Previously obese: Have your perceptions changed?

Francl27

You'd probably do better if you actually bothered to read what I said.

Previous comments were talking about feeling sorry for overweight people, who I said may actually be happy being overweight.
Happy to be overweight that is, not just general happiness.

And as I said... never met any.

klaff411

I'm really curious about something.

Before I started caring about my health and realizing that I wanted more out of myself than what I was allowing, I had casually kept up with a few somewhat-prominent-at-the-time health advocates, most of whom had come from morbid obesity or close to it. I noticed that in a lot of the articles they might write, the vlogs they might film, the podcasts they might record—whatever it may have been, they had a hard time acknowledging exactly what it was that was causing them to struggle so much in the past or would generally speak of their past, unhealthy habits and stressors with contempt rather than understanding. I understand not being fond of a period of our lives that brought us a lot of unhappiness and difficulty as well as not wanting to feel like we are enabling that continuance, but I feel like being able to look back at that part of my life from a new perspective allows me a better understanding of myself and what I actually was or was not struggling with at the time, and thus I might have a better understanding of others in a similar situation.

I'm just a little surprised that a lot of people go from struggling through very heavy issues, whether they involve genuine disorders or simple ignorance, to simplifying everything into "excuses" or "laziness" or whatever it may have been as if their past selves should be shamed. I know that most of these people aim to motivate others and a lot of people don't respond well to discussion of things that could be considered negative, but nonetheless it got me thinking about how others' perceptions might have or have not changed about overweight people, obesity, and most importantly, their past selves. I realize that I'm changing significantly, not entirely because of my weight loss, though that is certainly a big part of it, and that my perceptions are also changing in ways I never would have expected. However, I already felt quite enough shame in the past for not knowing how to properly deal with things, and I more empathize with people in similar situations than I do hold contempt for them. That doesn't mean I encourage coddling anyone or that bad behaviors should be waived off and that anyone struggling should be told, "It's okay." It means that I understand and I empathize.

Perhaps they do, too, but because that is not necessarily beneficial to voice to those people, that's why they choose the words they do?

Either way, I was genuinely curious what others' thoughts on this are.

Oh jesus. This is just one of those weird things. I've always been well heavy since I was pretty young. Recently I've noticed how different people treat me. Particularly men. It makes me happy, but also sad too.

I know that when I reach my goal its going to take some time to accept. But what I know is there will always be something of that fat person inside me. That's why I have empathy for people who want to change. I don't have much for people who are lazy or make excuses though "fat logic" bs. Being fat is not good. Its unhealthy and despite what people want, society doesn't like it much either. I think men can get away with this a bit more than women though.

But I'm very very happy that I can wear what I want now. I feel far more confident in myself when I walk out the door and I think that's part of the change people notice more than anything. Before I would basically hide out because I was ashamed of how disgusting I was.

One negative thing though is some of my formerly fat friends didn't all take well to the change. I found that it was a bit hard for me since all they wanted to do was drink. Something which I don't really do much of anymore -- barring the occasional glass of wine or beer/scotch. Having been on the otherside of things I tried not to make much of a deal about it. But its kind of hard when your the one getting all the male attention just by virtue of being a contrast. I know that sounds super-mean, but its just the truth. Not like I wanted those guys to be all up on me. Most were nasty and old-ish. I probably shouldn't be too discriminating since I'm hitting the ceiling of 29 now haha.

JustMeee333

And as I said... never met any.

Doesn't mean they don't exist. You don't know everybody in the world.

SapiensPisces

I used to think it was just laziness that was the problem and let to my obesity, but it really was a lot more complex than that. My obesity was a symptom of a much deeper and far more serious problem in my mind. I'm starting to realize that a big part of this experience (getting healthy and staying that way) has to do with understanding myself, as you put it. I'm also striving to avoid passing judgment on others anymore. Life is complex and it's impossible to always boil things down to black and white commentary.

To answer your question about perception, I strive to be a lot more tolerant and understanding than I was before, though at first, when I started losing, I was a lot less so. A lot of my contempt towards others who I saw as "lazy" was a manifestation of my own self-hate and had nothing really to do with them. I'm working on trying to do better about that now that I've realized the issue.

This is a good topic, and the responses are interesting.

stealthq

Lots of different reasons for people to get and stay fat. No denying that barring a medical condition, everyone who wants to lose weight, can. And it's not all that hard physically.

I personally don't have psychological issues with food, and that adds a whole 'nother dimension of difficulty for many because the psyche needs to be dealt with as well. Most of the people that I know that are heavier than they want to be don't have that problem.

For me, getting overweight was laziness and I knew it from the get go. Not that I'm a lazy person, but when it came to researching how to lose weight and learning the overall composition of my diet, I was. And so are the other people who even now keep asking me what I've done to lose weight in tones of disbelief. Instead of buckling down and doing the work of logging and exercising self-control (which really isn't all that bad if you don't have the psychological component), they want to jump on every fad diet out there and hope it works. Why a couple of months of nothing but grapefruit or cabbage soup seems easier than logging your food, I don't know. Maybe because there's an end to that diet while I'm telling them (and myself) that watching your intake/outtake has to be forever.