Anorexia recovery on my own: am I eating too much?
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Hi! Someone please give me some support 
I am a girl, 18, and trying to recover from anorexia by myself (as in, without any treatment team or IOP). In the past I have been much worse off in terms of my eating disorder and weight (my lowest was 84lbs at 5'2.5") and had to be hospitalized/put inpatient for almost three months. I was released sort of early in terms of my recovery last time; probably a big fault of the treatment center I was at, I was "weight restored" but not quite optimally, as I was still retaining water and shed almost five lbs in my first month home of recovery - also, I was never assigned a maintenance meal plan, therefore I have absolutely no idea how to eat (as silly as that sounds, it's true).
In my first semester of college now, I haven't been doing great with recovery, but now I am trying to get back on track. I had been eating no more than 300-600 calories a day, max. I'm now not counting calories or weighing myself.
Although I'm not as dangerously thin as a was a year and a half ago when I was hospitalized, I'm still about 7-12lbs underweight at 5'2.5". Two and a half weeks ago I was roughly 96-98lbs, 98 officially at the doctor's office fully clothed, constipated (sorry tmi), and having eaten "normally" for a week (so I'm assuming I was also carrying water weight, it might have been much lower than 98 before then as I had been weighing myself at around 93 lbs). I know my ideal weight range for my height (as given to me in treatment) is anywhere between 103-120, ideally at around 108-115 minimum.
The past two weeks I've been eating regularly and frequently, and though I haven't been weighing myself or eating the same things everyday, I'm afraid I am gaining weight too quickly or something, I just feel it. Here is roughly what I've been eating:
Breakfast:
-Tea with tsp honey
-Choice nature's path brand cereal (1-2 servings, eyeballed)
-Eyeballed 1-2 cups almond milk
-Fruit (usually blueberries, pineapple chunks, grapes, strawberries) (enough to put in my cereal)
or
-1 serving rolled oats made on the stovetop
with (usually more a midmorning snack)
-1/2 a grapefruit sometimes,
sometimes also 1/4-1/2 cup 1% cottage cheese
or/with
celery sticks with peanut butter
Lunch:
Same sort of midmorning snack thing, usually cottage cheese or an apple and celery sticks with peanut butter, sometimes a yogurt and orange
Usually some grapes with it
I snack on the same sort of things already mentioned, might have tea with honey again.
Dinner:
This is different usually, either:
Salad with balsamic dressing and goats cheese and lots of veggies,
Usually with another cooked vegetable on the side
and something else like sauteed mushrooms in olive oil or squash
Or
A "rice bowl", cooked veggies with maybe a cup of wild rice or quinoa and squash
Or
Shiritaki noodles with cooked veggies
Snack after dinner:
Depends, usually fruit again, applesauce, cottage cheese etc, over the weekend when I go home I might have a challenge food like frozen yogurt and I even had cake this weekend for my mom's birthday
Anyways, my question is: am I eating too much? I've been eating very frequently/regularly but keeping my meals small - I also am borderline anemic and have borderline hypoglycemia so I am trying to regulate that as well.
Am I eating the right things? Or too much? I am a vegetarian by the way, I know there's no meat there but I try to get protein and fat through stuff like cheese, peanut butter, avocado etc.
I'm afraid of getting fat! I know I need to gain weight but I don't want to gain it too quickly! Does anyone have any suggestions for meal plans on your own?
*I forgot to add, I do exercise regularly, I walk quite a bit for school every other day (3-5 miles depending on the day, other days I don't have to walk) and for pleasure when I can I like to go for a 2-3 mile walk.
I am a girl, 18, and trying to recover from anorexia by myself (as in, without any treatment team or IOP). In the past I have been much worse off in terms of my eating disorder and weight (my lowest was 84lbs at 5'2.5") and had to be hospitalized/put inpatient for almost three months. I was released sort of early in terms of my recovery last time; probably a big fault of the treatment center I was at, I was "weight restored" but not quite optimally, as I was still retaining water and shed almost five lbs in my first month home of recovery - also, I was never assigned a maintenance meal plan, therefore I have absolutely no idea how to eat (as silly as that sounds, it's true).
In my first semester of college now, I haven't been doing great with recovery, but now I am trying to get back on track. I had been eating no more than 300-600 calories a day, max. I'm now not counting calories or weighing myself.
