Why losing weight should be out of choice, not shame

elsinora

... Just a little reminder on why, even if we should be healthier for life, should not be out of 'shame'

http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/new-year-resolutions-how-companies-shame-you-out-billions-pounds-1430798

jenifr818

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Being made fun of for being fat did nothing but cause me to stress-eat even more. I had to come to the realization that I wanted to be healthier and lose weight on my own, not because family, coworkers or random strangers thought I needed to

eldamiano

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Being made fun of for being fat did nothing but cause me to stress-eat even more. I had to come to the realization that I wanted to be healthier and lose weight on my own, not because family, coworkers or random strangers thought I needed to

I agree to an extent but ones abilities and declining health also understandably affect other people close. Family and friends is absolutely a good reason to lose weight

jenifr818

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Being made fun of for being fat did nothing but cause me to stress-eat even more. I had to come to the realization that I wanted to be healthier and lose weight on my own, not because family, coworkers or random strangers thought I needed to

I agree to an extent but ones abilities and declining health also understandably affect other people close. Family and friends is absolutely a good reason to lose weight

Eh, regardless of whether or not I agree on family/friends being a good reason to lose weight (I don't necessarily know that I do), I still stand firm that there's never room for those family or friends to fat shame. Ever.

eldamiano

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Being made fun of for being fat did nothing but cause me to stress-eat even more. I had to come to the realization that I wanted to be healthier and lose weight on my own, not because family, coworkers or random strangers thought I needed to

I agree to an extent but ones abilities and declining health also understandably affect other people close. Family and friends is absolutely a good reason to lose weight

Eh, regardless of whether or not I agree on family/friends being a good reason to lose weight (I don't necessarily know that I do), I still stand firm that there's never room for those family or friends to fat shame. Ever.

You said "not because family, coworkers or random strangers thought I needed to". This doesnt imply shaming, simply that you wouldnt do it on the back of a friend giving you some advice.

Holly_Roman_Empire

Companies will do whatever they can to get you to spend money on their product. I don't think they're "shaming" anyone to get in shape, but even if they are, why be offended? They're just trying to make a dollar. It's their job to advertise, and they're doing what works.

As far as fat shaming goes, I personally was ashamed of being fat. I didn't need anyone to help me feel that way.

msf74

I had to come to the realization that I wanted to be healthier and lose weight on my own, not because family, coworkers or random strangers thought I needed to

I think this is a key component of long term success.

If your motivation is external: approval from other people, appearance or whatever you run the risk that if that approval is withdrawn then so will your source of motivation. As such you have much less control. If your motivation is internal, for yourself and improving your self esteem then the choice and the control is very much yours.

elsinora

Insinuating that that your children will love you more because you've lost weight is 'shaming'.

jenifr818

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Being made fun of for being fat did nothing but cause me to stress-eat even more. I had to come to the realization that I wanted to be healthier and lose weight on my own, not because family, coworkers or random strangers thought I needed to

I agree to an extent but ones abilities and declining health also understandably affect other people close. Family and friends is absolutely a good reason to lose weight

Eh, regardless of whether or not I agree on family/friends being a good reason to lose weight (I don't necessarily know that I do), I still stand firm that there's never room for those family or friends to fat shame. Ever.

You said "not because family, coworkers or random strangers thought I needed to". This doesnt imply shaming, simply that you wouldnt do it on the back of a friend giving you some advice.

I was just referring to them shaming because that was what the OP initially posted about. Whenever my friends gave me advice that I needed to lose weight, I'd just say "aw, thanks for the tip. Let's go get some pizza" or something along those lines. It's not like I didn't know that I needed to; I was well aware. They can give the advice all they want, but at the end of the day, it's up to me. I'm not impacting them by being overweight, IMHO, so their advice is just that: advice. I don't always take the advice that I'm given

sarzo14

I totally agree. Mygrandma and my dad, aunt... were telling me I should lose weight, that I look fat etc. I was so angry that everytime that I came to my grannys place the first thing she said was I was fat. But I didn't feel uncofortable in my skin, I was confident. I wasn't planing on losing weight becouse they were mean.

