insecure spouse
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My husband did something like this about a year ago. I started working out, trying to take better care of myself etc. It was also the start of summer and I had a lot of free time on my hands (highschool teacher). His brother and a couple of the other idiots he works with suggested I might be cheating on him. He started acting all pissy with me and finally after about two weeks of him being a moody pain in the .... I confronted him and found out what was going on. I then proceeded to laugh my butt off, literally couldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes, smack him upside the head (mostly metaphorically), smack his brother upside the head (not so metaphorically), explained to him my exact reasoning for wanting to take better care of myself and laid in to him a bit for not trusting me, and for listening to idiots for two weeks while not talking to me AND treating me like crap for something he never gave me a chance to explain.
Key points: Your husband's behavior, while *somewhat* understandable, is NOT ok. It's codependent, controlling, and not healthy for a relationship. While I agree it's important to find ways to support him, because it does sound like he's having a hard time, he also needs to deal with his issues and stop taking them out on you.
Also, I agree with the poster that said if this behavior etc. is WAY out of normal for him, you need to take him in for a full check up. Sudden changes in personality are generally BIG warning signs.0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.
And perhaps he could have a coffee whilst his wife finishes her workout. It's not just up to her to SAVE HER MARRIAGE.0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.
And perhaps he could have a coffee whilst his wife finishes her workout. It's not just up to her to SAVE HER MARRIAGE.
AMEN!!!!!0 -
just break up0
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In to find out.Don't tolerate that crap. Ask him why he doesn't trust you. Confront him and get to the bottom of the real issue here.
This. Why the lack of trust?
if it's like other threads here, it will be revealed that the OP cheated with his friend/brother/father/cousin, and THAT is where the trust issues some from.
if not...
"he's just a jealous hater! keep up the good work gurl!"0 -
He could still go.. and yeah have a coffee... make it something fun... or when he's up to it... just a little walk on the treadmill or a recumbent bike for a little...
Role play he's an injured athlete making a comeback... rawwrrrr...0 -
You need a marriage counselor, not advice from people on the internet.
Good luck OP.0 -
You forgot to add in the :flowerforyou:You need a marriage counselor, not advice from people on the internet.
Good luck OP.0 -
send him selfies from the gym.
lets him know that you wish he was there and are holding his spot for him and that its HIM you enjoy sharing all this with, whether he can be there with you right now or not.
every few days, send him a dirty one from the lockerroom nods nods
works wonders
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send him selfies from the gym.
lets him know that you wish he was there and are holding his spot for him and that its HIM you enjoy sharing all this with, whether he can be there with you right now or not.
every few days, send him a dirty one from the lockerroom nods nods
works wonders
I love this response! Mushy and dirty selfies would definitely help motivate me and reassure me (though I am sure I would be supportive even during my down time anyway). But talking it out is also a good idea.0 -
You forgot to add in the :flowerforyou:You need a marriage counselor, not advice from people on the internet.
Good luck OP.
Thank you. :flowerforyou:0 -
yep, the hotter we get, the more the man feels threatened.
make him feel secure.0 -
Hmm, you know what they say about people that accuse you of being unfaithful0
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Hmm, you know what they say about people that accuse you of being unfaithful
Uh oh. You forgot the :flowerforyou:0 -
Hmm, you know what they say about people that accuse you of being unfaithful
Uh oh. You forgot the :flowerforyou:
Oops. I'll make up for it now
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.
baw ha ha ha ha
ME.
I'm always more important. Marriage can come and go... but you have to do what's best for YOU first.
Why does she have to be the one to make arrangements for him? If he is so injured perhaps he shouldn't go. Or perhaps he could wait in the waiting area (most gyms have some form of semi-lounge area.)0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.
baw ha ha ha ha
ME.
I'm always more important. Marriage can come and go... but you have to do what's best for YOU first.
Why does she have to be the one to make arrangements for him? If he is so injured perhaps he shouldn't go. Or perhaps he could wait in the waiting area (most gyms have some form of semi-lounge area.)
