What is wrong with me...

MallieRose91

I am not sure if this is a question or more of a vent. I started my journey at the end of August and between then and now I have lost around 51 pounds. I am female, 5'7, starting weight was 267, and current weight is 216. For the first 3 or so months I felt WONDERFUL. I was going to the gym 5 days a week for two hours each time, eating mostly clean and always within my calorie deficit, was feeling confident, more athletic, and my mood was incredible! My husband was being so supportive, encouraging, and helpful while our relationship was improving and amazing. Well the past week and a half/two weeks I have been struggling. It started when I got a stomach virus followed by a really bad cold. I ended up having to take 3 days off from exercising and then I worked out from home using Just Dance 2014, wii fit and wii fit u, and the 30 Day Shred by Jillian Michaels until I was feeling well enough to get back to the gym. Since then it has been downhill from there. My husband is no longer supportive and encouraging and instead has became best friends with a guy who he works with who happens to be single. I have no longer been able to go to the gym because my husband does not care anymore so I have no one to watch my son who is 3. My husband decided he was going to start working out and also living a healthy life...just not with me. His friend. My husband will get off work at 1 and will say he is going to the gym with his friend, which I do not mind at all except for the fact he will go to the gym at 1 and not come home until 6 even though he knows I am waiting hours for him to get home so I can go to the gym. By the time he gets home I am already sad and unmotivated along with the fact it gets dark at around 5 30 and we have a foot of snow along with thick ice and my means for getting to the gym are to walk, it is then undo able and I learned my lesson after almost face planting MANY times before I got sick and was walking in the snow and dark. Even though I will do the 30 day shred earlier in the day I feel like it is nothing compared to the gym and what I was doing. My husband is now distant and when he is home he jumps on his playstation and plays until he goes to bed all while ignoring me. Unless I talk to him I go unnoticed most of the time. When asking him to workout with me he refuses. We had gotten into an argument a few days ago after I found out he was putting money on credit cards behind my back (A LOT of money) and in it he told me he doesn't care if I were to leave which really hurt. Since all of this I have felt depressed, uncomfortable around him and feel like I have to tiptoe/hold in emotion, and have times during the day where I just want to cry. Working out at home has always been miserable for me as I am the type who needs to go to the gym to stay motivated but it has been even more miserable. I am having trouble food wise. Even though I am still eating healthy, I am struggling to eat in general as I no longer feel hungry and have to force myself to eat. I am having problems getting on any type of schedule though I was on a strict schedule that I loved before getting sick. I now feel undesirable, unhappy, fat, alone, and like I am no longer making progress even though the scale is still slowly but surely dropping. I just do not understand how I can go from happy 3 months straight and feeling wonderful to feeling like this. Sorry for how long this is also. I feel the need to vent and maybe even figure out what is wrong with me...

hdacmom

Does your gym have child care? Is there someone else that can care for your child if not? You have to continue to focus on you. As hard as it is, as hurt as you feel, you have to do you!!!! Don't give up. I'm not a relationship expert, but sounds like that is what he is doing, focusing on him. I am sorry he is not helping you, but you have come so far! Keep going. Friend me if you like, I will listen. (((HUGS)))

MallieRose91

Unfortunately not. He is army so I am 14+ hours from friends and family. My only close friends have moved so I am absolutely alone and my gym is at our housing community center so there is no child care. I really am trying so hard to just act like I am fine and just focus on myself but with each day it gets harder and harder! I do not know why I am so depressed and can not come out of this funk! Thank you for your kind words also and for your reply.

cafeaulait7

What sounds wrong with you is that your relationship has gone crappy That is really, really hard and an emotional time. Don't let it make you self-destructive. Do what you need to do to be the kind of person and mom you want to be. Good luck!!

bethannien

You can get a great work out at home. Just adjust your attitude about that (easier said than done, I know!) focus on your food intake and you will keep losing weight. It also sounds like you need to have a serious talk with the hubs and tell him how his recent behavior has been devastating to you emotionally.

MyOwnSunshine

It sounds like life has become very difficult for you. Are there counselors on base to help? It seems as if you could benefit from the support and help of a counselor for both your health and fitness goals, as well as your relationship issues. I know that cognitive behavioral therapy was a great help to me and permanently changed the way I view myself and the way I approach difficult situations.

Jestinia

I hope I'm wrong, but first impression I get from this is:

Your husband and his friend are paying to watch naked girls exercise on poles and that is the closest they are getting to a gym.

Way to find out? Get your hands on some credit card statements, use the info to do some digging on what the charges really are.

