"I am Happier Heavier"
Replies
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This was what I got too. I have a friend doing weight watchers, and from the points she logs for a meal compared to what I log calorie-wise for the same food, she's eating very few calories when she has a "treat". It seems like the point system overly penalizes higher fat foods and whatnot. Because she's short, they have her eating about 1100 calories, and it's less if any of her points are "guilt foods" (seriously, what is that crap?).I'm willing to place a bet that she didn't lose the weight the best way possible which is why she felt exhausted and run down. Hence why she felt happier when she was heavier. She went from one end of the spectrum (heavier) to the other (extreme dieting) and never tried an in between before going back to being heavy. That's just my guess, though...
My guess is that she was following the program as directed, but it was just too much of a cut for her. Also, my friend has the belief that you don't eat back exercise points because she from the older program from way back when. And it can be completely up to your leader or what you read online if you do eat them back or not. I could easily see her being too run down if she isn't eating enough to sustain her activity. And hell yeah, that would make you miserable fast!0 -
What ever reason people may have, no one is the same and will feel the same. I guess most of us here on MFP feel like we want to be slim(mer) and in shape, but some people really don't feel the need and are happier the way they are, with some extra baggage. A good friend of mine also doesn't want to lose till 'normal' weight, for her 90 kg (198.5 lbs) is fine. For me that same weight feels like huge and fat, even tho I also don't feel the need to become super skinny.0
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I used to tell myself that lie everyday... but the reality was, I was miserable. That's why I hated getting my picture taken or never wanted to look in a mirror. You can tell yourself what ever you want to help you sleep at night but MOST people know deep down inside it's a lie. We all want to be attractive.0
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So many issues, so little time...
"Midway through my freshman year of college I joined Weight Watchers and the gym, becoming obsessed with both."
"But as the scale dipped lower and the compliments on my weight-loss wore off, something else emerged: I felt exhausted, disappointed and still unhappy."
"I felt defeated and broken that after all my effort, not much beyond the scale changed."
"I was constantly overthinking what I could eat, how much I should workout, and how to balance being a young adult and on a diet."
Being obsessed with dieting is not mentally healthy IMO. She should have examined why she wanted to lose weight in the first place. If it was to get dates, get compliments, or to fit into 'cute clothing,' she could have done either of those things before trying to lose weight. It doesn't sound like she allowed room for rest days or an occasional pleasure meal. No wonder she was miserable. Someone should have told her to fit chocolate into her daily calorie count!
Losing weight is not a magic life fixer, it's an avenue to a healthier lifestyle. IF you allow yourself to adapt to healthier habits on a regular basis versus dieting with a perceived end date then I believe you get more out of it. However, perhaps it'll she'll revisit her efforts at a later date.
The only statement that I think she nailed was this one:
"My lesson wasn't to learn how to lose weight -- it was to learn how to accept myself."
There's no reason she couldn't do this and weigh less in the process. Maybe she'll find MFP in a few years and truly get it together. :0)0 -
What ever reason people may have, no one is the same and will feel the same. I guess most of us here on MFP feel like we want to be slim(mer) and in shape, but some people really don't feel the need and are happier the way they are, with some extra baggage. A good friend of mine also doesn't want to lose till 'normal' weight, for her 90 kg (198.5 lbs) is fine. For me that same weight feels like huge and fat, even tho I also don't feel the need to become super skinny.
Agreed. According to the BMI charts my "healthy weight" is in the 125-135 range... which with my build I believe would make me too skinny... I think I would be very happy in the 140-150 range. I'm just sad that this woman chose the wrong way of going about losing weight.. and maybe in the wrong time of her life as well... leaving her with a bad taste in her mouth regarding being thin(ner). Everyone I've ever met that did WW gained most if not all of the weight back and were very bitter about the process.0 -
True, but the REASON she listed as not being happy was that she was exhausted mentally and physically. Thus, if she dropped the weight properly and slowly with a good lifestyle instead of binge dieting, she could have found happiness there too.No where is she finding happiness in donuts or even an unhealthy lifestyle, she found happiness by not tying her self worth to her weight. She talks about knowing your body and what is healthy for it. My guess is that a lot of people have to convince themselves that thin=healthy=happy in order to motivate themselves. Or that has motivated their lifestyle in the first place. Sure she may not have gone about losing weight in the healthiest manner, but how does that disqualify her feeling happy with herself? she didn't even claim she is happy because she is heavy, only that she found happiness at the weight she is.
