This is hard !

MACnificence

Hi

I'm hoping by writing this down and posting will finally push me to make a change

Just a little background I've lost quiet abit of weight over the last year approx 90Ibs

I'm a 24 year old female , 5'2 and currently weigh 105Ibs down from 196Ibs yikes that number still scares me :O

Now I reached my 1st weight goal (120Ibs) but was disappointed so as said right ill drop a few more wont do any harm knowing really my main focus should be strength training and reshaping my body but I said at 120Ibs I could afford to lose a few more Ibs I would still be a perfectly healthy weight , this is where the problem starts
It's like I'm addicted to seeing the number drop even though I know I should be in maintainance now
I am absolutely petrified of regaining weight , I have tried several times to up my calories and I do well for a few days and then bam I drop them again
I feel extremely guilty if I don't exercise 6 days a week
More or less an hour of cardio and 3 days strength
My gym closed for 10days over Xmas and I went into panic mode and had to get a threadmill in at the house for the 10days
Yesterday my leg was killing me (pulled muscles) so I couldn't run and absolutely felt like crap dispite running 10k the 3 previous days and automatically started to see where I could cut calories that day
I still did my strength training routine
I feel like I need to see the calorie burn on my HRM and need to hit 3000 calories burned through cardio a week (this I just dropped from 3500 because at my weight it takes so much more to burn them calories now and I promised my boyfriend id cut back)

I know my body is suffering , cortisol levels elevated- bad sleep- no sex drive - mood swings galore despite this I still can't stop what I'm doing

I want to be strong both physically and mentally
I want to lift heavy
I don't want to live in fear of gaining weight
I want to be able to enjoy lunch with girlfriends without freaking out about not being able to count calories
I just want to have a normal relationship with food and exercise

But I can't pass this mental state I'm in , I'm really struggling.

I'm afraid that this mentality is gunna push me somewhere dangerous and I honestly don't want to throw away all my hard work for some stupid number on the scale ,
I never ever in a million years thought I would be somewhere like this

toutmonpossible

Hi

I'm hoping by writing this down and posting will finally push me to make a change

Just a little background I've lost quiet abit of weight over the last year approx 90Ibs

I'm a 24 year old female , 5'2 and currently weigh 105Ibs down from 196Ibs yikes that number still scares me :O

Now I reached my 1st weight goal (120Ibs) but was disappointed so as said right ill drop a few more wont do any harm knowing really my main focus should be strength training and reshaping my body but I said at 120Ibs I could afford to lose a few more Ibs I would still be a perfectly healthy weight , this is where the problem starts
It's like I'm addicted to seeing the number drop even though I know I should be in maintainance now
I am absolutely petrified of regaining weight , I have tried several times to up my calories and I do well for a few days and then bam I drop them again
I feel extremely guilty if I don't exercise 6 days a week
More or less an hour of cardio and 3 days strength
My gym closed for 10days over Xmas and I went into panic mode and had to get a threadmill in at the house for the 10days
Yesterday my leg was killing me (pulled muscles) so I couldn't run and absolutely felt like crap dispite running 10k the 3 previous days and automatically started to see where I could cut calories that day
I still did my strength training routine
I feel like I need to see the calorie burn on my HRM and need to hit 3000 calories burned through cardio a week (this I just dropped from 3500 because at my weight it takes so much more to burn them calories now and I promised my boyfriend id cut back)

I know my body is suffering , cortisol levels elevated- bad sleep- no sex drive - mood swings galore despite this I still can't stop what I'm doing

I want to be strong both physically and mentally
I want to lift heavy
I don't want to live in fear of gaining weight
I want to be able to enjoy lunch with girlfriends without freaking out about not being able to count calories
I just want to have a normal relationship with food and exercise

But I can't pass this mental state I'm in , I'm really struggling.

I'm afraid that this mentality is gunna push me somewhere dangerous and I honestly don't want to throw away all my hard work for some stupid number on the scale ,
I never ever in a million years thought I would be somewhere like this

I'm 5'2" and currently 107, which is a very high weight for me. If I had been 196 pounds I'd be terrified of regaining as well. I get that you're verging on the obsessive, but you need to be somewhat obsessive, or shall we say, "focused," to make these habits stick for the rest of your life. You just need to figure out a healthier way to do it. See a counselor. Find ways of exercising in a GENTLE way when you're tired or can't get to the gym: Yoga is a great exercise that is mentally and physically challenging, especially for someone who has already achieved a good baseline of general fitness.

Again, see a counselor, but don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. You need to train your attention on weight loss if you want to maintain it. Maybe once you've maintained for five years it will become second nature, but now you do have to devote significant energy to it. Many people here underestimate the effort.

