how can I get my dad to be healthier?

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dandandee
dandandee Posts: 301 Member
in Motivation and Support
Okay, firstly I know that for someone to decide to get healthier they need to decide and do it for themselves. I get that. But I'm scared my dad will make that decision (or realize that he needs to) too late. I guess I'm just hoping someone has tips on how my mom and I could approach this with him to give him a nudge in the right direction.

For about as long as I can remember my dad has been overweight, but the last couple years he's packed on the pounds. He complains that he doesn't have as much energy as he used to but I don't think he see that if he were to lose some of the extra padding he's got he'd have more energy.

My mom has told him that he's gotten bigger, and when I go see them on weekends and we have dinner I sometimes point out that something is a pretty big serving or his third serving or so on. But it's hard. I love him and he's my dad so I don't want to be rude or mean and neither does my mom but I'd want even less for him to get sick because of his weight or for him to miss out on life because he weighs too much to do something or doesn't have enough energy.

Thanks for reading through that all :)
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Replies

  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
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    You're right - people have to decide for themselves. I'm pretty sure your dad knows he's overweight, and knows why.

    You have the option of sitting him down and having a frank conversation, telling him you're worried for his help and offering to help out if you can. If you do, don't be surprised if he doesn't react well. I'd also only try that one time. For some people, they need a kind of wakeup call, and would welcome a loved one being frank in that way. Try to focus on the things he's actually said in the past - eg. about his energy levels. Talk about how much better you feel since losing weight.

    The thing is, a lot of other people would not respond well to being confronted like that. Most overweight people are well aware of the fact that they're overweight. If it doesn't work that one time, I wouldn't push it. As you say, he has to decide for himself. If he never makes that decision, then it's a really sad situation, but it's not something you can control. If he doesn't want your help then the best thing you can do is lead by example and hope that he is inspired by the way you live your life.
  • cally_
    cally_ Posts: 27 Member
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    Maybe you could try to involve him in your own weight loss? New food, more activities?
  • michelefrench
    michelefrench Posts: 814 Member
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    Lead by example and hope he follows..you can't make anyone do it...
  • RangerRN507
    RangerRN507 Posts: 124 Member
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    come at him with an Iron fist and crush him into submission
  • michelefrench
    michelefrench Posts: 814 Member
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    come at him with an Iron fist and crush him into submission

    Yeah that's probably a better way to go :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,704 Member
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    Pictures of fat dead people who died overweight sometimes help.:laugh:

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • dandandee
    dandandee Posts: 301 Member
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    come at him with an Iron fist and crush him into submission

    Yeah that's probably a better way to go :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    honestly that's probably what it'd take. Anyone seen Tony Stark recently? ooonly kidding.

    @Jester - thanks for the ideas
  • SpinCyn
    SpinCyn Posts: 94 Member
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    My dad, for some unknown reason lost 68lbs this year...im SUPER proud of him!!!! But I feel like hes OBSESSED WITH IT!!!!!! I hear him say the same things over and over again and I almost feel as though he is getting condescending (you are bad if you still go to restaurants!!!! etc).

    I think he will have 'a moment' as in having trouble to tie his shoes one day and bam, he will want to change things :) perhaps show him some science? Like about age and diabetus, heart disease etc.....

    Good luck and happy new year!
  • SpinCyn
    SpinCyn Posts: 94 Member
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    come at him with an Iron fist and crush him into submission

    love.this.
  • dandandee
    dandandee Posts: 301 Member
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    My dad, for some unknown reason lost 68lbs this year...im SUPER proud of him!!!! But I feel like hes OBSESSED WITH IT!!!!!! I hear him say the same things over and over again and I almost feel as though he is getting condescending (you are bad if you still go to restaurants!!!! etc).

    I think he will have 'a moment' as in having trouble to tie his shoes one day and bam, he will want to change things :) perhaps show him some science? Like about age and diabetus, heart disease etc.....

    Good luck and happy new year!

    Wow! that's an awesome loss for your dad! too bad about the condescending part though, hopefully he sees that you're doing great on your journey too and he doesn't need to do that.

    Yeah.. thing is, he should have had that 'moment' when he had a stroke last year. And I guess I (like probably most others in similar situations) hate having to watch our loved ones continue to do things that are bad to themselves until they reach that time where they realize change is necessary. Thanks for the support

    BTW awesome leggings !
    ETA happy new years to you too!
  • jmkmomm
    jmkmomm Posts: 3,247 Member
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    He might need a rude awakening like you and your Mom going out and doing a cool activity because you can now. Do something you know he likes. But he can't now and has to stay home.
  • Samstan101
    Samstan101 Posts: 699 Member
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    Who does the cooking & grocery shopping? If it's your Mum then she can make his food healthier and if she cooks less then there'll be less around for second helpings.
  • A1345
    A1345 Posts: 12
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    What got me to be serious about my health is my Daughter. She is an RN and knows all that can happen with unhealthy habits. She came to me with tears in her eyes and said she wants me to be around for a long time and to please start eating healthy and exercise. I then thought to myself....... my children are more important to me than those unhealthy foods and because of the love I have for them I have choose to eat healthier and to become healthier. Maybe if you talk to your Dad something like that it might help. It is true though, he has to do this on his own because "he" wants to.

    Hang in there. Hope he listens.
  • fallenoaks50
    fallenoaks50 Posts: 84
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    when I go see them on weekends and we have dinner I sometimes point out that something is a pretty big serving or his third serving or so on.

