Once more...with feeling!

willingspirit

I am not new to dieting. I am not new to weight loss. I'm not even new to MFP, but this is the first time I'm using the "community" feature as a tool. I have usually just logged my food and exercise for a little while, then gave up again. At my highest (2004)I weighed 372 lbs. I took off over a hundred of it over the course of 18 months with a diet of self-deprivation (2 years without potatoes, rice or bread...brutal), then divorce, homelessness, and rebuilding a life alone. Fast forward- I gained back to about 250. I met my now-husband, I moved, I started a job I hated working swing shifts with no structure. But I still maintained that 250. Then a car accident shattered my left hip and femur and I ballooned back to 350 with over a year of confinement to a wheelchair or crutch hobbling while I waited for an infection to clear up and the drs to perform a total hip replacement. Now I'm back to 300, mobile again with pain managed from the prosthetic bones, I returned to school during my recovery and am now a teacher (my dream job!). I'm still married to a wonderful husband and have two teenage stepchildren. Life isn't bad.

But I can't stand myself. I see myself in the mirror and am disgusted. I HAVE to lose weight, and I have to do it NOW. I turned 36 last month. I take medication for hypothyroidism, insulin resistance from PCOS and nerve damage in my leg from the car accident. My cholesterol isn't bad, but I think I take in too much sodium. I just feel like a mess, and my family deserves someone who ISN'T a mess. It's hard to control eating. I have turned to food for comfort since I was a little kid and it's been a habit I haven't been able to break. I need accountability and people who will motivate me when I'm ready to just forget it. My husband is wonderful, but he won't speak up because he's afraid he'll hurt my feelings.

And last but not least- I've been assigned to teach HEALTH to 7th and 8th graders. I feel like a hypocrite weighing what I do and lecturing on healthy eating and exercise.

Yikes- this was going to be a "hi, how are you" post and has become a novella. Apologies and have a great day.