Why does it still Hurt?

loopybec2002

So I have this ex partner we were together for 3 years until he cheated we have been split since March. We work together so have to see each other most days and are good friends. He has recently got a new lady friend who he says is not his girlfriend but me and him are just friends so what’s it matter right.... So yesterday I recieved a message from her that says stop talking to *my ex’s name* he doesn't want to know you, you obviously have confidence issues and who wouldn't look at the state of you.
Before I receive this message I have done my nightly exercise I have found out I've lost another 2 pounds and Im really happy.
After I receive this message I look in the mirror and the old me is looking back the fat one that I got rid of when I started this journey. I know she is just being spiteful but how do I move on from it. My ex’s response is I am gorgeous so why am I even listening to her but he is the reason I have these confidence issues and just he say this because its what I want to hear?

marymooster

Okay... Here we go.....
First.... The focus is what he says......
Second.... What she says.... is based on her needs her insecurities her fears and her desire to have the person you had. Nothing more... It hasn't got one thing to do with who you are.... with your successes.... It has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

So... Don't worry about anything she says.... and not even what he says at this point... WHAT DO YOU SAY???
You must love yourself... and take care of yourself just you..... If you get you straight... the right people come to you that love you and respect you for your wonderful self. BUT you have to take that journey first.....

YOu are wonderful.. you are taking hold of your life and making changes... changing your body... changing your thoughts..... As you journey... you will find someone who is going to love you,... take care of you and NOT cheat on you....

Keep going you are a WONDERFUL BEING CAPABLE OF ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. Post that in your house

Best wishes..... :happy:

loopybec2002

I think this needs printing off and putting on my wall and I felt so down about the comment last night that you actually made me cry!! I think your right I just hate the fact I'm so proud and you look in the mirror again and see all the faults that I hadn't seen yesterday morning because I was so proud of my achievements..... Its time to puff out my chest and hold my head high and relise what I think and what I have done rather than what everyone else thinks.

Thank you so much

Amandac6772

Mary said it best but I"ll be 40 in a couple of years and it's taken me this long and one divorce later to realize that I can't change for someone else...I have to change for the love of me!!! Who cares what anyone else thinks, it's what you think that is important. PLUS revenge weightloss is so satisfying when you roll in in a smoking hot dress...that'll shut her up.

BIG (((HUGS))))

marymooster

you're very welcome... It is the truth.... You are wonderful... just believe it....

Jenks

What the other ladies said...and if he's the reason you have confidence issues anyways, you don't need him :ohwell:
And yes, the smokin hot dress will be great :noway:

raymj61

It sounds to me like his new lady friend has the security issues and your ex may be straddling the fence.

xojox

turn it around and think of it in reverse!! have you considered that maybe she was like this to you because she's insecure and thinks that you are someone to be worried about in her 'friends' life??

look for your good points 'cause thats whats she's seen that makes her nervouse about him being around you :flowerforyou:

sarahliftsUP

Women can be so catty -- if she didn't have anything to worry about, i.e. if she wasn't threatened by you still being part of your ex's life, then there would be no need for her to take verbal stabs at you. She is obviously insecure with herself and their relationship as you and your ex have 3 years of history.

I feel sorry for her because she sees you getting in shape and probably looking happy.. whereas she is with some guy who has a history of cheating. I think she's jealous but is just taking the easy route of attacking you to make herself feel better.

Keep on bettering yourself for you. You deserve to happy!

loopybec2002

Yes now its pointed out it does make sence it just hurt at the time.
The weight loss wasn't about winning him back that ship has sailed and we are only friends. But I kinda think it may have been her way of showing her own insecurities. I have backed off and do not get involved in anything either of them do. I have taken him off the social networking site and the only time I have anything todo with him is at work. I never ask about them or there relationship I'm more concerned in shifting this weight than worrying about somebody else. I think it may have just been such a shock when I am working so hard to change the state of me to have somebody be so blunt about what I look like. It was like mentally when I looked in the Mirror last night the 17lb had jumped back on me and I was back where I started.


But how proud am I that I didn't pick up the junk food instead I did an extra 15 mins boxing on the Wii and imagined her face!

anu_6986

Hey,

That female obviously has some major security issues as everyone said. So stop taking "people like these" seriously.

I feel you could have just replied "When you are so sure he won't look at me, then clearly there is nothing for you to worry about! Just mind your own business, and my appearance definitely is not one of them!!"

And don't care what your ex says or that female says. His opinion would have mattered if he was not your ex.

Just do it for yourself, that's only how you can reach your goals You know you ARE beautiful, however your body is. So don't worry about that.

Good luck :flowerforyou:

anu_6986

But how proud am I that I didn't pick up the junk food instead I did an extra 15 mins boxing on the Wii and imagined her face!

LOL! Thats excellent :laugh:

lucifa73

Her spitefulness is not worthy of my comment or your worry - let it go and concentrate on YOU

Do you have a photo of how you looked at the start? Have you got a pic of how you look now. Stick them to the frame of your mirror and take progressive shots - any time you start to doubt yourself or feel the insecurities coming back look at the journey you've taken, celebrate your success and focus on the positives and the things you are looking forward to.

❤B☩❤

But how proud am I that I didn't pick up the junk food instead I did an extra 15 mins boxing on the Wii and imagined her face!

I am proud of you, as well! The NEW you is doing what the OLD you would never have done....TAKE CHARGE! Think of it this way, not only have you lost 17 pounds, but 150 +/- pounds, as well!

LOVE YOURSELF, and I agree about the revenge weight loss. Although I would say NEVER lose weight for anyone but yourself, REVEL in the fact that you can do this and you will do this. Stay strong and stay true to yourself! *hugs!*

loopybec2002

I had a thought today and it is this... On my journey when I am down people don't understand I have skinny friends and one other Big friend but she isn't bothered by her weight and doesn't try to shift it. I can tell people how I'm feeling and they just say oh well do something about it or you are sexy as you are. This website is the start of my change of life because here I can write anything and there is always somebody who understands how I feel who has been through similar. I know that no one will judge because we all feel the same and we are all attempting to change the things in life we arent happy with.. I have so much inspiration and so much support just from this one website that it makes me smile to know I am not going it alone anymore and I dont need the chocolate to cheer me up because I have an entire network of people willing to do just that.

Thank you everyone for your support and I hope I can be just as supportive to others when they need that extra boost too. You are all amazing people!

k2charmed4u

OK first of all. Forget about her! Why should someone who has obvious insecurities about her relationship affect you? You've made such amazing changes for yourself that you are the only one that matters!
Just think about yourself how you want to be, who you will be when you've overcome this set back. Random comments from people can throw you sometimes (I get them all the time from people) but I block them out because I know who I want to be and i'm going to keep going.
You're great, you know what you want and you shouldn't let anyone get in the way. You're making the change just like the rest of us on here and you should be proud of yourself. Keep going, be strong and believe in yourself to make a difference for YOU and ONLY you. Good Luck. :happy: