Another dinner 'party'... do I go?

Francl27

It's been nuts here. We have family we don't see often that's staying for a couple more days an hour away, and we've seen them a lot. They came here for Christmas dinner, we went there (and ate out twice in a day) three days ago, they had dinner here last night, and they invited us to dinner tonight again... and it's going to be homemade pizza.

I was under my goal twice in the last 6 days, and I've been pretty much eating at maintenance otherwise (except on Christmas day where I was 500 calories over). I know, I don't HAVE to eat the food, but with only 10 lbs to lose I have a harder time being motivated and I absolutely can't resist sweets, so even in moderation (more or less), I go over. And there will probably be dessert too.

Gah. What would you do? Should I go or just send my husband? I'm more a 'fit things into your calories' type and I'm going to try to leave myself a bunch of calories for it, but I'm just worried that this whole Holidays ordeal thing is making me slip back into my old habits (even a month ago, I would never have eaten a Godiva chocolate over my goal... but again, I didn't have Godiva chocolates then). This is tough. I wish Christmas had only really been a one day thing. I've managed to maintain my weight the last week at least...

JesterMFP

I was under my goal twice in the last 6 days, and I've been pretty much eating at maintenance otherwise (except on Christmas day where I was 500 calories over).

It sounds like you're not doing badly at all, really well in fact. The Christmas period is time-limited. It will be over soon, and you can get right back to normal.

even a month ago, I would never have eaten a Godiva chocolate over my goal...

Honestly? This is just my opinion, but I don't think that's the healthiest mindset to have. I know it's sometimes easier to be super-strict, but I think building in some flexibility is much better in the long run. One Godiva chocolate over your goal wouldn't even bring you up to maintenance, so to feel really bad about doing so (which presumably you would have done) is not really a healthy way to be. Again, in my opinion. Better to learn that you can go over your goal from time to time, hell, even over your maintenance, and it doesn't mean that you're going to wake up tomorrow 72 lbs heavier, or that you're going to go back to your old habits. Honestly, I can relate, and that's something I'm working on myself at the moment. Even at maintenance, with no "wiggle room", allowing my numbers to go in the red sometimes, just to remind myself that the sky won't fall down if I do.

I get that it's not easy. It's not easy for me either, and I'm looking forward to being completely back in my eating/exercise routing after the holiday period, but it is just a short period of time. Things will get back to normal, and you won't slip back into old habits. You know what you need to do, you've already got good practise at it. It sounds like you won't even go over your goal if you go to dinner tonight. I'd say (assuming you actually want to spend time with these people!) go, enjoy the homemade pizza. Enjoy the company of people you don't get to see too often. When it comes to dessert, take a moment to decide if it's something that you really want to eat, or whether you'd be eating out of habit/politeness. If you want it, have it. Have a tiny portion if it makes you feel better. If it doesn't look that yummy just say "no thanks, that looks amazing, but I'm really full).

With only 10 lbs to go and feeling less motivated, you have to start thinking about when you're at goal and maintaining, and feeling a whole lot less motivated then, and how you're going to handle things. Christmas is hard, but it's a really good opportunity to get your head a bit used to maintaining, while life goes on around you with all its temptations.

Francl27

Yes I'm dreading maintenance, although I'm thinking of just giving myself a low goal so it's not a big deal if I'm over once in a while. The worst for me is all that eating without being able to count calories, it drives me nuts... I have no idea how many calories I've really been eating lately. But not counting would be even worse, so who knows.

I'm going to try to leave myself 800 calories or so... not sure I can though. Sometimes I just have to eat something.

stt43

Go and eat.
With the amount of concern you have about it, it seems unlikely that you will "slip back into old habits".
Soon the holiday period will be over and you can get back on track. There is no rush.

sijomial

Yes I'm dreading maintenance, although I'm thinking of just giving myself a low goal so it's not a big deal if I'm over once in a while. The worst for me is all that eating without being able to count calories, it drives me nuts... I have no idea how many calories I've really been eating lately. But not counting would be even worse, so who knows.

I'm going to try to leave myself 800 calories or so... not sure I can though. Sometimes I just have to eat something.

Dreading maintenance??
That is incredibly sad - I really think you need to reassess your whole mindset, dieting seems to have taken over your life instead of being part of your life.

sunsetzen

Its a bit extreme to be antisocial just because you're on a diet. But I think that's the problem. You're on a diet. You're not making this part of your lifestyle, that's for sure.