Although I'm not as dangerously thin as a was a year and a half ago when I was hospitalized, I'm still about 7-12lbs underweight at 5'2.5". Two and a half weeks ago I was roughly 96-98lbs, 98 officially at the doctor's office fully clothed, constipated (sorry tmi), and having eaten "normally" for a week (so I'm assuming I was also carrying water weight, it might have been much lower than 98 before then as I had been weighing myself at around 93 lbs). I know my ideal weight range for my height (as given to me in treatment) is anywhere between 103-120, ideally at around 108-115 minimum.
The past two weeks I've been eating regularly and frequently, and though I haven't been weighing myself or eating the same things everyday, I'm afraid I am gaining weight too quickly or something, I just feel it. Here is roughly what I've been eating:
Breakfast:
-Tea with tsp honey
-Choice nature's path brand cereal (1-2 servings, eyeballed)
-Eyeballed 1-2 cups almond milk
-Fruit (usually blueberries, pineapple chunks, grapes, strawberries) (enough to put in my cereal)
or
-1 serving rolled oats made on the stovetop
with (usually more a midmorning snack)
-1/2 a grapefruit sometimes,
sometimes also 1/4-1/2 cup 1% cottage cheese
or/with
celery sticks with peanut butter
Lunch:
Same sort of midmorning snack thing, usually cottage cheese or an apple and celery sticks with peanut butter, sometimes a yogurt and orange
Usually some grapes with it
I snack on the same sort of things already mentioned, might have tea with honey again.
Dinner:
This is different usually, either:
Salad with balsamic dressing and goats cheese and lots of veggies,
Usually with another cooked vegetable on the side
and something else like sauteed mushrooms in olive oil or squash
Or
A "rice bowl", cooked veggies with maybe a cup of wild rice or quinoa and squash
Or
Shiritaki noodles with cooked veggies
Snack after dinner:
Depends, usually fruit again, applesauce, cottage cheese etc, over the weekend when I go home I might have a challenge food like frozen yogurt and I even had cake this weekend for my mom's birthday
Anyways, my question is: am I eating too much? I've been eating very frequently/regularly but keeping my meals small - I also am borderline anemic and have borderline hypoglycemia so I am trying to regulate that as well.
Am I eating the right things? Or too much? I am a vegetarian by the way, I know there's no meat there but I try to get protein and fat through stuff like cheese, peanut butter, avocado etc.
I'm afraid of getting fat! I know I need to gain weight but I don't want to gain it too quickly!
Does anyone have any suggestions for meal plans on your own?*I forgot to add, I do exercise regularly, I walk quite a bit for school every other day (3-5 miles depending on the day, other days I don't have to walk) and for pleasure when I can I like to go for a 2-3 mile walk.
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Replies
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I would shoot for 1800-2000 calories per day and eat back your exercise calories. you need to nourish your body--including your organs. don't worry about the weight right now...just focus on eating enough food. sounds like you have some great food selections, but maybe bump up the calories a bit...including proteins. Your body will level itself out as it repairs itself.
Note: having a doctor oversee you would be wise.
congrats on changing your eating and your committment to health.0 -
Sweetheart, my heart goes out to you. I was anorexic when I was eleven years old, and I had to be hospitalized and back then, they didn't have the kinds of treatment centers that they have now; I had to go to a mental hospital for children.
I wish, in retrospect, that I had received therapy in my years following the hospital, because I have struggled with food issues my whole life.
I would first highly recommend, and, quite frankly, beg you to engage in a relationship with a therapist. A psychiatrist would be best, because a psychiatrist can prescribe medication. You probably also suffer--because I recognize it in myself as well--from obsessive compulsive disorder, and there are anti-depressants out there that can help you to reach a better level of peace with yourself.
A good therapist will work with you to address your anxiety and depression issues. I see a therapist and I take anti-depressants, and it has helped my life so much.
And I TOTALLY, TOTALLY understand your obsession about NOT WANTING TO GET FAT. I was completely like you when I was eighteen. I was a perfectionist, and I still am, by the way, and I got so thin at one point I stopped menstruating.
I hope you find peace and nourishment in your life. Your body deserves to be well fed. A well fed body is a well nourished body, and a body that can work and play and live and love.
I am fifty now. I AM FIFTY! And I love my life and I feel great about my life and I feel comfortable in my skin in a way that I didn't when I was eighteen.
And here's the ironic thing. I carry a weight on my body now, that if someone had told me, at eighteen, I'd be carrying on my frame when I turned fifty, I would've put my eighteen-year-old head into an oven.
