Previously obese: Have your perceptions changed?

ilmb87

The only thing I've realized is that if you want it, you will make it happen. Excuses are just attempts to patch the self-esteem hole created by wanting another slice of pizza more than you want to be fit.

I used to want another slice of pizza more than I wanted to be fit. When I decided that I wanted to be fit more than I wanted another slice of pizza, I became fit. That's how it works.

And everyone said...amen.

...AMEN!!!

AMEN!!!

mgorham13

You're all missing one point. Maybe all these terrible obese fat people you're all seeing don't want to change.

And guess what? There was a time when previously obese people were looking at YOUR obese selves, thinking "poor them, they should really change. Shall I go and encourage them?" .....

Wow, some people really do need to get off their high horses. You do not have a right to judge anyones life, how they choose to live is upto them.

I agree. One of my biggest weight-related pet peeves is when people lose a load of weight and then talk about how they just want to go tell all of the obese people of the world to do the same because it's just fantastic (especially peeved by people that have had WLS get all fired up to tell obese people how well MAJOR ****ing surgery could change their life. Just, what? Don't tell strangers to have serious surgery). I understand wanting other people to feel as great as you, but you don't know their story or where they've been. Hell, maybe the "poor obese" person you're looking at is on top of the world because they just lost 50 pounds themself and it would crush them to have someone else say, "hey, you're clearly still huge, maybe lose weight."

And, yes, not every obese person even wants to lose weight. I know, shocking. Some people are happy with their size. Again, that is between them and the people they share it with, not nosy strangers/well-wishers.

Let me just be clear, in answering the OP question I am telling him how I feel when I see others (obese) fighting the same struggle. Not in a million years would I suggest to someone "hey I lost weight so should you" if someone I knew asked me for advice I could tell them only what has worked for me. Btw I am this guy " Hell, maybe the "poor obese" person you're looking at is on top of the world because they just lost 50 pounds themself and it would crush them to have someone else say, "hey, you're clearly still huge, maybe lose weight." and it would feel terrible to have that happen.

I doubt anyone who replied is going around door to door trying to inspire fat people while riding their high horse

Sarahnade42x

The only thing I've realized is that if you want it, you will make it happen. Excuses are just attempts to patch the self-esteem hole created by wanting another slice of pizza more than you want to be fit.

I used to want another slice of pizza more than I wanted to be fit. When I decided that I wanted to be fit more than I wanted another slice of pizza, I became fit. That's how it works.

And everyone said...amen.

...AMEN!!!

AMEN!!!

Amen.

sbbhbm

I tend to feel bad when I am asked about my weight struggles and weight loss, because I fall into the category of people who had legitimate health related weight gain. I feel like I don't have much to offer for those that are looking for inspiration- I didn't struggle with my weight because of depression, or emotional or compulsive eating, or anything else. I had no demons to conquer. I lost the weight by eating right and exercising, but it would have been practically impossible without my medication. Yes, I put in the work, and hopefully that's inspirational to some, but my struggle is against my own body and not anything really in my mind.

seltzermint555

In general I feel bad for morbidly obese/obese people even though I am obese still. I feel like I know how they feel and wish I could tell them "hey I been there and I made a change and so can you" because losing weight has changed everything about me. I went from severe depression to optimistic (with the occasional day of misery). I went from being a procrastinator to a doer and my goals keep me going each day. The only time I get angry is when I see the people on tv who claim to drink a case of coke a day and eat fast food daily, then the minute they just stop those things the weight melts off. I never did any of that **** and still managed to get to around 400 lbs.

My overall feeling though is I want to put my arm around them and tell them there is hope, it's hard but not impossible and that they are missing out on life the longer they wait. I have days where I am terribly angry at myself for waiting so long to do this.

I like this post. I feel pretty similarly...especially when it comes to the people on TV (or weight loss success stories in PEOPLE magazine) whose terrible habits led to weight gain and then they stopped and are now 112 lb and ripped. I think that makes a lot of average weight people judge the obese more harshly. It is NOT that simple. I got to 307 lb by drinking 1% milk with 2 cups of cereal instead of the serving size, having hummus and cucumbers for lunch and then grabbing a venti latte at Starbucks on my way home to prepare pasta with cream sauce and loads of cheese...and then have a small portion and skip dessert...IGNORANCE, not gluttony.

