Can't Say No

lavendy17

There are always yummy things at work from people bringing home made cookies, to conferences' muffins and bagels.

I am not hungry when I see these foods, but I just can't seem to pass them up (and honestly, they are usually not even that good). I have this compulsion to ALWAYS eat some if it's there and if it's carbs.
Why do I always feel like I HAVE TO eat those foods?
I usually don't deprive myself so I don't think that would explain it.

Thanks!

Hellbent_Heidi

Just tell yourself that the people who baked the cookies have cats that walk on their countertops at home...and the bagels were probably touched by someone with a cold and runny nose! Makes it MUCH easier to pass it up :sick:

skinnyinnotime

You don't have to, it's what you tell yourself.

Try telling yourself you don't want it and then don't have any, it's simple enough.

Mr_Knight

Why do I always feel like I HAVE TO eat those foods?

The only person who can answer that is the one making the choice to do the eating.

beachlover317

If you can fit a snack at work into your calories for the day - go for it.

If you can't fit the snack at work into your calories for the day - pass it by.

It's your goal - it's always your decision.

MinnieInMaine

It's a bad habit...and therefore you have to form a good habit to take its place. Play mental games with yourself. When you know you're heading to the break room or to a meeting where you know these things are, take a moment to prepare yourself. Remember how they're not really that tasty and therefore not worth the calories. Also remember that you've got some yummy snack waiting for you when you get back to your desk that's much tastier and definitely worth the calories.

ETA: if possible, talk to the admins or whoever sets up the treats for these meetings and suggest that theu provide healthy alternatives as well such as fruit, yogurt, etc

Trust me, I know where you're coming from. Thankfully there haven't been too many temptations so far this year but there's usually leftover homemade goodies people bring in or treats sent in by some of our vendors and the like. Most years I've indulged because I'm a foodie and I especially love trying new things. This year I'm going to try to avoid all that by reminding myself that I don't need to try one of everything. Maybe pick one or two things (for the whole season) so I don't compeltely deprive myself but that is the limit. I refuse to gain 10 pounds this year like I have every other year over the holiday season!

Holly_Roman_Empire

If you can fit a snack at work into your calories for the day - go for it.

If you can't fit the snack at work into your calories for the day - pass it by.

It's your goal - it's always your decision.

Or if you can't, eat it, and then work off the extra calories later. Problem solved.

becomeanewme

I agree with Minnie on it being a bad habit. You have a bad habit of thinking you HAVE to eat those things. You don't. There is no one holding a gun to your head saying you have to except yourself. That gun? It's not really there. As a matter of fact it wasn't a gun at all but a carrot.

But really, I hate carrots.

My point is YOU have to have the willpower to look past those items if you so choose. Otherwise put it into your plan. Know there's going to be a meeting and more than likely someone is bringing bagels? Work your calories for a meal around eating one of those bagels. If you don't think that bagel is worth moving other calories around then use that thought to keep you away from the bagels.

Another suggestion, you say that people are bringing in the treats/bagels and such. Then perhaps you should start bringing in a healthier alternative yourself that you know you can eat for everyone a few times. If the snacks are brought in by people in charge then again I agree with Minnie about asking them to provide healthier alternatives.

It comes down to YOU. You CAN say no, you make the choice not to because not saying no is easier. It took me a long time to realize this. It's easy to give in, but it's more satisfying to know you have control over yourself.

Just my opinion Good luck!

Brandolin11

I spent 10 loooooooooong years fighting with compulsive behavior like this - ex., telling myself I was going to have a great day, eating well, and then the moment I saw cookies at work left over from a meeting I scarfed about six of them down. Or doing really well on a diet, then going to, say, the local cupcake shop, buying four huge cupcakes, then eating all four of them secretly in my car. That sort of thing. I always felt HORRIBLE afterward. Great while eating everything (for one moment you feel so good and free and happy), but then the shame and guilt returns immediately afterward and it makes you want to binge again later. Of course I would try to resist, but would inevitably fail every single time.

This behavior is what's known as "compulsive overeating". Two years ago I learned that I was a "compulsive overeater"-type. I'm not saying you are, but you might be as well and it might be worth exploring. Your first and best step will be to admit this to yourself so that you can get to the business of resolving and managing it. The good news is that it is TOTALLY manageable and you CAN live a life free of the BEHAVIOR associated with the temptation to binge and eat compulsively! Even if you are tempted, you CAN live a life free to giving into it. But you have to learn how. You have to learn *why* you do it, and *how* to escape it. You need tools.

