Girlfriend's Words Hurt

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  • junlex123
    junlex123 Posts: 81 Member
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    Listen, she's just trying to manipulate you and lower your self esteem so you stay with her. It's called "negging" (FROM NEGATIVE to be clear). The less you think of yourself, the more you depend on her for approval, and the more she can control you. Think about it.

    That might make sense. That's why she doesn't want me to lose weight and encourages me to eat more/cardio less?

    I mean, that's possible. I was looking at the psychiatric side. Perhaps it's possible that she truly wants you to be undesirable to others, as well, instead of just thinking that you're undesirable. There is also a fetish called "feederism" where the "feeder" (in this case, your GF) gets arousal from causing you to over eat and gain wait. Trust me, just don't google it. You don't want to read that stuff.

    Edited to add:
    http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/channel/taboo/videos/feederism/

    I'm not saying that this is certainly in your future. But it's absolutely very, very likely.

    All this stuff is certainly a possibility, but also possible is that her GF genuinely feels the OP is perfect as she is and might be worried about losing weight to an unhealthy extent (not sure how tall OP is but 110lbs is pretty light), and is trying to avoid confrontation over the issue through use of humour/teasing without realising how big an issue this is causing.

    OP you really ought to have a full and frank discussion about it with your girlfriend.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,326 Member
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    tell your friends if they say things that hurt you. if they are truly your friend then they would want to know .

    and be proud of your butt, some of us have o work really hard in the gym to develop a 'donk.
  • Minxy103
    Minxy103 Posts: 50
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    You are SO slim!

    I have always been so self-conscious about my bum, even when I was slim. Now people flaunt it so DO that. They are in vogue so go for it girl.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
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    She might not want you to get 'perfect' because she doesn't want you to notice her wobbly bits too much ;) If you think you need to lose 5 lbs, what must you think of her body, etc.

    At your cute as h*ll size, I bet your butt looks really good being big. It really is a figure so many women want! I bet she likes it, too.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I think you should just turn the other cheek.
  • redladywitch
    redladywitch Posts: 799 Member
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    I think you should just turn the other cheek.

    :laugh:
  • DopeItUp
    DopeItUp Posts: 18,771 Member
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    Just....squat and deadlift.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    How can I make her understand how awful she makes me feel?

    you could, well, talk to her about it?

    either that or just burn her clothes and write "see what you did to me!" in blood on the mirror.

    i think option 1.
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,655 Member
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    Oooooh, I had a boyfriend just like that in college. It was a terrible, miserable two years on the emotional roller coaster from hell. Go re-read what Delicious-Cocktail posted. He's almost certainly nailed it. It's your first relationship... I'll bet you can do better. She knows it, and thinks that shredding your self-esteem will keep her in control over you. That's a crappy basis for any relationship, girl. Don't settle for nasty put-downs for the rest of your life.
  • SkinnyMarni3
    SkinnyMarni3 Posts: 73 Member
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    Girls can be jealous and toxic, I had a friend like that, always making mean remarks like that with a smile, making me feel awful.
    Once I just had enough and told her she was seriously pissing me off and we've not talk to each other much since. Just tell her how it makes you feel and if she doesn't stop then she is just a bad friend.

    I also have a big butt. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it! most guys really like it actually, my boyfriend has asked me to not get my butt too small dieting (haha!). I used to feel so bad about it; now I really don't care.... Big butts are sexy okay? look at the love Kim K is getting

    edit: ooooh I see you are not interested in guys lol, I've been reading too fast... Well I'm pretty sure same goes for women.
  • wertgirlfor
    wertgirlfor Posts: 161 Member
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    From your profile picture, I think you look great already, and don't see this "big" butt you're talking about. Also, 5 pounds or any amount really, won't change your shape. I got a big butt, and despite losing 15 pounds, I still got a big butt. Your shape does not really change, like how hourglass girls are hourglass girls no matter what they weigh.

