Self Conscious About Eating Habits... Advice?

ciki90

I wrote about this in my food notes journal today... I feel guilty and ashamed whenever I eat more or more often than my boyfriend.

It's really not his fault. We've discussed it and he was very understanding. He said that he eats whenever he's hungry, and doesn't eat when he's not. He says he doesn't want me to go without eating just because I feel like I shouldn't eat more or more often than he does. He assures me that everyone is different, and some people like to eat once a day, and some people like to eat six times a day. He never tries to make me feel bad and never says anything about my eating habits....

... But I can't shake the feeling. I see his eating habits. I'm with him alllllll day. He is not on a diet of any kind and doesn't need to be. He supplements his caloric intake with sodas, mostly. He eats once or twice a day. He hardly ever snacks, he never binges, he never shows much interest in food. He can leave two bites of a sandwich on his plate, or just eat half a cookie, or forget about a piece of chocolate or chips. He never says, "oh I've been wanting pizza for ages, lets get some." Food doesn't matter to him, and really I think it makes me jealous or self conscious... It seems like he never wants to eat as much as I do. And it seems like I eat much more than him. It makes me feel.... Unladylike. It makes me feel gluttonous.


I just don't know what to do about it. I've tried forgetting about his eating schedule and just eating whenever I want. It makes me feel disgusting whenever I eat hours before he probably even thinks about food, and am ready for my next meal when he's just starting to get an appetite. Then at night, I have dinner and a bedtime snack. I'm the first one eating, and the last. I feel like I simply wouldn't be eating more than a grown man, and it makes me feel so down on myself to have this seemingly huge appetite in comparison. I think it's causing me to get kind of messed up around food again. I try to hold off my meals, and often end up eating in the kitchen so he doesn't see me, so he doesn't know that I've eaten 4 times that day when he's only eaten once. I know that he doesn't want me to feel this way, and I don't want this either. The restriction inevitably causes secret binge-eating/overeating for me, and I do not want to go through the vicious cycle again.

What can I do to ease my mind, to try and eat my meals as often as I'd like without feeling shame for eating. More than a grown man?! I feel so silly complaining about this, but it's really becoming a problem (again.) Any advice --other than suck it up and get over it lol-- would be appreciated. Thanks so much!

Barbonica

You may eat more often, but are you truly ea ting more? As in, more calories? Especially as he drinks soda. Maybe ask him to log his intake for or a few days or a week. He could just write it down and you could figure out thecalories. I bet yo ufind he is eating more calories than you think. Also, maybe have a snack when he has a soda, because you are both consuming calories. Good luck,you can control this!

healthygreek

I looked in your diary and you are not eating enough!
Perhaps seek some professional help if you're not willing to up your calories to at least 1200.

ciki90

I looked in your diary and you are not eating enough!
Perhaps seek some professional help if you're not willing to up your calories to at least 1200.

I haven't been eating enough lately because I had the flu! I'm slowly trying to get my appetite back up though...

talisamb

I always eat more than my boyfriend and I am not ashamed of it. He actually enjoys that I am not one of those females that pretend to not be hungry because others are watching. I lift heavy and love to run so I give my body what it needs. Everyone is different. From your profile pic you look great so I would not worry about it

AlongCame_Molly

You really only ate 800 cals yesterday? :huh:

No wonder you're obsessing over food and more hungry than your bf is...

seltzermint555

You may eat more often, but are you truly ea ting more? As in, more calories? Especially as he drinks soda. Maybe ask him to log his intake for or a few days or a week. He could just write it down and you could figure out thecalories. I bet yo ufind he is eating more calories than you think. Also, maybe have a snack when he has a soda, because you are both consuming calories. Good luck,you can control this!

I agree with this.

Also, I don't think your boyfriend sounds "typical" or "average". Most people I have known had habits and interests (re: food) that were much more similar to how you describe yourself. I don't think he would be the best person to compare yourself to when it comes to food and eating.

My best advice is to not worry about it (yeah, I know that is pretty much impossible) - but especially don't worry about how often or at what times of day/evening you're eating. If possible, JUST focus on meeting your MFP guidelines as you log what you eat. You might even begin to view it like a game in some ways... "Wow he just had 2 sodas at 300 cal and I can eat this delicious fruit salad, slice of good cheese, and mini baguette for the same calories!"

