Venting about something stupid

suppakana

The past two weeks, I've been sleeping for ridiculously long amounts of time. One day I slept for 20 hours. Today it was 13.

I slept through an event that I've been waiting a month for.

I've been taking my multivitamin (100% iron). I've been eating iron-dense foods. For once, my hemoglobin would have been high enough.

Now, because I've slept through today's blood drive, and because of my work and class schedule, I will be unable to donate again until June.

I told somebody at some point during this month that donating blood gives me a "high." Makes me feel like a good person, and that I can do anything... That I have the potential to save lives. What I didn't tell them is that the crying, sniveling, train wreck that I am right now is what happens when I fail to donate blood.

I am now scared that I'm going to sleep the rest of my life away.

I'm scared after my immediate reaction upon waking up - and seeing that the blood drive I'd planned to participate in had ended three horus ago - was to scream (thankfully to an empty house) about how I hate my body. I began to think of all the foods I could use to sabotage my efforts, and failing that (since I've evacuated all these foods from the house) began hitting myself. I'm scared that tomorrow I'm going to look like a victim of domestic abuse, and worried about the splitting headache I currently have.

I'm scared that this time writing down what's going on, and what's triggering me, won't work. That I'll just feel this way forever, because that's happened before. Now I just want to go to sleep; leave the world, let it go f*** itself. Except no, I just woke up after sleeping for 13 hours.

Spreyton22K

Dear Op,

Please seek help!!!! Go to your Dr, school counsellor, A and E, phone a crisis intervention line, ring a trusted friend, your parents, family member......someone!!!!!! PLEASE

Honey, you are in crisis!!! I don't know where to begin. What you are going thru is so multi-faceted and complex that only the support of many, including professionals could begin to unravel the issues that you re having.

The over-sleeping indicates depression, you speak of your reactions to human mistakes (missing the blood drive - screaming - thoughts of binging then talk about how you are self-harming; again).

I am so sorry for your plight......

Please tho; for yourself and for all those that must love you DON'T let this continue. You CAN reach out, you have already, just take that step IN REAL LIFE.

I hope and pray you take care of yourself, honey. I have a daughter, she's probably not much older than you and I cannot help but think of how much it would break my heart to know that she is suffering in the way you are.

Karen

whitebeard28

Dear Suppakana,

Listen sweetie, the first thing you got to do is quit blaming yourself for all these things bothering you. You are a great person because you have the love in you to help others by donating blood. There will be more blood drives, but you must take care of yourself first. First of all, being a Christian, I tell you to relax, know God loves you and will help you through all of this, but you must believe that he will, and he will. Sounds like you are working, going to school (which takes studying) and worried about this blood donation. No wonder you sleep 20 hours..you are probably drained. Don't take life so seriously...everything in its own time. Slow it down Sweetie, put the brakes on.Turn all your worries over to the Lord and he will handle it. Just try it and see if I am not right. You have a big, beautiful, long, happy, life ahead of you, relax, regroup, stop worrying about everything, believe in yourself, be strong , love yourself and put all your trust in your creator. If you have a Bible ..read the book of JOHN, it will help you. Caring about you my fellow mfp person...lol...Let us know how you are doing in about a week after thinking about what I have said. We are looking forward to a great change it you . Know that I am praying for you , even now, and I know that everything is going to be just fine. NOW!! GO TO SLEEP, get your rest and relax. THE WORLD WILL BE HERE WHEN YOU WAKE UP. LOL!! SMILE!!

ldrosophila

I agree please seek help through a doctor, counselor, trusted friend, or your family

suppakana

Thank you for your responses guys :blushing: in all honesty I wished I could delete this almost as soon as I posted it; too late!

I'm feeling much better right now; relaxing and watching netflix with some coffee.

I've decided to keep a sleep journal (just recording what times I went to sleep and woke up), and if the times continue to stay above 10 hours consistently I'll go speak to a doctor just after New Years. I do have a family history [on both sides] of various kinds of mental illness including depression & bi-polar disorder, so it's definitely not something to rule out - although I had not thought of either because except for small, sparse episodes (what I detailed in the OP lasted maybe an hour, max, and occurs perhaps once every few months with various triggers) I don't generally show symptoms of either.

But thank you again for your response... That's why I posted here. Because of the love and care that exists in these forums. I wish you all success in your endeavors and a Happy Holidays :smooched:

sarahrbraun

I agree with the other posters, it DOES sound like maybe you have clinical depression. It took me YEARS, at least 3-4, to get diagnosed with clinical depression...and my only major symptom was crushing fatigue. Looking back, I was probably 12/13 years old when it began, and I was 18 when I was diagnosed. A year of medication put me back on track, and I know that when I don't feel like myself, it might be time for another few months of medication.

Another thing that really helps ME, is cardio. When life gets really insane, and I want to just go to bed and sleep for days, I go to the gym. When my special needs son almost got expelled from school, I went straight from the meeting to the gym and ran like demons were chasing me...for 40 minutes. Must have still looked crazy because my friend ( a trainer who worked at the gym) took me and showed me how to beat the battle ropes. When I got the text that my dad was dying, I showed my 2 closest gym friends, then ran on the treadmill until my legs made me stop.

eldamiano

Alarm clock?

TavistockToad

sleeping that long on a regular basis isnt normal... your reaction to missing donating blood also isnt normal... i would see a doctor asap...

TavistockToad

I don't generally show symptoms of either.

i dont mean this harshly, but re-read your post....

ksl10

Suppakana - yes, sleeping a lot is a symptom of clinical depression. It's so tricky - it's the result of measurable changes in your brain chemistry, but can be affected by your own input - spiritual, activity, nutrition. That being the case, there's a lot of blame the victim stuff.

But, people do get through it. Of course, the way you're feeling makes it harder to take the steps on your part that can impact how you feel, even getting to the doctor. Medication can kick start the process.

But, of course it might be some other illness.

All the best of luck, girl.