Sorry, married over 10 years here. The gym equipment isn't going to animate to come pay its respects at my funeral. My husband, on the other hand, is there for me and will be there for me. I don't think it's too much to ask to make adjustments in my life when he needs support. He would do, and does, the same for me. It's the people in my life who are important, and they are infinitely more important than a few missed or shorter workouts. If it takes a little longer to reach my goal, so what? I don't believe than I am any more important that he is or that my needs are more important just because they are mine. We work together as a team and make adjustments as necessary. Sometimes it means one of us giving something up to accommodate the other, and we've both been there.
There is clearly something going on with the OP's husband. As someone mentioned, he could be having medical issues causing the change in behavior that may have also contributed to the fall. He could just be depressed. He could be jealous. He could be responding to the behavior of the OP if she is being adamant and argumentative about her gym time, leading him to think there's a reason why she wants to go other than the barbells. We don't know, because we don't have his side of the story.
One thing I do know is that marriage doesn't work if either partner is more concerned with their own needs than that of the other person, which is why I made the suggestion to change things up so they are still able to go through the journey together. I know "screw everyone else" is a popular mantra around here, but if she wants to solve this situation, she needs to work it out with him, and that probably means compromise from both of them.0 -
What's more important to you, your workout or your marriage? Because it sounds like your husband is having a really tough time right now, and since you said you started this journey together, it would make sense in my mind that you would continue the journey together, not just ditch him on the sidelines because he is injured. He fell down the stairs, it's not like he's just willfully being stubborn.
Why not find activities you can both do together at your respective fitness levels while he recovers? I would never ask my husband to stop exercising because I have an injury, but I would be pissed if he just went on with the program and left me out completely when we had agreed to do it together and support each other. You sound like you think he should be completely supportive of you and your goals but you're missing the part where he needs your support right now as well.
ETA: This line in particular worries me: "If he does go to the gym with me I am forced to leave long before I am done." Forced? Leaving in consideration of your injured spouse is "forced"? Good grief, change up your routine and do something else that doesn't take as long. Get some cardio videos and do those at home to cut down on actual time at the gym.
baw ha ha ha ha
ME.
I'm always more important. Marriage can come and go... but you have to do what's best for YOU first.
Why does she have to be the one to make arrangements for him? If he is so injured perhaps he shouldn't go. Or perhaps he could wait in the waiting area (most gyms have some form of semi-lounge area.)
Sorry, married over 10 years here. The gym equipment isn't going to animate to come pay its respects at my funeral. My husband, on the other hand, is there for me and will be there for me. I don't think it's too much to ask to make adjustments in my life when he needs support. He would do, and does, the same for me. It's the people in my life who are important, and they are infinitely more important than a few missed or shorter workouts. If it takes a little longer to reach my goal, so what? I don't believe than I am any more important that he is or that my needs are more important just because they are mine. We work together as a team and make adjustments as necessary. Sometimes it means one of us giving something up to accommodate the other, and we've both been there.
There is clearly something going on with the OP's husband. As someone mentioned, he could be having medical issues causing the change in behavior that may have also contributed to the fall. He could just be depressed. He could be jealous. He could be responding to the behavior of the OP if she is being adamant and argumentative about her gym time, leading him to think there's a reason why she wants to go other than the barbells. We don't know, because we don't have his side of the story.
One thing I do know is that marriage doesn't work if either partner is more concerned with their own needs than that of the other person, which is why I made the suggestion to change things up so they are still able to go through the journey together. I know "screw everyone else" is a popular mantra around here, but if she wants to solve this situation, she needs to work it out with him, and that probably means compromise from both of them.
First - you're assuming you'll be going first. But second...
This line "really disturbs me" -The gym equipment isn't going to animate to come pay its respects at my funeral.
Well...now I see why people get married. It's to make sure at least one person attends the funeral. Thanks for the insight!!!0 -
Why people post their marital problems on the internet full of strangers, I'll never figure out. Yeah, you'll get great advice you can really make useful.0
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Why people post their marital problems on the internet full of strangers, I'll never figure out. Yeah, you'll get great advice you can really make useful.
You and me both. My advice will be Just Break Up...because seriously, if you have to turn to the internet to help solve marriage issues then it's probably over and you're just putting off the inevitable.0
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