I would like to offer you a great (free) resource to teach you those tools. It may surprise you. It's actually the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" (see link at the bottom of this email). You may not be a bonafide food addict (like me), but this book holds all the answers for people who also just struggle with general compulsion. All you do is read the short book (in the link) and as you read, replace the words "Alcohol" and "Alcoholic" with the words, "Food" and "Compulsive Overeater". You will be floored to discover the similarities between food bingeing and alcohol bingeing. If you learn and work the 12 Steps they suggest in this book, I promise you will find true freedom from this terrible emotional distress.

I hope I have not offended you or anyone on these boards at all - I only mean to help if I could, because this literature, and the Overeaters Anonymous meetings I've attended, have saved my sanity and quite possibly my life. I am anxious to share it with anyone I see "the signs" in, like I saw in you. Hope it helps. Blessings.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

MyOwnSunshine

When I'm on top of my game and eating correctly, I follow the simple rule of "No Unplanned Eating."

I plan my day in the mornings, and it includes protein shake, breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner and evening snack. I may not always plan the exact details, but I know what I should eat to hit my macros and stay within my calorie limit.

When I see food in the break room, meeting room, or at the nurses station and I think I want it, I remind myself that it does not fit in my plan for the day. I use strong affirmative self talk: "I don't eat things that I haven't planned for. I brought my lunch and snacks. I need to stick to my plan in order to meet my goals."

For example, today I planned to eat oatmeal for breakfast (my usual work fare) and packed a healthy lunch and dinner. Co-workers called me and asked if I wanted Chinese food. I was easily able to say, "No thanks, I packed my meals today and am sticking to my plan."

If I'm really tempted by sweets or treats, I try to have high standards. I try very hard not to indulge in store-bought not-gourmet treats. If someone brings in a wonderful homemade treat, I might consider it, but I would have to re-work my whole plan and readjust my macros, so it has to be totally worth it.

lavendy17

Not offended at all. I might actually look at it when I get home. For a long time I managed my compulsions really well but they came back and I don't understand it. I really want to explore the deep set reasons because it keeps coming back. The sad thing is that I don't even WANT to eat any of it, nor am I the slightest hungry. There's something deeper happening. Thanks for sharing.

Brandolin11

Not offended at all. I might actually look at it when I get home. For a long time I managed my compulsions really well but they came back and I don't understand it. I really want to explore the deep set reasons because it keeps coming back. The sad thing is that I don't even WANT to eat any of it, nor am I the slightest hungry. There's something deeper happening. Thanks for sharing.

I'm so glad. I want you to know that I TOTALLY understand what you're talking about (and so do a lot of people on here, though they may not say it out loud)... I can't tell you how many times I would beg myself, inside my head, to not eat those cupcakes to to stop eating that entire bag of Oreos. I was equally torn between "wanting" the pleasure from the cupcakes and "wanting" to be healthy and fit - it was this disparity of mind, and the disappointment in myself for not giving myself what I TRULY NEEDED, that made me so miserable. Well, that and the size 16-18 jeans. That was pretty miserable, too.

The thing about compulsion is that it will never, technically, leave you. And when you "feed" it (pun intended) by giving into cravings, the compulsion only gets stronger and stronger. That's why it always comes back. It'll always be on your heels, to a certain degree, and this, you will learn, is actually somewhat of a good thing because it humbles us and reminds us to always be compassionate to those suffering in the same way. But the beauty is that when you learn how to *manage* compulsion, (and yes, figuring out the deeper things happening behind the scenes and healing/fixing those things is part of that process), then you can actually find true freedom from it because you know how to deal with it and eradicate it from your actions and behavior.

Have hope. There is always hope because there are tried-and-true ways to deal with it. The prison door is open. You need to learn to stand up and walk through it, up and out, into freedom. You can do this. Private message me w/questions if you so desire.

Francl27

If you can fit a snack at work into your calories for the day - go for it.

If you can't fit the snack at work into your calories for the day - pass it by.

It's your goal - it's always your decision.

Or if you can't, eat it, and then work off the extra calories later. Problem solved.