I would add that I think people should NOT try to find happiness in dieting. Find happiness in life and live a healthy lifestyle to make it better. It's like when people try to find a mate that 'makes them happy'. Will. Never. Happen. No person is perfect and you have to look at YOURSELF first.0 -
When what she says is true:
1. If you are losing weight for someone else.
2. If you are losing weight because of what someone else will say to you.
3. If you are dieting
When what she says shouldn't hold true:
1. If you are losing weight because of you
2. If you are losing weight by lifestyle change rather than a diet.
3. If you aren't seeking happiness from a dress/pant size.
The reasons can go on and on.
I just got back from vacation, during that time my goal was simple, do not gain more than 5 pounds. I wasn't weighing food, I wasn't measuring my intake. I had gone an entire year of that and figured I could estimate what I took in. After my vacation I weighed in 1 pound lighter than when I left. Lifestyle change. I know what my portions should look like and I know how to be happy within them. I don't stress it, I don't worry about it, in fact I really didn't think about it to much. The reason most diets fail is because they aren't fixing your lifestyle issues. You can't eat like a bird for 3 months then go back to eating like a bear and think you will continue to look like a bird.0 -
Quote from the article:
"I wanted to feel happy, but dieting wasn't making me feel happy."
That was her problem the entire time. She saw it as a diet. She didn't see it as a sustainable lifestyle change. She was giving her 100% just to lower the number on the scale. she wasn't making baby steps to new habits and a new life.
Yep, this. Absolutely this.
Also, regardless of how much happier she supposedly is at a heavier weight, that doesn't mean she's healthy! I work for a cardiologist and if she could come into my office and pass a treadmill stress test then whatever, but realistically her cardiovascular health is at risk.
I agree completely with all of the above. I also work for a cardiologist and I would like to see her pass a stress test also.
You CANNOT "white knuckle" a healthy lifestyle...you need to ease into it and not think of it in a way that has you doing things that you cannot maintain.0 -
It's easy to live in denial.
Gaining lots of weight is about eating too much. And that usually means you are coping with emotional issues by overeating. You are probably still obsessed with food / just like you obsess when dieting.
Others here have stated the real health risks that will pile up with additional weight over the coming years for those who accept that they are destined to be fat/obese and are happily overweight.0 -
What ever reason people may have, no one is the same and will feel the same. I guess most of us here on MFP feel like we want to be slim(mer) and in shape, but some people really don't feel the need and are happier the way they are, with some extra baggage. A good friend of mine also doesn't want to lose till 'normal' weight, for her 90 kg (198.5 lbs) is fine. For me that same weight feels like huge and fat, even tho I also don't feel the need to become super skinny.
Agreed. According to the BMI charts my "healthy weight" is in the 125-135 range... which with my build I believe would make me too skinny... I think I would be very happy in the 140-150 range. I'm just sad that this woman chose the wrong way of going about losing weight.. and maybe in the wrong time of her life as well... leaving her with a bad taste in her mouth regarding being thin(ner). Everyone I've ever met that did WW gained most if not all of the weight back and were very bitter about the process.
WW is weight watchers? If so, I can imagine *roles eyes*0 -
I have not had but 2 people comment on my weight loss. And I know I am in a much smaller size, 3 sizes down. Some people either do not care or don't look at you as someone who needs to lose weight. I had to make a life style change. Not a diet. I do not care what others see. I know for me that my health is important.
i agree. It took a long time before anyone said anything to me. I think, for people that see you everyday, the change in your appearance from day to day isn't noticeable. You look the same day 1 as you do day 2, you look the same day 2 as you do day 3, and so forth, so the change is so subtle you don't really notice it. On the other hand, if you had someone in your life who sees you day 1, and then not again until day 45, then they might notice. Even then, they may not say anything because they might not know how you would feel about the compliment.
