People say the oddest things!

lisacarrana

I'm not sure if this message belongs here, however I'm only half way through my journey, I started my new lifestyle on 30 June 2013, I started at 340lbs and am now 240lbs, so I have lost just over 100lbs, through hard work and commitment. Some people are now saying the oddest things.

Are you going to stop now!
Don't lose too much more, you won't be you! (I'm thinking I still have 100lbs to go!)
At least you don't look sick! (Well I should not do, I have a clean diet and go to the gym every day)
How have you done it, you must have had medical help!
It won't suit you being too small!
How long do you think it will be before you put the weight back on!

How are you meant to react to comments like this? Are they mixed up compliments or are people just being mean?

What are the things people have said to you and how have you reacted?

mazdauk

I had "At least you haven't lost your tits" from a (male) friend

"I didn't think you were fat before" (colleagues - thinner than I am now)

People get used to you being one size and it takes adjustment - we even need to adjust ourselves (I often try on a larger size then I need). Loosing steadily and working out at the same time is the right way to go - you know that, so just keep on and remind yourself its your expectations that count, not those of others!

Alatariel75

People say these things for many reasons. The most common are:

a) they think they're being kind
b) people are not good with change and try to maintain the status quo
c) people don't think a lot and equate telling you that you don't need to lose any more with a compliment as to your progress so far

Many people will say it's because they're jealous, but I believe that's only true in a very small amount of cases. The same with being mean.

People are just strange and silly creatures and say things for misguided reasons or with misplaced good intentions.

workout_ninja

Yes most people arent being intentionally mean, they just dont like change. I have had constant "dont lose any more weight" or "you can stop now" and I just sit there thinking, thats sweet but I didnt ask your permission.

patsyjanenz

Hello, Just starting back with it myself..wanted to say how impressed I am by your success through commitment and effort. Welldone.

Cindyinpg

People say these things for many reasons. The most common are:

a) they think they're being kind
b) people are not good with change and try to maintain the status quo
c) people don't think a lot and equate telling you that you don't need to lose any more with a compliment as to your progress so far

Many people will say it's because they're jealous, but I believe that's only true in a very small amount of cases. The same with being mean.

People are just strange and silly creatures and say things for misguided reasons or with misplaced good intentions.

I agree. And I've gotten strange comments too. People will ask how I've lost weight and then they'll say that eating at a deficit doesn't work and that I should go see a doctor because there's probably ANOTHER reason why I'm losing weight. If I didn't cut out fat or sugar or carbs or use green coffee bean extract or whatever gimmicky fad they read on Facebook that day, I must be deathly sick.:laugh:

Chadomaniac

Smile and Wave



Stuff what people think , do as you please

lauren3101

People generally don't mean any harm. They are used to seeing you at 340lb, so you at 240lb is a huge change and therefore looks drastic and alien to them. Ignore the comments and get to where YOU want to be.

Harrisonsauntie

Smile and Wave



Stuff what people think , do as you please

This :drinker:

lisacarrana

Thanks everyone, that is really helpful, I think I started to get a bit fed up with the comments, but I agree perhaps its quite a big change and people don't really know what to say.

lisacarrana

Smile and Wave



Stuff what people think , do as you please

I will give it a try, it sound genius!

clairol

I think that people just can't compute these things - my MIL moans about being fat at 9 stone 7 (137lbs) but when I did lose weight tell me I didn't need to lose any more - despite me weighing more than her and being shorter than her! As others have suggested, just nod and carry on with what you're doing.

Indiri13

People are awkward creatures and we often don't know what to say so stupid things come out of our mouths.

I've been told to not lose any more, that I must be using cocaine, that I really need to stop now. I was told once that I looked gaunt. Telling people I want to lose another 10 gives them horrified faces even though I've explained that based on body fat % and BMI that my goal is completely healthy and not even the minimum of healthy (my aim is 21-22% body fat which coincidentally is also a 21-22 BMI).

But, as weird as all those comments are, I totally get it. A few years ago my sister lost a bunch of weight, too. I don't see her often so when I did I was at first taken aback. She looked so different and, not having the round face anymore, she did seem gaunt to me. I congratulated her on getting healthy and we enjoyed our visit. Now that I've seen her a few times I'm used to the "new her" and I can see that she is healthy/beautiful. I think I was just so used to seeing 'x' part of her as beautiful so when that part left I lost sight of it but the rest of her is shining through now. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway, they aren't trying to be mean (usually) and they mean it as a compliment in a funny and screwy kind of way. So just thank them for whatever part was a compliment and go about your merry business however you want to.

andysmom

People just see you the way they see you and when you shake things up, they don't know what to do! My sister in law, who weighs maybe 105 soaking wet, exclaimed over what a "skinny minnie" I had become when I saw her at Christmas. Mind you, I've gone from 223 to 170, but I am so far from "skinny" its hilarious! Even my 19 year old son, who I know is not being mean, keeps telling me I am disappearing and that I shouldn't lose anymore weight. Oh well! Luckily, God and I are in charge of this - not them.

You know the truth about yourself - so KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!

keepongoingnmw

In my expierience the people who make those kind of comments are peoe who are preoccupied with their own weight. And yes it is jealousy. Unless your say something positive to someone it is just plain rude to comment on another person's weight or appearance in general.Apart from a doctor. Great job! I would ask people why they care so much about it.

lighteningjeanne855

"Thank you!"
"Aren't you kind?
"That's really funny!

Then, carry on with what you were doing

mrsbiscuit

I've had those comments too -- I think people are generally well-meaning when they say them. "Don't lose TOO much!" "Stay healthy!" I still have 30-40 more lbs to go and I get some concerned looks when I say that, ha ha.

rahlpn

I initially lost 70 lbs this year but over the holidays I lost all control and gained back 13. I mentioned this in the break room to a co worker while telling her my plans to get back on track (I still have 30 or so to lose) and she said "that's good, you look healthy again. You were looking sickly. Too skinny. You're gonna go back to being anorexic?" Ummmm, I eat ALL DAY LONG and I'm still in the "overweight" BMI category! Nowhere near anorexic! Ugh! People are just...ugh

TwoPointZero

I have not gotten too many of these, although I have gotten a few . . . I think the best idea is to take a moment and consider the intent (as implied by their words, tone of voice, body language, their relationship to you, and various other contextual factors). I think that, in many cases, the intent is benign, and as such, your response should be as well. Alternately, if the intent is negative (most commonly jealousy), then you can respond accordingly . . .

rolliewolk

People trying to bring you down with their own failures or unhappiness. The only one you have to please is YOURSELF. Don't
respond at all, just make sure to get together with them when you are 190 and again when you meet your goal. Proud of you.

clynn83

I think sometimes people don't adjust to change well. I don't think they're trying to be mean. Plus 100lbs is awesome so who cares lol:laugh:

lms333

I'm thinking they just want you to stay in the overweight range so they don't feel bad about themselves not doing what they want to do with their own health. Take 'em as a full fledged compliment on your commitment, determination, and will. Happy New Year!

GoRun2

Smile, say Hmmmm, and change the subject.

Rachelc1992

When I lost weight before people told me I looked really sick and far too thin and unnatural looking! Ill admit it wasn't my natural size which is why it's all gone back on. But now it's all back on they tell me I'm chubby and cold do with losing weight! Pftt, never happy!!
Me I'd be happy in the middle.