This. I'd probably just make room in my diary for it, well, except the muffins, those are just too many calories.

Pandora_King

It's not CAN'T. It's WON'T. Know the difference and you will find the confidence to refuse.

littlelaura

I know for a fact my former co workers kid had sneezed a big boogie on a cake and she just wiped it off and fixed the frosting.
I wont ever eat office treats again unless they are just from a local bakery pre made.

Kevalicious99

Having self control = success. Pretty simple. Get some willpower to just don't eat what you don't want to.

We all have that power. I don't accept people saying that they cannot do it.

Brandolin11

Having self control = success. Pretty simple. Get some willpower to just don't eat what you don't want to.

We all have that power. I don't accept people saying that they cannot do it.

I would gently add the caveat that while technically it is true that one must exercise willpower as part of the plan for success, and that in reality there is no such thing as "I can't", we need to remember that for many people, getting to the point of understanding just exactly *how* to apply that control is extremely difficult and even multifaceted / multi-layered. It's not as "simple" (and by "simple" I mean "easy") as "just getting some willpower" - otherwise we *all* would have "just done it" years and years ago, right?

In order to reach success, some people need to embark on a journey of exploring and learning *why* they don't exercise that willpower within themselves. This can unlock many doors they ultimately walk through toward more understanding, and hopefully never re-enter again.

They also need to garner new tools to walk forward, and that can take some time, energy, and effort.

They also need lots of understanding support along the way as they will be tempted over and over to give up.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Thankfully, lots of great changes can be taking place inside a person AS they do these things. In other words, success can be occurring even though weight may not yet be lost.

Some people do just have a "conversion experience" and immediately jump from A - Z (A being "I can't do it" to Z being "I will simply exercise willpower from this moment on") - but I'd argue that probably most people don't. It's a process for most until the light goes on and they realize what must be done. Took me about two years, personally, before I "just did it". But the knowledge and tools I collected along the way were absolutely what I needed to implement once I was on that road to self control. Hope that makes sense!!

lavendy17

That's very true. I don't want to say no to them. This is the problem.

gigglesinthesun

I can't either, so I have this list :-)

Step 1: do not eat it if it doesn't taste good

Step 2: eat only one at a time, if you crave another right away, have a glass of water, give yourself a deadline i.e. I will have the next one in 5 min

Step 3: log it as best as you can, be extra conscientious with your other logging (so even if you are out by 100 calories for that item, the rest is as accurate as you could get it)

Step 4: exercise to see how long it takes to work of those cookies (at least one) ... 45 mins of walking at a brisk pace to walk off 1 of those delicious shortbread cookies

All this list does is create greater awareness of what I am actually eating. I will always have at least one of the shortbreads, but one at 150 cals isn't the problem. 6 on the other hand ...

SLLRunner

There are always yummy things at work from people bringing home made cookies, to conferences' muffins and bagels.

I am not hungry when I see these foods, but I just can't seem to pass them up (and honestly, they are usually not even that good). I have this compulsion to ALWAYS eat some if it's there and if it's carbs.
Why do I always feel like I HAVE TO eat those foods?
I usually don't deprive myself so I don't think that would explain it.

Thanks!

They always have sweets in the office. I rarely eat anything at all from work, but the other day a business associate brought me some wonderful cookies to share with the office

I looked at those cookies and decided I wanted one. I called the bakery in question to get nutrition information. and decided just one cookie fit into my calorie allowance for the day. It was delicious!

You CAN say no, but if you want something just see how it fits into your calories.

SLLRunner

If you can fit a snack at work into your calories for the day - go for it.

If you can't fit the snack at work into your calories for the day - pass it by.

It's your goal - it's always your decision.

Or if you can't, eat it, and then work off the extra calories later. Problem solved.

This. I'd probably just make room in my diary for it, well, except the muffins, those are just too many calories.

No kidding! A lowfat pumpkin muffin from Peet's Coffee has 450 calories! NO thank you!

lavendy17

Having self control = success. Pretty simple. Get some willpower to just don't eat what you don't want to.

We all have that power. I don't accept people saying that they cannot do it.

Be careful: willpower is a finite resource. Using it requires a lot of cognitive energy, which ironically makes you look for high-energy foods. There are many studies on this subject.

