Disgusted and Disappointed

jtintx

In June of 2012 I weighed in at 130.2 pounds. I was so happy in so many ways but there was a dark cloud hanging over our heads. Long story short, my husband passed away in August of '12 from cancer. It's been over a year now and I still can't find the motivation to workout. I weighed myself this morning and the scale showed 162 pounds. All the hard work I had put in to get back in shape has gone down the drain. I am so disgusted and disappointed. I remember how long it took and how much I struggled and I just can't seem to muster the strength to do it again. I've tried to get back on track but I just can't seem to do it.

nofearbebravelive

Grief manifests in many ways. Be kind and gentle to yourself. When your heart is ready your body will follow. Until then, make small goals. After a very traumatic event in my life, my goal was simply to wake up every day. It's been almost five years for me and I am just now (since about October) feeling like I am ready to truly commit again to me. I lost over 60 lbs 12 years ago and I am starting over again. I understand how impossible it seems. Sometimes you just have to take it 5 minutes at a time because a day at a time is just to daunting.

Hang in there. Sending all good thoughts.

goodnamegone

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am going through grief at the moment and found my motivation really fell as well. It's hard and I feel tired all the time and just don't care as much as I did before.

Something that has helped is to just do mini workouts. I will go to the gym for half an hour. I will do smaller workouts on youtube.

I went over my calories a few time and am not recommitting to staying under.

Just be patient with yourself and know this too shall pass and you're getting through it.

I don't know what else to say. I'm dragging my feet right now but I don't want to lose what i worked so hard for but at the same time I feel so damned sad that I don't care either.

Wishing you much recovery and strength.

Joanne_happygramma

First I am so sorry you are going through this. It was many years ago that my husband passed and in the years leading to his passing I ate myself up to 280 pounds - his passing just added a few more. I found my only comfort in food and it was never enough. You are still so early in your grief, it is good that you are acknowleging you need to take care of it now. What you need to do is decide if this is your best focus. If it is then GREAT. It took me months to even lift my head. Please don't be disgusted or disappointed in yourself. Be gentle and kind and I guess I needed the lesson that exercise heals as well as food. I know for me talking about my story to people who understood and listening to their stories helped me heal.

Joanne

marsellient

I'm so sorry for your loss. We all pass through the stages of grief in different ways and at different times. I have pretty much no memory of the first six months after my husband passed (from cancer,as well). You will find your way and there's no reason to feel disappointed in yourself. You will get your motivation back. Give yourself some time.

jtintx

Well, here it is 3 years since this original post and I'm now into the 170's. I'm happy to say that, finally, the loss of my husband in 2012 no longer feels like a dark cloud hanging over my head, crushing me. I feel light again...figuratively, not literally. I think I'm finally at a place that I can do this again...for me. Crossing my fingers and praying for strength.

cahubbard6421

jtintx wrote: »

Well, here it is 3 years since this original post and I'm now into the 170's. I'm happy to say that, finally, the loss of my husband in 2012 no longer feels like a dark cloud hanging over my head, crushing me. I feel light again...figuratively, not literally. I think I'm finally at a place that I can do this again...for me. Crossing my fingers and praying for strength.

You've got people here that just want your success. This will be easy compared to getting over the loss of your husband. Use his memory to drive your results.

empressjasmin

jtintx wrote: »

Well, here it is 3 years since this original post and I'm now into the 170's. I'm happy to say that, finally, the loss of my husband in 2012 no longer feels like a dark cloud hanging over my head, crushing me. I feel light again...figuratively, not literally. I think I'm finally at a place that I can do this again...for me. Crossing my fingers and praying for strength.

You can do it! How amazing is it that you have still stuck with MFP and are still committed to your goals? You are so much stronger than you could ever imagine. Continue to push through! My condolences.

Misnomer971

@jtintx - You weren't ready before; you had to want to do it for yourself. You needed time to begin to heal. And now you are going to be AWESOME.

JLPersall

You can do it! Feel free to send me a friend request

jonjaxmom

You've got my prayers for continued strength. You've got this pal don't give up!!!

jtintx

Thanks for the support!

mwalle09

My thoughts and prayers as well, feel free to add, I have not had heartache like yours but I know heartache well and how reactions to it leave you unhealthy. When I saw "disappointed and disgusted" as the title it caught my eye because I find myself thinking that about myself so often. Good luck to you!

starfruit132

Good for you for allowing yourself time to grieve and still taking care of yourself. Keep us posted on your journey.

ninerbuff

jtintx wrote: »

In June of 2012 I weighed in at 130.2 pounds. I was so happy in so many ways but there was a dark cloud hanging over our heads. Long story short, my husband passed away in August of '12 from cancer. It's been over a year now and I still can't find the motivation to workout. I weighed myself this morning and the scale showed 162 pounds. All the hard work I had put in to get back in shape has gone down the drain. I am so disgusted and disappointed. I remember how long it took and how much I struggled and I just can't seem to muster the strength to do it again. I've tried to get back on track but I just can't seem to do it.

It's a traumatic event. Have you talked to a counselor or therapist? Sometimes just conversation with them helps to "rid" yourself of feelings that may be impeding you from doing things you want to. Maybe you fear getting back into shape because it may attract another male and would feel guilty since your husband has passed? I don't know, but they maybe able to find out.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

courtneyfabulous

Try not to feel dissgusted or disappointed in yourself- you've been through one of the hardest things a person can go through, so your focus was on other things and your health fell by the wayside.

If you're posting this it means your health and physique have become a priority again. Time to get started and get back on track. You've done it before so you have the knowledge and skills- it will just take effort and time.

It may help the healing process though, I know exercise always makes me feel better and relieves stress and lifts my mood. You may not feel like doing it at all, but if you go do it anyways you may find it helps. And focusing on a goal like weight loss may help you move forward.

Sorry for your loss.

UnicornAmandaPanda

Wow, you are so amazingly strong... just imagining all you have been through amazes me that you are still trying to better yourself! I am so so sorry. Don't be too hard on yourself, please! It is never too late to start new healthy habits and improve your health! Be kind to yourself... sending love your way!❤