Journeyman's Song Of January

downsizinghoss · December 2013

The new year has brought determination anew.
He has vowed to enter the company of few.

The battle of the bulge is on yet again.
To fight the evil and decadence of all past sin.

The waist has expanded to quite a great length.
His wind has departed along with his strength.

so the music doth blast through the headphones so shiny
as the journeyman pedges to lose the great hiney.

He has searched the web for answers, near and far
bought the gym membership, found a smoothie bar.

The journey has begun, the effort in earnest.
He eats breakfast early to fire up his furnace.

the carbs have been shunned, no flour for him
DVDs have been purchased for when there's no gym.

He enters the gym, the temple of exertion
this time he means it, there will be no desertion.

The sweat it comes freely as he pushes along
the music cranked up to his favorite fast song.

The problem it seems comes from his own pace
It has been 4 whole days, but no change in his face.

So he looks for the answers as seen on TV
The juicers, the ketones, the body by V.

He goes to the programs to target his belly,
He skips all the sugars and avoids even jelly.

Maybe there is hope, how about shakeology?
or one of those courses of liquid proctology?

He eats a banana and is riddled with guilt.
with mistakes like these, he will never be built.

He knows now why he is doomed to be fat.
He is quite big boned, no way around that.

This can't possibly work. he sobs and he quakes.
What should I do, being a special snowflake?

But then he takes solace as it hits him like that.
He is doing just fine, muscle weighs more than fat!

It is obvious now, he needs not be sulky.
He should probably slow down. Who wants to be bulky?

His shake weight, his zumba, his work on his core.
With all of these options he could never get bored.

He works and he sweats. He cuts out all dairy.
Where the hell has she gone, the weight loss fairy?

Two pounds in a week, I have seen the show.
Less than 10 pounds and you might as well go.

So the winter moves forward. February is here.
Well this isn't working....

maybe next year.