Being a fat acceptance ally...who still wants to be thin

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  • floersh21
    floersh21 Posts: 44
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    I think it's OK to treat people treat people with respect and humanity and still want them to be as healthy as possible, and as happy as possible. I don't see a conflict of interest between those things.

    There isn't, per se. You can--and as someone above said, obviously should--treat everyone with dignity regardless of who they are or the decisions they make. I guess it just makes me wonder--is there something inherently anti-feminist about the desire to lose weight? Are we all doing it to fit a social norm? Certainly, I don't think that's the case, but is it a subconscious thing? Does it even really matter? :sad:
  • floersh21
    floersh21 Posts: 44
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    I am very much into heath at every size. I still lost 50 pounds and wouldn't want to go back. I feel no moral conflict about it. I am not a better person, but I am happier.

    For me, being overweight had a lot to do with not properly caring for myself. I never felt ugly because I was fat. I loved my big azz and bewbs, but I had those things because I was living a life that stressed me out so bad I ate and slept to cope. When I stopped living a crazy life I was unhappy with, I lost weight. Physically, I love the "new" me (which I have been for 10 years) as much as I loved the "old" me. I am more at peace with myself though now, because I know I am doing everything I possibly can to be healthy. I am still 17 pounds overweight --- I don't have a crap if I ever lose those pounds because I feel fantastic, I look fantastic, and I am happy.

    The weight loss was an added bonus to doing what you had to do to make yourself happier. Perfect.
  • floersh21
    floersh21 Posts: 44
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    I think you can definitely be a fat acceptance ally and still want to lose weight! I hate those stupid "real women have curves" things - like you said, skinny women are real too! But overall, I consider myself a fat acceptance ally and a body-positive person all around. if someone is comfortable in their body, and they happen to be fat, who cares? No one has the right to put them down or treat them as lesser for that.

    However, I am NOT comfortable in my body when I'm overweight. I feel slow and icky. I love the feeling I get when I eat right and work out - and I love the confidence I gain when I feel good about my body size. I don't see anything wrong with me, personally, wanting to lose weight - I'm not trying to say there's anything "wrong" with being fat, just that I don't feel comfortable with it FOR ME.

    Basically, I'm a big fan of self-love. I know a lot of fat people who love themselves just as they are, and that's absolutely wonderful. I would NEVER say they should change just to make other people more comfortable. For myself, I find it easiest to love myself and be confident when I have a body that I adore, which is generally when I'm at a healthy weight. Everyone is different! Acknowledging that, and accepting it, means you can be an ally of fat acceptance while still having your own weight loss goals. That's my opinion at least!

    And your opinion is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!!!
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    I battle with this due to being a Christian. I'm taught that God created me this way and loves me just the way I am but I want to lose weight. How do you explain to other Christians who are comfortable with their Christian curves that I don't like this body and want it to be smaller. How can I believe that God gave me this body but I want it to be smaller. Doesn't that mean I feel like I know better than God?

    For your question, yes I think it is possible to be a fat acceptance ally who still wants to be thin. Just like it's possible to believe that God gave me this body and still wants me to be thin. You are accepting your friends for who they are on the inside, not what they look like. Your want to be thin doesn't (shouldn't) affect them. Your desire doesn't judge them because they lack that same desire. The fat acceptance ally movement isn't really about accepting fat, it's about not judging other women.

    In my case, I believe God gave me this body to teach me self-discipline and obedience. My eating was out of control and "..God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7). I need to channel this to be healthier and happier.

    It could be argued that God created you, but He did not create you fat or thin. You came out in the form of a fresh, new infant. You were given free will to make healthy/unhealthy choices and to care for your own body. I have never heard of the concept of Christians feeling "stuck" in a certain BMI due to God's will. I'm not making any judgments as to whether or not weight is a virtue, I'm just interested in this idea of people not wanting to lose weight because it's a possible challenge to God's plan. I don't have that belief at all - I'm more like you. "I need to channel this to be healthier and happier." I feel like I'm supposed to be the best version of me that I can be, to celebrate, use and appreciate the body I've been given. This is very interesting...:flowerforyou:
  • amvanwin
    amvanwin Posts: 13 Member
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    I battle with this due to being a Christian. I'm taught that God created me this way and loves me just the way I am but I want to lose weight. How do you explain to other Christians who are comfortable with their Christian curves that I don't like this body and want it to be smaller. How can I believe that God gave me this body but I want it to be smaller. Doesn't that mean I feel like I know better than God?

    For your question, yes I think it is possible to be a fat acceptance ally who still wants to be thin. Just like it's possible to believe that God gave me this body and still wants me to be thin. You are accepting your friends for who they are on the inside, not what they look like. Your want to be thin doesn't (shouldn't) affect them. Your desire doesn't judge them because they lack that same desire. The fat acceptance ally movement isn't really about accepting fat, it's about not judging other women.