MB_Positif

I eat more than most of my male coworkers every day. They laugh at me, it blows them away that I can eat all of it and stay fit.

Mother_Superior

Thread title misread...

RonnieLodge

I wrote about this in my food notes journal today... I feel guilty and ashamed whenever I eat more or more often than my boyfriend.

It's really not his fault. He never tries to make me feel bad and never says anything about my eating habits....

... But I can't shake the feeling. I see his eating habits. I'm with him alllllll day. I know that he doesn't want me to feel this way, and I don't want this either. The restriction inevitably causes secret binge-eating/overeating for me, and I do not want to go through the vicious cycle again.

What can I do to ease my mind, to try and eat my meals as often as I'd like without feeling shame for eating. More than a grown man?! I feel so silly complaining about this, but it's really becoming a problem (again.) Any advice --

You are correct, it is not his fault that you have headsquirrels over what you eat and compare it to what he eats. Sorry to hear it has been a problem in the past.

Why are you with him allllll day?

I'd suggested getting out and doing stuff with your girlfriends.

ChristiH4000

I think about this all the time, but don't have good answers for you. I feel it too and my boyfriend will go without eating a substantial meal until dinner. I've gotten used to it to a point, but it still bothers me to be making my 2nd meal knowing that he's pouring coffee at noon and that's the first thing to touch his lips.
What we have to realize is this is our own head playing games with us. Focus on the substance of your food diary and drown out your emotions about the time or frequency of eating with the knowledge that you are eating the way YOU need to eat to support your goals.
Mind over fear.

janupshaw

Especially if you are exercising (and he's not) you obviously NEED more calories. Think of it like a 5k, you are only in competition with yourself. Try not to worry about anyone's eating habits but your own.

Rooooose

Learn to love yourself dear. As long as you are eating healthy, it is no problem whatsoever if you eat more of more often. I don't think soda is super healthy, so your boyfriend should probably learn from the way you eat! Secretly bingeing feels aweful (I know)... try not to let that happen. Accept that everyone is different and that you eat your way, just like you BF eats whenever and whatever he wants to. You look good, now it's up to you to feel good

atcross

I've come to believe that there exist a few people who just don't like or care about food. I find it hard to understand because I LOVE good food. But I have observed that a small minority of people only eat because they have to. Maybe their tastebuds just aren't very sensitive. I sometimes wish I were like that!

awtume9

My boyfriend is the same way...... and believe me it gets to me sometimes, but then I just remember how much he loves me just the way I am. He tells me how pretty I am every day and it really helps with the self doubt. It's obvious that your boyfriend doesn't have an issue with it, so you need to work on not letting it get to you, although it is really hard at times!

EvaStrange

Thread title misread...

LOL! That would definitely be something to feel awkward about!

bwogilvie

Food is really good! (The right kind, at least.) I pity your boyfriend for not liking it enough!

Seriously, though, you need to accept that the two of you have different food needs. While I like food well enough to have gained about 60 surplus pounds, I don't need to eat regularly and can go from breakfast to late afternoon without eating. My wife needs to eat every 4-5 hours or so while she's awake, or her blood sugar drops and she gets quite irritable. She has never been more than a few pounds overweight, though.

I know a couple in which the husband eats only once a day, at dinnertime. He has coffee in the morning while his wife has breakfast. She has lunch; he doesn't. They sit down together for dinner. She thinks he's a bit crazy, but she accepts that he is just like that. I think you need to work toward that with your boyfriend.

If he's maintaining his weight, he is obviously eating the right amount of calories. It's just a matter of when he eats them.

briana12077

You look extremely thin, and you aren't eating that much at all. This is stupid and all about attention. I'm sure your boyfriend thinks you are much more than fine. And I think you need help.

ciki90

You look extremely thin, and you aren't eating that much at all. This is stupid and all about attention. I'm sure your boyfriend thinks you are much more than fine. And I think you need help.