Anyways - in the end, you have to be happy with the subtle changes in yourself that YOU see from day to day to make it long term. If you need daily reassurances from others about what you are doing, then you are putting your success in other peoples hands.0 -
She definitely had the wrong idea about dieting to start with. She saw it as a way to be happy. If your happy at the weight you are at then their is no reason to diet in my mind. Everyone has their own reason for dieting. Mine is health. I began to feel unhealthy at my weight. I saw my parents and my husbands parents start to struggle with health issues that could easily be related to the extra weight they have carried most of their adult lives. I want to be around for my kids in the future and not just in person where they can come sit on my lap and I will hang out with them their but the let's go for a hike, let's do this, etc. I don't want what I am able to do physically to be hindered by years of carrying extra weight damaging my joints. God willing I will be able to move and be adventurous even into those years when the body aches and pains that come with age happen.
If she feels okay where she is at weight wise very little is going to change her mind about losing weight, but how she feels now and how she will feel ten years from now could definitely affect how active she is able to be in the future. She has to make the decision on how she wants to live her life. Same as we all did when we decided to join this on-line community and say we were tired of being tired and out of breath and wanted to do something about it. I'm not saying you can't be a fit fat person, I'm just saying it is a lot easier on your body when your not trying to do the physical activity while carrying all the extra weight around all day instead of just during your workout.0 -
I read the article differently, she wasn't happy before the diet either, at a heavy weight, which is why she dieted. It wasn't the exhaustion wasn't why she was unhappy, although I do agree that it was a symptom of unhealthy dieting. What she is pointing out is that being thin did not make her happy. Whatever her weight is, whatever possible health problems she is setting herself up for, she found a way to be at peace with herself, and is receiving judgement for not being someones definition of healthy, or her truthfullness of her mood is being called into question. That is a symptom of a diseased culture, not a diseased body.
True, but the REASON she listed as not being happy was that she was exhausted mentally and physically. Thus, if she dropped the weight properly and slowly with a good lifestyle instead of binge dieting, she could have found happiness there too.No where is she finding happiness in donuts or even an unhealthy lifestyle, she found happiness by not tying her self worth to her weight. She talks about knowing your body and what is healthy for it. My guess is that a lot of people have to convince themselves that thin=healthy=happy in order to motivate themselves. Or that has motivated their lifestyle in the first place. Sure she may not have gone about losing weight in the healthiest manner, but how does that disqualify her feeling happy with herself? she didn't even claim she is happy because she is heavy, only that she found happiness at the weight she is.
I would add that I think people should NOT try to find happiness in dieting. Find happiness in life and live a healthy lifestyle to make it better. It's like when people try to find a mate that 'makes them happy'. Will. Never. Happen. No person is perfect and you have to look at YOURSELF first.0 -
I don't agree with her at all. Weight loss IS about willpower and determination... absolutely.
And she talks about quality of life being worth more than being thin, but what will her qualify of life be when she has heart disease or diabetes at 50 because she decided to stay obese? I mean, sure, I'd be happier right now eating everything I want and staying on my butt all day. Doesn't seem to be a good idea long term though.0 -
I read the article differently, she wasn't happy before the diet either, at a heavy weight, which is why she dieted. It wasn't the exhaustion wasn't why she was unhappy, although I do agree that it was a symptom of unhealthy dieting. What she is pointing out is that being thin did not make her happy. Whatever her weight is, whatever possible health problems she is setting herself up for, she found a way to be at peace with herself, and is receiving judgement for not being someones definition of healthy, or her truthfullness of her mood is being called into question. That is a symptom of a diseased culture, not a diseased body.
True, but the REASON she listed as not being happy was that she was exhausted mentally and physically. Thus, if she dropped the weight properly and slowly with a good lifestyle instead of binge dieting, she could have found happiness there too.No where is she finding happiness in donuts or even an unhealthy lifestyle, she found happiness by not tying her self worth to her weight. She talks about knowing your body and what is healthy for it. My guess is that a lot of people have to convince themselves that thin=healthy=happy in order to motivate themselves. Or that has motivated their lifestyle in the first place. Sure she may not have gone about losing weight in the healthiest manner, but how does that disqualify her feeling happy with herself? she didn't even claim she is happy because she is heavy, only that she found happiness at the weight she is.