    In my case, I believe God gave me this body to teach me self-discipline and obedience. My eating was out of control and "..God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7). I need to channel this to be healthier and happier.

    I am also a christian and I think it is important to take care of the body God gave us. You don't need to try to be a stick figure but there is nothing wrong with wanting to shed some weight. When God gave you your body he also gave you the free will to fuel it how you choose. If you chose to eat junk, be happy with it. If you choose to eat healthy foods and work out, be happy with that too. Unless you hear God speak to you in an audible voice to "PUT THE FORK DOWN" don't stress about your diet decreasing your faith.

    To the OP- The whole fat acceptance movement is great for people who are comfortable being fat. I am not comfortable being fat and I'm working on it. We should not judge people because they are fat and THAT is what the movement is all about. If you don't want to be fat don't be, just don't hate on those who are happy with their "curves" ("rolls" is usually more accurate).
  • uconnwinsnc
    uconnwinsnc Posts: 1,054 Member
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    I accept people who are honestly good people who want to be the best they can be and work with what they are given. Anyone who is fat and is just like, "**** it, I'm fat har har har *omnomnom*" is not worthy of my respect. But a fat person who really wants to lose the weight and be healthy, even if they aren't succeeding, is worthy of all my respect.

    It goes deeper than just accepting everyone because there are genuinely ****y people out there.
  • floersh21
    floersh21 Posts: 44
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    Thank y'all so much for this discussion, seriously...I've been struggling with this in my head for days...
  • MoreBean13
    MoreBean13 Posts: 8,701 Member
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    I think it's OK to treat people treat people with respect and humanity and still want them to be as healthy as possible, and as happy as possible. I don't see a conflict of interest between those things.

    There isn't, per se. You can--and as someone above said, obviously should--treat everyone with dignity regardless of who they are or the decisions they make. I guess it just makes me wonder--is there something inherently anti-feminist about the desire to lose weight? Are we all doing it to fit a social norm? Certainly, I don't think that's the case, but is it a subconscious thing? Does it even really matter? :sad:

    I think the only thing antifeminist about bettering yourself would be if you were doing it only to make yourself more appealing to men. I think taking control of your body for yourself is very feminist.


    I don't know what the official party lines on this stuff are though. I should have prefaced everything with "in my opinion" because I don't really consider myself an 'ist' of any kind. I'm just me.
  • bajoyba
    bajoyba Posts: 1,153 Member
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    I think you can absolutely be a fat acceptance ally without choosing to be fat yourself. If someone chooses to have a larger body and decides they're happiest that way, that's cool, I can totally respect that. We all have the right to choose how we want to look and what we want to do with our bodies, and we all deserve to love ourselves and be treated with respect regardless of body size.

    If you feel better/happier/more like yourself in a smaller body, that's your choice to make. Ultimately you have to do what makes you happy without worrying too much about what other people are going to think about it. Your personal choices don't have to be a reflection of your thoughts about another person's lifestyle, and I don't think it's anti-anything to want to be what you feel is the best version of yourself. :smile:
  • floersh21
    floersh21 Posts: 44
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    I think you can absolutely be a fat acceptance ally without choosing to be fat yourself. If someone chooses to have a larger body and decides they're happiest that way, that's cool, I can totally respect that. We all have the right to choose how we want to look and what we want to do with our bodies, and we all deserve to love ourselves and be treated with respect regardless of body size.

    If you feel better/happier/more like yourself in a smaller body, that's your choice to make. Ultimately you have to do what makes you happy without worrying too much about what other people are going to think about it. Your personal choices don't have to be a reflection of your thoughts about another person's lifestyle, and I don't think it's anti-anything to want to be what you feel is the best version of yourself. :smile:

    Absolutely, so so well put.
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    I have exactly one body. That's all I'm responsible for and plenty of responsibility for me.
  • jenifr818
    jenifr818 Posts: 805 Member
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    I wouldn't necessary call myself a "fat acceptance" ally ... more an ally of "your weight is none of my business and as long as it doesn't affect me, hey, do whatever you want!". I know that I personally felt like crap when I was over 200 lbs, and as I decrease I feel better. My confidence increases and I have a ton more energy. However, I have a friend that's well over 300. She has tons of energy and tons of confidence at her size. I support that 100%. If she ever decides she wants to lose weight, I'll support that as well. To each their own
  • floersh21
    floersh21 Posts: 44
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    I have exactly one body. That's all I'm responsible for and plenty of responsibility for me.

    Perfect. Also, WHO DAT :wink:
  • Slacker16
    Slacker16 Posts: 1,184 Member
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    First of all, this isn't a fully formed opinion, just a non-rigorous intuition.
    I think it all depends on how you define "fat acceptance".