You can use willpower to start, but it runs out eventually. I have been keeping my weight down for almost 3 years, and it's not thanks to willpower. Willpower is simply not a sustainable solution. What lasts is forming good habits, building helpful tools, and a true understanding of your motives. I am at a pickle now because I don't understand my behavior. If I could figure out why this happens I can find a solution to overcome it.

lyzmorrison

OP, do you spend alot of time at the gym? I have found that when I go to the gym I am psyched about my progress and can easily say no. On the days I take off from the gym b/c I have another commitment or whatever, that night and the next day I feel more slack, less pumped up.

lavendy17

Yes I do go to the gym and it helps a little with emotional stability. But my hectic schedule doesn't get me to the gym as much as I'd like. I only get home around 8:30, and if i go to the gym it means I eat dinner at 10:30 (accounting for commuting, showering and preparing food), so I probably only go 2-3 nights in the middle of the week and once more on the weekends.

However what I am really concerned about is that if I refuse these foods, I am really upset by it, like I just punished myself, or it makes me feel like I will compensate myself later for being good and saying no. This is obviously a distorted way of thinking. I want to break the cycle/.

lyzmorrison

Well, I think it will resolve itself. Seriously. It's a matter of changing how we think and that's a process. It does suck to pass up those cupcakes or that chili con queso, and sometimes I do feel like I'm missing out, but when I get on the scale and have lost another pound then I find that I feel less like I'm missing out next time. And...when I bought new pants that were a size smaller, well....I am happier to pass up that cupcake! And when you are down a few sizes....you'll never look at a muffin the same again!

Think of it as choice that you have an OPPORTUNITY to make.....you can miss out on that muffin or you can miss out on those smaller jeans. You can't have both.

mama_bear91215

Personally, if I see something I just cannot pass up, I have it..but like a bite of it..so I'm not eating a whole brownie..but mostly I just try and stay away...however, someone brought in baclava yesterday..and I tore up a piece of that! lol

arrseegee

I spent 10 loooooooooong years fighting with compulsive behavior like this - ex., telling myself I was going to have a great day, eating well, and then the moment I saw cookies at work left over from a meeting I scarfed about six of them down. Or doing really well on a diet, then going to, say, the local cupcake shop, buying four huge cupcakes, then eating all four of them secretly in my car. That sort of thing. I always felt HORRIBLE afterward. Great while eating everything (for one moment you feel so good and free and happy), but then the shame and guilt returns immediately afterward and it makes you want to binge again later. Of course I would try to resist, but would inevitably fail every single time.

This behavior is what's known as "compulsive overeating". Two years ago I learned that I was a "compulsive overeater"-type. I'm not saying you are, but you might be as well and it might be worth exploring. Your first and best step will be to admit this to yourself so that you can get to the business of resolving and managing it. The good news is that it is TOTALLY manageable and you CAN live a life free of the BEHAVIOR associated with the temptation to binge and eat compulsively! Even if you are tempted, you CAN live a life free to giving into it. But you have to learn how. You have to learn *why* you do it, and *how* to escape it. You need tools.

I would like to offer you a great (free) resource to teach you those tools. It may surprise you. It's actually the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" (see link at the bottom of this email). You may not be a bonafide food addict (like me), but this book holds all the answers for people who also just struggle with general compulsion. All you do is read the short book (in the link) and as you read, replace the words "Alcohol" and "Alcoholic" with the words, "Food" and "Compulsive Overeater". You will be floored to discover the similarities between food bingeing and alcohol bingeing. If you learn and work the 12 Steps they suggest in this book, I promise you will find true freedom from this terrible emotional distress.

I hope I have not offended you or anyone on these boards at all - I only mean to help if I could, because this literature, and the Overeaters Anonymous meetings I've attended, have saved my sanity and quite possibly my life. I am anxious to share it with anyone I see "the signs" in, like I saw in you. Hope it helps. Blessings.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Thanks for this post, and your other ones. You are a smart lady!

austinartgirl

Turning my "no's" into "not now's" tends to help me.

Briargrey

Lots of good answers already - I agree with the fact that it is up to you to change your mindset about 'having' to eat it You mentioned too you feel like you have to do this not to hurt their feelings or something.

