RL situation affecting overall health-suggestions?

Brittaura

Hello, the last 5 months have been very challenging. I got very sick, it took a month to figure out what was wrong, then surgery to fix it. My place of employment laid me off while I was recovering. Shortly after, my boyfriend and I split. I am a full time student in my senior year of 2 majors, but only a junior in my 3rd. Being a student is my only source of income while I am searching for a new job, I receive a veterans’ affairs grant which expires in August. Before everything blew up I was working 40-60 hours a week on top of full time school and some volunteer work. The only thing I did outside those parts of my life was spend time with my boyfriend and his family. I moved cross country about a year and a half ago, but was too wrapped up in starting my career and finishing school to spend time on a social life. Now that we have split up I have to choose between staying here with no supports or positive influences in my life to finish school without back-tracking and losing my grant; or move back to VA (where my family is), be unable to afford out of state tuition, and have to wait a year (and lose my grant) to finish school so that I can have some healthy relationships and support around me.
The grant I get is the only thing I have left from my father who died when I was a child. I feel like it is disrespectful and dishonorable to my dad and myself to give up something so important over a failed relationship… at the same time, I don’t want my heart to get in the way of my studies if I stay here and things get worse or I HAVE to leave suddenly and be even more screwed. My grades suffered this semester; it was the first time in two years I wasn’t on the dean’s list.
I want things to work with the ex, but I don’t want that to have anything to do with my decision since long term that would be a stupid thing to bank my future on. We are living together so it’s odd and painful, but I can’t afford to move out until I find another job and save up for a few months, even if I landed something today. There was no massive blowout, cheating, abuse, etc. so things have been civil thus far just difficulty pretending years history and emotions aren't there.
The only alternatives I’ve been able to really come up with are to study abroad so I don’t lose my residency but don’t live here either and to speak with universities in VA to see if they would be willing to work out a residency deal since that’s where I was living before and where I earned my associates’ degrees.
I know stress affects weight-loss, sleep, etc. whatever I end up doing I want to get healthy and lose weight for the betterment of my overall health. My health and education are EXTREMELY important to me. I know whatever choice will have challenges, but I’m hoping there are options I haven’t considered that someone might shed light on. If anyone has any ideas I’m not already considering they would be greatly appreciated I'm merely looking for other healthy alternatives, my main concerns are truly my mental and physical well being so I'm trying to avoid rash decision making.

Thank You,
Brittany

lynn_glenmont

Wow, that's a lot to have on your shoulders at once. Maybe you need to narrow your focus and lower your goals temporarily in some of these areas. For example, maybe you could move to maintenance rather than shooting for continued weight loss for the next couple of months. (ETA: Still try to get exercise, if you can, for the stress relief.) And could you graduate by August with just the two majors, and perhaps have the third as just a minor -- would that be a disaster in terms of your career goals? Then you could be done by the time your grant runs out. I'm no expert, but I believe that either transferring back to VA (Virginia, right?) or studying abroad (do you mean in the spring? -- that seems awfully short notice to arrange something) would delay your graduation.

As for the living situation, just try to keep it as civil as possible, while you look for other arrangements. Does your campus housing office have a way for off-campus students looking for roommates to connect with each other? (In my day it was a bulletin board, but presumably it would be online now.) Is it helping your ex financially to go on sharing with you, so that he has a stake in making the roommate situation work out with you? Will you be leaving him in a lurch financially when you move out (not that you need to base your decisions on that, but recognizing someone's else's needs can help you work out mutually beneficial solutions).

Brittaura

Hi Lynn, thanks for the response

Dropping the other major would make the other 2 useless for the work I want to get into, I would have been in school after my grant runs out no matter what though, it's just a matter of using it or losing it atm. It is too close to the start of the spring semester for me to swap or study abroad right now no matter what, I'm trying to only sign up for online classes or telecom ones so that if I decide to leave it doesn't cost me my GPA/me having to drop courses. If I do leave it will give me until the summer classes to make arrangements, and if I stay it gives me more flexibility in my job search so as long as I can hit 12 credits it's what seemed best for now.

Unfortunately in WY there is only 1 university (still boggles my mind) which is about 4 hours from me, I go through the outreach center and my bf and I had planned on commuting or moving closer once it got to the last couple semesters to finish up my last degree. That being said, there aren't really dorms to speak of and I don't know that I could be comfortable with a dorm situation since I'm 27 and not interested in partying or screwing around like most people I've known to be living on campus (hope that doesn't sound ****ty, just really want to focus and get everything over with).

As for the apt we have it helps us both that we live together and if I left he would get a roommate to stay comfortable financially, but his friends and family are all very close-by since he grew up here. His best friend lives about 40 mins away and would most likely move in. We haven't discussed it, but the friend and I have.