I would add that I think people should NOT try to find happiness in dieting. Find happiness in life and live a healthy lifestyle to make it better. It's like when people try to find a mate that 'makes them happy'. Will. Never. Happen. No person is perfect and you have to look at YOURSELF first.
I'm calling it into question because I've made the same decision she did before coming to MFP. I said outloud to my doctor: "If eating like this is what it takes to be skinny, then I'm just going to have to be fat.". At exactly the same age she is. She's right in that she needs to make peace with herself before losing weight, but I feel she's lashing out at the wrong things because she didn't have a good experience the first time. AND I don't think she is happy....why else would she feel the need to justify her actions?0 -
weight loss isn`t for everyone,I realize it can be time consuming having to go to the gym and hard sometimes to figure out your meal plans for calories but after a while it becomes second nature.I think about the fact that these little sacrifices will enable you to enjoy doing more fun things,more time to spend with kids and grandkids,when your at retirement age being active and not just sitting at home being a couch potato.Too many people I went to school with have passed because of health reasons and some have got on the fitness train and look really good.It`s your choice how you want to look and feel but the good outweighs the bad and nobody says you have to be skin and bone to be healthy,there is a healthy weight for everyone it`sjust knowing what it is and trying to maintain it.0
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I read the article differently, she wasn't happy before the diet either, at a heavy weight, which is why she dieted. It wasn't the exhaustion wasn't why she was unhappy, although I do agree that it was a symptom of unhealthy dieting. What she is pointing out is that being thin did not make her happy. Whatever her weight is, whatever possible health problems she is setting herself up for, she found a way to be at peace with herself, and is receiving judgement for not being someones definition of healthy, or her truthfullness of her mood is being called into question. That is a symptom of a diseased culture, not a diseased body.
True, but the REASON she listed as not being happy was that she was exhausted mentally and physically. Thus, if she dropped the weight properly and slowly with a good lifestyle instead of binge dieting, she could have found happiness there too.No where is she finding happiness in donuts or even an unhealthy lifestyle, she found happiness by not tying her self worth to her weight. She talks about knowing your body and what is healthy for it. My guess is that a lot of people have to convince themselves that thin=healthy=happy in order to motivate themselves. Or that has motivated their lifestyle in the first place. Sure she may not have gone about losing weight in the healthiest manner, but how does that disqualify her feeling happy with herself? she didn't even claim she is happy because she is heavy, only that she found happiness at the weight she is.
I would add that I think people should NOT try to find happiness in dieting. Find happiness in life and live a healthy lifestyle to make it better. It's like when people try to find a mate that 'makes them happy'. Will. Never. Happen. No person is perfect and you have to look at YOURSELF first.
I'm calling it into question because I've made the same decision she did before coming to MFP. I said outloud to my doctor: "If eating like this is what it takes to be skinny, then I'm just going to have to be fat.". At exactly the same age she is. She's right in that she needs to make peace with herself before losing weight, but I feel she's lashing out at the wrong things because she didn't have a good experience the first time. AND I don't think she is happy....why else would she feel the need to justify her actions?
Apparently because her happiness isn't socially acceptable, as evidenced here.
There is so much media about losing weight getting healthy and how we will all be happier for it; that message sends the converse message that overweight=unsuccessful=unhappy. both are untrue connections, and she addresses both in her article. She doesn't metioned what she eats or how active she is or whether her overall lifestyle requires determination and willpower. So while its possible she is lashing out to convince herself she is happy, there is no reason to believe that, which makes everyone jumping to that conclusion just another symptom of a cultural unhealthy association of wight and happiness.0 -
Personally, I think people just become obsessed with being some arbitrary weight and fitting into some size or being skinny or whatever. None of that is necessarily indicative of being healthy. I am not super lean, nor do I want to be...however, I am nutrition obsessed and fitness obsessed...I'm damn healthy and damn fit. Healthy and fit are all that really matters to me...I wouldn't want to "diet" in a way necessary for me to get down to 10% BF or something like that either...so on that front, I agree...I'm happier at a higher BF% (but a healthy one) than I would be trying to maintain 10-12% BF. For other people, being lean and ripped is really important...0
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I can see why she has anxiety. I think we all face a little anxiety for awhile. I read countless posts about people freaking out over one binge. I know people say this isn't a "diet" it is a "lifestyle" change. True--it is a lifestyle change. However, as for me, for 37yrs I had poor eating habits. I ate whatever I wanted when I wanted without giving it much thought. Now---I count everything and OVER think every single morsel that enters my mouth. So, going from a "buffet" mindset to a "a la carte" mindset--could be viewed as a diet. Actually--until it becomes 2nd nature I truly look at it as a diet. I can't wait for the day that it becomes more of a way of life. I truly do!0
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Did anyone actually read the whole article?