With the exception of you, who tells me that my concerns and struggles are stupid, (and I HAVE had help in the past thankyouverymuch) thanks to everyone who gave me actual advice. But unhelpful people can just leave.

I guesstimated his intake today as per some suggestions of others, and he does consume a lot more calories than I do. It's astonishing really, to take in so many cals without even chewing! I think maybe he ate slightly more than usual but still, I never realized he drank soooo much soda.... So, onto my next concern: how can I help him to not drink so much soda?! He's not fat but I knooow that drinking the same amount of pop that one should be consuming in water (70+oz) can not be good. Something new to think about instead of worrying that I look like a greedy gut.

Charis_Sophia

Data is always helpful! Good for you in trying to look at the data and allowing your feelings to be influenced by what it tells you! You're doing great! :flowerforyou:

j6o4

I think it's sexy when a women can eat a lot and still keep a nice figure.

hoyalawya2003

So, onto my next concern: how can I help him to not drink so much soda?! He's not fat but I knooow that drinking the same amount of pop that one should be consuming in water (70+oz) can not be good. Something new to think about instead of worrying that I look like a greedy gut.

So instead of obsessing about your intake, you will switch to obsessing about his? Without his asking for help? You must really not like this boyfriend very much--this is almost like seeing "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" on a message board.

Barbonica

I guesstimated his intake today as per some suggestions of others, and he does consume a lot more calories than I do. It's astonishing really, to take in so many cals without even chewing! I think maybe he ate slightly more than usual but still, I never realized he drank soooo much soda.... So, onto my next concern: how can I help him to not drink so much soda?! He's not fat but I knooow that drinking the same amount of pop that one should be consuming in water (70+oz) can not be good. Something new to think about instead of worrying that I look like a greedy gut.

You might want to just leave that one alone, if he is happy with what he is doing. I think we all know that trying to make wholesale changes in our lifestyle because someone else wants us to is difficult if not impossible. Find out if he wants to change the amount of soda he drinks, and if he does - you can help him by substituting food with nutrients. If he doesn't, you might be opening a can of worms best left unopened.

You have said that he is very supportive of you, make sure you are returning the favor and supporting his choices - even if they are not the ones you would make. I speak from experience - 20+ years of an extremely successful and happy marriage. Some things we can change, and some we cant - the trick is learning which is which.

ciki90

No, actually he always talks about how awful it is that he drinks so much soda an always talks about wanting to quit, along with smoking cigarettes. Every few months I'll encourage him to switch over to water or keep a pitcher of tea in the fridge, and offer him water all the time, but he always slips back into soda. I don't think I am going to "lose him" even if y'all see it that way. I never pressure him to do anything, no matter how much I'd like him to quit smoking or drink a bit more water. We've been together for almost 5 years now, so I don't think these small matters are going to end us, lol.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I think it might be best to talk to a professional who can help you understand why you feel shame about eating because that's not healthy. Your body needs food -- eating is a basic requirement and how people experience hunger/eat is pretty individual -- if it kind of makes sense that you and your boyfriend have different habits.

As to soda, if he wants to quit drinking it -- he will.

PRMinx

I think you should be worrying about your own health and happiness, instead of your boyfriend's soda intake. I know you don't want to hear it, but comparing your diet to someone else's in an obsessive, competitive way is a sign of ED.

sammniamii

You & your SO sounds so like me & mine. I have to eat (blood sugar drops) and get hungrier sooner than him. He'll go ALL DAY just sipping on his 2 lt and then eat 1 meal - and barely finish it. I won't eat "out" with him unless - or rather - until he gets hungry, which some days is more than 12 hours (which I hate because I get headaches & dizzy, then tend to binge trying to stop them).

I do know my hubs drinks ALOT of soda - at least a 2 liter a day, sometimes 2 or them (in addition to his energy drinks). A single 2lt of his soda is 1000 cals & 260 carbs a day, plus his normal food. AND my hubs had gone to E-ciggs for a year now, plus has a thyroid issue.

His thyroid issue is under control (OMG he used to have to eat 5000+ a day to NOT loose weight) and as I said, gone to E-ciggs, but he does a physical labor job that requires alot of lifting and walking (avg 23k steps in a 10 hr day). So yours may be the same.