I am surprised when I see photos of myself, even at this weight, for I am astonished to see that I still look pretty good! I may look chubby in some photos, but my life is rich and full, EVEN WITH this extra weight I'm carrying and trying to lose. I won't ever get as thin as I was when I was eighteen. I would be dying from cancer if I got that thin. I'm working to achieve a goal of weight that I think I can sustain and still enjoy my life and not drive my husband too crazy by telling him, even today, "I think I ate too much."
Please, please, PLEASE see a therapist. Anorexia is too lonely an illness to be dealt with alone. I'm glad you've come this far on your own, but it is okay to get help. I understand completely, how hard it is for people to get mental health counseling, because there's still a stigma against it.
I should know!
My own beloved father, now gone, was a psychiatrist! And it was the hardest thing I've ever done, when I summoned up the courage to tell my parents that I was seeing a therapist.
Love,
Denise0 -
Your college may have a student health center where you can get some advice about higher protein vegetarian foods too! It really sounds like you just need more protein and more calories. I would advocate for you to try and set MFP to gain a pound a week and try to eat all those calories along with the calories you exercise away. If your school is large enough or has a dietician program you may be able to get some free advice there as well in addition. Remember: Curves are Beautiful
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This is definitely not too much!!
In fact I really think you should be eating more. I know you're worried about becoming "fat", but your body has a lot of fixing to do after a long period of insufficient nourishment. It's completely normal and generally recommended for people in anorexia recovery to eat MINIMUM 2500 a day.
I'd say, try and listen to your body, not Ana. If there's something you want to have as a treat, EAT IT. I'd recommend trying to get more protein in your diet, maybe have a couple of eggs for breakfast on some days?
I'd really suggest you go see a GP/other health specialist who can give you a recovery meal plan. It's hard for us to know what your body needs, but I'd feel fairly confident in saying the food you're eating now is insufficient.
Sorry if this sounds overly critical! But I know lots of girls in recovery eating in excess of 3000 a day, and still very slim. Your metabolism will boot up and your body will use the energy for recovery, not fat storage!
Wish you the best of luck in continued recovery x0 -
As someone who has always struggled in staying a recovered anorexic I find that you should just eat your food and try not to worry about it. Of course im not saying you should eat an entire pizza with no regret. And sorry to rain on your day but a good healthy weight for you height is more around 120 pounds because im 5ft and weigh 114 and have a healthy weight. I dont think you eat too much, if anything you eat fine. Just rememver to eat a variety of things or your body will stop taking in nutrients from those food you eat just about everyday. Also as another note hun, please get more caories in your diet!0
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Im not trying to come off nasty, but are you the one who posted on here about thinking you were having a heart attack yesterday? Your story sound very familiar compared to hers.....
But my sound advice is eat more dense foods such as fruits and veggies so this way your body gets used to feeling more full and then you can add in the carbs and proteins so this way your body will get used to it and then feel full longer0 -
Therapy, definitely ... or at least someone close to confide in ...
For now:
Peanut butter is an "okay" source of protein, not a great one like cottage cheese is ... As far as getting enough iron (and B12), I'd try to add some red meat, lean ground beef (I say lean, because regular 80/20 protein/fat ratio may be a bit too much of a mental challenge at this point) would be good for B12, iron, and protein ... Lentils are good for iron and protein, and pumpkin seeds area good source of iron as well ...
Also, try finding another way to cope with stress/pressure, other than controlling your food ...0 -
I applaud your efforts and the healthy food choices you make each day. For someone your age, you seem to be eating a lot of nutrient dense foods, which is fantastic!
I'd like to see you add more calcium to your diet. Your body has been through a lot with anorexia and chances are, your bones took a beating. There's only a few more optimal years to build up those bones with enough density to last the rest of your life.
And I'd like to see you add in more calorie dense foods, such as nuts or nut butter. Almond butter is great on bananas or apples! Your body needs calories as fuel to keep it going.
Please try and stay in touch with a counselor or your doctor. I've never had an eating disorder but I would guess there are various triggers which might make you susceptible to a relapse.