Congratulations on your weight loss and good luck with learning how to maintain it in a healthier fashion.

mccindy72

I've been there. A little over a year ago I was working out an hour and a half to two hours per day. Due to health issues, I've had to back down to 30 minutes per day . I was freaked out by the possiblity that I might gain weight by not working out at my previous level. I found that as long as I stuck to my calories that were recommended to maintain, my weight didn't fluctuate by more than a pound.
You can do this. Just cut back a bit at a time and try to relax. Try some yoga and see if that helps, you'll still be getting some work in but a more relaxing form without the strenuous cardio.

MACnificence

When you say your 5'2 and 107 which is a very high weight for you that makes me think ok maybe I could do with losing a few more Ibs so aswell

babydiego87

When you say your 5'2 and 107 which is a very high weight for you that makes me think ok maybe I could do with losing a few more Ibs so aswell

5'2 107 is on the low side, please do not think you need to achieve that.

I'm 5'2, currently 123 and would be happy to reach my ultimate goal of 115 but pre-Christmas, I was pretty happy with 120.

MACnificence

When you say your 5'2 and 107 which is a very high weight for you that makes me think ok maybe I could do with losing a few more Ibs so aswell

5'2 107 is on the low side, please do not think you need to achieve that.

I'm 5'2, currently 123 and would be happy to reach my ultimate goal of 115 but pre-Christmas, I was pretty happy with 120.

Thanks for that , when I see someone similar height say 107 is very high it puts my head spinning and I think ok maybe losing a few more pounds wont do any harm , and this is the cycle that keeps happening

mathjulz

When you say your 5'2 and 107 which is a very high weight for you that makes me think ok maybe I could do with losing a few more Ibs so aswell

Hmm. I'm 5'0 and I don't think I've seen 105 (or 107) since, probably, junior high. My current weight is 127. I am by no means fat, and actually not even overweight by BMI (and my profile picture is a few months ago, I've lost a few inches since then). You could easily add 10 pounds, especially if you work to make it mostly muscle, and still look GREAT. (Yes, a lot of this depends on body structure, too, my point is to don't aim for a lower weight just because someone else does … go for what makes YOU healthy)

I agree with the poster who said to talk to a counselor. Being terrified of gaining weight and feeling awful if you don't get to the gym every day (and pushing yourself to exercise when you are in pain/injured) are signs of the beginnings of a problem. Find someone who can help you find the right balance - to be able to enjoy life, to stress much less about the numbers on the scale, the calories burned, etc, without totally giving it up and gaining back all the weight.

emjaycazz

I can relate--it may have to do partially with being shorter (I am 5'1" and 100 lbs) and the fact that our calorie burns are lower for the same amount of exercise.

After a while, weight loss becomes a habit--reaching a specific number on the scale signifies a level of achievement and we know what goes into achieving it (calorie output exceeding intake). We don't know any other goal, and we get used to that "loss" mentality. Getting out of that mentality was--and probably still is--one of the hardest things about maintenance for me. It's actually something that I also need to work on, and so rather than focusing on the scale I am trying to channel that focus more on strength gains--which is scary because real gains will show on the scale as more weight and I have to be okay with that.

With respect to the cardio--maybe try and listen more to your body cues. If you are feeling burned out, then decrease your mileage. Try something else (e.g., circuit training or HIIT). Actually, I got leaner when I stopped running because my body adapted so quickly to it and did other things. It helped me to hear that you need rest days to allow your muscles to heal, and that you can't improve your physique unless you give your body the opportunity to do so.

linorang1

Those sound like symptoms of metabolic damage, i recommend you watch some of layne norton's videos on this topic.

karl39x

Your gym closed for 10 days! WHAT THE ****!!!

You got to find a new gym.

loristokes33

First off, CONGRATULATIONS! wow that's amazing weight loss you should be so proud. My thoughts are... get rid of your scales, you don't need them anymore. Let your clothes be your guide on the way they fit and how you look fantastic in them. Second, stop going to the gym so much but rather get involved in a sport or dance or hike if weather will let you. Do exercise that is not so much work but a fun activity you do with others. It may take awhile for you to truly see yourself in you new body. This is your life and you now get to enjoy it without the burden of extra pounds. Good job, hope i can be as successful as you.

Sreneesa

Each person's body is different.

Do not pay attention to what others weight to height is.

Example. My 18 yr old is 5'8, 109-110. She is petite.

She does not diet or anything like that. Eats out often. Doesn't even think of diet like I do. Basically snacks and eats what she wants.

She is healthy and doesn't intentionally mean to be that petite. Just how it is has always been for her.

Mind you she has two jobs and in college and always was fairly active in sports in HS. But her frame is just tiny.

