How to handle a competitive partner...

ktdiddy

So I really need to vent. My partner has recently jumped on my healthy eating/gym wagon and now feels the need to critique my food choices/exercise efforts ALL THE TIME!

Does anyone else have this problem? I have a bit of a short fuse and would like to let it wash over me but sometimes I want to PUNCH HIM IN THE BUTT!

Some examples for you:
- "There is no point doing cardio for less than 30mins, You should push yourself more": I do 25mins HIIT which includes power walking at 15% incline and sprinting anywhere between 1% and 5%...
- "Bacon is really bad for you. It has heaps of salt": And your toasted muesli has heaps of sugar...
- "Do you eat eggs and a protein shake for breakfast? I couldn't do that I would get too full": Says the guy who only has breakfast on the weekends/holidays...
-"Coconut oil is really bad for you": So are the copious amounts of cranberry juice you are drinking on a regular basis...
- "Why are you having peanut butter and almonds on your celery? Just eat the celery. It's really good for you": Yes. I would eat the celery by itself IF I WAS A RABBIT...
- "Why don't you work out in front of the mirrors? How do you know if you are lifting properly": Because I know...

Help!

F00LofaT00K

So I really need to vent. My partner has recently jumped on my healthy eating/gym wagon and now feels the need to critique my food choices/exercise efforts ALL THE TIME!

Does anyone else have this problem? I have a bit of a short fuse and would like to let it wash over me but sometimes I want to PUNCH HIM IN THE BUTT!

Some examples for you:
- "There is no point doing cardio for less than 30mins, You should push yourself more": I do 25mins HIIT which includes power walking at 15% incline and sprinting anywhere between 1% and 5%...
- "Bacon is really bad for you. It has heaps of salt": And your toasted muesli has heaps of sugar...
- "Do you eat eggs and a protein shake for breakfast? I couldn't do that I would get too full": Says the guy who only has breakfast on the weekends/holidays...
-"Coconut oil is really bad for you": So are the copious amounts of cranberry juice you are drinking on a regular basis...
- "Why are you having peanut butter and almonds on your celery? Just eat the celery. It's really good for you": Yes. I would eat the celery by itself IF I WAS A RABBIT...
- "Why don't you work out in front of the mirrors? How do you know if you are lifting properly": Because I know...

Help!

Have you tried talking to him about it? If not, he may not realize he's being so critical. Perhaps now that you're both eating better/exercising more this is his way of sharing the experience? It seems like he's trying to be helpful and it sounds like he's coming from a place of caring. I don't know your relationship dynamic, but I'm pretty positive all relationships need open communication to function in a healthy manner. Try explaining to him why you're doing things the way you are and let him know that while you appreciate how much he cares about you, this isn't the way to show it.

Spreyton22K

Hmmm....is he on MFP with you????

Maybe get hold of threads that speak of moderation, combined with success stories all the stuff that will perhaps moderate his input that is upsetting for you. Guide to Sexypants. Maybe he just needs the reminding that there are many roads to get what you want....basics of calories in verses calories out combined with sustainable exercise.

Sometimes when starting out people can have very fixed/rigid ideas about what and won't work.....he probably is trying to be helpful, but it just isn't coming over well.

Goodluck
Karen

meshashesha2012

honestly, none of that sounds competitive but more so him being a busy body (big difference)

why not tell him that your journey is your own or even actually start a friendly competition between the two you, he does things his way, you do things your way and you see who's proportionally made the most progress in 3 months. to make it fair you dont have to make it about weight loss, it could be able strength gains, increased fitness, increased flexibility

SLLRunner

Yeah, sounds like boundary violations to me. I would sit down and talk to him about him getting into your business.

Don uses MFP too and we compare our calorie counts if we have the same meals, or talk about weight loss issues, but we give advice only if asked. Neither one of us would ever think about commenting on the eating or logging habits of each other. He gets it's about moderation and not always about the type of foods we eat.

ktdiddy

Ooooh I like all of these posts, thanks heaps! He isn't on MFP and doesn't really understand calorie counting but has some really weird ideas about food. Tonight, he told me that you should only really eat red meat once a week...
I think once he starts seeing my transformation more, he will realise that I actually do know what I am doing!

Alatariel75

See if this was my partner, I'd have just laughed at him and told him to stuff it up his jumper! Why haven't you just told him to stick it (in the nicest possible way) yet? He's your partner! If you can't be open and honest with him, who can you be honest and open with?

ktdiddy

Yeah, sounds like boundary violations to me. I would sit down and talk to him about him getting into your business.

Don uses MFP too and we compare our calorie counts if we have the same meals, or talk about weight loss issues, but we give advice only if asked. Neither one of us would ever think about commenting on the eating or logging habits of each other. He gets it's about moderation and not always about the type of foods we eat.

This sounds like such an awesome way to work together! I am actually glad that we aren't both on MFP as we already work at the same employer and we are friends on Facebook so it is nice to have some personal space in the cyber world!

ktdiddy

See if this was my partner, I'd have just laughed at him and told him to stuff it up his jumper! Why haven't you just told him to stick it (in the nicest possible way) yet? He's your partner! If you can't be open and honest with him, who can you be honest and open with?

I kind of did tonight... he fell asleep on the couch before dinner then after dinner had two pieces of toast. I told him off because he clearly isn't eating enough through the day and definitely isn't eating enough before/after going to the gym. He always looks really sickly and pale after a workout whereas I bounce around like a sweaty (and slightly sore) rabbit. It is totally because I put better fuel in my body before and after I workout!

ktdiddy

honestly, none of that sounds competitive but more so him being a busy body (big difference)

why not tell him that your journey is your own or even actually start a friendly competition between the two you, he does things his way, you do things your way and you see who's proportionally made the most progress in 3 months. to make it fair you dont have to make it about weight loss, it could be able strength gains, increased fitness, increased flexibility

I think when I said "competitive" I was trying to put it nicely! Yes, he is a busy body and a know it all who doesn't like to be wrong! I like your idea of making it more about strength gains etc. We had a really good chat on the mat at the gym the other day about beating our personal bests and he even showed me one of his weight lifting moves that I have started doing.

Samthefrog

This kinda sounds like my dad... and my best friend... both of whom I've been tempted to tell off lately but have not!

The biggest thing I've learned this past year (and over the 42 lbs I've lost) is that I have to trust myself and my plan. If it doesn't work, I will evaluate and adjust it... no one else! So I like that you're able to evaluate each of his statements and see the overall truth in his path vs. yours. Try to ignore his babble: the results will be the best proof of who is right or wrong!

str160

Based on your posts, your partner cares, but is clueless. OK, some things he is right about, but being right about a few things doesn't make him right about everything.

geebusuk

It all seemed good until...

I told him off...

Then it just seems like you're both doing the same thing to each other .
It's easy to get in to a situation where both partners are 'sniping' at each other - point scoring and so on.
If he's being "told off", he instinctively respond as a defence mechanism in a similar manner - and then you do the same and so on .

If it was me, I'd have my rebuttals ready when I was questioned as I DO tend to do my research - pulling out a peer reviewed study (or a link to one) and saying "well, actually, NO"... mostly annoys people for being a smartarse. But noted that same people that get annoyed with me for that sort of thing still come to me with all sorts of questions because they know if I've got an answer, it'll be actually useful, rather than just conjecture and guesswork.