Go with your family, enjoy their company, enjoy the food that you eat. Doesn't mean gorge on everything you see, but trust the skills you've built along your journey to make reasonable choices and don't freak out about going over in a holiday week. It won't even move the scales.

Francl27

Its a bit extreme to be antisocial just because you're on a diet. But I think that's the problem. You're on a diet. You're not making this part of your lifestyle, that's for sure.

Go with your family, enjoy their company, enjoy the food that you eat. Doesn't mean gorge on everything you see, but trust the skills you've built along your journey to make reasonable choices and don't freak out about going over in a holiday week. It won't even move the scales.

That's not true though... Eating out and having guests over 4 times in a week is definitely NOT our lifestyle, lol (although I did really well the day we went out twice at least). We typically eat out a couple times a month and have guests once every 3 months or something. I don't really want to just use the first excuse to eat too much, you know? It's a slippery slope between 'oh, it's a special occasion, it's fine' to 'oh, we only eat out once a week, let's indulge'.

About reassessing my whole mindset... I'm a food addict. What's the point in denying that? It would be lying to myself if I pretended that it's not always going to be a struggle - so of course it's going to take over my life to some extent. I wish it was that easy that I could just form healthy habits and not think twice about it.. but it's just not the case. It's relatively easy to only have one piece of cheese or one or two cookies, but show me some good chocolate or a good cake and it's hard not to binge... even if I stop at 'only' 3 chocolates.

I should add that I'm pretty much antisocial by nature though, so it's not really such a stretch that I'd rather stay at home.

ellenmg

You can't let food get in the way of having an enjoyable experience!! Have a healthy meal before going to this party (I guess I don't remember if you said it's a dinner party, like it's actually dinner, or if it's more like a buffet/appetizer situation) - Have a healthy meal beforehand, then you can just snack on a few items, socialize, and enjoy your life!!!

kgeyser

If you don't want to go, don't go. That's a lot of socialization for one week, and I personally would bail on this party (introvert over here). Don't make it about food or your diet, because if you wanted to go, you would find a way to make it work. Just say thank you, but hour drive each way on top of the party is too much with other commitments you have right now.

cafeaulait7

If you don't get to see them often, go. I'd completely avoid the dessert if you have a problem having more, because they'll have more Eat a small slice of pizza or whatever fits in your calories and then drink decaf. It'll be good for you to practice moderation and avoidance out, although it sounds like you did that out at dinner. Good

Mangopickle

yurg!, hour drive there and back. that would make me bail after a very social week. Of course, I am over 40 and feel very little pressure anymore to let parties interfere with my life. 1 party per holiday is enough for me. my husband and I jealously guard our time off from work to spend with each other and doing what we want to do.

skinnyinnotime

It sounds like these occasions don't happen very often, so go for it!

staveshabr

the upside is you are making your own pizza which u can do it your self so u know what is going on it and can stay within calories you can just make it like "oh this is fun i always liked making homemade pizza let me help out" :bigsmile: without making it weird or like you are trying to control dinner lol. i say have fun its the last day they are in town just learn when to tell yourself no, because family and friends are a part of life and this week is showing perfect practice for these occasions.

JesterMFP

Yes I'm dreading maintenance, although I'm thinking of just giving myself a low goal so it's not a big deal if I'm over once in a while. The worst for me is all that eating without being able to count calories, it drives me nuts... I have no idea how many calories I've really been eating lately. But not counting would be even worse, so who knows.

I'm going to try to leave myself 800 calories or so... not sure I can though. Sometimes I just have to eat something.

Dreading maintenance??
That is incredibly sad - I really think you need to reassess your whole mindset, dieting seems to have taken over your life instead of being part of your life.

It might be sad, but it's not abnormal or uncommon. There are lots of people on this site (let alone out in the world in general) who struggle with this stuff. A lot. A lot of people struggle with maintenance too. I personally have found it a lot harder than losing. That probably sounds like I have a horrible relationship with food, and in fact I don't. I have a much better mindset about it all than I once did, but it's still not easy, and it's rarely as simple as just reassessing your mindset. For a lot of people, the mental struggles they have with food are extremely deep rooted.

Anyway OP, did you go? How did it go?