Edit: Response to:

"When you say your 5'2 and 107 which is a very high weight for you that makes me think ok maybe I could do with losing a few more Ibs so aswell "

lporter229

Judging from the content of your posts, I think you understand that you are at a good weight and don't need to lose anymore. But I understand your obsession and I believe it's quite common. At least you realize that it is dangerous to continue on this path. You have done a great job losing weight and should be proud of yourself. What you need to prove to yourself now is that you can maintain your weight loss. Here are a few suggestions for doing this:

1. Understand that there may be slight fluctuation in your weight from here on out. The world will not end if you gain a pound. Most people will not even notice if you gain 5 lbs. So set a ceiling for yourself that you will not go beyond. You will probably see that you can eat a lot more than you think and not gain weight. It doesn't happen over night. Understand that YOU ARE IN CONTROL.

2. Now is the time to stop equating exercise with calorie burn. I would recommend calculating you TDEE and forget about even tracking your exercise calories. I know that sounds scary, but trust me, it gives you a completely different focus on exercise and fitness. Set some fitness goals for yourself that are not related to weight loss and this will help you get away from that mind set.

I am currently 102 lbs, down from 123 two years ago (5'0" tall). I have been maintaining between 99-105 for over a year. The above two things helped me tremendously. Feel free to PM or friend me if you want any additional info on what has worked for me.

MACnificence

Your gym closed for 10 days! WHAT THE ****!!!

You got to find a new gym.

I KNOW YA !! believe me if i had another opition for a gym i would be gone !!

MACnificence

Judging from the content of your posts, I think you understand that you are at a good weight and don't need to lose anymore. But I understand your obsession and I believe it's quite common. At least you realize that it is dangerous to continue on this path. You have done a great job losing weight and should be proud of yourself. What you need to prove to yourself now is that you can maintain your weight loss. Here are a few suggestions for doing this:

1. Understand that there may be slight fluctuation in your weight from here on out. The world will not end if you gain a pound. Most people will not even notice if you gain 5 lbs. So set a ceiling for yourself that you will not go beyond. You will probably see that you can eat a lot more than you think and not gain weight. It doesn't happen over night. Understand that YOU ARE IN CONTROL.

2. Now is the time to stop equating exercise with calorie burn. I would recommend calculating you TDEE and forget about even tracking your exercise calories. I know that sounds scary, but trust me, it gives you a completely different focus on exercise and fitness. Set some fitness goals for yourself that are not related to weight loss and this will help you get away from that mind set.

I am currently 102 lbs, down from 123 two years ago (5'0" tall). I have been maintaining between 99-105 for over a year. The above two things helped me tremendously. Feel free to PM or friend me if you want any additional info on what has worked for me.

thanks so much for your reply
yes i think if maybe i could get rid of the HRM for even a week maybe i would be less obsessive but im finding it so hard because i second guess everything then and become so stressed

im going to add you as a friend i have a few questions if u dont mind

MACnificence

First off, CONGRATULATIONS! wow that's amazing weight loss you should be so proud. My thoughts are... get rid of your scales, you don't need them anymore. Let your clothes be your guide on the way they fit and how you look fantastic in them. Second, stop going to the gym so much but rather get involved in a sport or dance or hike if weather will let you. Do exercise that is not so much work but a fun activity you do with others. It may take awhile for you to truly see yourself in you new body. This is your life and you now get to enjoy it without the burden of extra pounds. Good job, hope i can be as successful as you.

thank you for your post , yes you can 100% do it aswell if i can you can , just one thing i will say enjoy the journey aswell , and give yourself every bit of credit for your achievements along the way , every little pound and dont beat yourself up for your slip ups
i am sorry i didnt acknowledge this more and be proud of my achievements im working on that now
also gradually increase calories as you approach maintainance i wish i had done this maybe then i wouldnt be so afraid to now

best of luck on your journey,

MACnificence

I can relate--it may have to do partially with being shorter (I am 5'1" and 100 lbs) and the fact that our calorie burns are lower for the same amount of exercise.

After a while, weight loss becomes a habit--reaching a specific number on the scale signifies a level of achievement and we know what goes into achieving it (calorie output exceeding intake). We don't know any other goal, and we get used to that "loss" mentality. Getting out of that mentality was--and probably still is--one of the hardest things about maintenance for me. It's actually something that I also need to work on, and so rather than focusing on the scale I am trying to channel that focus more on strength gains--which is scary because real gains will show on the scale as more weight and I have to be okay with that.