Totally get past that. If they are going to feel offended because you don't eat something, that is their problem. They don't have to live in your skin, buy your clothes, deal with your health, etc. If they're super needy sorts feel free to tell them how awesome it all looks if they need that compliment. But otherwise, just say no. I get offered food all the time, and I just say 'no thanks, sounds awesome, but I am just not hungry right now.' There are people who seem to make it their life's work to push food on people who say no -- again, that is THEIR problem. Just keep saying no.

Brandolin11

I spent 10 loooooooooong years fighting with compulsive behavior like this - ex., telling myself I was going to have a great day, eating well, and then the moment I saw cookies at work left over from a meeting I scarfed about six of them down. Or doing really well on a diet, then going to, say, the local cupcake shop, buying four huge cupcakes, then eating all four of them secretly in my car. That sort of thing. I always felt HORRIBLE afterward. Great while eating everything (for one moment you feel so good and free and happy), but then the shame and guilt returns immediately afterward and it makes you want to binge again later. Of course I would try to resist, but would inevitably fail every single time.

This behavior is what's known as "compulsive overeating". Two years ago I learned that I was a "compulsive overeater"-type. I'm not saying you are, but you might be as well and it might be worth exploring. Your first and best step will be to admit this to yourself so that you can get to the business of resolving and managing it. The good news is that it is TOTALLY manageable and you CAN live a life free of the BEHAVIOR associated with the temptation to binge and eat compulsively! Even if you are tempted, you CAN live a life free to giving into it. But you have to learn how. You have to learn *why* you do it, and *how* to escape it. You need tools.

I would like to offer you a great (free) resource to teach you those tools. It may surprise you. It's actually the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" (see link at the bottom of this email). You may not be a bonafide food addict (like me), but this book holds all the answers for people who also just struggle with general compulsion. All you do is read the short book (in the link) and as you read, replace the words "Alcohol" and "Alcoholic" with the words, "Food" and "Compulsive Overeater". You will be floored to discover the similarities between food bingeing and alcohol bingeing. If you learn and work the 12 Steps they suggest in this book, I promise you will find true freedom from this terrible emotional distress.

I hope I have not offended you or anyone on these boards at all - I only mean to help if I could, because this literature, and the Overeaters Anonymous meetings I've attended, have saved my sanity and quite possibly my life. I am anxious to share it with anyone I see "the signs" in, like I saw in you. Hope it helps. Blessings.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Thanks for this post, and your other ones. You are a smart lady!

Thank you so much!! I truly hope it's helpful to people.

Saramelie

I spent 10 loooooooooong years fighting with compulsive behavior like this - ex., telling myself I was going to have a great day, eating well, and then the moment I saw cookies at work left over from a meeting I scarfed about six of them down. Or doing really well on a diet, then going to, say, the local cupcake shop, buying four huge cupcakes, then eating all four of them secretly in my car. That sort of thing. I always felt HORRIBLE afterward. Great while eating everything (for one moment you feel so good and free and happy), but then the shame and guilt returns immediately afterward and it makes you want to binge again later. Of course I would try to resist, but would inevitably fail every single time.

This behavior is what's known as "compulsive overeating". Two years ago I learned that I was a "compulsive overeater"-type. I'm not saying you are, but you might be as well and it might be worth exploring. Your first and best step will be to admit this to yourself so that you can get to the business of resolving and managing it. The good news is that it is TOTALLY manageable and you CAN live a life free of the BEHAVIOR associated with the temptation to binge and eat compulsively! Even if you are tempted, you CAN live a life free to giving into it. But you have to learn how. You have to learn *why* you do it, and *how* to escape it. You need tools.

I would like to offer you a great (free) resource to teach you those tools. It may surprise you. It's actually the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" (see link at the bottom of this email). You may not be a bonafide food addict (like me), but this book holds all the answers for people who also just struggle with general compulsion. All you do is read the short book (in the link) and as you read, replace the words "Alcohol" and "Alcoholic" with the words, "Food" and "Compulsive Overeater". You will be floored to discover the similarities between food bingeing and alcohol bingeing. If you learn and work the 12 Steps they suggest in this book, I promise you will find true freedom from this terrible emotional distress.

I hope I have not offended you or anyone on these boards at all - I only mean to help if I could, because this literature, and the Overeaters Anonymous meetings I've attended, have saved my sanity and quite possibly my life. I am anxious to share it with anyone I see "the signs" in, like I saw in you. Hope it helps. Blessings.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

The program is called OA , google it if interested.