Take care and don't give up!:flowerforyou:0 -
You are not eating enough, that all looks like diet food to me. Eat a veggie subway or turkey sub for lunch with whole grain roll, some baked chips and some fruit and maybe a low fat milk. You are young, dont ruin your hair skin and bones. Also eat a more filling dinner.0
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It looks to me that you are not getting enough protein. If you eat eggs try adding 1 - 2 eggs (the egg whites contain the protein, but very few calories), if you don't eat eggs in your vegetarian diet you should add some dry beans or lentils. You will find several vegetarian "burgers" (and other meat substitutes) in the freezer case of your local supermarket. Quit eyeballing your breakfast, you may not be eating as much as you think, get out the measuring cups and measure it. Also, you need to add some daily vitamins and definitely iron tablets until you are over your anemia.0
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I have been in recovery from bulimia for 20+ years. You feel like you are getting fat because you are fighting the ED thought pattern still. In reality, you are doing a great job. Do you take a multivitamin or iron supplement with vitamin C for the anemia? I recommend it based on my experience with malnutrition. (Once with the.ED and a longer term problem due to celiac disease) I would also add a calcium supplement - I like the caramel soft chews.
Friend me if you'd like. I am proud of you for being committed to recovery. :drinker: p
ETA: I do think you should measure your food and aim for 2000-2500 per day net, but I remember feeling sick at the thought of eating that much too. If you have to work up to eating that much, then do it. You will be better at everything when you are better to your body.0 -
No, this is my first time posting in a MFP forum0
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I think you are making excellent food choices - Congratulations on that, and your recent weight gain. I wouldn't worry that you are gaining too fast. If you feel healthy and energetic then you are on the right track!
My one suggestion would be to buddy up with someone you know and trust - someone you can confide in. It's nice to have people who can help us, and even better when you realize that you can help someone else as well. The strides you have made could really be an inspiration to others!
Again, Congratulations!0 -
I would start measuring your portions for a while, not weighing obsessively, but perhaps use measuring cups or something. I say this, because you are likely to be wrong when eyeballing and you will most likely overestimate what you are eating. Just as bigger people underestimate what they are eating habitually, you will be the other way around.
good luck :flowerforyou:0 -
I have absolutely no idea how to eat (as silly as that sounds, it's true).
I'm afraid of getting fat! I know I need to gain weight but I don't want to gain it too quickly! Does anyone have any suggestions for meal plans on your own?
it doesnt sound silly at all. And asking for help is amazing and admirable. Good luck you deserve to be healthy and happy!0 -
Just chiming in to say congratulations on realising you had to fix this, my heart goes out to you. Your very brave trying to tackle this on your own. Feel free to add me on here for support.0
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As a person who is also in recovery from anorexia, I have to ask. Do you have any foods that are 100% safe? What I mean by tyhat is, regardless of how much you eat, they don't trigger anything for you, ie: no panic attacks, shutdowns, or anything like that? It might be useful. I know it has been for me and others.
Secondly, it goes against the MFP thinktank, but I would just work towards hitting a calorie goal. Macros I would put aside for the moment.
Finally, I totally get the "I don't want to be fat" mentality. It took me admitting I had a problem to truly start to understand understand things. You can add me if you want, because I think I know how you feel.0 -
You are not eating enough, that all looks like diet food to me. Eat a veggie subway or turkey sub for lunch with whole grain roll, some baked chips and some fruit and maybe a low fat milk. You are young, dont ruin your hair skin and bones. Also eat a more filling dinner.
You know baked chips arent good, I heard many years ago they contain a chemical that I believe causes rectum cancer....Ill look it up and let you know. but you do mean the bags of chips that say baked on them correct?0 -
I may be going against what everyone else is saying, but I wouldn't start weighing my food just yet. I think you are doing a great job as you are now. If you focus too much on weighing, meeting your macros (a certain amount of protein, fat, and carbs daily), and counting calories religiously, it can trigger you to slip back into old habits of monitoring every single thing you eat and trying not to eat too much. It can also seem too overwhelming and you may decide it's easier to just not eat at all. As someone that battled with an eating disorder myself, I can say that still happens to me today. I often have to take breaks from logging because I become to obsessed about it.
Instead, I would monitor your weight weekly. Not every day, but just once a week. It sounds like you are making educated healthy decisions for your food choices and you are eating often throughout the day, which are both great things for recovering ED.0 -
Good for you to choose recovery!
I had anorexia in the past and chose to recover on my own. But if I could go back and change one thing, I'd definitely have a team of experts working with me on what to eat, how much, exercise, etc. Though you feel like you're powerful and in-control right now, you will have slip ups and bad days. When you hit low points in your life, you're going to NEED direction from outsiders who can put your head back on straight (for physical health, mental health, emotional, etc.)
Recovery is not an easy process. I think you would really benefit from seeking out professional help. Its not a sign of defeat to ask for help, but a very mature move to seek help when you need it.
Best of luck to you!0
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