I am my own motivation

shaynepoole · January 2014

I was just sitting here about the question I get most often - which is has your ex husband seen you since you lost weight?

Other people seem to think that you are getting thin/healthy for other people or attractiveness reasons.
I got a comment from a co worker hinting that I should celebrate by getting some -- I laughed out loud because I am not, nor have I ever been celibate - not at 340 lbs and not now.

I guess I should give some background - I am 42 and I have been 200 lbs or more most of my adult life - reaching a high of 340 last year. Being heavy/plus size was not a confidence issue - I am not/was not shy or hiding in the background and I never let it stop me from doing anything. I was the big woman out there having a good time and shaking my *kitten*...

My issue was probably more bad nutrition/eating habits from childhood and never bothering to learn any better. My mother was a bulimic and paranoid that I would turn fat like she was a child. So I was a skinny kid who promptly ate everything whenever my mother was not hovering nearby. So I put on the pounds pretty quickly as an adult when I could eat out in the open without hearing the constant chant of "you are going to get fat"

Moving on, 3 years ago I moved to a city where I know no one and switched to a work from home scenario after my divorce and gained more weight - I had a wake up call when I went somewhere and couldn't walk due to back pain. The friends I was with were all sweet and understanding but I felt like crap. So I came home and made a change... for me - no one else. I wanted to feel better for me and I was truly not thinking about anyone else.

So I get a little irritated when people ask if my ex-husband has seen me - why? would seeing me at a relatively svelte 180 lbs make him a better person? this was truly not a case of wanting to throw it in his face nor do I care to show him what he is now missing

And I get asked how other people react

My friends when I see them all say I look great and we move on with life... I mean they are my friends after all and I am not drawn to the overly emotional type...

I am not looking to wow or impress other people. The only person I want to wow is myself and I am so totally in the wow stage.