I'm still obese at 5'8" and 206 lb but I've come a long way. For me, moderate exercise was the answer to losing about 40 lb that were not "normal" for my body, but even with exercise and eating a bit less (no MFP logging), my body stayed around 260-270 for YEARS. It took MFP and being extremely precise w/ my daily calories, and learning more about nutrition in general, to lose the additional weight I've lost since joining.

So when I see people who remind me of my heavier self, I always wish I could non-offensively suggest MFP. I would never ever do that unsolicited! But part of me's thinking "lady whose belly roll is overflowing the airline seat, I used to be JUST like you and you don't even look horrible but I know you would be much happier and more comfortable if you lost that excess...and it could be as simple as logging your food and learning that you ate 3,300 calories on Wednesday and 950 on Thursday and your body's all out of whack!"

FTR I am not aiming for that People magazine dieter 112 lb model look. I would be ok with 190 or 170. So that makes me a lot different than some people, who will still judge me if I am 170 lb. Whatever :-) It's more important to feel good than to impress.

Jkn921

I'd personally help anyone if they were serious about it and ready to make a change. I don't really worry about other people as I don't force my opinions down someone's throat but I will make an effort to help them. It's up to them what they do with it..

JustMeee333

Do you really think obese people don't want to not be obese anymore? That they like it? I'm not really seeing your point honestly. Personally I just hope they will want to change.

When I was obese, I didn't mind, I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight (well, for 5 years). So it was kinda nice. But I still would have liked to be thinner.

Erm, well.. yes actually. There are people who are happy being obese, who purposely try to be obese and enjoy being overweight. There are those who even make money from being obese. Not everyone wants to be "thin", you're being narrow minded if you were to think they did. Being thin isn't the be all and end all of everything, and if you think when you reach your goal weight you're going to obtain a perfect life with endless happiness, then you're in for a huge wake up call.

Francl27

Do you really think obese people don't want to not be obese anymore? That they like it? I'm not really seeing your point honestly. Personally I just hope they will want to change.

When I was obese, I didn't mind, I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight (well, for 5 years). So it was kinda nice. But I still would have liked to be thinner.

Erm, well.. yes actually. There are people who are happy being obese, who purposely try to be obese and enjoy being overweight. There are those who even make money from being obese. Not everyone wants to be "thin", you're being narrow minded if you were to think they did. Being thin isn't the be all and end all of everything, and if you think when you reach your goal weight you're going to obtain a perfect life with endless happiness, then you're in for a huge wake up call.

What does that have to do with anything? Weight related happiness is a totally different topic. I've met a bunch of happy overweight people too, but that didn't mean they were happy to be overweight. They were just happy. Guaranteed that they would have been happy to be thinner though... Being paid for it is another topic entirely as well... It's not uncommon to have to do things we don't like for work.

JustMeee333

You'd probably do better if you actually bothered to read what I said.

Previous comments were talking about feeling sorry for overweight people, who I said may actually be happy being overweight.
Happy to be overweight that is, not just general happiness.

whitebalance

The only thing I've realized is that if you want it, you will make it happen. Excuses are just attempts to patch the self-esteem hole created by wanting another slice of pizza more than you want to be fit.

I used to want another slice of pizza more than I wanted to be fit. When I decided that I wanted to be fit more than I wanted another slice of pizza, I became fit. That's how it works.

And everyone said...amen.

...AMEN!!!

AMEN!!!

Amen.

AMEN.

Francl27

You'd probably do better if you actually bothered to read what I said.

Previous comments were talking about feeling sorry for overweight people, who I said may actually be happy being overweight.
Happy to be overweight that is, not just general happiness.

And as I said... never met any.

klaff411

I'm really curious about something.

Before I started caring about my health and realizing that I wanted more out of myself than what I was allowing, I had casually kept up with a few somewhat-prominent-at-the-time health advocates, most of whom had come from morbid obesity or close to it. I noticed that in a lot of the articles they might write, the vlogs they might film, the podcasts they might record—whatever it may have been, they had a hard time acknowledging exactly what it was that was causing them to struggle so much in the past or would generally speak of their past, unhealthy habits and stressors with contempt rather than understanding. I understand not being fond of a period of our lives that brought us a lot of unhappiness and difficulty as well as not wanting to feel like we are enabling that continuance, but I feel like being able to look back at that part of my life from a new perspective allows me a better understanding of myself and what I actually was or was not struggling with at the time, and thus I might have a better understanding of others in a similar situation.

