have issues where they may not be able to move much but do what they can. Sometimes people (even you) need to vent. They had a bad day and ate something they shouldn't have or didn't exercise and need a helping hand to get back on track. This is a support group. We know how you feel but just a little tolerance would be good.
Good day and a healthy life!0 -
Meh, everyone is at a different level. 30 minutes on the elliptical 3 times per week may be a great improvement for someone who never got their butt off of the couch previously or someone who is incredibly out of shape or a single mom with no one to watch her infant and 30 minutes is all she can squeeze in a few days a week. Cut some slack, it isn't bootcamp and if people feel like they're in bootcamp they're probably going to be less likely to stick with it.
I squeeze burger king/taco bell/whatever into my calories occasionally (heck, I did it last night!) , it's not something to do every day but being home to prepare a healthy lunch or having a preprepared lunch with you isn't always feasible. Sometimes you don't know you're going to still be out running your errands when it's meal time. It would be nice to be able to always be on a specified time table but life happens. Again cut some slack.
If someone is trying to make changes and there is SOME progress then it is a step in the right direction. Doing a 180 on everything you've ever known nutritionally is more often times not going to work because it will be hard to maintain. Some people need baby steps. It's awesome that you can do it all overnight but it will be a long road for some people to retrain themselves.
Tough love is great, but realistic expectations for a positive outcome are greater. Of course, it's all my humble opinion but to be honest, what does an anonymous person on the internet's opinion really matter to you? About as much as yours mattered to me.
I get wha your saying my partner works till five and gets home at half 5 and a few days a week i also do this , by time were in and cooked the family meal showered kids and washed up its 7 oclock our local gym closes at 8.30 so 30-60 min is all i can fit in. my fitness trainer at gym insists that i only work out every other day as i have a back problem due to an injection in to my spine that went wrong. so i go mon,wed and fri. sat and sun it closes at 6pm so what am i meant to do ? i walk with the kids on the other days or do 20-30 mins of a workout dvd . but this isnt enough ???? walk in my shoes for a week. and them she may realise not everyones lives a staight cut. im here because i know i need to change and at the minute im doin all i can.0 -
I don't think you'll be getting ANY negative feedback, with your tough love approach! There is no way this "plan" doesn't work if your doing it right! This has been proven time and time again Most of us are food addicts and with any addiction you have to face the cold hard truth, your an addict. We have lost weight sometimes a lot of weight with fad diets and then gained it all back and then some, because we didn't do the work. We didn't change how we eat we just didn't eat! If you are here to change, then that's exactly what you have to do! Of course your not going to just stop eating all things detrimental to you, it is a learning and reprograming process learned by trial and error. But like you said don't blame it on stress or your priod or whatever, own it. I ate it I shouldn't have I could have done x y or z instead and tomorrow I WILL! And move on don't pig out the rest of the day and say I'll do better tomorrow do better starting your NEXT MEAL! If you quit logging just because you had a relapse then you have given into your addiction and let it beat you.(and you'll probably eat and eat the rest of the night because hey your not logging it in anyways! right?) But it doesn't have to defeat you. Quitting anything cold turkey is hard and food is no exception, but don't allow junk into your life everyday just becasue you have the calories to do so. If you do that then your NOT reprogramming and when you reach goal and continue to "give in" to your addiction you will gain weight, but if you have learned how to eat healhy then you'll maintain. And that is the ultimate goal for everyone!
I myself needed the reminder about these things AND about excercise! And I thank you for that!0
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