But then I stepped on a scale and it showed me I was 209 pounds :O that made me think and in a few month I started dieting. Well not dieting but counting calories, I still eat chocolate and pasta, bread... Now that I lost 40 pounds my aunt told me I looked better and that I look pretty and nice. I asked her if she tough I looked ugly and bad when I was 40 pounds heavier. Like family should love you no matter what. And I was not obese, I'm 5'10" tall. So 209 was a lot, but not critical I think.
I now weigh 178 pounds.

This was my decision, not my familys. You should lose weight for yourself and not others!!! If they support you family influence can be a positive, but I really think youu should only lose weight for yourself!!

_EndGame_

The choice could come out of shame.

I was ashamed of myself, for the state I allowed myself to get in. Ergo, I decided to do something about it.

It is how it is.

jenifr818

The choice could come out of shame.

I was ashamed of myself, for the state I allowed myself to get in. Ergo, I decided to do something about it.

It is how it is.

That's fair enough, actually. That's still internal, not external motivation

seltzermint555

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Being made fun of for being fat did nothing but cause me to stress-eat even more. I had to come to the realization that I wanted to be healthier and lose weight on my own, not because family, coworkers or random strangers thought I needed to

I agree 100%

Actually what helped me to lose 103 lb since 2008 is acceptance and love from my family, friends, and my now-husband. Being criticized tears me down and doesn't help anything at all.

elsinora

^^ This

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Being made fun of for being fat did nothing but cause me to stress-eat even more. I had to come to the realization that I wanted to be healthier and lose weight on my own, not because family, coworkers or random strangers thought I needed to

I agree 100%

Actually what helped me to lose 103 lb since 2008 is acceptance and love from my family, friends, and my now-husband. Being criticized tears me down and doesn't help anything at all.

msf74

The choice could come out of shame.

I was ashamed of myself, for the state I allowed myself to get in. Ergo, I decided to do something about it.

It is how it is.

True enough, it can lead to a short term desire which can get you some distance.

The problem is one of what happens in the long term. Human beings, if subjected to feelings of worthlessness for a sufficient time, will inevitably crack. They will look for something to alleviate the pain. The will usually seek out something which is cheap, accessible and provides pleasure, albeit temporarily. Something like...food...usually.

Shame, guilt and anxiety are not a secure base to build long term plans upon.

They never will be.

Jkn921

I agree! When people used to talk down to me it made me comfort eat a lot more but I got to a point after I came out of severe depression to make a change and exercise was the biggest factor that helped with that, since then it's all been internal although I get comments all the time (positive and negative). You'll always get then its how you deal with then that can make or break you

lthames0810

I'm not against capitalism, and if I were a producer of fitness related products, I would advertise the heck out of them in the run up to New Years and after. But preying upon people's self-loathing in the aftermath of holiday feasting and drinking doesn't feel right.

I have been watching way too much TV during the football bowl season, so I'm absorbing more advertising than usual. The stuff I see are images of super fit happy people using the products or enjoying the supposed wonderful life these products promise. I don't see any overt shaming, though. Maybe if I were especially down on myself, I would feel shamed.

ponycyndi

I spent YEARS shaming myself by keeping "skinny" jeans that I would be able too wear once I lost weight. (I'm not alone here!!!)

As soon as I threw out the jeans, I was able to love and care for the body I already had. And the weight came off.

WendyTerry420

I'm not against capitalism, and if I were a producer of fitness related products, I would advertise the heck out of them in the run up to New Years and after. But preying upon people's self-loathing in the aftermath of holiday feasting and drinking doesn't feel right.

I have been watching way too much TV during the football bowl season, so I'm absorbing more advertising than usual. The stuff I see are images of super fit happy people using the products or enjoying the supposed wonderful life these products promise. I don't see any overt shaming, though. Maybe if I were especially down on myself, I would feel shamed.

It wouldn't be preying if people didn't let themselves be victimized. It always goes back to individuals.