    However, you should tell your girlfriend that those kind of comments hurt your feelings, and if that doesn't work, ask her why she keeps saying things if she knows they hurt you. Another solution could realize that she probably doesn't see a "big butt" as a bad thing. My boyfriend used to make fun of my butt all the time, and at first it would hurt me. Honestly, though, over time I just stop caring because to him, saying I had a big *kitten* or whatever was a compliment. He'd make fun of me just to bug me, but he actually enjoys my butt a lot lol. Maybe it's just her way of teasing you just because she knows it bugs you, but if it continues to bother/hurt you, she really should stop.
  • blackcloud13
    blackcloud13 Posts: 654 Member
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    This is not exactly going to help you - but looking at your pics, I can't imagine that anyone could say anything to put you down!!
    Just ignore ignore and ignore - you look awesome!

    Keep to what you know you need to do, and you'll be fine
  • littleburgy
    littleburgy Posts: 570 Member
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    I have gone through the process of losing weight, and losing weight, and losing weight, and the butt was still there. The only thing that's made my butt tolerable is toning. It will never disappear. Sometimes you just have to learn to love what you got.

    sir-mix-a-lot.jpg
  • CharisSunny
    CharisSunny Posts: 276 Member
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    Honey let her know.

    Then let yourself know that your lovely booty is a figure enhancer MANY women would LOVE to have.

    I have a LOVELY pear shape and Im learning to embrace it. You may lose a bit but you will have an underlying figure, love you baby and let her know its her job to do the same...or keep it moving.
  • whitebalance
    whitebalance Posts: 1,655 Member
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    OP says she's already had "the talk" with girlfriend, multiple times. Girlfriend knows what she's doing is hurtful. Ain't nobody got time for that.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
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    OP, can I tell you a little story, it haunts me even now.

    My best friend of 15 years ( she has emigrated now, sadly, and we have lost touch)

    We were so close as friends, she was always really slim and she had very small breasts, she always joked about them. I didn`t realise that she was so self conscious and I used to joke also. There was no malice intended on my part. I was overweight and we used to laugh that I tried to tuck my muffin top into my jeans.

    We went on holiday and we were both sunbathing on the beach topless, she said something to me and I looked over and said...

    "Sorry was not sure if you were lying on your back or your front, if they were shoulder blades or boobs"

    Later that day she totally broke down in tears and sobbed her little heart out. I really did not know she was so self conscious about her boobs.

    What I am trying to get over is, if you do not tell her exactly how her comments make you feel, then she really will not know xx
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
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    From looking at your profile picture, there is nothing wrong with the size of your butt. If she knows you hate it, and continues to draw attention to something that hurts you, she is being a butt herself (sorry, but it's true.) Eat more, lift those weights and when you get what you've worked for, you can show it off to the world!
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
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    She knows it bothers me, because ive told her before its a touchy subject and I've been teased before. I don't want to break up, I really love her and she's the only person I've ever dated, we've been together for two years. I know she loves me, but then she says things like that and it's just so awful.

    I don't know what to do.

    I'm 110 pounds, but my butt is just huge

    Also, I do not imagine for 1 minute that your butt is huge.

    If she really makes you feel so sad, just tell her, if she really loves you then she would not make you feel bad...there are plenty of nice people in the world...give her a chance, it sounds like she is insecure also?
  • alexandriax03
    alexandriax03 Posts: 290 Member
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    There's nothing wrong with a big butt. Honestly, people like big butts. I'm pretty sure your girlfriend was probably joking when she said that. If she doesn't like your big butt… she's crazy. No one I know likes a flat butt. When I was skinny, my butt was HUGE. Now, my butt is still huge… it just has a different shape. EVERYONE comments on how large my butt is and refers to me as "big booty judy." I don't let it affect me because I'm happy I have a big butt. I'd rather have some "cushion" back there than no booty :)
  • Fithealthyforlife
    Fithealthyforlife Posts: 866 Member
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    I bet she'll never bring it up again. If she does, just tell her the truth...it's muscle, and you like it, but it's ok if she doesn't.

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