Back at Square 1

kate21797

I started MFP back in April. I had just seen a particularly gruesome picture of myself, wearing a tight little black dress that emphasized all of my trouble areas. I felt disgusted, and joined MFP. I was quite successful. Between April and August, I managed to get my weight down from 149 to 128, only 3 pounds away from my goal weight. At 1200 calories a day, I was ecstatic, completely psyched up to see that magical number 125 come up on the scale.

I waited. And I waited. And I waited. For about a month I continued my limited 1200 calorie diet and exercise, sure that any day the scale would start to drop again. I even went lower, dropping to 1000 cal/day, ready to try anything. I took the advice of you helpful folks here in the form, and bumped up to 1350, figuring maybe I had to gain a pound or two to start losing again.

That was around late August, the same time I was starting back at school. That did it. I stopped habitual use of the MFP app, and stopped tracking my diet. I was running cross country after school, so while I did gain a couple of pounds, it was nothing big because I was running it off 6 days a week.

Late October, the season ended. The stress and anxiety of school and work was getting to me, not to mention empty hours no longer taken up by running (I loathe the cold, so I stopped exercising outside). I came home and did school work, filling the void of time and soothing the anxiety with food, none of it good for me (a story I have seen here before). I could feel the waistband of my new jeans getting tighter, but instead of doing something about the problem 15 pounds ago, I just threw on a sweatshirt, telling myself I'd go for a walk later and skip dessert.

Now here I am. December 26. I am at 145 pounds, only 4 pounds away from my starting weight last time. None of my new clothes fit anymore. I'm back to feeling like the disgusting pig I felt like before. I can't believe I let this happen to myself, can't believe I let my self control slip so badly as to relapse so completely. I'll blame it on depriving myself for so long. 1200 calories a day was really tough for me, and after so many months of it, I guess I just cracked. I have no one to blame but myself. I let stress, anxiety, and boredom get the best of me, and now I have to start from scratch again. I know that to many of you, 20 pounds is nothing in the long run, or that you're thinking "Oh god, she's only 145, what does SHE know about being over weight?" But to me, this is kind of a big deal, an embarrassment, a sign to the world that I have no self control to turn down a slice of pizza or a cupcake. And to look back and see how far I had come, only to let it slip through my fingers 3 pounds away from my goal. Losing the weight was so hard before, and the idea of having to do it again embarrasses me, scares me. What if I fail again? What if I get so close, only to relapse again? I just have to get going again I guess.

I'm not sure what this post has been exactly. An introduction? A rant? A self-reflection? Whatever it may be, I just hope it's the last "I used to be skinny and now I'm fat" post I'll ever have to make again. My Weight Loss: Take 2

JessyJepson

This sounds exactly like what I have went through this year!? except I saw a hideous picture of myself in shorts and a tank top which urged me to push myself earlier this summer.

Did awesome for a while, using MFP app, running, lifting-- then college courses started again, I was so wrapped up and stressed out with homework I ate horrible and hardly exercised...

I'm in the same place you are, I know this app works I am committing to using it everyday from here on out.

Just getting my butt packed up and off to the gym, good luck to you!

JesterMFP

I don't think you're back to square 1 at all, because you've learned from your experience. It sounds like you know where you went wrong - both in letting the weight creep back on, and in being too restrictive in the first place. Why no try to do it a bit differently this time? Have a smaller calorie deficit that's easier to stick with. Make small changes that you know you will sustain (ie keep eating the foods you like, minimise any need to "fall off the wagon"). Basically, create habits that will last even if life gets chaotic again. You can eat cupcakes or pizza, just not all the cupcakes all the time. Don't be so drastic this time. 1200 (let alone 1000) calories with exercise on top of that is very low. No wonder you wanted to give up!

With the exercise - I understand. I hate going out in the cold wet weather too. You just have to find ways round it though - join a gym, or do exercise videos indoors, or concentrate on strength training, or just grit your teeth and get out in the cold weather even if you don't feel like it. Make it a priority - look at it as a way of dealing with anxiety rather than a weight loss chore.

Emotional eating's a different issue, and something that needs time and effort to sort out. If it's a big problem, consider getting some help from a counsellor, no shame in that. If it's something you feel you can deal with yourself, there are lots of good self help books on the subject.

Anyway, you did this before, and you can do it again. This time, you have your previous experience to learn from, so you'll do it even better. :flowerforyou:

DWolf99

Hi!!!

It's difficult to maintain the weight, I'm a stress eater so when there is a lot of problems, I want to eat them away, and without time to go to the gym, It's complicated.

You are not alone and with a little of faith and a lot of work everything it's possible!!!

Good luck!!

Gloria67648

While our numbers may be different now our stories are very similar. Joined April 2012. Lost. Stopped logging, gained. Now back to 3 pounds of where I started.