New traditions for the holidays not going well

PennyM140

When you have children, Christmas is about them. When I had my son I told both of our families that Christmas day will be at our house every year. Anyone who wants to join us to celebrate is welcome to. I refuse to budge and so far it has worked out fine.
I don't believe my son should have to be dragged all over town or out of state on Christmas. I also don't think it is fair for one set of grandparents to have access to him that day and another set be left out.

If your family is upset about it maybe you can start a new Christmas Eve tradition with them. Don't let them ruin your holiday

JoRocka

You aren't ruining christmas for your dad, your dad can make the best of it or can sit and play the victim...ultimately, he's choosing to "ruin" his own christmas.... Do what makes you happy... You're not responsibly for anyone elses' happiness but your own!

THIS.
So much this.

You're family is selfish- you need to do what's best for your family- this crap happens EVER year- and it shouldn't be incumbent upon you to do all the work of running around- there has to be a trade off.

it's not "christmas" because it's the 25th... or because it's at your dad's house.

Christmas is a celebratory day- meant to be spent with the ones you love and enjoy each other's company- doesn't matter what day it is- or where it is- it's what you make of it.

I'd have a lot of ruined holiday's if I kept to ONE day at ONE location. I never celebrate holidays on their actual day- my BF almost always works holidays- so our together time is the week before the day before whatever. doesn't matter- only matters that we make a special dinner and enjoy each other.

mrskatbevins

Your family sounds like my family. They are selfish and you deserve better. Remember that your son is number one, and he is your family. Don't let people liek your brother get you down.

Collier78

My brother is an *kitten*, but that’s not new to me. But the fact that I’m ruining xmas for my dad breaks my heart.
How does everyone else deal with too many family obligations over the holidays? And still have a xmas for their kids? My poor husband will be driving 6hours in a 24 hour period on his first day off in 15days to make everyone happy. I don’t want my kid to think the holidays are about a quick stop in at family’s houses to get presents then off to the next place.

Have you talked to your dad?? Or do you just have what your brother said to go on...seems to me you should talk to Dad directly..could be brother is overexaggerating. Just a thought, since that tends to be what happens in my family. I now host because I have children and after the first year my parents couldn't be happier to have the craziness and mess at my place instead of theirs. Good Luck!

metaphoria

You aren't ruining christmas for your dad, your dad can make the best of it or can sit and play the victim...ultimately, he's choosing to "ruin" his own christmas...

This totally. My best friend's father-in-law is the same way and it really angers me that he's so selfish. Juggling kids is a LOT of work, and people without young children should be either willing to travel to you, or accept not spending the holiday together, guilt free.

This right here. My family didn't want to change their time to a day that would accomodate our work schedule even though we had to travel 12 hours to get there. They realized this year that if they want us to be there, it has to change. Theres no compromise with the work schedule so either the day changes or we will never be there for it. I was surprised that this year everyone was a lot more flexible and even asked when the celebration should be. I actually feel like we matter.

latewinter

Spend xmas at your's you should not have to travel to your parents every single xmas just to make them happy.
This xmas is my first xmas with my boyfriend and without my dad. i was worried but thankfully my mother decided to go to my brothers, his gfs and the kids for xmas so im stealing my bf from his parents and spending it together.neither are upset about it but its not up them them its up to us.

Meaning do what you want and what makes YOU happy. They will soon realise its not such a big deal.

CindyRip

When my kids were little we would open our gifts at home with Christmas Eve being a time for us to exchange gifts that my family sent because my family was about 800 miles away, then on Christmas morning Santa would come. We would have breakfast and then drive 2 hours away to my husbands family. I always felt so guilty because my kids could not just stay home and play with their new gifts. When my grand daughter was born, my husband and I now drive 2 hours to her house to spend Christmas with her in a comfortable place for her as does my other two kids. We still have a wonderful celebration, because Christmas is about family to us, not a place. Every one has to sacrifice in some way when people are added to a family, to me it is a minor sacrifice to help my grand daughter be more comfortable. Your response to your brother should have been, " I'm sorry you see me as heartless, and I'm sad dad is so upset, but I'm a parent and I am making this hard choice for my child." If your Christmas is at your parents house, then at some point they must have made this very same choice, to split from some tradition their parents had. Stand your ground or this will be the first of many times when you will feel forced to cave because someone in your family is unhappy. Reconfirm for your family that you would love to host Christmas with them, or choose a different date to celebrate with them so that they can have Christmas on their own terms. This very well could be a pivotal point in your life where you set the tone of things to come. Good luck with your decision.

sphenisciforme

We chose to put our kids first and develop our own traditions for Christmas Day. We do the great family trek between Christmas and New Year as the parents live a long way from us and from each other. My in-laws don't celebrate Christmas (different religion), so they aren't bothered, and often don't know which day of the holidays is Christmas Day. My parents are happy to see us any time. When the children were small, my mum used to do a second Christmas dinner for when we came(none of us go overboard on the catering, so it's just another roast dinner but without having to decide what to cook), so the children always saw that day's visit as Christmas Day part 2. Now the children are much older, my eldest has opted out of seeing her grandparents as she lives in another part of the country, but the other two just come along with us to enjoy spending time with our wider family. Christmas is about so much more than where people chose to spend that one day.

abeare

You need to have a conversation with your dad. Ask him about your family Christmases when you were little. Ask him about how it felt to watch you open your presents and spend time together on holidays. Appeal to his sentimental side and tell him you want that for your own child. Then, work with him to plan something special the day before or after the holidays. Try to give your family their own celebration. I'm guessing that's what's bothering your dad the most - that you are combining with your inlaws. Give him his own day/time and it should help smooth things out.