_KitKat_

You need to take care of you too. Talk to the hubby and be direct, you have a right to know what is going on. I am normaly trusting but if my husband did a 180 like yours did, I would be really trying to figure out wth is going on with him. Did he get insecure when you lost weight, gained confidence and had things to do for yourself outside of him/house(gym)? If he did its on him but may explain some of his behavior.

GreatGrace

I'm guessing there may be other moms in your community housing that find it hard to get their workout in due to watching their own kids. Is it possible to post a notice in your community center or a centralized location to take turns watching one another's child while the other goes to the gym--even if it's only two/three days a week? Maybe a possible young teenager on your base that would be willing to watch after your child a few days a week while you work out say $5/a workout? I know when I first starting babysitting at age 12, I was so excited to have "clients." I know it sounds young, but you would be close by and able to be reached if needed. Just some ideas.

Fuzzipeg

Sorry to read you have been out of sorts recently. Post viral symptoms do take it out of you, make you feel really low. I am not belittling any of your other issues, being below par will not help you work your way through it all. I am not usually the first to suggest taking a vitamin mineral supplement for a while, because people who do take care of their diet do not usually need extras, Having been so unwell you may have depleted your reserves of things which can have reserves. Possibly take advice from an expert, sometimes you can, one can try to make your body do more than it is ready or able to.

The weather sounds rather nasty where you are, keeping warm must be a nightmare if you are outside. If it were spring I would have suggested taking gentle refreshing walks just to be out of the house. I read on your page that you are or were a student recently are there any facilities you can take advantage of there? You are so brave starting out to improve your education. Well done you. It is the best thing you can do for you and your son.

I hope you can find some means of support/friendship on the base or college. May be some group you can take your son to so you can meet other young mums. Just for a change of walls. This will not make the other stuff go away, but it might give you the head space in which to work out the best line to take. The time when my children were very young was hard but also the most rewarding for me, looking back. I hope it can be similar for you. All the very best. You seem like a strong young woman and you will come through it all. In a few days time the day length will start to improve and I hope the horizons improve for you.

MallieRose91

Thank you everyone for your replies! I am sorry it has taken so long to get back. I have not been very active board wise and have just been logging and struggling to make it through the day! I hope you are all doing well and have had a good day today. I am still about the same, if not worse, and have a lot of thinking to do relationship wise. I am going to try focus on myself and forget about everything else for now which is easier said than done!

QuietBloom

Who is this 'friend' that he goes to the gym with for 5 hours a day? :huh:

Sit his butt down and have a heart to heart with him.

kgeyser

You should have hourly childcare on post through CYS that you can use. Check out the MWR site for information. Since you are at home with your son, join a mom's group on post. It'll get the two of you out of the house more often, and you might be able to work out a childcare swap with another mom or group of moms. I was off-post at Bragg and never used on the on-post childcare, but my mom's group did a swap, and it was nice to be able to not have to worry about scheduling my life around my husband's work schedule. I would also contact MilitaryOneSource about some counseling options. You need to be able to talk to someone about the relationship issues you are having, or contact the chaplain. You have lots of options for support to help you through a tough time. Also, the "married guy hanging out with a the single friend" is a huge red flag to me, at least from my experience. I know way too many people who have gotten themselves into trouble and have gotten reprimands or lost rank because they want to pretend they're single (financial trouble, alcohol abuse, etc). You need to talk to him about that. He should know that getting into debt or being out partying are good ways to limit his future options in the military.

tmauck4472

Find out what he's really doing, cause it sounds like your marriage is in trouble. Until you work it out with him or decide what to do with the relationship, your going to continue to feel like this. Don't let his issues derail your progress. No matter what you have to come first with him and with yourself. My husband and I went thru things like this in our 28 years of ups and downs so you need to try and work thru it but work on you at the same time, you are worth it, even if he can't see it....YET!!
I really wish I would have seen this years ago when I was going thru it, and sometimes I wish I would have been strong enough to let him leave. I was overweight and scared of being alone. Now I'm on my way to being healthy and he's the one that is very overweight and very sick.
The point is don't let his issues stop you from getting healthy. Imagine yourself down the road with him. You healthy and happy and even sexy and then imagine you down the road without him still healthy, still happy and still sexy :bigsmile: Either way you win. Make what you want to happen happen. But look at you goooo, congrats on what you've accomplished so far and keep up the good work.

Ed98043

It sounds to me like you have marriage troubles first and fitness troubles second. A husband that ignores you, disappears for hours on end, spends money behind your back and tells you he doesn't care if you leave is not good at all. You might want to start hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

MallieRose91

I definitely am preparing for the worst!