    Don't do this. You are not the food police. All you are doing is embarrassing him. He knows he is overweight. If he wants to fix it, he will.
  • Eli716
    Eli716 Posts: 262 Member
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    Well... I can think of two things...

    1. Ask him to go on a walk with you after dinner when you visit. / Ask him if he would like to lose weight with you.

    2. Explain to him that you want him to be around and the choice he's choosing, may not be wise.

    I'm sure most of us didn't want to hear, "You should lose weight before it kills you" before we found our strength to begin. I know I absolutely hated it, but now that I've lost so much, nobody is saying anything but good things!

    That aside, that iron fist idea sounds good, lol!
  • echofm1
    echofm1 Posts: 471 Member
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    He might need a rude awakening like you and your Mom going out and doing a cool activity because you can now. Do something you know he likes. But he can't now and has to stay home.

    This. Part of what started me on my weight loss journey was that I was too heavy to things that sounded fun. Like zip lining. Other things that irked me about being overweight was needing a seat belt extender on an airplane. I've always known I was fat, but I'm healthy and I get around decently well; who cares if I can't run?

    Finding ways to point out how his size limits his life might help, without being an overt "You're fat and that's bad" conversation. He won't get to be around to see his grandkids, he'll only be able to buy vehicles he fits into, extra money if he goes flying, not being able to go to a theme park with you or his grandkids, things like that. One thing that also shocked me is that being overweight can kill you even if your medical emergency isn't because of your weight. If you need to be airlifted to another hospital, you might be too heavy for the helicopter to take you even at only 250 pounds. Being told you're fat and it might possibly kill you one day isn't enough for everyone. You have to really feel the effects.
  • 99clmsntgr
    99clmsntgr Posts: 777 Member
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    come at him with an Iron fist and crush him into submission

    Yeah that's probably a better way to go :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    honestly that's probably what it'd take. Anyone seen Tony Stark recently? ooonly kidding.

    FWIW, Iron Fist was Danny Rand. Tony Stark was Ironman. :tongue: :ohwell:

    I struggle with the same issue with my sister and with almost all of my wife's family. I've tried the subtle hints, I've tried being blunt. The only thing I can control is what gets served in my house, so I stick to moderately healthy things and make sure I measure out a proper portion on my plate when they come visit.

    And I've simply come to the conclusion that I can't want it for them. If they want it, they'll do it. Otherwise, nothing else will get them started.
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
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    Yeah.. thing is, he should have had that 'moment' when he had a stroke last year.

    Crikey.

    He should be made aware that chances are the next one will be the sort that permanently floors you. And it's more likely to happen if he's already had a stroke (but obviously not guaranteed, nor will losing weight guarantee that he will not get a stroke).

    If he likes his food, then he should also be made aware that the next stroke could result in him eating liquidised food for the next 20 years of his life. Assuming it's not so bad that swallowing is impossible and he requires a tube to pump liquid food into his stomach.

    I've worked with stroke victims. It's an awful disease. Light strokes can be overcome with physio. Full on strokes can be with you until you die but it doesn't necessarily kill you and you can end up living with the result for years. As an example, I managed to get one lady to pick up a small beanbag and throw it but that took about 2 months of regular training.
  • sevsmom
    sevsmom Posts: 1,172 Member
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    OP, I didn't read through all the responses, but I am fairly certain you are a younger MFP member. I'm an "old" lady whose father passed away 10.5 years ago. All my life, my father was obese. Not just a little overweight, obese. He seriously looked like he would give birth at any moment. He was 5'11" and 320 at his heaviest. His parents were both obese. His family health history had congestive heart failure, type 2 diabetes, hypertension and high cholesterol. He was hypertensive and had high cholesterol. He ate an atrocious diet (which is what learned was normal) and he had significant anger issues. He also suffered with undiagnosed depression (easier to see in retrospect as an adult who has had to deal with it myself).

    My mother wanted desperately to help him lose weight and potentially avoid at least the type 2 diabetes that was looming on the horizon. He was uninterested in any sort of change. Until......

    He was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Then the world flipped upside down and he eventually lost 100 lbs.

    It took crisis moment for my dad to get serious. For many folks, there has to be a crisis before they will undertake hard decisions. He did what he needed to do. Improved his blood pressure dramatically, cholesterol improved to near normal. Diabetes was maintained with oral meds (and a half dose at that).

    In the end, the years of unhealthy living took it's toll and I am convinced it played a huge part in his death at age 64. Now I look at my 53 year old sister and, while her blood pressure and cholesterol are OK, she's is morbidly obese and I worry about the health implications. I can't make her become a runner like me. I can't make her want to be healthy. What I can do, is be healthy. Share my healthy lifestyle and be available to encourage her if she comes to me and asks for encouragement.

    Understand that dad's don't usually like to come to their kids for advice....he may never talk to you about it. BUT, your healthy lifestyle COULD be a quiet motivator for him.

    Hope 2014 is a healthy year for you and a healthier year for your dad!
  • nikkylyn
    nikkylyn Posts: 325 Member
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    Maybe bring over a healthy tasty dish then tell him dad this is how im losing weight its good has protein good fats veggies etc and it only has ???? calories per serving vs your avg meal which has ??? calories.... tell him small changes in diet plus exercise. Tell him that since starting this change you noticed an increase in energy levels.Make the focus about your changes not his. Motivate him by showing him how ur doing it. He does have to want it. I couldnt lose weight if someone was telling me too.

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