With respect to the cardio--maybe try and listen more to your body cues. If you are feeling burned out, then decrease your mileage. Try something else (e.g., circuit training or HIIT). Actually, I got leaner when I stopped running because my body adapted so quickly to it and did other things. It helped me to hear that you need rest days to allow your muscles to heal, and that you can't improve your physique unless you give your body the opportunity to do so.

im trying so hard to make myself focus much more on strength training , i know it is what i want to achieve to be strong and fit, not skinny and weak
if i could rid the thoughts i need all the cardio alongside it because i know its stalling my strength progress
trying to find a happy medium because i want to be able to do abit of running aswell, sometimes nothing is better than sticking in my headphones and zoning out during a run

BusyRaeNOTBusty

:drinker:

LaurenAOK

If you are 5'2" and 105 and feel like you need to keep losing, that is not healthy. If you feel like you HAVE to exercise 6 days a week or else you've failed, that is not healthy. If you can't up your calories because every time you do you become terrified, that is not healthy.

I'm not trying to sound harsh here, at all. I completely understand where these feelings are coming from and in fact, I think they are fairly common in people who have lost a fair amount of weight, especially using methods like calorie counting. This is actually the one problem I have with MFP: I believe that for many people, calorie counting can lead to an obsession that is very unhealthy, at least mentally, in the end. I'm not trying to scare you at all, but your entire first post sounded a lot like someone slipping into an eating disorder. I would urge you to seek counseling and sort out this mentality sooner rather than later.

That being said, I think you've gotten some good advice on this thread so far. In the end it's just all about changing your mindset and adopting HEALTHY habits that will last you a lifetime. Eating a healthy amount of food and exercising moderately (especially strength training) will not cause you to gain fat again. It will, however, be a sustainable lifestyle that you can enjoy while still maintaining your current weight (which is a perfectly healthy weight for your height). At some point, you have to increase your calories. That's just the way it is. Maybe try upping them little by little? You will find what works for you, it just may take some time and patience. Think of your old lifestyle, when you were over 190 pounds. You probably ate a lot of unhealthy foods and barely exercised. It would take A LOT for you to gain back to that weight now. As long as you live your life in moderation, you will be fine. Eat healthy, but allow yourself a treat now and then. Exercise, but don't overdo it (and if you have an injury, please give yourself a break without feeling the slightest bit guilty!) You will find the balance and be able to maintain your weight.

MACnificence

:drinker:

great input :laugh:


but i was referring to it being hard to put down in writing that i may have a problem ,

MACnificence

If you are 5'2" and 105 and feel like you need to keep losing, that is not healthy. If you feel like you HAVE to exercise 6 days a week or else you've failed, that is not healthy. If you can't up your calories because every time you do you become terrified, that is not healthy.

I'm not trying to sound harsh here, at all. I completely understand where these feelings are coming from and in fact, I think they are fairly common in people who have lost a fair amount of weight, especially using methods like calorie counting. This is actually the one problem I have with MFP: I believe that for many people, calorie counting can lead to an obsession that is very unhealthy, at least mentally, in the end. I'm not trying to scare you at all, but your entire first post sounded a lot like someone slipping into an eating disorder. I would urge you to seek counseling and sort out this mentality sooner rather than later.

That being said, I think you've gotten some good advice on this thread so far. In the end it's just all about changing your mindset and adopting HEALTHY habits that will last you a lifetime. Eating a healthy amount of food and exercising moderately (especially strength training) will not cause you to gain fat again. It will, however, be a sustainable lifestyle that you can enjoy while still maintaining your current weight (which is a perfectly healthy weight for your height). At some point, you have to increase your calories. That's just the way it is. Maybe try upping them little by little? You will find what works for you, it just may take some time and patience. Think of your old lifestyle, when you were over 190 pounds. You probably ate a lot of unhealthy foods and barely exercised. It would take A LOT for you to gain back to that weight now. As long as you live your life in moderation, you will be fine. Eat healthy, but allow yourself a treat now and then. Exercise, but don't overdo it (and if you have an injury, please give yourself a break without feeling the slightest bit guilty!) You will find the balance and be able to maintain your weight.
[/quote



Hi

thanks for taking the time out to post a response , I 100% agree with what you have said you see its funny because reading over these replies i see the common sense and it calms me down and i become rational again then somehow somewhere down the line this little crazy person peeps its ugly head and i become irrational again
i always considered myself well grounded and this is why it shocks me im in the place i am now i never imagined myself here
I am a completely different person to that girl i was a year ago and i know this

i just need to overcome this fear i have, its crazy how i can see it so clear sometimes and other times im crying because i cant go for a run because of a sore leg

I finally opened up to my boyfriend needless to say he didnt understand and i cant blame him because i dont understand me either

his the only one apart from this forum ive talked to about this, if anyone else mentions my food or exercise i clam up and get so defensive