Eating my emotions

tjthegreatone

Currently I am not eating right as my head is not in the right place and the only way I can cope with it is to eat my emotions.

I now snack endlessly at night to deal with my general anxiety and insomnia - this is related to insecurities about my performance at work (very poor at the moment) and life (I am thirty years old, perenially single and feel abandoned, on the shelf and left behind when it comes to achieving all the expected milestones in life. This has been exacerbated by the fact that I've moved to a new area recently and I haven't made any new friends yet). And I'm generally lacking a sense of purpose in life.

I am working a very demanding job and from the outside, people probably think that I'm a high achiever and doing great but in reality I walk into work everyday feeling like a failure.

I have been in maintenance for the last few months.For the past 3 years I have spent almost every waking moment obsessing about my diet and weight to the exclusion of many other things. At one point I was scale obsessed and every 0.5lb gain had me restricting in a mad panic.

With time and advice I learned to let go of the scale and just look in the mirror and to eat sensibly. That was early this year, and it was a good time. I haven't weighed myself in a long time.

I have been derailing over the past few months anyway, but whilst my overeating previously was accompanied by a sense of panic that had me working out more, and I balanced out a bad day with a better one, recently it has been non-stop. I haven't felt hungry in weeks, my appetite is non-existent, I am near permanently bloated and uncomfortably full but I just keep eating. Looking in the mirror I can tell that I have gained weight, but strangely enough I just don't care anymore. It's like my mind is saying 'be bothered, this is bad' but my emotions won't engage, so I go right back to eating. I am still logging (mostly honestly I think although there's bound to be some inaccuracy).

My worry is that by the time I get back into the right frame of mind and start caring again I'll have 10-15lb worth of damage to undo and THEN it'll be really painful.

Wasn't really expecting any great words of wisdom or advice, just wanted to articulate my thoughts as currently there is no one I can speak these things to.

meshashesha2012

sorry you're having a tough time.

maybe try getting to the root of the emotional issues, what you're upset and anxious about and working out a plan to resolve it.

for instance if poor performance at your job i stressing you out, then make a list of skills and knowledge you are lacking and look for any external courses or classes you can take to fill in the gaps.

as for making new friends in a new place, try groups like meetup where there are activities based on your interests. if you're a runner or want to be (i noticed in a previous thread you said you were black) then look for a local black girls run group. if you're a member of a gym take some classes and talk to some people there, etc.

anyway i think if you start working on the root cause of he problem then solutions start presenting themselves.

good luck

tjthegreatone

Thanks for the comprehensive reply!
I think the root of the problem is work-related so I will just have to tackle that first and hope it will improve soon. On the subject of courses, you hit the nail right on the head there, thank you.
It is difficult to get any kind of 'minority' activities here in the deepest depths of middle England but I have found the gym full of reasonably friendly people so that's a start.
Thanks again!

MelsAuntie

Well, for me, if I'm stressed / unhappy / upset / really in pain I can't stand the thought of food and just don't think about eating. Opposite problem.

acpgee

Sorry you are having a hard time. After a serious illness, I am also re-thinking my high stress, if well paid, job. Do try to use exercise to de-stress rather than food.