    I think it would be hypocritical of you to claim there is no correlation between quality of life, in one way or another, and being height-weight proportional. We can all agree that losing weight requires some amount of effort and dedication, so you wouldn't do it if you didn't perceive an advantage to it...

    However, there is nothing hypocritical in wanting to be thin but accepting that different people have different priorities and that there is nothing wrong with fitness being a low (or even a non-) priority for someone (as long as we're not talking about a life-threatening situation).

    If your definition of fat acceptance is the latter, I would also agree with you.
  • floersh21
    floersh21 Posts: 44
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    I wouldn't necessary call myself a "fat acceptance" ally ... more an ally of "your weight is none of my business and as long as it doesn't affect me, hey, do whatever you want!". I know that I personally felt like crap when I was over 200 lbs, and as I decrease I feel better. My confidence increases and I have a ton more energy. However, I have a friend that's well over 300. She has tons of energy and tons of confidence at her size. I support that 100%. If she ever decides she wants to lose weight, I'll support that as well. To each their own

    I think there are some people--not me, but a sizable population--who feel like other people's weight does affect them in terms of insurance premiums, comfort on airplane flights (....), etc etc. Which winds up becoming a part of a larger systemic oppression, maybe? I'm not sure.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I've struggled with the same question. In the end, I feel like it ought to be less about fat acceptance, and more about body acceptance, regardless of shape and size. I feel that no one should be made to feel like less of a person because of their appearance. Being obese my entire life, I have certainly had this experience. However, this does not give me the right to degrade thin people, either.

    I'm losing weight to avoid health problems in the future, and to feel more energetic now. This does not mean I intend to shame those who are still fat.

    You can do both, and I feel like people should.


    This. So much this.
  • jenifr818
    jenifr818 Posts: 805 Member
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    I wouldn't necessary call myself a "fat acceptance" ally ... more an ally of "your weight is none of my business and as long as it doesn't affect me, hey, do whatever you want!". I know that I personally felt like crap when I was over 200 lbs, and as I decrease I feel better. My confidence increases and I have a ton more energy. However, I have a friend that's well over 300. She has tons of energy and tons of confidence at her size. I support that 100%. If she ever decides she wants to lose weight, I'll support that as well. To each their own

    I think there are some people--not me, but a sizable population--who feel like other people's weight does affect them in terms of insurance premiums, comfort on airplane flights (....), etc etc. Which winds up becoming a part of a larger systemic oppression, maybe? I'm not sure.

    I don't deny that in some ways, maybe their weight does effect me when it comes to insurance premiums (living in AL, with a largely overweight population, I'm sure I pay more as a result of just living here), but I've never taken the time to research exact numbers. I'm young enough that my premiums are relatively low anyways, so I guess it's just never mattered to me lol. Who knows? I just see it as I have enough on my own plate (no pun intended?) that I don't have time to worry about judging others for their weight :smile:
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    I have exactly one body. That's all I'm responsible for and plenty of responsibility for me.

    Perfect. Also, WHO DAT :wink:

    Oh I likey you. :drinker:
  • floersh21
    floersh21 Posts: 44
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    First of all, this isn't a fully formed opinion, just a non-rigorous intuition.
    I think it all depends on how you define "fat acceptance".

    I think it would be hypocritical of you to claim there is no correlation between quality of life, in one way or another, and being height-weight proportional. We can all agree that losing weight requires some amount of effort and dedication, so you wouldn't do it if you didn't perceive an advantage to it...

    However, there is nothing hypocritical in wanting to be thin but accepting that different people have different priorities and that there is nothing wrong with fitness being a low (or even a non-) priority for someone (as long as we're not talking about a life-threatening situation).

    If your definition of fat acceptance is the latter, I would also agree with you.

    Exactly. To pretend that "thin privilege" doesn't exist and that one wouldn't want to benefit from it would be hypocritical. But there's a difference in taking advantage of the hard work it takes to slim down and making others feel as though their bodies are morally wrong because you've chosen to do so. Great point.
  • sami_83
    sami_83 Posts: 161
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    We are all human beings. We all deserve love and kindness regardless of size or health (or 'percieved health'- you don't know how healthy a fat person is nor how healthy a thin person is just by looking at them).
    So to answer your question, of course you can be an ally :) I know I am! Yeah I'm fat, and that's okay. But I want to be fit and healthy and strong, which I am not while I am fat. But that is me personally, and there are many fat people who ARE fit and healthy and strong. It is not for me to judge anyone's appearance, nor is it for you, or anyone else.
    Basically the fat acceptance movement only exists because there are plenty of people out there putting down fat people, making them feel ashamed of themselves, making their lives difficult and eroding their self esteem just because of their external appearance. If people could just be nice there would be no need for such a thing. You lose nothing by being kind. That's all there is to it. Obviously you are a kind person, so keep being your good self! Your weight is irrelevant :)

    :flowerforyou:

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