I'm just a little surprised that a lot of people go from struggling through very heavy issues, whether they involve genuine disorders or simple ignorance, to simplifying everything into "excuses" or "laziness" or whatever it may have been as if their past selves should be shamed. I know that most of these people aim to motivate others and a lot of people don't respond well to discussion of things that could be considered negative, but nonetheless it got me thinking about how others' perceptions might have or have not changed about overweight people, obesity, and most importantly, their past selves. I realize that I'm changing significantly, not entirely because of my weight loss, though that is certainly a big part of it, and that my perceptions are also changing in ways I never would have expected. However, I already felt quite enough shame in the past for not knowing how to properly deal with things, and I more empathize with people in similar situations than I do hold contempt for them. That doesn't mean I encourage coddling anyone or that bad behaviors should be waived off and that anyone struggling should be told, "It's okay." It means that I understand and I empathize.

Perhaps they do, too, but because that is not necessarily beneficial to voice to those people, that's why they choose the words they do?

Either way, I was genuinely curious what others' thoughts on this are.

Oh jesus. This is just one of those weird things. I've always been well heavy since I was pretty young. Recently I've noticed how different people treat me. Particularly men. It makes me happy, but also sad too.

I know that when I reach my goal its going to take some time to accept. But what I know is there will always be something of that fat person inside me. That's why I have empathy for people who want to change. I don't have much for people who are lazy or make excuses though "fat logic" bs. Being fat is not good. Its unhealthy and despite what people want, society doesn't like it much either. I think men can get away with this a bit more than women though.

But I'm very very happy that I can wear what I want now. I feel far more confident in myself when I walk out the door and I think that's part of the change people notice more than anything. Before I would basically hide out because I was ashamed of how disgusting I was.

One negative thing though is some of my formerly fat friends didn't all take well to the change. I found that it was a bit hard for me since all they wanted to do was drink. Something which I don't really do much of anymore -- barring the occasional glass of wine or beer/scotch. Having been on the otherside of things I tried not to make much of a deal about it. But its kind of hard when your the one getting all the male attention just by virtue of being a contrast. I know that sounds super-mean, but its just the truth. Not like I wanted those guys to be all up on me. Most were nasty and old-ish. I probably shouldn't be too discriminating since I'm hitting the ceiling of 29 now haha.

JustMeee333

And as I said... never met any.

Doesn't mean they don't exist. You don't know everybody in the world.

SapiensPisces

I used to think it was just laziness that was the problem and let to my obesity, but it really was a lot more complex than that. My obesity was a symptom of a much deeper and far more serious problem in my mind. I'm starting to realize that a big part of this experience (getting healthy and staying that way) has to do with understanding myself, as you put it. I'm also striving to avoid passing judgment on others anymore. Life is complex and it's impossible to always boil things down to black and white commentary.

To answer your question about perception, I strive to be a lot more tolerant and understanding than I was before, though at first, when I started losing, I was a lot less so. A lot of my contempt towards others who I saw as "lazy" was a manifestation of my own self-hate and had nothing really to do with them. I'm working on trying to do better about that now that I've realized the issue.

This is a good topic, and the responses are interesting.

stealthq

Lots of different reasons for people to get and stay fat. No denying that barring a medical condition, everyone who wants to lose weight, can. And it's not all that hard physically.

I personally don't have psychological issues with food, and that adds a whole 'nother dimension of difficulty for many because the psyche needs to be dealt with as well. Most of the people that I know that are heavier than they want to be don't have that problem.

For me, getting overweight was laziness and I knew it from the get go. Not that I'm a lazy person, but when it came to researching how to lose weight and learning the overall composition of my diet, I was. And so are the other people who even now keep asking me what I've done to lose weight in tones of disbelief. Instead of buckling down and doing the work of logging and exercising self-control (which really isn't all that bad if you don't have the psychological component), they want to jump on every fad diet out there and hope it works. Why a couple of months of nothing but grapefruit or cabbage soup seems easier than logging your food, I don't know. Maybe because there's an end to that diet while I'm telling them (and myself) that watching your intake/outtake has to be forever.