Venting/Frustrated at myself

fitmek

So here it is. I gained 12 pounds LESS with pregnancy #2. I was pumped that i wasnt going to have a crapload of weight to lose after having the baby, unlike the first time around. I was on a strict mission to lose the weight after I had the baby and the first 2 months I lost all but 12 pounds. I thought I was doing really well and had confidence I could lose the last 12 pounds generally easy if I kept a little discipline. Well, now its 3 months later and I still have 11 pounds to lose. I can't make excuses, its all my fault. I want my clothes to fit loose instead of snug, I want to drop these last pounds and maybe even a few more and tone up, but I dropped the ball. I still am working around both kiddos schedules right now and dont have time to work out, so I was focusing mainly on diet. I knew if I took my calorie levels to 1200-1300, i would fail since it was such a low count and I wasnt used to that, so I kept my cal count around 1500. There were days I would do really well, then days I would be up around 1700-1750. I kept saying to myself "It's ok, jump back on the wagon tomorrow."
Now i'm starting to feel gross. I didnt want to get stuck in that mindset, but nearing the 6 month mark and having made virtually no progress the last 3 is starting to wear on me. I know it's my fault. I'm having such a hard time finding discipline to stay around 1300-1400 calories a day. I'm only 5'3, and I'm back in my prepregnancy clothes for the most part, but they are snug.
Ugh, I'm not asking for advice, I'm just venting because I'm so angry at myself.
I would be the perfect candidate for meal delivery service.....put it in front of me and all i have to do is make a side salad and I'm good to go!
There are so many worse things I could be complaining about, but I'm just over this lifelong weight battle. The last 10 are the hardest to lose, I thought I was going to come out on top, but it's defeating me (my own fault) again.
So frustrating!