Women Become their own "weather channels"

animatedbecca

Hope I put this under the right topic! Thought it too wonderful to not share!!

Living on the Virginia coast, I keep close tabs on the weather this time of year for the possibility of a hurricane. I fixate on The Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore the way other women obsess over George Clooney. Watching it makes me think that, for those living with a middle-aged woman, it must be like watching that station 24/7. Let’s examine:

Each morning, we experience dense, heavy fog which only dissipates once the right amount of coffee is administered to upper levels. Even after the fog lifts, we still experience hazy conditions while trying to remember if we put on underwear and where we left the car keys.

At the beginning of each summer, a tropical depression will typically occur when trying on swimsuits. This makes conditions favorable for a cloudburst with heavy precipitation in higher regions (eyes) which is almost always followed by a mudslide in dessert or cocktail form. Conversely, a Bermuda high is achieved when we find shorts long enough and flattering enough to wear in lieu of said swimsuit.

Fluctuations in progesterone and estrogen levels bring about severe atmospheric disturbances such as flash floods (more tears) all hail breaking loose, or cold fronts experienced by our significant others.

Sudden heat waves leave us covered in dew at the same time snow drifts suddenly appear at our hairlines. Certain regions, such as elbows and knees, experience severe drought.

We now find it necessary to practice deforestation of our faces. A lunar eclipse occurs whenever small children stand in the shadow of our ever-widening “full moons.” Our mountainous regions begin to shift, creating upper level lows requiring well-engineered frontal systems (bras) to keep them in place.

One good thing about being this age is that many of us find pleasure and happiness in gardening, bringing about a welcome, and therapeutic, “Greenhouse effect.”

The bad thing is, it seems just as effective trying to control these effects of aging as it does trying to control the weather.

What types of “personal weather” do you most often experience?
Tracy Kunzler writes the humor blog Ungirdled Passion, humorous greeting cards for Bottman Design, and puts the fun in functional in handcrafted treasures sold at her online Etsy booth.