I think you nailed it, I want the same as I had as a kid where the morning of Christmas was spent at home just the family. Afterwards there was a party with the extended party, but the morning of was just us. I`ll definitely try to explain that to my dad, I fear that he`s wishing those days were still here and that he wasn’t extended family or like you said grouped together with my in-laws. I know he just doesn’t want things to change but they already have.

victoriousO

My only comment is: what is Christmas all about and why does it bring the worst out in some people? Follow the spirit of Christmas and all will be well in your house. We are a couple in our 50's now so traveling isn't a big deal now but when we lived 13 hours from family we traveled every year with 3 children to be with family. To me Christmas is the time to love our family specially and being inconvenienced might go along with it. Hope you have a peaceful season to celebrate His birth:))

LFDBabs

I did the same thing as you. I started hosting Christmas. Traditions have to change sometimes. The important thing is that you are together with your family(s). Where it is celebrated is not important.

I say, change back to you hosting. If your brother and father aren't happy....oh well. They're big boys. I'd tell them to put on their big boy pants and deal with it. When your dad realizes that Christmas isn't the same without YOU and his grandchild....maybe he'll change his tune.

Long story short...do what makes YOU happy.

vtmoon

Just say your child is not feeling well to travel? problem solved.

AmykinsCatfood

My sister told my family that once her baby comes, if they want to see them at Christmas, that we need to go to them. Nothing wrong with what you requested.

abeare

I spent many years in a car traveling from family to in laws so that we could celebrate Christmas together. Well, I also did a lot of b****ing and moaning about it over the years, too.

Now my daughter is grown, married, has teenage children and do you know what? I am so glad we went every year. Yes, it was a pain. But my mother passed away 2 years ago and now it will never be the same again. My father's health is not good - bet we will all be there in our family home to celebrate with him this year (great-grandchildren and all). This is just my opinion, but life is way too short. If you have a good relationship with your family, make it happen. One day you will look around and the opportunity for the family to be together in your parent's home will be gone.

Merry Christmas. :flowerforyou:

I by no means want to spend the holidays without my family, that’s why I gave in and said we`d stop in, I just hate that we won’t get to spend as much time together because I’ll be rushing to go see another family member afterwards. I do like the comment someone made about offering a different day, but I’m afraid that someone will still be insulted that we saw so and so on xmas day but not me (because my inlaws would all be willing to come over just to watch our son play with his new gifts).

aprilwilliams2729

I have two sisters - if they had said when they had kids that we couldn't see them unless we came to their house (one lives 2 hours away and the other has lived between 1-2 hours away most of my neice's life, although they now live about 10 minutes away) - my parents would have been devastated. Sorry to go against the grain in this post, but I have always traveled to see my family - and now that we have a little one it's the same. We spend Christmas morning at home - drive 30 minutes or so to see my in-laws and open presents with them then drive about 45 minutes back the other way to see my parents and spend Christmas late afternoon/evening with them. We did the same when I was a kid - driving to see grandparents - I don't remember feeling a bit slighted or upeset about going. I always got to show off a few of my new gifts!

Anyway, just my opinion. I think kids need to have a sense of family that is sorely lacking in our society. If you are blessed enough to still have your parents and they are within driving distance, why not make that part of your traditions. One day they won't be around anymore - and you'll be wishing for that time back.

joolywooly33

Do what YOU want to do for YOUR family....we usually have everyone at ours and this year we have made it clear that it is just us, mum, dad and the babies. It feels so refreshing to have a Christmas just for us and not for anyone else's agenda. I think when you have children you have to make your own traditions. I have probably upset some family, but I don't really care lol

SonicDeathMonkey80

I went through this as well when I was married. By and large, baby boomers are a selfish bunch of a**holes that have a huge entitlement complex. Your family, your traditions.

MacMomma2013

We do our family Christmas at our house (just the 4 of us) and visit my family and my DH's family between Christmas and New Year's. This way, no one is running anywhere on Christmas and we can all enjoy each others company at a leisurely pace.

I realise that this may not work for you, but it's what has worked with us for the past few years.

april1445

This is what makes Christmas a huge pain in the *kitten*. Don't let that happen and don't let them dictate your day. Do what's right for your family--even if it's only while your kids are little. Things change, and families need to adapt.

gobonas99

Growing up, we always went to church on Christmas Eve (the early 4pm Mass), and then over to my dad's parents' house for Christmas with his side of the family (sometimes all his sibs were there, sometimes not). Christmas morning, we opened presents from Santa and mom & dad. Then we headed over to my mom's parents' house around noon-1pm for Christmas with her side of the family (all the sibs were there until my one aunt and uncle moved to NC). Granted, outside of my one aunt and uncle who moved to NC, no one in the family had to drive any longer than 20 minutes to get anywhere, as we all lived in the same town.

Now that my parents are divorced, we still do the same (Xmas Eve with my dad's side, Christmas morning with mom, Christmas dinner with mom's side). Since I'm the only one of all of my family (besides the ones in NC) who lives out of town, we have to drive...but it's still only 40 minutes...an hour tops, if there's a snowstorm.

My husband's family has actually done Christmas on New Year's Day for as long as he can remember (long before we met), so that works out nicely (we alternate Thanksgiving with his fam/my fam, and we spend Easter with my fam, since his doesn't celebrate it). My sister's husband is from PA, so they make the 6 hour drive down there after Christmas and spend a few days with his parents (they also always go down there for Thanksgiving and stay here for Easter).

Point is, you need to do what works for you and your family. Our system works for ours, because we really have no travel time involved.