Body Image Struggles - Still Seeing the Fat Person in Mirror

DefyGravity810

Today I tried on some clothes from a normal store that doesn't sell plus size clothes and was shocked when they fit (this isn't the first time that's happened though, I've been able to shop in the regular department for a while now). I looked in the mirror and I thought "I look disgusting" but it wasn't that the clothes didn't fit. It was that in my mind when I look in the mirror I still see a person who weighs 300 pounds. Tonight wasn't the first time I'd thought this was a problem for me, but it was the first time I fully admitted and confronted it.

I've lost 80 pounds (my ticker says 79 but I've been sort of going back and forth by a few pounds here or there for months but still weigh in and track every week) and no I'm not at my goal yet but photographic evidence tells me I'm not exactly fat anymore either. The only problem is my head disagrees. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't feel good, I feel gross and I still feel like I haven't lost anything. I think this is a problem and one that kind of scares me. I also think it's holding me back.

Please understand, I'm asking for serious suggestions from anyone who has felt this - I have lost 80 pounds so I think it's safe to say I can do this and know how to if I set my mind to it, but my mind isn't in a good space right now and I need some help. I'm asking for help and ideas for what I feel is a serious issue that could lead to unhealthy behaviors if I don't address it now and I don't want that to happen. Thanks so much! And yes, for the record, I plan on looking into therapy too.

kelly_e_montana

I've already been in eating disorder therapy and don't want any more right now since I'm doing pretty well. I understand what you are going through in a way. My issue is that I see myself as a size 14 whether I am a size 20 or a size 8. It's frustrating but you are not alone. If I pick up a medium pair of workout pants, I feel like people are looking at me like I am an imposter. When I was quite a bit bigger, I just saw myself as a little chubby, not fat.

katznkt

Therapy.

But other than that, I would spend some time visualizing yourself trying on clothes in your new size and them fitting or being large. Then I would visit mybodygallery and spend some time looking up other bodies similar to yourself and practice thinking that they are your size.

You need to look the mirror in the glass and fess up to your real size.

I couldn't see my real weight issue for a long time, but when I finally realized how big I was I changed. Everyday make the best choicesn

DefyGravity810

Thank you both. It's nice to have some suggestions and know that someone can relate. I've gone from a size 22w to a 16 misses and I definitely feel like an imposter too. I feel like when clerks come ask me if I need help they're actually wondering why I'm there and I even caught myself telling my mom a dress I wore in an old photo from before I gained a lot of weight would never fit because I wasn't that thin only to find out it definitely did. I decided to start for now by making a before and after picture as my profile photo on here- the best I could find from before because I avoided pictures and one from the dressing room tonight. Maybe at least looking at that difference regularly on here will help me see it.

hazeljordan1974

How about a visualisation of how much you've lost? Maybe go to the grocery store and hulk out 80lbs worth of potatoes, or even 40lbs if you feel embarrassed to hulk too much around - then see how much that is. Or take a look here - http://hypno-slim.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/things-that-weigh-80-pounds.html to see how much it actually is. I had this issue for quite a while

I actually thought some of the smaller clothes I had were wrongly labeled as they fit me and I had been in big sizes for a lot longer. I lost 70lbs and when I think "well it's not that much" I load up the leg press and cannot move it - that shows me how much I've lost.

You've done amazingly well! You should be proud of yourself at how far you've come.

ktsmom430

I can relate to this.
Even though I have gone from a tight size 24W to a size 8, I still have trouble visualizing a normal sized me.
Maybe some of us will never get used to ourselves being smaller.
I often am thinking to myself when clothes shopping, that the clerk will wonder who I am buying the smaller sizes for, that they may be thinking to themselves, "who is that woman buying this for"?
Self image is something that I definately have an issue with and don't know if I will ever be able to accept "the new me".

PeanutButter929

Losing weight doesn't change who you are, it's just that the fat is gone. I remember about three years ago when I had gotten down to my goal weight, I was happy but when I looked in the mirror, I didn't look "beautiful". I guess I thought that once I lost the fat, I would look a model but no...it's just a slimmed-down version of me. It made me realize that I had to do a self-evaluation to discover the beauty that I had inside, and to put a different value on my weight loss, a value of health instead of beauty. I hope these thoughts help. Believe that you have a God-given beauty that no one else has---let me know if there's anything else I can do----

JesterMFP

First of all, I can definitely relate to this, and so can a lot of other people. It's very common, so don't feel like you're the only one.

Therapy's a great idea if that's an option for you. A lot of my issues are rooted in low self-esteem. When you're overweight, it's easy to pin all of that on being fat, but losing weight made me realise that it was a lot deeper than that.

In my experience the other main thing that has helped is time. As frustrating as it is, just being patient and waiting for your brain to catch up with what you look like now really helps. I feel a lot differently now than I did a year ago at roughly the same size. I am gradually getting used to being a smaller person. In the meantime, I had to accept that the world sees me differently than I do. I had to learn to take compliments even if I didn't think they were warranted. A year ago, I'd look at big clothes and assume they'd fit, while small sizes, I'd assume would never fit me. Now, I've got my head around that part and can quite easily judge what will fit me. (I volunteer in a role that includes sorting through donated clothing, so I've been able to practise this!)

My brain still plays tricks. I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or window, and not recognise myself. Other times, especially in low light, I might see myself in the mirror and genuinely see the person I was before I lost any weight. It's weird. Some days are great, and I feel like I fully inhabit this new body. Other days I still really struggle, but then it's a case of "fake it til you make it". The world sees me as a size 8/10 (UK sizes) so even though I still feel like I'm obese, I know that it's just in my head. People call me "tiny", and even people who didn't know me bigger will say things like "oh, she's only a skinny little thing, you know, like you". It feels so surreal, like they're making fun of me, but eventually stuff like that sinks in.

Definitely use photos for comparison, and keep taking progress photos. If you have clothes left from "before" then trying them on can help. I've found over the past year that I look in the mirror a lot, not because I'm admiring myself (ok... that's happened a bit more often recently! :blushing: ) but because I'm trying to get it into my head what I really look like. I'm finally a bit more used to is, and starting to feel less obsessed, which is a good sign I think.

You'll get there, and time will be an important factor.

A1345

I understand so well what you are going through. When I look in the mirror I see disgusting, ugly and fat. I am embarrassed and ashamed. I have gone up 2 pant sizes and I am so obsessed with it. My Husband and friends say I am not fat even though I have gained some weight. I disagree.

Even when I weighed 130 I saw myself as fat. That says it goes deeper than the service. I have talked to a specialist about this a while back. I think I need to do so again. Have you considered seeing someone that specializes in this area so you can be able to talk through things?

A.

DefyGravity810

Thank you all so much for your responses! I need to go through and read them more thoroughly but I really appreciate it!

SeanSilk

I still think the same way. It's hard to see myself as in shape when I've been overweight for at least 13 years.