Depression and Why Sometimes You Need A Little Help

thecarbmonster

I wrote this post in my blog today, but I thought it might be helpful for other people who might be in the same boat. You can read more of my posts dealing with depression and weight loss at thecarbmonster.com

On paper, 2013 doesn't look that successful.

I didn't lose any weight (actually gained a few too many).

I didn't hit the jackpot.

However, the things that I did achieve this year are BIG to me.

I have faced my depression head on.

I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago. I was afraid of taking medication and the big, bad label. I thought depression was something I was inflicting upon myself because of something I was doing wrong.
Some of my first therapy sessions and appointments with my doctor (as we were adjusting my prescription [still in works/being tweaked]) were spent in tears. The thought of having to get up every day and just exist, isn't just laziness or not exercising enough; that's a major symptom of depression. I have blamed myself for years for my lack of motivation, my lack of commitment, my lack of esteem, when there were chemical imbalances that I couldn't cope with alone.

I tried to "deal" the best way I knew how; food. I used food to comfort. I used food to hide. I used food to binge and cope. When the scale went up, I would enter into the cycle of deprivation, shame, and hate, and eventually end up back at bingeing.

Over time I noticed a pattern evolve of using food to purposefully hurt myself. I used food as something tangible I could blame for my depression. "I am depressed because I overeat, and I'm overweight, and I have no energy, and I don't have many friends, etc." I would continue to eat more and more than my body could handle to make myself sick and amplify the feelings of shame and disgust.

Through blogging and counseling (and also talking with my doctor and starting anti-depressants), I have been identifying these trends and that's half the battle. I'm not "cured" or "fixed", but I am learning to break the ties between food and emotions. It's a difficult battle because we put them together so often, in the good times [parties and fun times with friends and family] and the bad (to ease sadness and loneliness).

It's not just about "not wanting it enough" or "not doing simple diet and exercise", but many of us suffer from depression or other emotional struggles that make it hard enough to get through one day, let alone many months or years. Instead of comparing yourself to others who can lose weight seemingly steadily and consistently, or those that have never struggle with weight to begin with, focus on yourself and your journey. There is a reason we gained. There is a reason we still struggle to lose. Instead of blaming food or laziness, search for source underneath the hostess wrappers.

I won't always need medication, and I won't always need counseling. I will learn new ways to deal with my depression, but it is something I couldn't do struggling all of these years alone.

Thanks to all of your support and sharing your experiences (success and trials and tribulations) in the blogging community, I'm finally getting somewhere and I'm not alone any longer.

Thanks for reading! You can check out the rest of my post about weight loss and depression at thecarbmonster.com