"Some might believe that my story means I am anti-weight loss, but I am not. I'm anti-shame, guilt and fear as an avenue to weighing less in the hopes of being a better and healthier person for it.
I believe we each have a unique spectrum of health, and it's up to us individually to have the self-awareness to gauge if what we do each day is healthy or unhealthy, not just for our bodies, but for our overall well-being. Being larger isn't an automatic indicator of poor health, as I'm more fit today that I was when I weighed less. Deep down, you know if your actions lean more towards healthy or unhealthy, and this goes for anyone at any size. A more holistic approach to your own body's needs and happiness may end up serving you better long-term because the best lifestyle is the one you're excited and happy about."
No where is she finding happiness in donuts or even an unhealthy lifestyle, she found happiness by not tying her self worth to her weight. She talks about knowing your body and what is healthy for it. My guess is that a lot of people have to convince themselves that thin=healthy=happy in order to motivate themselves. Or that has motivated their lifestyle in the first place. Sure she may not have gone about losing weight in the healthiest manner, but how does that disqualify her feeling happy with herself? she didn't even claim she is happy because she is heavy, only that she found happiness at the weight she is.
How else do you interpret the title of her article? "I am Happier Heavier" Seems pretty clear to me.
Perhaps she should have titled it, "I wasn't happier, thinner".
Her happiness should have nothing to do with her weight.
I think this article sends out a very dangerous message to young people today who are severely overweight. It gives them license to stay 'fat and happy' by claiming that they can be healthy at any weight.
It is like the person who smokes and claims they are healthy because they don't have lung cancer. Or the alcoholic who claims they aren't hurting anyone because they 'drive better when they are drunk', and haven't killed anyone yet.
I'm not claiming that she finds her happiness in donuts. She tried to do the opposite by trying to find happiness on the scale.
NEITHER is a good thing.
Like I said- moderation.
She didn't try that. She went extreme dieting, had a bad result from it, then gave up and blamed her unhappiness on being thin.
Sour grapes.
And again, I am not talking about mildly overweight. The numbers she mentioned seemed to indicate that she is 95 lbs overweight. That is not healthy in the long run.
Hopefully now that she has found 'happiness' within herself, she will want to treat her body with the love it deserves, and lose the weight in a healthy and moderate way.0 -
Just wondering if people who state that they are happy heavier with no health issues from it, then attempts to lose any weight shouldn't even cross their mind. If they attempted it, then it's possible that they probably aren't that happy.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Good for her! A lot of times people focus on changing the exterior without working on the interior. If she is happier at a heavier size, then that's her choice. Health is holistic, and it doesn't matter if someone is an ideal weight if they do not have their mental health in order.0
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I think that this is what happens when people don't want to grow up and learn moderation, and instead want to act like a baby for their whole life.Take a look at this post a heavier woman wrote about her weightloss and how she decided she was happier being heavier because she was always in "anxiety" over food and exercise and how it consumed her life. What do you think?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-ohuiginn/i-am-happier-heavier_b_4413458.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false0 -
"But as the scale dipped lower and the compliments on my weight-loss wore off, something else emerged: I felt exhausted, disappointed and still unhappy."
This quote speaks volume.
It sounds like she was losing b/c she felt like she was supposed to? Or because she wanted the approval of others? The only way a lifestyle change works is when you change for yourself. Then it doesn't matter who notices b/c it's about what YOU notice. And then it's about YOUR success. The fact that I actually now enjoy exercise is huge...but it's only huge to me. The fact that today after work I'm going to run, albiet slowly, 4 miles on the treadmill only matters to me. But it DOES matter to me and it means alot to me and keeps me stoked. If I worried about what others thought, I'd have quit a long time ago.
When we do it for ourselves, then we experience success and happiness.0 -
I can understand where she is coming from. That could have been me 20 years ago. I think one of the big mistakes people make is they think that if they just lose the weight, their life will be magically better. All of the things they don't like about themselves and their life will improve. I certainly thought so. After the weight came off, I was still unhappy with myself and my life. It felt like it was a lot of work for nothing, And so I stopped working, and the weight came back (and then some).
One of the biggest differences for me this time around is that I am not viewing this as a diet, but as a permanent lifestyle change, so it needs to be sustainable. Also, I am doing this primarily for the health reasons, lower medications, etc. not to improve my self image or my social life. So my NSV motivations are things I can see and measure, not based on comments from others that might or might not come. If the motivation doesn't come from inside, it just won't be sustainable.0 -
Good for you. Seriously.I can understand where she is coming from. That could have been me 20 years ago. I think one of the big mistakes people make is they think that if they just lose the weight, their life will be magically better. All of the things they don't like about themselves and their life will improve. I certainly thought so. After the weight came off, I was still unhappy with myself and my life. It felt like it was a lot of work for nothing, And so I stopped working, and the weight came back (and then some).
One of the biggest differences for me this time around is that I am not viewing this as a diet, but as a permanent lifestyle change, so it needs to be sustainable. Also, I am doing this primarily for the health reasons, lower medications, etc. not to improve my self image or my social life. So my NSV motivations are things I can see and measure, not based on comments from others that might or might not come. If the motivation doesn't come from inside, it just won't be sustainable.
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Did anyone actually read the whole article?
"Some might believe that my story means I am anti-weight loss, but I am not. I'm anti-shame, guilt and fear as an avenue to weighing less in the hopes of being a better and healthier person for it.
I believe we each have a unique spectrum of health, and it's up to us individually to have the self-awareness to gauge if what we do each day is healthy or unhealthy, not just for our bodies, but for our overall well-being. Being larger isn't an automatic indicator of poor health, as I'm more fit today that I was when I weighed less. Deep down, you know if your actions lean more towards healthy or unhealthy, and this goes for anyone at any size. A more holistic approach to your own body's needs and happiness may end up serving you better long-term because the best lifestyle is the one you're excited and happy about."
No where is she finding happiness in donuts or even an unhealthy lifestyle, she found happiness by not tying her self worth to her weight. She talks about knowing your body and what is healthy for it. My guess is that a lot of people have to convince themselves that thin=healthy=happy in order to motivate themselves. Or that has motivated their lifestyle in the first place. Sure she may not have gone about losing weight in the healthiest manner, but how does that disqualify her feeling happy with herself? she didn't even claim she is happy because she is heavy, only that she found happiness at the weight she is.
How else do you interpret the title of her article? "I am Happier Heavier" Seems pretty clear to me.
In standard english grammar, both 'happier' and 'heavier' are both adverbial clauses, acting on the subject which is 'I'. Heavier does not act on happier, so the conclusion that she is happier because she is heavier isn't grammatically supported, it more accurately says that happier and heavier are both happening to her. She is a professional writer, so my guess is that the sentence was written as she intended to mean it. A connotation may be added separately if you need to read the title a certain way to support the assumptions you make about the article, it is difficult to be fully objective about an issue everyone is so clearly passionate about, but don't assume that the writer had that connotation in mind. although she is obviously corelating them to say that she is happier while heavier, the idea that one causes the other isnt supported grammatically or by the content of the article, which is about not equate happiness with weight. I think it sets it up nicely.0 -
I thought the core of the article could be summed up with this sentence: "I do not doubt their happiness when they share their story, but I also don't believe that by losing weight, they have some superior knowledge about happiness that us heavier-folk don't."
I think that is a valid point, and the feeling of superiority doesn't seem to be limited to happiness. I've seen some pretty harsh comments on the boards regarding the character of people who are overweight, and like the author, it bothers me.0 -
I think she is kidding herself. She gave up and is trying to justify it.0
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Just wondering if people who state that they are happy heavier with no health issues from it, then attempts to lose any weight shouldn't even cross their mind. If they attempted it, then it's possible that they probably aren't that happy.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
excellent observation. If she really was so happy she wouldn't have dieted in the first place.0
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